Topic : Teen Talk

YEA IT'S PRETTY CRAZY!!! DURING THE DAY IM FINE TOO. I ACTUALLY LIKE THE NIGHT MORE  THAN THE DAY...IT'S JUST WHEN IM ALONE. I HATE LAYING IN THE BED TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP. IT'S LIKE I FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY IS OUT TO GET ME. IT TAKES ME HOURS TO FALL ASLEEP. I ALSO USED TO SLEEP WITH KNIFES IN THE BED WITH ME. I ALWAYS HEAR CRAZY THINGS. I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING TO CURE IT, CAUSE IT REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

HEY IM 18 YEARS OLD, AND I CAN ACTUALLY RELATE TO THIS!! WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD I GOT PREG. AND I HAD MY DAUGHTER WHEN I WAS 16. I GAVE MY DAUGHTER UP FOR ADOPTION.....MY REASONS WHERE DIFFERENT THOUGH. MY DAUGHTER WAS MIXED WITH BLACK N WHITE. THAT WAS SOMETHING MY FAMILY DID NOT BELIEVE IN, SO THEREFOR I LET MY FAMILY DECIDE WHAT I WAS GONNA DO WITH MY BABY. WHICH I GAVE MY DAUGHTER UP FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS, BUT READING YOUR STORY I SEE HOW THE YOUNG GIRL TALKS. SHE IS NOT STABLE TO RAISE A CHILD RIGHT NOW. NOT IF SHE IS A CUTTER N HAS THREATEN TO COMMIT SUCIDE. YOUR GRANDSON IS A GREAT GUY TO STAND UP, AND ADMIT HE IS NOT READY, BUT WILL TAKE CARE OF HIS ACTIONS. HOPE EVERYTHING CAN WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.

I'm 15 and feel that I do not lead the life of others my age. I find it hard to walk out the front door in the morning. I'm exteremly paranoid and OCD and I have disgustiongly low self esteem. I always feel as if someone is laughing at me or talking about me behind my back or even in front of me and I'm always stressed about what people think of me. There's this little voice in my head too. I can't tell if it's me or someone else, but they're really harsh. It's come to the point where I've lost my hopes of becoming a chef. It's hard to be a teenager today because of all the pressure, on women especially, to be "sexy". I find it unnerving htat girls always wear clothes that look like they were made for 5th graders becasue it's "in". At the same time, I wish that I was small enough to get away with it. I'm afraid that I'll end up alone, even though I have so much time left. It's crazy. High school is super stressful and the need for college these days isequally insane. College is expensive, even more so with inflation, so students serious about college have to give up almost all freedoms to pass school and get a scholarship! That's what I'm doing. I also recorded my music demo recently and people are telling me that I should be a musician. I've always wanted to do that, but nowadays, I've slacked a bit on that and focused on my school to get into college. While I'd still like to go to culinary school, becoming a German teacher would be equally exciting.

This show actually brought me to tears. I relate to the girl who saw her mom and dad fight. I was brought to tears because I never got the chance to tell my story. I never got the chance to cry. Sure I cried everyday and I cried myself to sleep. But I wasn't sure why I did this, it was almost a daily thing. I was so young how could I know?  At three or five or even ten, I still was not sure why . All I wanted was a perfect family where we would go on picnics and ALL of the family would sit and enjoy a movie. I never thought it was my fault but i wondered if maybe i did contribute. 

    I'm only fifteen and I have become a monster. I consider people who cry as weak and I never cry. I never sit down and cry or breathe. I compress it. Why hinder on things that hurt me..? I recently had an argument with my mom and she said I needed therapy or just someone to talk to and I said I am fine the way I am. I get angry all the time and I always yell. I make jokes all the time to make people laugh but I have only once truly laughed. Today was one of the first times in a while I cried about what happened to me and my sister.  I don't talk about it because I consider it a pity story that people will look at and say "She's just feeling sorry for herself." 

    So I never talk about it or say anything. No one listened to me then, who will listen to me now? I'm only fifteen but, I have seen things no child should see. But today I felt released and as if someone had taken my heart and shown it to the world, opened it and let my tears flow with all those who have felt the same pain.  Watching Dr. Phil  made me cry and I appreciated that moment today. My past made me who I am today and I need to find the sweet, caring, gentle person I was before.

I really don't know how to begin, but i have a feeling writing this out will probably make me feel better, and maybe someone can relate to my story.

I'm thirteen years old. Last year, i would hate to wake up in the mornings to go to school, it was my personal hell, i felt trapped, having to deal with people there. I would be continuously made fun off. I would be called fat, and many other things. It was horrible. I would hold everything in for the longest amount of time, not want to talk about my problems, not want to get help. But one day I snapped. I Full out YELLED at the girl who had made that year my worst, she played the victim the whole way threw the argument. I used to think about suicide a lot, thinking maybe everything would stop, but i knew it wasn't the answer.

I then spent my spare time trying to avoid situations like that, until the start of this year. I can honestly say that most situations do not bug me. This year, i have judged myself to much, I've tried to be the person everyone wanted me to be. I hated my body SOOO much, i slowly started to stop eating food, but only to make it less noticeable i would eat almost one meal a day, when i ate a large meal, i would go to the washroom afterwords and throw it up. After the first time of binge eating and purging, it was like my body wanted it, i had to keep going, Like i was not good enough yet. My thoughts on suicide had become minimal, but my thoughts on my body continued.

I then got to see a therapist, but seeming as my fathers health care plan only covers 10 things we can't continue, my sessions will end soon. I have stopped bingeing and purging, its been about one month But i still haven't gotten an appetite back, i still eat small amounts of food. The thing that helped me stop the bingeing and purging, would have to be a book, i am in love with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga, there is a part in the book that says "Mind Over Matter." And for me, that helped the most. Because my mind wanted to stop and the weight and the purging doesn't matter. But  I still don't like my body but it's not that bad now. One day i was tired of dealing with everything, i needed a change, so i went and dyed my hair. It's not black. and blond. I get called names, as far as teenage slang and labels go, I'm apparently "Emo." because i wear tight jeans, have black hair, etc.

There are still days where i honestly HATE my life, but i try to make an effort to turn that around. I have stuff i want to do but am not sure how to start. I know what it's like to be in pain, i want to be there to help people threw it, i have SOO much to say about things and I'm tired of people saying "Oh you're just a kid, what do you know." But for me to be able to stop bingeing and purging and to slow down my thoughts on suicide, and want to HELP people threw that, someone has to experience it to be able to say what its like. If asked i could give you exactly what was going threw my mind those moments, what it felt like, what i wanted.

I feel that i would really like to talk about these things with someone, and maybe get someone Else's opinion. I mean like i may only be thirteen, but I'm willing to become a better person, and feel better about myself.

Thats My Story.
Thanks to anyone who read it.
Means alot.

Have you ever felt like no one could see you? When you’re standing in the back of the room, taking a breather. You know you did the right thing but did them for all the wrong reasons. You never told your life story because you never wanted too. But in the end you ended up screaming, asking if anyone could hear you. When you feel scared and you feel like your drowning, when you’re so tired, you want to sleep but you just can’t. You destroy yourself worse than anyone else could just because of the things you have been through every day you tell yourself to just give up, you’re not worth anything, this can’t be happing to me. You pull out your hair and scream, louder and louder and louder. “AHHHHHHHHH!!” You can’t escape this hell, you ask why this has happened to you, “WHY ME?” You begin to think the world would be better off without you…

       So, tell me… Why are you still standing?
          Why didn’t you let go when you really wanted too?

I could say you were brave, but I don’t think that’s true.

You thought about people you hated, even when they didn’t know your name. And thinking about them made you cry, but nine times out of ten your love was the reason you wanted to die. You’d get so angry. You couldn’t figure out your problem. But you’ve been told for so long there is one you’re trying to find. You hated yourself for failing. For never being able to find the answer to that simple question. “What is my problem?” What’s wrong with me?”
In your failure to answer, you convinced yourself that the burden of the world were somehow your fault.

“Can I forget the world, this world that you don’t want to be in?”

You curl into a tiny ball. You shut yourself off from everyone else. All your hopes and dreams, the things you enjoyed… You don’t even care about them anymore. You just want to stop existing, so you stop answering their questions. You stop trying to be anything because you don’t want to be anymore. It’s gone on for so long and your grip is loosening. You wonder how you have held on for so long for someone who just wants to let go.

The fever won’t go away, even though you’re freezing on the outside and shaking violently. You feel like your burning up and you just keep getting hotter. You feel like your suffocating, like wall are enclosing on you. Your breathe shortens as you still strive for breathe.

You hate everything you’ve ever been. It was not at all what you dreamed of...
You think maybe in sad plays of your death, scripted out, you can dream it was all right somehow.

You begin to blink out, of memories. You close your eyes shut hard. You scream and tell it to stop. You don’t want to hear it anymore. You can feel the pain, hear their voices. You just want it to stop... but it won’t.

One of a little girl, abused by her father. As he hits her one last time with the brutal blow, sending her air born, she finally let’s go.

You always wished it happened like that, but it just doesn’t stop. Blow after blow after blow and you kept signing for resignation, but you keep holding on, even when all you wanted to do was just let go and let the last blood splatter hit the floor.

You don’t think you’ll ever understand why, but after all the nightmares and horror that tortured you in you’re near every moment for so long. You to, finally let go.

 

 

 

Hi I'm 14 and I have abandonment issues. When I was younger, (2) my parents divorced and I lived full time with my mom. I would see my dad every couple weeks or so, for a couple hours. He would often cancel when he was supposed to show up or after he was supposed to show up. Now, if someone ever changes plans last minute I get mad at them pretty unfairly.

 

I feel like he hasn't been there much for me throughout my life. He's just another face, more like one of my uncle's friends then my father. It's always akward spending time with him, since we don't really have a stable relationship.

 

I'm also overly trusting and I give people who've hurt me more chances then they deserve. I just hold onto the fact that everyone has to have a good side, and it takes lots of convincing from my friends and family to get me to let go of my friendship with that person.  

Hi.  I'm thirteen and really mature for my age.  While most kids at school are worried about boyfriends and girlfriends and who can wear the craziest socks, I am thinking about school work, friends, and what I am supposed to do with all the extra time in between classes (I always have plenty of extra time because I only have 2 friends).  I just switched from an awful public school to a great private school (or so I thought), with the hopes of a better and more productive social life.  But of course, I have two friends and everyone else thinks I'm weird just because I'm smart.  And new.  I have been really concerned with "looks" this year.  I'm not really sure why.  It might be because there is not one overweight person in my school and while everyone is wearing a size zero, I am a size seven.  Everyone has perfect skin, I have acne.  Everyone has long, pretty hair that is perfectly straight and i have short, frizzy, wavy hair with spilt ends.  I don't get why the social standings are based on intellegence, or rather, lack there of.  Why do you have to be stupid to be popular?  Couldn't you be smart and have a lot of friends at the same time?  I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand and she gets mad at me for complaining about feeling out of place.  I can't talk to my dad because he is always working, and my brother is... well... my brother and he doesn't really care.  I don't know what to do or how to stop being so concerened about how I look and what others think of me.  Everyone keeps telling me to just let it go, and I've tried.  I've really really tried, but I can't.  It is impossible to get myself up every morning just to go to school with people who hate me for no reason.    

Hey 19.....definitely find help immediately. Severe depression can be reversed. Please seek out a resource in your community! I understand the stigma of depression and how scared you must be to talk with someone, but that is normal under the circumstances. You need to talk with someone! You're instincts are great.....Don't give up.....there is so much more to this moment. The black cloud hanging over will go away, but you have to take a first step. Make the call today!! I am thinking of you and so are other people who are reading this, including other girls in your same situtation. Good luck and give us an update.

Hey sweetie. My heart goes out to you. You are doing a lot of good stuff for yourself like joining clubs etc. and your mum and family sound great. There seems to be one thing missing, the confidence to take the next step to asking to hang with the girls at school. I've found doing things I REALLY LOVE has helped my confidence. And remember that you're already best mates with the best chick around... yourself! Hang in there, things always change.