Topic : 07/31 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

Your post is like my husband wrote it himself. What you are physically going through is much like my husband went through. He was injured on the job, 3 failed surgeries, uncontrolled pain, isolation.

At a work comp hearing the opposing council told my husband and I that he would wait for my husband to die before he would settle his case.

I was his princess, we loved unconditionally and we were all we had.....just my husband and I, he was the most wonderful compassionate man I ever knew.

His depression became severe, but he was on AD meds and saw a therapist every other week. His pain was out of control but he was going to a pain clinic and being monitored on methadone as he became opiate tolerant. He would be up for days and then sleep for days. I was there for him, we were one.

I came home from the grocery store and he was just sitting in his chair, I sat down on the couch to talk to him. He took a handgun with a laser out from the side of the chair, pointed it at me and said " I am done, I can't take the pain anymore, no more" He wanted to take me with him, I pleaded for my life and he turned the gun to his head. His life ended before my eyes.

A part of me did die with him, I will never be the same, I have lost the best of me. The people who loose loved ones to suicide so often search for the WHY, I know why my husband took his life, so finding the why won't help heal your soul, mind and spirit as you grieve.

Can you help me understand how my husband lost his mind to pain? Tell me how one thinks when pain takes over their life....please.

I called my husbands therapist the day before he died as he had an appointment and begged him to put my husband in the hospital, I told him he bought a gun (he hid it so I couldn't find it) He lied to get his foid card. I told his therapist how my husband was acting. He told my husband it was OK for him to have a gun if he wanted to go hunting. My husband couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time how could he go hunting.

All the pills for depression and pain, all the hours with therapist could not help my husband.

We did everything and in the end no one would help me, help him. So even when you have it all, pain and depression take your life. Pain drove my husband insane. He was only 52 years old.

Forever grateful

I have been reading all the comments and not sure what the knot is in my throat from. There is no story that is worse then another when we are all talking about suicide, depression, bi-polar disease, this is all so painful and draws so many questions and controversy. My mother in-law called me the day this show was aired and said I needed to turn it on, I couldn't. I was having an OK day, and did not want to bring myself down, I did not want someone to tell me the warning signs again, what I needed to watch out for. I already knew them, and seen them, and felt I had already failed. I am working through trying not to feel I failed my daughter. I should clarify, she is my step-daughter, but I have helped raise her since she was 4, so I feel she is my daughter, she lived with us at all times.

We lost her this past June13 to suicide. Was not her first attempt, but sadly to say she followed through on this one.  She was only 16 years old. She had been fighting depression since she was 11-12 years old, she was also anorexic and bulimic. I thought we were getting her all the help we could, she was on medicine and seeing counselors. She even was telling us things were getting better, she said the medicine seems to be working like it should, after we had to adjust a few times.  Then we found out after her death, she stopped taking the meds, she told a friend she was going to, and we also found out because there was nothing in her system.  We ask why,why,why, well I know we will never know the answer to that, only she does. She left a book next to her note, "Night Falls Fast" by Kay Redfield Jamison. I was so angry, my husband was so angry, family members are angry- How can they sell this book, especially to teenagers. I even found the receipt when purchased, exactly 1 week before she died. I wanted to scream and shout at the author and the book store that sold it. She Highlighted all the way through the book and as I was reading this I felt if she had not had this maybe she would still be here. I thought this book helped her kill herself and in some ways I think it did, but I think what she was really try to tell us, was how she was really feeling and for us to maybe understand what was really going on in her head. Things she highlighted make some sense today, but on that day it did not. I think the book helped her find relief in suicide and how to make us believe everything was ok. because now that I look back, she was having a very good week and was so relaxed. I just wish she could have come to us and said help on that Friday afternoon, she had come to us before what stopped her that day I will never know.  She learned to hide her pain well, she stated she did not want to burden the family any more, she was never a burden. If I could have taken all her pain away, I would have. I know as a parent we all try to take as many of the stones thrown at our children that we can.

My struggle today is, when do I tell my 8 year old daughter HOW her sister died. We have not yet told her the complete truth that is why by her own hands. My 17 year old son knows, but we kept it from the youngest and just told her there was an accident. My youngest knows that I need to tell her more, but that we will tell her when we feel the time is right, I am not sure when that will ever be. I take her to counseling and hope this will help guide us through this.

I do also believe we need more education in the schools, I wish I was strong enough now to stand in front of all her friends and classmates and tell them her struggles, but what she did to resolve them was so Wrong. Because she could only see through her tunnel and now the love around her, she made her HUGE problems a permanent one and now there is no going back. People need to know the help is out there, and to please reach for it. I know it is hard to do but I hope with education and people talking we can all save more lives. I know my family has a long road still ahead of us, there is no time line on grief, I just know that we need to keep reaching out so we can heal ourselves from this tragic loss.

Dr. Phil & Group,

I did not see the film, but probably will now that I have read the posts - I just got here by a search...I dont even know if anyone reads these anyore.

Anyway, what I have to say is that I realize that many of you have had a negative impact on the subject of suicide.  This probably involving the “selfish” death of a parent, sibling, and or parent.  In my case I need an opinion (religion excluded please) as to why my case could not be considered excluded from angry discussion.

       At this point in my life I have several diseases which have left me going to pain management.  The medication has either been too strong or not strong enough so I have stopped going.  I have no family, no religious affiliation, and few friends.  I am unable to work now and am on SS Disability which is my only income.  I am considered too wealthy for other subsidies such as food stamps, help with electric, etc. yet too poor to make my checks last a full month. I have not only applied for any and all social services available, I have gone as far as writing my governor, representative, and two US Senators for help.  There just isn’t much in a poor state for me.  And I understand –  a child’s  welfare is more important!   I was raised in an upper-middle class home with professional parents and am still in shock, every month when I have to deal with a shut-off notice or eviction notice.  What happened?  What did I do wrong?

       I going through the steps of seeing a psychiatrist and recently a therapist.  Hey, at least someone will remember me when I am gone, right?  After many tries of medication for depression and bipolar, nothing changed.  I am still in constant pain, have no family, am getting up there in age, and now with the depression I am clinically  agoraphobic with no one to hold my hand.  I’m tired, I’m a drain on social resources, and there is really no one there who would call me “selfish” for my actions. 

       Ok, OR and more recently WA have the assisted suicide laws, but this is for people who are within six months of death, have a terminal illness, etc. (whatever), so I don’t qualify for even their laws of help.

       My question is, why can’t I get help just going away peacefully, legally, sanitary (?), alone…?  I just need the resources.

Dont know if im at the right part ( my english isnt good). To be honest i think of suicide a lot these days. Cant get a way out of my feelings.Sometimes when im really down, suicide looks like the only way out. I feel sad for people family who have experienced this by someone close. Maybe its wrong to say but i know how the people who commit suicide feel.  If you know someone who fit the symptomes you really need to grap in before its to late.  At my case it is all taking to long, dont think i can wait a few weeks before ik get help. Keep hoping on better days.

Feeling sad for the family who have to go through this.

All take care !

When I was 13 years old,my mom died of a heartattack.

I was completely in shock.

6 months later my first boyfriend left me.

I was bullied at school,strangly enough,for not having a mother!?

Then,one day,I decided to take the whole bottle of relaxation-pills the docter subscribed me.

I fell down on the ground,could't stand on my feet.

The next morning I woke up.

I was angry and happy at the same time.

I did not think of my father or my sisters when I took those pills.

All I wanted was to end the pain.....

Now,30 years later,I am a mom myself,and I know that I should have told someone that I was in so much pain,grief,that I could't deal with it anymore.

Hoi meis!How are you?Hope you are oke.I just signed in today and saw your message.I posted one myself,read it if jou like,it's called:I tried.

Honey,please remember that pain DOES go away,I am greatfull that my attempt did not succeed.

Get help at the docter's,he or she can get you psychological help without a waiting list at the GGZ!

Good luck.

Love and a big hug.