Topic : 07/31 The Bridge Controversy - Tragic Choice

I don''t know if you still access this board but I feel the need to express my concern.  I hope I have the exact words you need to hear/read to convince you that YOUR LIFE MATTERS. believe it or not yYOU HAVE A PURPOSE of being here. I know it seems like it's the end of the world, but I promise you it will pass.  I'm not going to promise that once you get past it this time, it won't re-occur.  I had to make one of toughest choices of my life to give up a man that my family didn't approve of.  I gave him up because I couldn't bare the thought of them make his life hell if I'd stayed with him. Today makes 17 months and there was 12 months of tears shed. The only time I didn't cry uncontrolably was when I finally went to sleep at night.  The nights seemed extremely short if you know what I mean.  Everytime I turned around it was morning and I had to face another day without him.  To this vary day I haven't gone a day without thinking about him.  It still creeps up on me and I'll think about the fun times we had, or I'll hear a song on the radio and start crying like a baby.  I know my problems seem minimal compared to yours but the truth is, no matter the reason, the effects of depression are still the same.  It feel like you're the last person in the world whose feelings are actually considered and no matter what you do, nothing makes it better, nothing.  I wanted to run away from myself so many times.  I never told my family or friends but I had thoughts suicide. I only thought about  it, I never attempted it! 

Things have since gotten better for me, I enrolled in a local college this week and I'm constantly looking for different ways to get the results I REALLY want in order for my life to become "my life."  I am a firm believer, no one "chooses" suicide, they are just needing a solution and that seems like the only one to rid them of their problems. I know that my issues with depression were strictly circumstancial and temporary and not chronic. What worked for me might not work for you or the next person but please know that suicide is not the only option.   If you're the type of person that needs to talk about it, find a friend willing to listen and guide you through the tough times, that what I did.  Rest assured, this too shall pass.  I wish nothing but the best for you.

If you do suffer from chronic depression I hope someone will post some Words of Wisdom that knows what it feels like.  I don't know what it feel like to live with day in and day out. As I said, I wish you all the best.

Please don't take this as a personal attack.  I will do my best not to make any assumptions about you or the way you believe.  But allow me to explain that no one WANTS to suffer from any degree of depression.  It is a feeling that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It saddens me to think that some people never get rid of it.  I suffered with a mild case considering my situation and it was horrible. There is a feeling of being totally alone inside, I couldn't eat much because the very thought made me sicker and what I did eat I had to force down because I couldn't swollow.  I cried non-stop morning and night. There was a severe pain in the pit of my stomach. All of this continued to happen for 1 solid year, then I was finally able to forgive myself somewhat.  I still blame myself though. All I wanted was for that sick/empty feeling to go away never to return.  Depression is completely involuntary!!! There's absolutely nothing anyone can do to get rid of it except give it time and unfortunely, that still doesn't work for some people.  Looking back, I would have much rathered not done the things I did that caused me to lose a cherished friendship. I'm now realizing God allowed those events to take place to reshape me into the new person I am today.  I used to let my family walk all over me and was afraid to speak my mind, but not anymore. It also allowed me to continue where I'm going.  I made it past the depression, but my friend will forever be in my heart.  I'll never stop loving him!  Make no mistake, he did not pass away, it just that the situation that occurred came between our friendship.  I'm hopeing one of these days we'll get it back.

You said, "If people would understand that you made a promise with God to fulfill this life."  You see people who suffer with depression and are suicidal don't think on those terms.  The only thing they're thinking about is the fastest solution to their problems.  Considering God is a spiritual being, it is difficult and probably next to impossible for them to confide in someone they can't phyically see.  God is definitely my Savior, so it's easy for me to trust Him, but I have to admit, when I was in the midst of that depression I was so low that even I found it hard.  And for someone that may not know Him, it isn't so easy.  That's why we have to be careful in choosing our steps and words, so as to not judge them and send them running in the opposite direction.  Let's give them a reason to be curious.

I truly believe that if one believes in God and they still commit suicide, God will not send them to hell.  I used to believe differenly because I felt like they were taking over God's responsibilty to end their life.  But now I feel that God is in control of every action made on this earth and maybe it was in His will.  I would like to think God is compassionate enough to realize everyone who commits suicide has an illness they can't control. I believe everyone has a specific time they have to die.  My dad was rushed to the hospital while suffering a heart attack in April 2004; he died and was resusitated.  I don't know God's purpose for the heart attack itself but I believe it wasn't his time to go.  If it is someone's time to go, no one can stop it.  We may be frustrated and wonder why they had to go, but we can't stop an act of God.   

My dad's sister and her family were camping in April 2000 and she suffered a heart attack at the camp site.  They called 911 and her son did CPR to no avail. She died!  i never understood why she had to die because she was one in a million!  But God decied her time on earth was finished.  My dad suffered his heart attack due to a 100% blocked circumflex artery in the back of his heart, which can not be detected on a normal stree test or EKG.  For this reason my dad's doctor told him he was perfectly fine, then later on that night after he ate supper he started having a seizure, his arms and hands atriphied and  he died. He had what is call a mild cardio infarction, where the heart just stops beating.  If he were in the same situation as my aunt he wouldn't have made it either.  We are convinced that both suffered their heart attack in the same area of the heart.