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Topic : 10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 67
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 10, 2008, 02:56:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Hoarding is a highly emotional issue that may seem horrifying to some, but for others, it’s a complicated and difficult struggle. When Nancy first appeared on the show, her home was so cluttered that her kids couldn’t get into their bedrooms, there were multiple refrigerators jammed with spoiled food, and she even had a second house that was uninhabitable because it was so chock full of junk. After canceling on 1-800-GOT-JUNK three times, Nancy finally allowed the cleaning crew to remove some of the mess. Find out why the experience was so traumatic for her. Then, Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, and Dr. Steven Kanter, an expert on hoarding-related issues, have been working closely with Nancy. Has she made progress in overcoming her fears? Plus, Nancy says her boyfriend, Bob, has been drinking heavily and creating havoc in the household. You won't believe what Nancy and her friend, Randi, captured on video. And, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s surprise for Nancy!

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 19, 2008, 11:18 am CDT

I totally agree

Quote From: momto2auties

This show was such a waste of resources and time.  This woman was just lapping up all the attention she was getting from Dr. Phil and the show.  She has been a terrible mother.  Why hasn't Dr. Phil reported her to CPS?  Doctors and counselors are supposed to be mandated reporters for child abuse.  And the conditions of those children's home was unliveable.  And a spa day?  Are you kidding me?  Dr. Phil has played the sucker on this one.

 

I think she has no plans to kick Bob to the curb.  She likes the drama.  Besides, he makes her look good compared to how lost he is.  She's going to keep that guy around, to the detriment of the children.  I am shocked at the blatant child abuse that was displayed.  Neglect is child abuse.  Telling your children you're going to give them to a foster family is abuse.  This whole stupid show was Dr. Phil patting her ego and saying "yippe" for you.  And did anyone catch she blamed her kids for the clean up being put off?  She said that the kids didn't help her.  They shouldn't have to!  It's her mess!

I could not agree more with this comment. This woman forces her children to live in maggot infested filth, drinks and drives with them in the car, lives with an alcoholic, tapes herself forcing them to engage the alcoholic (which to me looked like an almost violent situation), and has to be FORCED to accept free help to make her life better and she gets a SPA DAY??? You have got to be kidding me!

 I know she felt beat up at her first appearance on the show and she should have....because she deserves it. I understand that hoarding is a mental sickness. When I am ill, I go to the doctor to get better because I have children that rely on me being well everyday all day. She has children that have needed her to be well for the last God only knows how long and she didn't get help. When help was offered by the Dr Phil show, she accepted it but delayed the progress. Why? I think this woman loves the attention that she gets from this whole thing. I think she loves having drama in her life and telling the story after. I don't think she will ever get better because she doesn't want to. If she got better she might have to stop feeling sorry for herself and have to start being a mother.
 
October 20, 2008, 3:18 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: momto2auties

This show was such a waste of resources and time.  This woman was just lapping up all the attention she was getting from Dr. Phil and the show.  She has been a terrible mother.  Why hasn't Dr. Phil reported her to CPS?  Doctors and counselors are supposed to be mandated reporters for child abuse.  And the conditions of those children's home was unliveable.  And a spa day?  Are you kidding me?  Dr. Phil has played the sucker on this one.

 

I think she has no plans to kick Bob to the curb.  She likes the drama.  Besides, he makes her look good compared to how lost he is.  She's going to keep that guy around, to the detriment of the children.  I am shocked at the blatant child abuse that was displayed.  Neglect is child abuse.  Telling your children you're going to give them to a foster family is abuse.  This whole stupid show was Dr. Phil patting her ego and saying "yippe" for you.  And did anyone catch she blamed her kids for the clean up being put off?  She said that the kids didn't help her.  They shouldn't have to!  It's her mess!

It's past time Nancy start doing something Dr Phil used to tell all of his guests whose problems they brought on themselves. Take ownership for them. During her first appearance on his show, Nancy was whining about all the "bad luck" she'd been having.

"Luck" had nothing to do with going to jail and losing her nurse's license. Getting caught stealing drugs did. Dr Phil should've pointed that out much more strongly than he did.

And, why should Dr Phil reward Nancy with a spa day? For doing what? Standing around sucking cigarettes while her friend and the cleanup crew did all the work? And, demanding that her kids clean up the mess she made.

Please Dr Phil. Quit being such a pushover.

 
October 20, 2008, 4:27 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: fluffyfat

I agree with BarbieAnn.

Nancy is still blaming everyone else for her own giant mess. She actually thinks those kids can help her clean up that filth? Come on, kids need a little space before they can do chores. She blames Bob and ridicules him but she is by far the most abusive person in the house. The partner of an alcoholic doesn't keep cooking wine in the house. When did Nancy last cook a meal anyway? You need to be able to find an inch of counter space before you can start cooking. Nancy even blamed the refridgerator for her maggots. Didn't she notice the door didn't close after she put food in it?

I watched Nancy make excuses for her child neglect and selfishness the first time and I was really hoping to see some self awareness today, but I really didn't. She may have been able to allow some trash to be removed by the professionals but I think that was probably while she was still hoping to get a free kitchen from Lowes.

I am sympathetic to mental illness but Nancy goes beyond hoarding things and into an area of child neglect by allowing her kids to live in a bacteria infested environment.

[Those bangs made my eyes water.

I don't expect Nancy to be getting that free kitchen anytime soon. She's got to clean out the rest of her house first.
 
October 20, 2008, 5:46 pm CDT

Thank you!

Quote From: fabrat

I think what you're doing is great. Just keep in mind that each and every bag of garbage you remove is an improvement. You're mom is so lucky to have you and your help. I understand it's hard to see any improvements when everything is floor to ceiling but where would your mom go if she got kicked out? Her getting kicked out would be the worst possible thing that could happen. It's clear that you love your mom very much so just don't give up on her or the mess. Take a deep breath and take joy in every bag you get out of there. Maybe tell her how much you will enjoy coming to do nothing but visit when it's all done and the hard work is over. Just don't give up it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks! I needed that. After about 25 hours of work, over the last 4 days, I've almost recovered one whole room. Unfortunately, a lot of it is now in my yard, because she couldn't deal with the decisions. She's going to get a much smaller pile back!

My brother is going to come and move out the ruined furniture. then i'll paint. i'm hoping if she has one pretty room, it may provide some motivation for her to work on the rest of the house. If it doesn't, at least it will make me feel better.

I really do appreciate the encouragement!

 
October 21, 2008, 3:42 am CDT

I missed the show!

Quote From: momto2auties

This show was such a waste of resources and time.  This woman was just lapping up all the attention she was getting from Dr. Phil and the show.  She has been a terrible mother.  Why hasn't Dr. Phil reported her to CPS?  Doctors and counselors are supposed to be mandated reporters for child abuse.  And the conditions of those children's home was unliveable.  And a spa day?  Are you kidding me?  Dr. Phil has played the sucker on this one.

 

I think she has no plans to kick Bob to the curb.  She likes the drama.  Besides, he makes her look good compared to how lost he is.  She's going to keep that guy around, to the detriment of the children.  I am shocked at the blatant child abuse that was displayed.  Neglect is child abuse.  Telling your children you're going to give them to a foster family is abuse.  This whole stupid show was Dr. Phil patting her ego and saying "yippe" for you.  And did anyone catch she blamed her kids for the clean up being put off?  She said that the kids didn't help her.  They shouldn't have to!  It's her mess!

I saw the first time this woman was on the show and the filth her children were forced to live in. But I missed the current show and apparently she hasn't made any progress. What I'm in complete shock over is the fact that Dr. Phil actually gave this woman a Spa Day? That is incredible! There are so many of us with "real" problems and are willing to do the work to make us better, I am disabled. Where are our Spa Days? Now that I've read the message board I'm glad I missed the show. It only serves to make me angry when I see people get rewarded for bad behavior while I sit there miserable from severe chronic pain. A Spa Day, what's he going to give her next? A shopping spree in France?
 
October 22, 2008, 12:31 pm CDT

At the end of my rope... i need help!

I am an outsider to the hoarding issue in my family, my mother is an extreme hoarder and it is affecting her health, her lifestyle, my 11 yr old Neice (custodial gardian), and my handicap sister. they all live in a 3 bed room ranch style home that has failing plumbing, smoking electricity, carpet that is over 30 years old, but you cant see it anyway. they have 2 dogs in the house, an unfinished basement that is wall to wall, floor to ceiling packed full of stuff. back in the 1960's& 1970's my grandfather was a Kirby salesman, to this day there over 30 never used kerby parts in the basement of this house, my grandmother died almost 15 yrs ago, and her clothes are still in the basement. my Mom collects magazines, never opens her mail, goes shopping everyday for something. up until 3 years ago there was no attic access so my boyfriend put one in for her. he and i added insulation and plywood, before we could finish the plywood, Mom had stuffed the attic full of stuff. she is a collector of Barbies, well over 300 of them, she is a collector of empty cardbord boxes to store her stuff in. the kitchen... well where do i start, the oven and stove have not worked in over 10 yrs, so the oven is a Medicine cabinet the door wide open with meds every where. there is no open counter space the dining room table is literally stacked 3 ft high with papers, magazines, mail, old phone books. my Neice is almost 12yrs old she is an extreme ADHD child that is on multiple meds at multiple times per day, i feel that someday she is going to take the wrong meds cause she just grabs a bottle that is close, she could easily harm herself or a friend... because lets face it Kids will be Kids and they will try darn near anything.  My sister has fallen ill and moved into my mothers for physical help, her failing eyesight worries me that she might fall during the day while she's home alone, and the parimedics wont be able to get to her in time because of the conditions of this house. i am concerned for their health and well being, i am at the end of my rope, do i call children's services or the health department, which both will tear my family apart and I will loose my mother for good. I can't by any means take care of them myself, I have tried many times to rid the clutter from the house, however now it is bigger than I am and i feel defeated, I am so over whelmed that I will not enter the house anymore.
 
October 22, 2008, 3:31 pm CDT

Some ideas for you

Quote From: drd1200

I am an outsider to the hoarding issue in my family, my mother is an extreme hoarder and it is affecting her health, her lifestyle, my 11 yr old Neice (custodial gardian), and my handicap sister. they all live in a 3 bed room ranch style home that has failing plumbing, smoking electricity, carpet that is over 30 years old, but you cant see it anyway. they have 2 dogs in the house, an unfinished basement that is wall to wall, floor to ceiling packed full of stuff. back in the 1960's& 1970's my grandfather was a Kirby salesman, to this day there over 30 never used kerby parts in the basement of this house, my grandmother died almost 15 yrs ago, and her clothes are still in the basement. my Mom collects magazines, never opens her mail, goes shopping everyday for something. up until 3 years ago there was no attic access so my boyfriend put one in for her. he and i added insulation and plywood, before we could finish the plywood, Mom had stuffed the attic full of stuff. she is a collector of Barbies, well over 300 of them, she is a collector of empty cardbord boxes to store her stuff in. the kitchen... well where do i start, the oven and stove have not worked in over 10 yrs, so the oven is a Medicine cabinet the door wide open with meds every where. there is no open counter space the dining room table is literally stacked 3 ft high with papers, magazines, mail, old phone books. my Neice is almost 12yrs old she is an extreme ADHD child that is on multiple meds at multiple times per day, i feel that someday she is going to take the wrong meds cause she just grabs a bottle that is close, she could easily harm herself or a friend... because lets face it Kids will be Kids and they will try darn near anything.  My sister has fallen ill and moved into my mothers for physical help, her failing eyesight worries me that she might fall during the day while she's home alone, and the parimedics wont be able to get to her in time because of the conditions of this house. i am concerned for their health and well being, i am at the end of my rope, do i call children's services or the health department, which both will tear my family apart and I will loose my mother for good. I can't by any means take care of them myself, I have tried many times to rid the clutter from the house, however now it is bigger than I am and i feel defeated, I am so over whelmed that I will not enter the house anymore.

Hi! I don't know if you've read my posts, but I'm in the middle of cleaning up my mothers house, which is very similar to your mom's home, from your description. The very hardest part is getting the hoarder to recognize the problem. My Mom still hasn't, but the house is getting cleaned and fixed anyway, because of a rodent problem and intervention from local authorities.

What concerned me most about your post was the smoking electrical system. This is a clear danger to the lives of anyone living in the house. While the adults in the household are choosing to live under these conditions, your niece has no choice. I would say you should intervene however necessary to create a safer living arrangement for her. If you can't bring yourself to utilize the appropriate authorities to get things done, and you can't persuade her to clean it out and have it rewired herself, please at least make sure there are working smoke detectors, and a fire escape plan in place for your niece.

If you do notify the authorities, have a plan in place to get the place cleaned out and fixed up pretty quickly, in case you need to. Right now, i'm working with my mom at a pace she can tolerate (pretty slow), while she works with a therapist. Next week, a county official will come into her home to inspect the plumbing repairs, and could say the home is uninhabitable, and she has to move out while it is cleaned out. I'm working hard to ensure the part of the home he will see is presentable, so that won't happen. she says she will go live in the dog kennel if she has to, but she's not leaving the property! I have some people at her church on standby, in case I have to clean it out fast.

Do you or your mom belong to a church? If so, they may be able to help. i found an organization called "Christmas in April" here in MD, who helped us with the cost of some of the repairs. you should also look into getting your mom into therapy, or she'll just fill it back up when you're done.

I found the person in charge of our local Health Dept. to be very knowledgable about hoarding and very sympathetic, and helpful.

When hoarding began to come up on Oprah and Dr. Phil, I paid attention and bought the recommended books as they came out. Buried in Treasures by Dr Tolin would be good for both your mom and yourself to read. Drs. Steketee and Frost wrote a therapist guide to Compulsive Hoarding and Aquiring that you might find helpful. You may also find it's good for laughs-there are sample conversations between therapists and patients. I guess ideally, that is how the conversations would go, but if i ever witnessed the same conversation happen between my mom and her therapist, you would have to pick me up off of the floor!

I think the book assumes the patient has recognized the problem, and is seeking help on their own. Dr. Lawlis wrote a book called Transpersonal medicine, which I'm reading now. I can't really relate it to my mom's situation well, but it does seem to help me find the patience to work with her.

Whether you decide to report the situation, or not, I'd start looking into these things now, because eventually something will give (and hopefully it won't be that the house burns down) and you'll be able to swoop in and make things happen for them fast, so they won't all end up homeless.

Wondering what State you're in? I'm in Maryland, and would be willing to help personally if you're nearby. Of course, i've got my hands very full with my mom's right now.

 
October 24, 2008, 6:30 am CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: lauralouinmd

Hi! I don't know if you've read my posts, but I'm in the middle of cleaning up my mothers house, which is very similar to your mom's home, from your description. The very hardest part is getting the hoarder to recognize the problem. My Mom still hasn't, but the house is getting cleaned and fixed anyway, because of a rodent problem and intervention from local authorities.

What concerned me most about your post was the smoking electrical system. This is a clear danger to the lives of anyone living in the house. While the adults in the household are choosing to live under these conditions, your niece has no choice. I would say you should intervene however necessary to create a safer living arrangement for her. If you can't bring yourself to utilize the appropriate authorities to get things done, and you can't persuade her to clean it out and have it rewired herself, please at least make sure there are working smoke detectors, and a fire escape plan in place for your niece.

If you do notify the authorities, have a plan in place to get the place cleaned out and fixed up pretty quickly, in case you need to. Right now, i'm working with my mom at a pace she can tolerate (pretty slow), while she works with a therapist. Next week, a county official will come into her home to inspect the plumbing repairs, and could say the home is uninhabitable, and she has to move out while it is cleaned out. I'm working hard to ensure the part of the home he will see is presentable, so that won't happen. she says she will go live in the dog kennel if she has to, but she's not leaving the property! I have some people at her church on standby, in case I have to clean it out fast.

Do you or your mom belong to a church? If so, they may be able to help. i found an organization called "Christmas in April" here in MD, who helped us with the cost of some of the repairs. you should also look into getting your mom into therapy, or she'll just fill it back up when you're done.

I found the person in charge of our local Health Dept. to be very knowledgable about hoarding and very sympathetic, and helpful.

When hoarding began to come up on Oprah and Dr. Phil, I paid attention and bought the recommended books as they came out. Buried in Treasures by Dr Tolin would be good for both your mom and yourself to read. Drs. Steketee and Frost wrote a therapist guide to Compulsive Hoarding and Aquiring that you might find helpful. You may also find it's good for laughs-there are sample conversations between therapists and patients. I guess ideally, that is how the conversations would go, but if i ever witnessed the same conversation happen between my mom and her therapist, you would have to pick me up off of the floor!

I think the book assumes the patient has recognized the problem, and is seeking help on their own. Dr. Lawlis wrote a book called Transpersonal medicine, which I'm reading now. I can't really relate it to my mom's situation well, but it does seem to help me find the patience to work with her.

Whether you decide to report the situation, or not, I'd start looking into these things now, because eventually something will give (and hopefully it won't be that the house burns down) and you'll be able to swoop in and make things happen for them fast, so they won't all end up homeless.

Wondering what State you're in? I'm in Maryland, and would be willing to help personally if you're nearby. Of course, i've got my hands very full with my mom's right now.

Thank you for the information and the understanding, I am in Ohio. I do fear that the house will burn down eventually and i pray to God that no one is home when it happens. I have asked for my niece to come live with me but her ADHD is very difficult to understand and deal with for me becasue i am not the motherly type and I have a hard time being understanding with the behavioral issues. I am trying, and i have read Driven to Distraction which is about ADD/ADHD, I found out this year that I @ 37 yrs old am ADD and that explains alot for me, but it does not help with the very SLOW process of trying to help someone that doesnt think or doesn't realize that she needs help. it is a tremendous burden on my mind everyday, the guilt that I feel for not wanting to spend time @ my Mother's house. unforunately the fire exscape plan is very difficult, both the front and back doors are on the same end of the house, which is the opposite end of the bedrooms. the windows are too small for my Mother or My sister to fit through therefore they would be trapped and at the mercy of a bystander or the fire department. i will start looking into a few of the books you have listed and try to spark the idea in my mother that she needs to seek help without ruining our relationship. best of luck to you and God Bless you for helping your Mother.
 
October 24, 2008, 9:23 am CDT

you are not alone

I haven't read all the messages here, but I want to put something out there.
When it comes to hoarding, there are basically two types of people, in my opinion.
Those who understand and those who don't.
Those of us that were "born organized" cannot imagine letting our houses get into such chaos.
The rest of us not only relate to the "hoarders", we are shamed into isolation.
Well, I just want to tell everyone about a great website that has changed my life.
FLYLADY.NET
This is a yahoo group of over 500,000 members that deals with CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).
Also check out BLOGTALKRADIO.COM/FLYLADY  
I love that I have found others like myself and we can encourage each other like only someone that's been there can. We are NOT alone.  We are creative people that have let clutter into our lives and we are ready to take control!
I understand hoarding and only want to encourage others to reach out for REAL help from understanding people.
The change comes from inside and that's the most wonderful thing you can do for yourself.
Good Luck!




 
October 24, 2008, 11:04 am CDT

hoarding show

I'm glad to see that  Nancy is making progress.   Along with all the junk she should kick Bob to the curb as well.  He isn't helping the problem but rather adding to it. My problem isn't a extreme as Nancy's but  the thought of tossing some of my "junk" puts me in panic mode.   I can't control a lot of things in my life but I can control what I keep and what I toss. 

 
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