Topic : 07/31 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

i rarely watch dr phil show because it is for "tv" and ratings and thus, is not 'real>"  however, today i was flipping through the channels and caught that it was on suicide so i tuned in.  i have been "chronically" suicidal for years . . . almost everyday because i have a severe dissociative disorder and there is no magic pill - only years of therapy - and it is difficult for me to trust anyone because my trust had already been violated before i went to therapy - and then a therapist violated my trust and so i have a hard time trusting even professionals. the dissociative splits are debilitating and being fragmented is very difficult.  i was not properly diagnosed until i was almost 40 - i am now in my 50's - never married, no children, little joy, no money (on social secuirty).  there is definitely a "surviivors instinct" in all of us - the power of life force to keep living - however i have set a date for myself (a few yaers away) and if i am not making progress by then i will  probably end my life because of all the pain and dealing with this disorder for over 30 years.  PAIN is the reason people kill themselves - whether physical of psychological - PAIN CAN BE INTOLERABLE! anybody who says "how can anybody do such a terrible thing" has never experienced intolerable PAIN that NEVER ENDS! especially when it is hard to tell someone about the PAIN and especially when you have to try to make a ilving with all the PAIN. i never judge anyone who kills themselves because like the dr. said on the show the people who do it are fearless . . . . it is a very hard thing to do even with all the pain and hoplessness (in mycase that i will never be better.) so if someone does it - then their pain had to be so BAD THAT THEY COULDN"T STAND IT.  imagine a severe swimmers ear infection or tooth pain - if it could not be fixed what would you do??? you would kill yourself. i call the TALK number often.  it helps sometimes.  for the family of the young woman who killed herself - just remember that you really have no idea waht was going on within her.  in some way survivors of family members who kill themselves are the ones who are being selfish because they want their family member back even though they were in intolerable pain.  also - for once- i agree with dr phil that the good that can come out of this tragedy will never be worth the price paid.  if i ever get better - i tend to be a speaker at psych conferences and go on the university circuit to talk to future shrinks about dissociative disorders - if i ever get better i cuold have a good life - but the good that can come out of me having this disorder will never be worth the price paid - the damage it has done to my life over the laslt 30 years is sad.  also - my philosophy on things is that life is imperfect - we have feelings and emotions and if we did not then we wouild be unaware of ourselves - but there is a price to pay for our humanity and that is we can be hurt, we can dissociate - we can even kill ourselves. .  but we certainluy would not like life to be perfect.