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Topic : 06/03 Virtual Chaos

Number of Replies: 390
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Created on : Thursday, October 16, 2008, 10:37:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/20/08) Sixty-five percent of American households report playing computer and video games, and surprisingly, the average player is 35 years old. Computer games are supposed to be fun, but when a hobby turns into an obsession, virtual fantasy worlds can ruin lives and wreck marriages. Juli says her 34-year-old husband, Fred, plays computer games all day and ignores his entire family. Fred admits to spending up 10 hours a day in a cyber world, but will he call it an addiction? Fred’s stepson, Brandon, thinks Fred is lazy and that his mom can do better. Then, Brad, 40, was so addicted to games that he spent up to 80 hours a week locked in the basement with his computer. Not only did he accumulate close to $24,000 of debt, his addiction nearly cost him his marriage and his life! Next, Liz found her 21-year-old son, Shawn, dead at his computer from a self-inflicted gun shot. She says that a role-playing game in the virtual world transformed her son from a vibrant young adult into a depressed introvert, which ultimately led to his suicide. Liz founded Online Gamers Anonymous to educate others about the potential dangers of obsessive gaming. Then, when Wendy married a video game designer, she literally took matters into her own hands and started playing herself.  Are you or is someone you love at risk for video game addiction? Log on to DrPhil.com for a checklist of signs!

Find out what happened on the show.

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June 4, 2009, 2:51 am CDT

I am right behind you!

Quote From: mooselover54

Thank you so much for addressing this issue.  I was married to an addicted gamer and we are now in the middle of a horrible divorce.  He started going on Military gaming sites.  He started with one than  went on to another which he was on from the time he came home from work till the wee hours of the morning . Then on weekends he would set his alarm for 4:00 or 5:00am PST and would play all day Sat. and Sunday.  We never went anywhere we quit having sex , we didnt so anything but live separate lives . H doesnt even see this was the problem in our marriage.  I became ill and he never even helped me and that was the final straw for me .  I had given up on our marriage. Then he came to me and asked me for the divorce , because he didnt want a wife with health issues.  What a joke.  He complained we didint have sex anymore , no we didnt because he wasnt interested in anything but the stupid game, and when he played all weekend he never bathed , he was gross. How can you even get romantic with someone who not only ignores you all the time but smells too!  Im not being funny .  These guys better stop what they are doing it is serious, take from someone who has been there.  Its funny now that we are getting a divorce he is out every nite picking up women in bars , having a great time going out with them. Go figure after I spent 14 years of my life , wasted.  Now Im fighting for a decent settlement because He made it so horrible to live at the house he kicked me and my daughter out .  We have nothing.  Im  no exagerating.

Please men/women (because there are women addicted too) dont waste your lives and relationships for virtual reality because its not  reality. Your families are your reality.

Thank you

Mooselover54

I have been with my hubby for almost 8 years! For the first part of our years together the addiction was porn...and I felt so betrayed! Now it's video games...mostly fighting and killing games. He's Military so he say's he's just following his job! Enough is enough! As you said he will play ALL day every weekend UNLESS there is something else HE wants to do! Forget what we might want to do. We have 2 daughters! He acts like we don't exist or matter...and if we say any thing he says he has to entertain us...that we can't do S#@T alone! HAHAHA ALONE is all we are! The only time he gets up from the game is to go to the bath room or get something to eat and go right back! He yells at the game and talks LOUD to other people on the stupid thing! I have slammed the door before coz our kids have been TRYING to sleep! I basically moved down stairs to sleep...and get any sleep. Why sleep/stay some where your not wanted!? Sex is just out of the question, It's been over a month he's touched me! I approach him and he ignores me or is too busy and or says not right now! WHAT man in his RIGHT mind turns down sex?????????? I'm in my 30's and feel like I am loosing the best years of my life on a man addicted to CRAP! I want to throw it out the window! I did tell him one day I was going to hit him upside the head with it! He looked at me and did nothing! He's bought expensive parts to better the PC to play his game! It does cost to play each month! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SICK of this crap! It's me our kids or the game!
 
June 4, 2009, 4:45 am CDT

06/03 Virtual Chaos

Quote From: minywheats

After watching this episode I had to make an account just to say how offended I am by this episode. I am 27, work for the state prison system and served 7 years in the Marine Corp. I love World of Warcraft, my wife loves World of Warcraft. I have meet many of my online guild mates in real life. I'm so sick of this stigma that you have to be single living with your mother and jobless. These men and women have families, jobs, kids. Its total unexceptable to me that styreotypes you put out during this episode. How is this any different then being in a softball league with friends? You practice, devote many hours to get better, compete and people look at you to do your best but also to have a good time. Sure we cant go out after every raid and have a beer but that doesn't mean we don't meet up a couple times a year or if we happen to be in each others areas and have a beer. This is just another form of people not understand becuase they aren't interested.
Did you see the show? It was about gamers who are addicted. If you don't have a compulsion to gaming, and it's not interfering with your life or relationships, then why be offended?? If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.  But, I must say, I thought Dr Phil's response to some things was unbelievable as usual). Before one of the commercials, they announced that next would be a woman who says that it's not the game at fault, but the individual players. I thought, "Well, duh?..of course that's the way it is..no big news." But, when they came back from the commercial, Dr Phil seemed, not only surprised, but resistant to that idea. So, I can understand how someone could take offense to that. I've said over and over here, that as a recovering addict (23 yrs) and former addiction counselor,  that this man does not seem to understand the process of addiction and recovery...something I find shocking as he is a trained psychologist and is always talking about how bad his father's alcoholilsm was. I don't understand why he appears somewhat clueless.
 
June 4, 2009, 5:01 am CDT

06/03 Virtual Chaos

I have to say that, after watching the show, I still didn't realize that this was such an issue with so many people. After reading the posts, I was surprised by the large response of those writing about their own compulsions with gaming or the compulsions of a loved one. Being a recovering addict for 23 yrs, I'm certainly familiar with the issues of addiction and recovery, but neither I nor anyone in my circle have this particular problem, so it's like a whole new world. Good luck to all of those struggling!!!!!

 

The husband in the first scenario seems to be completely in denial going by some of his ridiculous comments. Dr Phil told him that when he watched the tape at home, he would be amazed at how he appears. I don't think that is the case...yet, at least. He was there for his wife's sake and seemed to only say things he thought he should say (when he wasn't sounding like a complete idiot). What a hard thing it must be for the wife and kids. What I couldn't understand was that the wife talked about the husband keeping his young child up late playing the games and cursing and otherwise mimicking his behavior. NOT ONE COMMENT FROM DR PHIL...SEEMED COMPLETELY DISINTERESTED! He's always saying that his main concern is for the children involved...apparently, it's only when it's convenient or fits into his "theme" for the day, and if he has time. Unbelievable.

 
June 4, 2009, 7:29 am CDT

DR. PHIL IS PREJUDICE!

Quote From: h3gamers17

I don't think they should have made it seem like ALL gamers are that way. I'm not addicted to WoW, but I consider my addiction to Halo 3 for the 360. Though, I don't think that the Fred should have been playing the way he was playing.

Honestly, I have some how come up with a system for my gaming addiction. During the day/ the week, I do what I'm suppose to do, but at night I'm up till all hours playing Halo 3 and I don't even have high speed internet for LIVE. Not all gamers are completely addicted or inthrawled with the game and that's how I felt it was being portrayed.

When given a high speed connection- I can honestly play up to 32 hours in two days and I do that, about ever two weeks to feed the need.. That's my healthy way of dealing with it. Honestly though, gaming for some people is addicting because they're good at it.

Though I do feel that they attacked all gamers with the episode.
I am the exact same way.
and i feel the same way about the gamers he used as examples, they needed to prioritize. But don't stereotype all gamers based on those few, rare, examples.
Yeah, i rarely sleep because of these games.
But I manage College, Work, and a social life with this so called "addiction."

I think Dr. Phil owes us an apologiy, or atleast some kind of public acknologment that NOT ALL GAMERS are addicts and that he was wrong for portraying it in that fashion.

DR. PHIL YOU ARE PREJUDICE AGAINST GAMERS!!
 
June 4, 2009, 1:20 pm CDT

Craigsklist rape solicitation!

Since this was just in the news last night, and wanted to alert you to yet another Craigslist danger, I'm sharing it with you on this board, since it involves computer usage!
A man placed an ad on Craigslist, soliciting a "hit man" to rape, and then kill, his wife.
This wife was startled by a man approaching her with a knife. Who admitted to answering an ad placed by her husband.
Apparently, the man did not harm her. And, her husband faces charges for placing the ad.
Since no one is monitoring Craigslist closely enough to screen, and refuse to run, such ads, it should be banned altogether. It's already caused too much harm.

 
June 4, 2009, 1:56 pm CDT

06/03 Virtual Chaos

Quote From: leogorky

I have to say that, after watching the show, I still didn't realize that this was such an issue with so many people. After reading the posts, I was surprised by the large response of those writing about their own compulsions with gaming or the compulsions of a loved one. Being a recovering addict for 23 yrs, I'm certainly familiar with the issues of addiction and recovery, but neither I nor anyone in my circle have this particular problem, so it's like a whole new world. Good luck to all of those struggling!!!!!

 

The husband in the first scenario seems to be completely in denial going by some of his ridiculous comments. Dr Phil told him that when he watched the tape at home, he would be amazed at how he appears. I don't think that is the case...yet, at least. He was there for his wife's sake and seemed to only say things he thought he should say (when he wasn't sounding like a complete idiot). What a hard thing it must be for the wife and kids. What I couldn't understand was that the wife talked about the husband keeping his young child up late playing the games and cursing and otherwise mimicking his behavior. NOT ONE COMMENT FROM DR PHIL...SEEMED COMPLETELY DISINTERESTED! He's always saying that his main concern is for the children involved...apparently, it's only when it's convenient or fits into his "theme" for the day, and if he has time. Unbelievable.

Sometimes, Dr Phil's "concern for the children" does seem to fall by the wayside. This show was a good example of that.
No
child should be kept up that late. Even though Fred and Juli's son hasn't started school yet, and can sleep later in the morning, if they let this pattern continue until he starts, they'll have a battle royale on their hands getting him to bed at a reasonable hour and up in time to catch the bus.
Another problem is the cursing. Unless Fred and Juli put a stop to it, their child is going to curse everywhere, including school. And, there will be consequences for it, including suspension.
And, what about Fred's refusing-to-get-a-job-so-he-can-sit-on-his-ass-and-play-computer-games-all-the-time-while-Juli-works-hers-off-doing-everything-he's-too-and-lazy-to-do? What kind of example is this for their son? And, what woman would have him if he follows this example? Juli is nuts for still having Fred.

 
June 4, 2009, 4:06 pm CDT

virtual chaos

Nothing wrong with playing games. As long as you don't put them first in your life. Don't let them take over your life.
 
June 5, 2009, 7:01 am CDT

Active Gaming is a Healthy Activity for Youth and Adults

While these stories are indeed unfortunate, we should be able to see that gaming alone is not at fault.  If we have addictive tendencies, we will find something to be addicted to -- and if we don't land on gaming, we'll land on something else.  Like with anything else, healthy gaming is about finding a balance between it and all the other activities we engage in.

 

The new trend in active gaming is a positive -- not only for gamers, but for non-gamers who are looking for ways to become more active.  If a kid (or adult!) loves video games, they now have the opportunity play those games they love while hanging out with friends, meeting new people, and getting a workout without even realizing it.  If I had children, I would rather they spend two hours in an XRKade than two hours locked in their rooms in front of the computer.  In fact, I would encourage it.  I've watched non-athletic kids find a place where they belong and a game for which they don't get picked last.  I've seen friendships develop and overweight children drop pounds, all because of active gaming.

 

As a gym rat, the XRKade has given me a phenomenal alternative to plodding away on a treadmill.  I had hardly ever played a video game until I discovered active gaming, and now I'm "addicted" to XRKade.  This doesn't mean I spend less time with my friends or that I'm so involved with my fantasy world that I can't function.  Active gaming has led me to new friendships and a new way of working out. 

 

I hope that you will run another story on gaming and look on the bright side -- active gaming can change lives for the better.

 
June 5, 2009, 7:59 am CDT

Games are addicting

How can this man say it doesn't cost him anything ? He has to buy the game , and I'm sure he has upgraded it since he started. And he needs Internet service to play  it . My husband is also addicted he  works , comes home and naps then gets up and goes on the game . He will eat supper with his family and then go back to the game for the night . He has been playing for over two years now, missing maybe about a week in all of playing . My children get to play on the computer only every other day and they get less than an hour time each . I do not buy my children games , they usually receive them as gifts and I tell family who get them to make them some type of educational game. My children hate the fact that there daddy does not do things with them and so when they ask to play more on a game I remind them that they dint want to turn into there father . My husband said to me one day that he was like God cause he had healing powers in his game and could heal people . The game is sick the people get into groups and go on killing spree's , This is the world of War Craft game . And I do not even like my children watching their dad when he plays the game .

 
June 5, 2009, 3:10 pm CDT

not including everybody

Quote From: minywheats

After watching this episode I had to make an account just to say how offended I am by this episode. I am 27, work for the state prison system and served 7 years in the Marine Corp. I love World of Warcraft, my wife loves World of Warcraft. I have meet many of my online guild mates in real life. I'm so sick of this stigma that you have to be single living with your mother and jobless. These men and women have families, jobs, kids. Its total unexceptable to me that styreotypes you put out during this episode. How is this any different then being in a softball league with friends? You practice, devote many hours to get better, compete and people look at you to do your best but also to have a good time. Sure we cant go out after every raid and have a beer but that doesn't mean we don't meet up a couple times a year or if we happen to be in each others areas and have a beer. This is just another form of people not understand becuase they aren't interested.
With Baseball you get exercise and its seasonal , so your not doing it all the time . My husband plays all the time he is at home neglecting his family . I believe the game can be played by some and not be a problem , so good for you that you and your wife find something mutual to do together . But when something takes the place of a persons responsibility as a parent or spouse then I think there is a problem .
 
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