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Topic : 07/31 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

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Created on : Friday, October 10, 2008, 02:51:02 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/15/08) During high-stress times we all seek relief. But some people are unable to find an outlet for their pain, and they resort to the drastic act of suicide. Dr. Phil hosts an honest and open discussion about this serious topic in the hopes of saving lives. His first guest is Eric Steel, director of the controversial film The Bridge. The documentary showcases people taking their lives by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA. Is this a snuff film or does it raise awareness and create dialogue about this devastating epidemic? Then, meet a couple whose friend's last moments were captured in the documentary. You'll be surprised to hear how they feel about seeing his death on film. Next, did you know that more than half of American college students have considered suicide at some point in their lives? Casey, 17, was bound for college and a bright future, but cut her dreams short when she, too, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Her parents share their struggles, including why they blame themselves for her death. And, Dr. Thomas Joiner, psychology professor and author of Why People Die By Suicide, talks about a personal loss that inspired him to devote his professional life to suicide prevention. Find out what he says are the three common traits exhibited by some considering suicide. Plus, learn the critical warning signs to watch for that could be the difference between life and death. And, if you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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indianaritter

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Happy

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October 15, 2008, 11:22 pm PDT

suicide

My father and grandfather committed suicide.I had my son admitted to Stanford for pysch evaluation,it does have something to do with fluid in the brain.I do geneagolgy because of it and have found in my family it lessens each generation but prevails in males.I would not of had children if I would have known I would of done this to them.I do have the same traits but would not do to my children what was done to me.My father was a very intelligent person who I love dearly.In November I will be the exact age he was when he died.I know more about suicide than most people will ever comprehend.I will a

lways love my father and it's been 24 years but sometimes it's yesterday

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berdeniafaye

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October 15, 2008, 11:52 pm PDT

YES, I KNOW PAIN & LOTS OF IT

Quote From: bares1

All we, who are in so much pain, is to have someone to preach to us. What would you suggest when the preacher at your church doesn't even talk to certain people.

If God wants to be that refuge and strength and hope, why doesn't he give us in so much pain some respite when we are on the floor screaming out to him to show us a better way -- to send someone to support us, and help us?

Please don't preach unless you have walked 100ft, in my shoes, and in anyone else who has felt this indescribable pain that fills every part of the body and mind.

I was molested by my father from the age of 5 through 15, on an average of 3 times a week. So over 1,500 times I have been raped. It's an assualt on a woman that never leaves you. The pain is always
there. The only way through any pain is through prayer, and seeking the Lord God. He is YOUR SAVIOR and REDEEMER. If you have a preacher that won't talk or give you counsel, then I would naturally seek out another Church, and a Bible study group that lifts each other up in PRAYER. A self help group is also a huge help. We all have our crosses to bare, that goes without saying. But, I can tell you that walking around in self pity won't do it. Yes, I have been angry, hurt, depressed and used and abused.
My father only made things worst, and yes I could have lived my life in misery, but there is LIFE, and LOVE. If you give it unconditionally as the Lord God gives, and serve others without expecting anything in return, you will hear from your Lord God. First seek His forgiveness for all your sins. Ask for a infilling of His Holy Spirit. Many churches are not filled with the Holy Spirit, and keep looking till you find one. Believe me you will know the POWER of the Holy Spirit, for it's a feeling of total PEACE that can only be described as being drunk on life. The first time I walked into "Church on the Way", in Van
Nuys, California, I felt tears come down my face as a feeling that I had never experienced came over me. I felt so much love and peace that really was beyond anything I had ever felt before. It's out there, believe me it is. And it is there for everyone. I start my day with thanks and praise unto the Lord, for my BLESSINGS. If you can see, hear, feel, taste, walk, talk and breathe, then you have a lot to be grateful for. Start with that. Be POSITIVE, as no one wants to be around anyone that is Negative all the time. If you are in pain, give it to the LORD. But the hard part is not taking it back. As long as you leave it at the throne of grace, and Praise Him for carrying the load and burden, the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT will comfort you. Besides your Bible, and by the way you do have to open it as well as your heart. That's like
expecting your car to run without gas and oil. Feed yourself the word of God, Praise Him and Thank Him for what you do have and not what you don't have. Get yourself a small book from Amazonbooks.com titled: GOD'S CREATIVE POWER, The Gift Collection.... by Charles Capps. It will
change your heart mind and spirit, and give you a more abundant life. Life is PRECIOUS!!!

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robinm

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October 15, 2008, 11:55 pm PDT

god bless you

Quote From: mozmoz

Having been on the Golden Gate during happy moments, I do recall looking out and wondering what could a leap be like. Consequently, I AM VERY grateful for this film. I stumbled onto this documentary on cable ,after spending 3 weeks this summer with involuntary hospitalization for suicidal intentions.

The movie I feel had great heart in showing that others cared for those that took their unfortunate end. In its entirety, watching the movie provided me with sense of outlet and a feeling of being seen. My current therapist has tried to instill that he cares about me. Lacking anyone in my life to have ever cared about me, it is a hard concept to believe. I understand how to care for others, having raised my brothers and sisters, caring for a psychotic mother and keeping my father in check, but the results of my childhood in this family is for them to exhaust anger toward me.

In the hospital, I learned a uniting concept amongst the suicidal patients was that even when someone reaches out toward us, we ache at thinking that this kind gesture is only a momentary passing and we will not experience that again. Because of this lack of trust in the faith of other's good will, it is hard for us to reach out for help.

THis brave film director he has captured some of what is behind real people. When I have considered suicide, it was a long choice, and not a transitory despair. I had a car accident leaving me with a brain injury that stripped me of my personality and way to demonstrate my intelligence. Put on top of that a hateful family towards me definitely placed extra challenges toward recovery.

Hours after the accident, i experienced dropping into a coma and was actually given a choice of life or death. I chose death but changed my mind when I realized that my youngest siblings still needed my protection from my parents. Having to fight for life after choosing death in the coma state was the most impossible experience, I have ever had. So you might wonder then why would I even consider suicide if I had to take such great efforts to survive the traumatic injury? At the time that I changed my mind to fight for life, I did not consder the possiblity of being hated by those I love, nor being incapacited by limits that prevented me from making a life for myself. With a hidden disability people do not understand and i experience great hostility from others despite my best efforts, even outside of my family. Just to endure this as my life is senseless.

I just want to say that anyone who does not understand the realization of a suicidal state would do best with greater sensitivity rather than critical posturings. thank you for reading.

You have been through so much in your life yet you continue to strive on. I admire you so much for your desire to continue to find reasons to go on and you are a great inspiration for people who are depressed and havent the struggles youve had to endure. Please try not to take your family members negative reaction to you personally as its clear there is some serious mental illnesses from your parents running through your family. God bless you and never never give up on yourself. My son was suicidal as I wrote on here yesterday and the pain it causes the people who love someone who even wants to kill theirself is indescribeable. I wish I were there to give you a big hug now because you deserve one. Thank you for sharing your story.

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taprock

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October 16, 2008, 12:04 am PDT

10/15 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

Quote From: aggie007

My life was never really happy . When I was 13 yo old I took some pills and I wanted to kill myself because of my selfish parents. Alcoholic, sadistic father, masochistic mother etc. Now I am in this point in my life that I dont want to go no more. I am divorced for four years and straggling with jobs, debts, depression, relationships, friends who could not understand or cant help you when you need them. Grown up son who has no time for you no more. I never asked anybody for help any kind. I like to give rather than take. But now when I am in trouble nobody seems to really listen to you. Nobody wants to listen. "Friends" starting to avoid you, nobody wants to have a problem with you. That is horrible feeling. You feel hopeless, really hopeless. They will just say "do this, dont do that" and thats all. Men just want to use you for sex.
Life sucks.

I know how you feel because I feel the same way -- overwhelming hoplessness and knowing that short of a miracle, there's nothing that can be done about it. You feel that what you're getting out of life isn't worth the effort that you're putting into it. People telling you to see a doctor and get some pills, but how are pills going to fix your problems? At best they can only make you accept or be indifferent towards them. Or else people tell you that your problems aren't that bad and that you should just "get over it", but it's difficult for someone else to to understand your problems and vice versa. What appears minor to others, can be insurmountable when they're your problems. For example, why are so many celebrities having "meltdowns" & constantly going into rehab when it seems that they have everything going for them?

I'm sorry that I have no answers for you. I just wanted to caution you that even though you feel isolated from your son, if you decide to suicide, it will seriously affect him for the rest of his life. You could try to explain to him that you love him & that it's not his fault in your suicide note, but I doubt if it would alleve his guilt. If you were that good a writer, you'd have a fantastic career as an author ahead of you! Unfortunately, no one is that good a writer.

Good luck to you, whatever path you take.

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nursing4you4

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Stressed

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October 16, 2008, 12:40 am PDT

Suicide

Quote From: redfeathers

I agree. I agree 100%. I've been diagnosed with depression at two different points in my lifetime, and it is anything BUT a "pity party." Believe me, I didn't say anything to anyone about how depressed and worthless I felt, because guess why? I honestly didn't believe that they would GIVE A CRAP. I wasn't looking for pity. I didn't think I even deserved any help, let alone pity. I also tried to kill myself twice. Once by drowning and once by suffocation. Both times failed. And y'know what? I TOLD NO ONE. Didn't think anyone would care. There's some enlightenment for you. Real depression is anything but a damn pity party.

The thing that bugs me is that people who really, honestly want to kill themselves, usually don't say anything, and people who actually do just want attention will wave it around like a firecracker. There's a girl on another forum that I go to, who has been telling us almost every time she posts for about a year that she is going to kill herself, yet she keeps coming back each and every single day to tell us that. I stopped believing her a long time ago. However, the last time I heard about someone who really did kill themselves, their friends and family members kept saying "We didn't see it coming. They seemed fine on the oustide."

So to reiterate myself, people who truely are depressed and want to die usually don't tell anyone because they honestly feel like no one cares at all.

My brother whom was not even a year older than I commiteed suicide on April 23, 1981 at 1am. I will never forget what I was doing and how it has shaped my life then and even today. He was my best friend and you can't ever get that back. My brother told 4 people the day he died that he wanted to. Since he was such a popular man with "everything" no-one believed him. I was at college and he would have never told me because I would have come home and stopped him. I can NOT let people say that the ones who say that they are going to kill themselves that they are only looking for attention. If they are lookiing for attention then something is wrong in their lived and they need it.

My life now will never be the same nor will my brothers or sisters. If you ever wanted to have a sisters or family members view on death. I could surely help you out. I feel very strongly about this subject so call me anytime!!

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tweetykat

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October 16, 2008, 1:15 am PDT

My point of view

I have read through several of the posts regarding suicide. As someone that has contemplated suicide several times it is sad to read so many posts from people that think we are on a pity party, looking for attention, we just need to get over it, etc. If you have never been depressed or thought about suicide then you are very blessed. Depression is real. It is not someone feeling sorry for themselves. It is a real life illness and if people don't get the treatment they need then the only answer for them is suicide - as they see it. The only reason I am still alive is because I am blessed to have some very caring people in my life that have helped me and been there for me. They might not understand but they showed love and empathy. They didn't have to understand it to be there for me - it was enough for them to see that I was in pain and needed somebody to talk to. So if you have a friend or loved one that is in pain and is talking about suicide, please don't judge them. Be there for them, listen to them, let them know that you love them and care about them - even if you do not understand. Empathy is "feeling with" someone. Sympathy is "feeling for" someone. People don't want sympathy, they want empathy.

Because of my struggles I now volunteer on a crisis hotline and I do answer calls that come in on the 1-800-273-TALK line. I'm sorry for those that have called this number and felt like it did not do any good. I would encourage you to call again and hopefully you will get someone that can help you. I would also encourage you to look for help in your city or state. There are resources out there. Can I tell you that I am totally over the struggle? No, I can't. But I can tell you I know where to go for help if I need it. I would encourage everyone to look for resources in their area because you never know when someone you care about might need that information.

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tweetykat

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October 16, 2008, 1:28 am PDT

Thank You

Quote From: hartmaje

Thank you for discussing the topic of mental health and suicide. It always seems like it is "not to discuss topic". There needs to be more awareness and understanding for those that struggle with a mental health disease. Thanks again.

I agree 100% with this and am thankful Dr. Phil did this show. I hope that this is not just a 1 time showing, that this topic will be covered on a regular basis.

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m1thousand

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October 16, 2008, 3:51 am PDT

I exist

Im 44 yr old gay male and I have dealt with depression since I was 14. I saw my first therapist at 14, after three suicde attempts. I had been teased daily at school and couldnt deal with it anymore.

After my third attempt, I made a vow to myself that I would kill myself within 10 years. I lived for many years thinking "why bother, Im going to kill myself one day anyways". I went through life with no purpose or no aspirations of doing anything. I didnt tell anyone about my vow at the time.

In 1989, I had my first anxiety attack and have dealt with that ever since. Alot has happened that Im leaving out.

But here I am at 44 years, on disability for the anxiety, living in my home town where I grew up. I have been isolated for a long time because of my anxiety. I have had sex in 14 years; havent been kissed in 14 years; havent been hugged by a special someone for 14 years.

(I just want to stress that I am not suicidal. But if I could take a lethal injection, I would)

So now, I exist. I live for my mom's sake. She's bipolar and I know if I killed myself, it would kill her. My life consists of being on the internet and watching t.v. I watch t.v. up to 17 hours a day (9 am - 3 am). I have no life.

I dont know what I am suppose to do with the rest of my life. I have anxiety that prevents me from getting close to people. I have had body dysmorphia (since 1975), Because of it, I have no self esteem.

I just feel that this is how my life will always be because of the body dysmorphia where I feel ugly and Ill never have self esteem because you cant change how you look.

I dont know how to end this but thats about all I want to say

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christidolin

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Peaceful

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October 16, 2008, 4:08 am PDT

Suicide Episode - Thank you

Thank you so much for doing this informative show. I was hospitalized this summer for suicidal urges/depression following a difficult divorce and appreciate any awareness that can be raised on this topic. Yes, there is help. I'm doing much better thanks to medication and therapy. My grandfather commited suicide, my mother attempted it numerous times, and my grandmother also attempted it (I found her when I was only 7 years old!). Tragically, so many families are affected by this. Thanks again for your compassionate and informative show. I would love to see more shows on mental health, depression, survivors of depression, etc. Sincerely, Christina Dolinar

PS: As someone who's life has been so affected by suicide, I think the Bridge documentary is an incredibly honest take on a very real human condition. I'm not at all offended, but grateful someone cared enough to bring awareness.

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JWL123

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Depressed

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sad

October 16, 2008, 4:17 am PDT

Because you are important

Quote From: bares1

I watched today's show, and could feel the pain of all the people in the stories. I also saw the TOLL FREE NUMBER for the Suicide Hotline. I must say that they have never helped. All I have ever gotten is for the person on the other line to try to get my address, and when I don't give them my address, they tell me that there is help out there and I need to find it. Then they suggest I talk to a friend, or preacher. FAT CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING! My preacher won't even talk to me with problems and my friends are too uncomfortable discussing emotional pain, let alone suicide.

I have been suicidal for years, and feeling very suicidal more so lately.

So Why Not Suicide?

My precious kitty died.

I recently lost a friendship, and my mother just died.

I finally graduated from college.

My husband is - always has been wrapped up in his family, and is emotionally absent.

I am in physical pain all of the time from an injury, and have a disability.

I have no one to talk about REAL stuff with. It has always been difficult to connect/relate to people, because I was watched, held prisoner, abused physically, sexually, and emotionally. I have trouble trusting anyone in to the deep emotions.

Everyone expects me to be what I appear to be -- STRONG. They think I can handle everything. Or at least they treat me that way. Everyone else is falling apart, and turn to me to take care of them.

Sleep problems, nightmares, panic attacks, PTSD where I am terrified by the approach of hubby when I don't expect him. I have almost stabbed him with a knife a couple of times.

My pdoc asks if I am depressed and I said yes. They only throw more pills at it. I have taken pills to the point that I was a zombie, before I learned to educate myself. I don't feel I have ever been stable, so switch meds. Side effects are bad. One doesn't dare to TELL that they are suicidal, because they throw me in the Looney Tunes Hotel. All that is, is a glorified babysitter, where I am held prisoner again. All the PTSD is re-triggered

WHY NOT SUICIDE?

I have been suicidal for years and as I get older everything just hurts more. I have been in therapy several times. I don't think my problem is just emotional. I am just too tired to keep fighting. Life has worn me down. The abuse I have experienced, and the abuse I see around me hurts way too much.

I was sitting thinking the same thing until I read your post. And you know what life is precious, you are special. Although I dont know you or know what you are going through I know you are loved. I dont even know you, but I care about what happens to you.

If your preacher wont discuss anything with you there are other preachers that will.

You sound like you have been through a lot and I am praying for you. Please dont give up! Your life is precious and you are special.

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