Topic : 07/31 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

As someone who lives daily in financial hardship among other things and someone who has lived with depression all of my life, or as far back as I can remember.  Please take care of yourself and DO NOT

kill yourself!!!  IT IS NOT THE ANSWER, though I know right n ow it seems to be.  I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  By the way, I have no credit rating or its as bad as it can be.  Anyway you don't need all those silly details.  You need to find the help that YOU need.  It is out there somewhere, it may just take some digging.  Please stop isolating yourself, talk to someone, anyone.........me?  I know I am a stranger and mean nothing to you but I do know some of what you are feeling and some of what you are going through........give yourself a chance to get stronger and to feel better and to see some of the good things in life...........they are out there.  I will worry about you now, why?  Because I am that kind of person, I worry and I care about people especially people who are hurting.  Well, not my x though!!

Let me know you are working on things ok?

Archiedougall

My heart went out the the parents on Dr. Phil 's show today. I could not hold back the tears.

I know the pain they must feel. I lost my beloved husband 1 year 7months 15 days ago to suicide.

I read this on Craig's List when I was trying to find some comfort. Since the majority of  people just don't want to talk about the S word. It was wrote by a former funeral director which is retired now. I can not remember the name but what this person wrote helped me get through this nightmare so far.

"A person who elects suicide over life is a person in terrible pain. That pain may be physical and/or mental. The person has usually been coping with his/her agony for quite a period of time, with or without the knowledge of family and friends. There is no help for this person. The need to end their suffering eventually comes before everything else. One does not end his/her life without much thought. Those thoughts have finally reached a point where no conclusion beyond death is possible.

It is NOBODY'S FAULT! It simply IS...

Regardless of your beliefs or non-beliefs, try to find some small measure of comfort in knowing that your loved one is at peace.

I read  those words alot and they help me get through the pain I have experienced since my husbands death. I know the pain will never leave my heart but  I do believe 'WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE BECOMES A MEMORY, THE MEMORY BECOMES A TREASURE.

It is hard for people to talk about suicide. I know first hand. It is hard for me to even say the word. Most the time if someone ask I say my husband died of a massive heart attack. Each person copes in there own way. No other person  can tell you how to deal with your grief.  I saw a Hearst the other day and broke down and cried. So many things just clouds your mind. Just knowing that person will never sit at the table for a meal, birthdays,holidays(or the worst) and etc.... is very hard to cope with... So many emotions you have to deal with. I am taking very small steps one day at a time. 

Every Day I think about suicide.  How I would do it, when, where.  I feel very bad for the parents on this show but I feel (IN MY OPINION ONLY) but I feel they really overlooked their daughters syptoms of depression.  I live with a spouse who does not understand depression, especially major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder.  The very words I heard her mother say that she spoke to her daughter hit me like a ton of bricks and I am not even related to them, but I felt their daughters pain at having to hear someone say something like that.  Words are so hard to take back, in a depressed person they ruminate on those very words over and over until it is so ingrained in there minds that no apology can remove the feeling of self loathing. They mentioned several symptoms that are huge warning signs of depression, the need to be alone, so ashamed of the way you feel that your a burden and you don't want to burden others with your deep saddness that even you can't comprehend.  The only thing that keeps me alive each day are my children and I am extremely atune to signs of depression in them.  I am not blaming them for her decission to end her life what so ever but I will say that parents need to be more attentive to depression and anxiety problems instead of just calling it teenage angst.

Also there needs to be more shows on the problems of depression and the long and horrible road to try and recover.  You are like a guinee pig with pills trying to find something that works and having so many fail that you are afraid to try anything new.  How people that have never experienced depression or don't believe in it make you feel worse than human.  I've tried ECT and probably 30 different kinds of anti-depressents and anti-anxiety pills, etc. and I am still so depressed.  I could go on for hours about the horrors of this illness, but those of you being dragged around by this big black dog already know what I am talking about.

 Hi,

  17ys. ago I contemplated suicide.  I  was 23yrs.old and just felt lost. I suffer from Depression and Panic Attack's , but to me they were not the reason.

  It was July 1991, and I just felt that there was no purpose to my life. I also felt that my Family would be better off with me gone.  I was glad to hear that mentioned.  Because the feeling that you will not be missed and your loved one's would be better off without me.

  I had it all planned out, I waited until my Parent's went away on Vacation.

  Out of no where, my Dad called me from the road and said  " Why don't you go down to the Festival that my Cousin was at .  I told him " I don't know?" In my head I just really felt that no one wanted me around and again would be better off w/me gone!

   My Dad made me promise I  would at least take the ride. He told me later that he had a very strong feeling that I was going to do something and he was scared, he told me this year's later.  But for at least that night he did stop me.

   People don't realize what a burden we feel we are!! It was so great to hear that said on the show!

   I am 40yrs. old now, and actually met my Husband that night ( in no way was that planned).  We will be celebrating 15yrs. Married on Oct.30th.

   The last year's have not been easy, I would be lieing if I said I don't still think about it!

   I have fought and won a Battle w/Cancer, and then last year out of no where I had a severe stomach pain and ended up in the Emergancy Room, for what ended up to be a severe " Thrombosis" of my Colon , very rare for my age( 39-then), I lost 1/2 of my Colon and  a portoin of my small intestine.  I ended up very lucky with my Specialist's , because of my age they really went above and beyond to find out how this happened.

   It ended up I was born with Gene Factor 5-Leiden, and had to be put on a Blood Thinner (Coumadin).

   Which  I will be on for the rest of my life.  This made it harder at time's ( NOT) to think about Suicide.

   But I decided to fight it - It is not alway's easy , but I am still trying to realize I matter.

   Do to Cancer I had a full Hsytro. and am unable to have children, to be honest they were  never in my plan's, but being told you can never have them is a different story.

   I can' t help re-peating how good it was to hear that  " People feel that people we love are better off without us around.  It was great to find out that I am not alone with that " HORRIBLE FEELING".

  And beside's my Parent's and Husband telling me they would be lost without me, and sadly I have to admit that I do not alway's believe them.  Sometime's just coming home to my Cat - IRISH!! Make' s all the

difference. The look in her eye's when I come home is priceless to me.

  I am seeing  a Therapist for my Depression and understanding of the toll Cancer has taken on me!

  If I can give one word of " HOPE " to someone is, try to wait it out , and talk to someone you trust, the day or night can get better.

Thank You for Listening!!

Zack67

Rhode Island

because i am not suicidial, i am having diffuculties navigating the mental health system. If  i  w as danger to myself i could be hospitalized and then i would be eligable for services. my friend took me to the seminole county mental department 7 weeks ago, They analyzed me, isaw a phyciatrist. she gave me meds.  gave me a phone number of a counselor that would see me up to 12 visits. but she had quit her job and they haven't hired another. I saw the phyciatrist after a month. i was worse. she gave me more meds. I went to my church and asked them to pay for private counseling. The private counselor said i need assisted living and sent me back to the mental health deptartment to an advocate. she told me i wasn't able to get a case manager because i had never been hospitalized. i have another appointment with the phyciatrist this next  week. only she has left and i will be seeing another one.

As I previously posted my father passed away just three weeks ago.  and I am still trying to find answers and I know that they are not there, as I am reading all these posts, it truly does sadden me to see that so many people feel the way that they do. but you have to know that you aren't alone.

My father was a wonderful 47 year old man, divorced two years ago, he lost his home and his "toys" and also seeing his daughter, it was all due to his alcholism. he had told me for many years that he didn't want to live anymore,but it was always when he was drunk and NEVER when he was sober, I spoke with my father almost everyday. he loved me and he loved his grandchildren. my youngest sister is 11 years old and even when I would talk to him I would beg him to not leave me behind to have to bury him. Don't make me have to break the news to my sister.

and in the end that is what happened.

I know that alot of you feel hopeless, useless, unloved. and that it would be better if you weren't here.

BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE.

two weeks ago we held my dads funeral, and it was amazing to see the people who came to show their love.......and he said that no one cared.

I am still here, my family, my sister and brothers, my grandmother. my children. I am 28 years old and going on without my dad. these are things that I whoudl have to endure.

to the gentleman that stated that he wouldn't tell anyone, please do.

my father left no note. no will, no indication of his burial. and my little brother(26) found him, I am sure that isn't what he wanted but it was how it was.

trust me I have had the same thoughts that ran through my fathers mind over the years, and yea I didn't do it, because I didn't want my family to suffer a pain caused by myself.

I said it before and I'll say it again, the pain that you are feeling only gets transfered to those you love and leave behind.

I would give anything to see my dad again even for just a moment, just to say I love you dad again.

but instead I put my children to bed and answer to them where grampa went and why he isn't coming back, to tell my 4 1/2 year old daughter that there is no number to call heaven.

to wipe away their tears because he is gone, and then to cry on my own all the time.

if you are chosing to not live for yourself, think of those you can live for, I am begging you, if your thinking about suicide please call someone.  The pain and ache in my heart for my dad will be here forever.  please know that you are valuable and loved by others.