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Topic : 10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 67
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Created on : Friday, October 10, 2008, 02:56:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Hoarding is a highly emotional issue that may seem horrifying to some, but for others, it’s a complicated and difficult struggle. When Nancy first appeared on the show, her home was so cluttered that her kids couldn’t get into their bedrooms, there were multiple refrigerators jammed with spoiled food, and she even had a second house that was uninhabitable because it was so chock full of junk. After canceling on 1-800-GOT-JUNK three times, Nancy finally allowed the cleaning crew to remove some of the mess. Find out why the experience was so traumatic for her. Then, Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, and Dr. Steven Kanter, an expert on hoarding-related issues, have been working closely with Nancy. Has she made progress in overcoming her fears? Plus, Nancy says her boyfriend, Bob, has been drinking heavily and creating havoc in the household. You won't believe what Nancy and her friend, Randi, captured on video. And, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s surprise for Nancy!

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 17, 2008, 3:43 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: mtbenneni

That poor possum was like "get me outta here"...  Living like that has to be so clostephobic even if she doesn't think so. 
omg, that was so funny...thank you for your message. Hey, I saw a cat in there also and they said on the video that they don't know how the possum survived  in there because of the cats. I can't believe ANYTHING survived in that garage!!! Poor things...
 
October 17, 2008, 3:52 pm CDT

A nurse should recognize unsanitary conditions.

I agree with BarbieAnn.

Nancy is still blaming everyone else for her own giant mess. She actually thinks those kids can help her clean up that filth? Come on, kids need a little space before they can do chores. She blames Bob and ridicules him but she is by far the most abusive person in the house. The partner of an alcoholic doesn't keep cooking wine in the house. When did Nancy last cook a meal anyway? You need to be able to find an inch of counter space before you can start cooking. Nancy even blamed the refridgerator for her maggots. Didn't she notice the door didn't close after she put food in it?

I watched Nancy make excuses for her child neglect and selfishness the first time and I was really hoping to see some self awareness today, but I really didn't. She may have been able to allow some trash to be removed by the professionals but I think that was probably while she was still hoping to get a free kitchen from Lowes.

I am sympathetic to mental illness but Nancy goes beyond hoarding things and into an area of child neglect by allowing her kids to live in a bacteria infested environment.

[Those bangs made my eyes water.]

 
October 17, 2008, 3:57 pm CDT

I can't believe this show

This show was such a waste of resources and time.  This woman was just lapping up all the attention she was getting from Dr. Phil and the show.  She has been a terrible mother.  Why hasn't Dr. Phil reported her to CPS?  Doctors and counselors are supposed to be mandated reporters for child abuse.  And the conditions of those children's home was unliveable.  And a spa day?  Are you kidding me?  Dr. Phil has played the sucker on this one.

 

I think she has no plans to kick Bob to the curb.  She likes the drama.  Besides, he makes her look good compared to how lost he is.  She's going to keep that guy around, to the detriment of the children.  I am shocked at the blatant child abuse that was displayed.  Neglect is child abuse.  Telling your children you're going to give them to a foster family is abuse.  This whole stupid show was Dr. Phil patting her ego and saying "yippe" for you.  And did anyone catch she blamed her kids for the clean up being put off?  She said that the kids didn't help her.  They shouldn't have to!  It's her mess!

 
October 17, 2008, 4:45 pm CDT

wrong slant on this show's message

Dr. Phil I think you were 100% wrong in the treatment of this woman.  She is definitely an alcoholic and a danger to her children.  I thought you always say the children come first.  I think this woman was just looking for a free cleanup and free goods.  Her children should have been removed from this house which is so hazardous to their health.  And having them live with Bob??  C'mon Dr.Phil this is so unlike you not to see the reality of this horrible situation.  And why didn't any neighbors complain??
 
October 17, 2008, 5:49 pm CDT

I have the answer !~ Finally Loving Yourself

Nancy, I am so proud of you ! you did it ! and now its time for you to F.L.Y. Finally Loving Yourself..

I have trouble knowing where do I start ? Its all so OVERWHELMING...

My Dear Daughter sent me this website and now I can F.L.Y.

It has helped me sooo much I can't even begin to tell you.

Please check this out www.flylady.com  If you have 15 minutes a day you will always have a handle on things.Big plus it works for the kids too ! Truthfully its the best  advice I ever received..

I just had to share with you. ~ God Bless You... Donna

 

 
October 17, 2008, 7:56 pm CDT

What happened to the Golden Rule?

This is my first time to Dr. Phil.com and I was so shocked?  How cruel we have all become!  There are those of us that live in that prison of hoarding and we don't know how we got there or how to get out. 

 

 I was able to stop drinking 27 years ago by NOT drinking, NO MATTER WHAT, along with the help of a caring Doctor, Doctor William Raider, and a great 12 step program.  Dr. William Raider was also a television Doctor that was on channel seven (7) back in 1981, who reached out to people like me and offered help. One year after that, I stopped smoking (26 years now) by NOT smoking, NO MATTER WHAT. 

 

This hoarding is a whole different game.  I could really relate to all the comments about the mail and magazines.  We are being buried with JUNK mail and it just doesn't stop, it keeps piling up.  We don't have control over it. 

 

I have not been able to kill the "FOOD" monster either, I have to eat to stay alive.   Sometimes it's like turning on a water fawcet and the handle breaks and the water just doesn't stop.  Before you know it, everything is flooded and you can't believe that you touched that broken handle again; all you wanted was just a little sip!

 

It is frightening to see these comments on this message board and to realize how progressive this "disease" has become.  I got to peek out of my own mess today watching the show, and I could see that this is an epidemic.  It is like the world economy and the world environment, everything is rotting and becoming toxic. 

 

How many people are excited that all these big chains "Linen and Things", Mervyns, etc. are going out of business?  My thoughts are wow, this is great, I can go buy lots of stuff and at bargin!  I also have to be honest and share that I have a desire to go to garage sales and pick over the remains of what is left of someones home after they have been evicted ... this world is on a rapid, spiral, of self distruction.

 

Is this beyond any human help?  Help Dr. Phil, I have lost my family and I am being barried alive.  Four generations cannot live together because we can't handle each others stuff.   We go balistic if someone touches our stuff. 

 

I was teased and picked on and embarrrased by my family as I was growing up.  They would always tell my boyfriends that they would need a bulldoser to get to my room.  When I had kids, the mess didn't change, I married a hoarder and we raised little hoarders.  Now, the fourth generation is suffering. 

 

Please Dr. Phil, don't let the comments of those that don't understand, drown out those of us that are looking for a life line.

 

Dr. Phil, I am from four (4) generations of hoarders that I know of, I am the second generation.  How can we get off this merry-go-round?  It is like having fly paper on and everything sticks and won't go away.   I don't want to see my family suffer anymore.

 

I read several messages and felt such pain for those who were willing share their inner demons.  How sad that "the drill team" has to point, ridicule, and kick us to the curb.

 

My father is the obvious hoarder but my mother is the one who keeps buying stuff.  I can see all the stuff, and I am aware that it is there,  but I don't know how to get rid of it ... I might NEED it some day!  My children are hoarders and so are my grandchildren (some of them). 

 

To respond to those that are screaming abuse, as a child we never felt abused!  We always felt loved ... we always had everything and got everything that we needed or wanted.  We weren't molested or beaten, we just had garages full of stuff. 

 

It is getting progessively worse and each generation is worse than the one before.

 

I apologize if I offended anyone, I just couldn't continue to read the messages of those that are unaware and not afflicted with this demon and not say anything.  With all the energy that you are putting into expressing your outrage and discuss, why don't you do some research and see if you can discover a cure for all of us.     Go look in the mirror ... you are the abusers!  Reach out to the neighbor kids and teach them what you do naturally ... don't try to take them away from their parents.

 

Thanks for a great show Dr. Phil ... my father is 79,  and he called me to tell me to watch.  We are all aware that we have a problem, we have admitted that we have a problem and we are all trying to figure out how to finally break the chains of bondage.

 
October 17, 2008, 8:42 pm CDT

We all carry stones to throw at the first opportunity

I am so grateful that my family didn't throw me out when I was down and out and didn't know what to do.  I didn't even know what an alcoholic was when I became one.  I didn't realize that alcohol was making my problems worse.  My skid row was in my living room.  I was a young mother and was able to function and hold down a job.  I was a periodic "drunk".  

 

One day, I heard on the news, that Betty Ford  was sharing about her addiction and her recovery.  I could identify with her.  I figured that if the President's wife could be an addict/alcoholic, and tell the whole world, I could tell someone about me too.  I didn't hear how to get the help though.   A couple of years later, I somehow called AA and one night a couple showed up to my door and took me to my first AA meeting.  I didn't get the connection to the alcohol and the problems at first and how to "work the steps".  The building I was taken to had steps going up to a loft and I couldn't figure out how walking up those steps would keep me from drinking. 

 

Only those that know that pain and bondage can identify with the suffering.  The rest of you are blaming and shaming and making the problem worse.  I'm sure that when those that shared their pain with us on TV, see the comments that are being made, that they will really feel good about themselves.  Or will they feel that they were thrown into a pit to have the world judge them then throw stones at them. 

 

The best thing that I read on this topic so far was some compassion for the family, no matter what there relations and suggesting that Alanon and Alateen be suggested and tried.  That man is in pain and is a very sick human being ... for those of you that believe ... he is our brother.  It is unfortunate that so many of us have the gene of Cain and want to destroy our brothers (and sisters) - just throw them away and the problem will go away.

 

Pay the love and compassion forward ... YOU MAY NEED IT SOMEDAY!

 
October 17, 2008, 8:56 pm CDT

Like DR Phil said, one small step at a time

Quote From: giambron

I live by myself in a five bedroom house. I have a living room, dinning room, 2 bath rooms, kitchen, and a living room.

I have this problem of hoarding but not to the extent as your guest Nancy . I have a sister that hoards. she is a lot worst than me. I have a 5 bed room house that is a mess. All the rooms have my belongings scattered all over the rooms. I have a path to the kitchen and bath room. The kitchen is a mess. I tried to clean out stuff but it just doesn't work. I had my kids come over and all the stuff they threw out I just reclaimed after they left. The attic and basement is full of junk too. Good thing I don't have a garage or that would probably be full too.

I also buy things that I don't use. I will some times buy multiplies of  items. I'm also a sucker for just about any things. I have so many problems. It seems to run in the family that I come from. I realize that I came from a dysfunctional family .

I checked over your list and I posses all 12 shown. 

How do I start and clean out this mess. I can't do it by myself. I need help.

CHUCK

Chuck:

It's about taking small steps.  I think the first is the desire.  Set some workable goals which you like to accomplish daily and do it!  I know you can, because I did it.

 

Yes, it's hard.  Therapy helped me understand what was going on with me emotionally when I faced getting rid of things.  Cleaning and clearing stuff is still an issue for me, as is daily up keep.  Even a simple goal of taking care of the day's dishes before your bedtime can help you begin to make some workable routines.  Don't beat yourself up when you slack off, just pick yourself up and start over the next day.  YOU CAN do it!

 

A website I found called www.squalorsurvivors.com was very helpful and supportive.

 

Good luck and remember, when you do what it necessary, you are loving yourself.  and YOU do deserve to be loved by YOU.

 

Much love,

R

 
October 17, 2008, 9:17 pm CDT

your baby steps

Quote From: brwneyes071966

I'll begin by saying how impressed I was with the results on the show.  I'm hope all works out.

 

I am a third generation hoarder.  My maternal grandmother, mother and I are hoarders.  I am not as bad as they are (I hope).  My mother was born during the Depression and I've read that hoarding not only is hereditary, but also predominant for those alive during the Great Depression of the 1930s. 

 

I grew up with the walls of the all the rooms stacked with stuff from floor to ceiling.  Most recently, bags of bags, food containers, twist ties, rubber bands, newspapers, catalogs, bars of bath soap, empty medicine bottles, toasters, ironing boards, etc.  We had/have "trails" to walk through.  Amazingly enough, even though it looks like mass mayhem, my mom would always know where an item was...well, which room it is in.  Unfortunately, as she has become older, her memory is not as sharp and would know she has an item, but when she looked for it, couldn't find it.

 

Recently, I helped her clean.  I was so proud of her!  I remember while growing up when asked to get things better organized and throw excess things away or have a yard sale, she would become very defensive and argumentative.  Now she threw many things away, but she refuses to do away with the multitude of toasters, flatware sets, etc.  They were bought with a "purpose in mind", "it's was a present", "there could still be a use for it".  There of course is more to the story, but not enough time or room to state it. 

 

I'm afraid I'll turn out the same way.  My hoarding is keeping magazines with specific articles, or recipes.  I say I'll get to it someday, but that day never comes.  I work full-time 3rd shift and stay tired all the time. 

 

Hope to learn from the advice on this site and on the show!

 

 

Here's an idea:  Set aside a bit a time every day for you to go through one handful of magazines.... only five... and clip what you want to keep.  Use file folders to catalog the items or put them in sheet protectors and keep in one large three ring binder.

 

Don't try to do more than that... just a handful per day.  That way, over time, you will get rid of your accumulation and have what you want to keep from the magazines.  Or, just dump them all and find the articles on the internet that interest you.  When I'm ready to research, this is what I do now.  I am SO glad i was able to throw away ten yrs accumulation of magazines.

 

Good luck.  Baby steps... one day at time.

R

 
October 17, 2008, 9:38 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: kittty56

Does anyone see that MAYBE, she's a drunk too? Maybe I'm the only one. The "hidden cooking wine", just the whole thing from the start made me think that she had a drinking problem. Dr. Phil asked her that at the first of the show if she drank and she said "well, yes, sometimes", but she had that guilty look on her face, to me.

Where does she cook? I believe there's a deeper problem then her hording. Poor kids.

Oh, I agree with you that she's probably got a drinking problem, too. But, the added problem of having her "significant other" living there, drink on his butt every day has to be making her progress even slower than it would be otherwise...and, again, I wonder....where's CPS?

 

At least she's trying to get help. 

 
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