I have to admit that I was really happy to see a show finally be done on gaming addiction. I feel as though I suffer from this very serious problem just from living with it in my home day in and day out. My husband is also a player of World of Warcraft but has played various role-playing games over the years, such as Ultima Online. This is the one he played mostly while we were dating, but not so much in front of me. I did not see the full addiction the way it truly was and is until after we were married. We had a quick marriage after I got pregnant and once we moved in together he started playing more and more all the time. He would let our baby cry "just for a few more minutes" so that he could finish something in his game. Very quickly I learned that the game would always come first. I'd ask him to do things like the dishes and he'd say, "In a few minutes." Minutes would turn into hours. He would forget about it by the time he'd get off the computer. To this day we now have 2 children, an almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old and I am a very busy stay at home mother who also cares for a 13 month old part-time. I feel as though the burden of all the everyday household things are on me because of my husband's lack of interest in doing anything around here. I do the bulk of the laundry, vaccuming, general cleaning, outdoor work, bill paying, etc. I will admit that he is a great chef and loves to cook but he will use every pot and pan we have and leave the kitchen trashed in hopes that I will clean it (more than just your normal cooking mess, food spread out all over the place/the floor, garbage not thrown away, etc.). I know that he suffers depression although he has a hard time talking about it - whenever I try to have any serious conversations with him he closes up and doesn't respond to me. It's incredibly frustrating.
He has now projected this obsession onto our almost 4 year old son. My son plays games on nickjr.com, just nice preschool games, but he's getting to the point where he wants to be doing it far too often. It is incredibly ridiculous to see my grown 27 year old husband fight with my 3 year old son about who gets to use the computer to play their game. I know that my son observes his father on the computer all the time since as soon as he is home from work he is on there playing. We'll be driving in the car from the grocery store and my son will say, "Daddy better be watching t.v. or cooking, NOT on the computer!" He knows that those are the only three things my husband ever does, literally. I find myself being the one dragging my kids out of the house on the weekends to go do stuff while my husband stays behind to have his "WoW" computer time.
Another thing, we moved to North Carolina from Michigan almost 2 years ago and my husband has never made any new friends. He keeps in touch with all his old friends through playing "WoW." His one friend calls him daily so that they can discuss their stats or what ever else they plan on doing that evening.
I am tired of our weekends being eaten up by "WoW" playing. I feel incredibly disconnected from my husband and resentful, yet also stuck and unsure of where to go and what to do. I did call a marriage counseler today and left a message, have not yet heard back. Although we have very little money to spare once the bills are paid I am thinking that we may need counseling no matter what the cost to help save this marriage because I just do not think I can put up with this forever long-term. I know there are other great men out there who would be more than happy to take my kids out to the park, to the beach, to teach them things, and not just sit in front of the computer and yell at their children to go away so that they can play a game. In a lot of ways, my husband is like Fred who was on the show today, and that scares me. I think A.D.D. must play into this as well, as a lot of gamers out there seem to have it, and my husband was diagnosed w/ it as a child.
I appreciate anyone who has read all of this, sorry for writing a book. I just felt the need to vent my current situation and reach out to all of those who are suffering as well.
To the man on the show today who quit his addiction entirely -- that is AWESOME. I am so happy you were able to maintain your relationship with your wife and grow beyond this. I hope for the same for the wives and families out there that suffer from this.
(Original Air Date: 10/20/08) Sixty-five percent of American households report playing computer and video games, and surprisingly, the average player is 35 years old. Computer games are supposed to be fun, but when a hobby turns into an obsession, virtual fantasy worlds can ruin lives and wreck marriages. Juli says her 34-year-old husband, Fred, plays computer games all day and ignores his entire family. Fred admits to spending up 10 hours a day in a cyber world, but will he call it an addiction? Fred’s stepson, Brandon, thinks Fred is lazy and that his mom can do better. Then, Brad, 40, was so addicted to games that he spent up to 80 hours a week locked in the basement with his computer. Not only did he accumulate close to $24,000 of debt, his addiction nearly cost him his marriage and his life! Next, Liz found her 21-year-old son, Shawn, dead at his computer from a self-inflicted gun shot. She says that a role-playing game in the virtual world transformed her son from a vibrant young adult into a depressed introvert, which ultimately led to his suicide. Liz founded Online Gamers Anonymous to educate others about the potential dangers of obsessive gaming. Then, when Wendy married a video game designer, she literally took matters into her own hands and started playing herself. Are you or is someone you love at risk for video game addiction? Log on to DrPhil.com for a checklist of signs!
