3 years ago when I was 13 years old, I used to play karate at a club right next to my house. One day the coach touched me inappropriately and when I went back home I felt so guilty I was convinced it was my fault and that i led him on in some way.. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept telling myself that I should tell my parents but I knew I couldn't do it, because I thought at the time that she'd say it was my fault and I'm the one to blame... (although I realize now that it wasnt my fault, I still feel unable to tell my mom what had happened)
So I just dealt with it, I never told anyone (in fact, this is the first time i ever discuss this particular event).
I comtinued playing karate at that club but surprisingly nothing happened again. Before that happened, I was an A student, but since the incident my academic marks started declining gradually making me a B- student now.. That was never acceptable for me and it still isn't, it puts me down and makes me feel stupid although I know i'm very capable. I just realized how it had affected me. Somehow I blocked what happened on that day out of my mind but it continued to haunt me without me knowing. I just realized it now because I'm going to university next year and i have great ambitions, I plan to study medicine. But I'm scared that I won't be able to because of what happened..
Am I making a big deal out of nothing? I wasn't raped, I was just touched inappropriately..is it the same thing??
