Topic : 06/03 Virtual Chaos

My Son started playing a game boy when he was about 4 years old.  He is now 16.  From the time he was 4 years old he can play only 30 mintues.  Even now he play s 30 minutes whether it is X box, PC, game boy, guitar hero, etc.   If he wants to play more minutes, he must read or do extra house work.  There has been times when we let him have a fun day and just play all day.  After a few hours  we ask him to shut it down, he will get nasty or grumpy  and for the rest of the day he is short tempered. 

After watching your show today,  I asked my son to watch the show.  He said wow Mom I am not like that, I am glad you limit my time.  He is a great kid and a good student.  But  I must say,  with his very limited time, he is VERY VERY good at his gaming.

THANKS FOR THE SHOW DOC!

I can totally relate to the women on that show.  My ex boyfriend was obsessed with World of Warcraft.  I was blown off many times when we were supposed to go out.  He didn't look at me the same anymore, his personality changed, and he wouldn't even function anymore.  He would go to work, sleep, come home, play the game.  He wouldn't even leave the house to eat.   We would get into so many fights because of that game.  I remember one instance where he was supposed to take me to dinner, and he showed up 2 hours late because he lost track of time.  He wasn't there for me emotionally, and I began to cheat.  He doesn't understand how much this game impacted the course of our relationship.  I wish this show was on years ago.  Maybe if he saw it, it would have helped save the relationship and make him realize how obsessed he was with the game. 

These games almost did ruin my marriage. My husband started out playing Everquest then it went to World of Warcraft to VanGuard back to World of Warcraft to now Warhammer. He will sit in front of his computer from the time he woke up if it was his day off till the time he went to bed. We hardly ever spent time with one another at all. I would complain all the time. Finally I decided maybe I should try it out too (this is when he was playing WoW). I started enjoying playing the game myself. And our REAL LIFE friends (another couple, his brother and his friend) all play together. I figured at least he wasn't hanging out in some bar. I knew where he was and what he was doing at all times. We still have a life outside of these games. And yes he still sits in front of the computer playing all day and night on his days off. I am fine with that. He knows if I need him to do something he will do it then return to the game etc. Now he is playing Warhammer and I am not playing anything. As funds right now won't allow both of us to play so I chose to let him play his game. I am fine with this. I do think that there are people that play this game way too much. And I've seen my husband get angry while playing and I often remind him its just a game. And I agree with most on here that say its not the game its the players of the game.
What I also found funny while watching Dr. Phil today was when Fred told him it doesn't cost him anything to play this game. Yeah its costing him $14.99 a month to play that game plus the fee for internet. If they can't afford to pay household bills nor cost of food I do believe he needs to stop playing. And this guy needs to get a job. I don't work there for I don't play the game as we can't afford it for both of us to play at this time. Before he loses everything he needs to wake up!!

I am a member of Online Gamers Anonymous and the parent of a former WoW player.  Having seen the show today and having read the comments posted on this forum, I would like to respond to what appear to be the primary areas of discussion and disagreement.

1)   Gamers who get addicted have underlying psychological problems

It is human nature to find some sort of escape/relief from the things that trouble us.  Some of those escapes/pastimes/activities have less potential to damage certain aspects of a person’s life, including relationships, work/education, and health.  Healthy pastimes are too numerous to count.  But most people are aware of the ones that hold potential for harm to themselves or others.

No doubt, there are certain people who are more prone to compulsion/addiction than others.  But people not otherwise prone to excess can be unsuspectingly drawn into a virtual world.  For some it begins as a temporary escape/pastime/activity but evolves into an irresistible compulsion.

2)   It’s not the game

Attributes built into MMORPGs (Massive, Multiplayer, Online Role-playing Games) make them greatly different from the real world, where most escapes/pastimes/activities have a time and a place.  That applies to any/all sports, television, books, etc.  Many are dependent upon the season, time of day, availability of participants, facilities, etc.  Many are too expensive to engage in frequently or for lengthy periods of time.

•   Social interaction is a vital part of a MMORPG.  Those who “level” and join a guild become members of a team.  Their participation is required, and each member has a specific role to play.
•   Appearance/age/circumstance is irrelevant.  All that is necessary to “fit in” is to become adept at the game.
•   In the real world, time and skill devoted to the task at hand is not always rewarded.  Not so in the virtual world; rewards are built in.  Additionally, recognition by other players is coveted.
•   Raids continue for long periods of time; a session of 6-8 hours is typical.
•   Despite a “win”, the game never ends.  There is always new gear, new mounts, new areas to explore and a new battle to fight.
•   Players are consistently engaged in battle/conflict.
•   Once the initial investment of a computer, software and headphones has been made, the cost of playing is relatively small, around $15/month.
•   The virtual world is available to explore 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  You are never alone.

3)   For the gamer: Just stop playing
       For the parent/spouse/significant other: Just take the game away and stop enabling

Alcoholics and drug addicts are seldom advised to "just quit."  Support for those who wish to do so is not only readily available, but commonly recognized as necessary.

Try “removing” a game from an addicted gamer.  Those who do find that it is no different than keeping an alcoholic or drug addict away from their substance of choice.  Add to that the fact that computer/internet access is available almost anywhere, and for any age of individual.  Once the software is installed, it is no longer needed.  A savvy gamer knows how to make its presence invisible to the average person.  

Those who are brave enough to remove a computer or disable/remove internet access often face verbal, and sometimes physical, abuse.  The gamer suffers from withdrawal and exhibits many/all of the associated behaviors.

Addicted gamers have been known to neglect/abuse their wives and children.  They jeopardize and/or lose jobs and opportunities to further their education.  As with a substance abuser, the gamer often has to hit a “rock bottom” before accepting the fact that there is a problem.  And as with a significant other or parent who lives with an addict, facing those consequences is sometimes too great a sacrifice.

On a personal note, I cannot think of an available means of stopping our son from gaming that we did not attempt.  Eventually, we made the decision to remove him from our home and to a place where he had no  access.  For so many, that is not an option.

Hi!

Brad from today's show here...

I had a problem with gaming. Games were intended to be a diversion, not a cure for life's problems. You and your husband understand that and seem to have excellent boundaries around your play time.

If anyone's wondering... I am not saying to the world "games are evil everyone should stop playing."

If you enjoy a healthy balance, keep playing.

Here's my life equation:

Brad + Gaming = Living Hell

It's just a bad mix for, so I'll stay clear and enjoy other social activities, movies, church etc. that actually have a beginning, middle and end, unlike online role playing games. I can turn those non gaming activities off and go to bed at 10 pm every night, and stay married.

:)

Regards,
Brad

www.exgamer.net

There is nothing wrong with gaming at all i play world of warcraft all the time and i am a level 70 night elf druid on thorium bortherhood and in the game i would smoke any challengers
I play a lot and i can see why people think it is bad if you play and you dont have a job and youre married but lets face it
what the heck is a kid going to do everyday
there is nothing wrong with playing the world of warcraft its just like any other game!
if your kid was playing a game you liked you would let him/her play it
I am 14 yrs old and i am tired of my parents not respecting the fact that i love playing that game its not the only thing i like to do its just really important to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband and I saw this show today and we had no idea what this game could do to people! My husband and I actually play World of Warcraft but our play time is super limited to when our son is asleep, so we usually get in 2-3 hours a week.

Anyways

To the parents out there with children playing wow, I do believe there is a time limit tool you can use on the world of warcraft website. It allows you to go hour by hour to block when they aren't allowed to play and when they are allowed to play, and it's on a weekly schedule.

My husband had a tip to the wives out there :P if you know your husband's password and are fed up with the video game, just install a bot (something that automatically plays the game for you and will get your account cancelled) and within a couple of days your husband's (or even wife's/boyfriend/girlfriend) account could get cancelled. However..that is dishonest. My mom did it to my dad and he was pretty upset. But it works.

I can't understand why people would do that to themselves or there families. I time my daughter everytime shes on the computer and shes only allowed learning games and only an hour at a time. I do not play games on the computer, because I feel that I as a parent, need to set a good example for my daughter and to teach her that she will not learn how the world works on the computer. She needs to interact with other children, play outside, and get the workout that she needs. My mother would never let us stay in the house. We would stay outside all day and FIND things to do! Parents today make things to easy for them. They use a TV, computer, or video games as a babysitter, so parents don't have to bothered by them. As far as if my husband were a gamer, I would throw the game or computer out the window. That way noone gets to play it. I don't care how much it costed, its not worth my family!!!

Replying to wow mom here

"Social interaction is a vital part of a MMORPG.  Those who “level” and join a guild become members of a team.  Their participation is required, and each member has a specific role to play."

The choice is there to join a guild and dedicate your time to the game, but it is still a choice.  Just like we have choices in our daily life all the time.  I joined a raid guild one month, found it was taking more time than I had to give, and I quit it.

Players aren't forced to dedicate ridiculous amounts of time to anything in game.  Every second they play is a choice they've made.  I once read about a guy who would workout until he puked, he was that obsessed with it.  I hardly expect we'll start saying that working out is something  we should avoid though.  I won't say that it isn't easier to get into gaming and play it too long, but it is still a choice.  Some people will have problems with it, but there is always a group of people who deal with things differently. 

Just ask yourself, if you were playing the game how would you play it?  Would you be reasonable and convince your guild to not overplay or spend too long in game, or would you force them to be on or kick them?  Can you think of others who wouldn't play it reasonably?  Then why is it suddenly the games fault when we all know that people will make their own choices?

Well I did not watch the whole episode. I just came back from school and noticed the discussion.

 

Anyways.

 

I think of my self as (maybe) a online gamer, but I don’t have those feelings that the people in the show said. I never get depressed, but if i ever do get depressed I strongly believe that gamming will just make matters worse!

 

I took the Gaming Addictive behaviour audit, and I just realized that I am no were close to the situations presented. Yet, I know I’m addicted to online gaming. I have tried to stop my self from gaming, but some how I end up playing games again.

 

I would also like to say that. The one blond lady said that “gamers online are not his friends” (not exact lines). I Disagree! …With that statement. Online games are made to you can play with people all over the world. To me, I think online gaming is one of the best ways to interact with people all over the world (of what I can think of right now). I mean if online gamers are not friends, then who are?

 

On yahoo answers, I searched up “defining friend”:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006011202011

 

This is the top answer chosen:

 

 

• a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
  a person whom one knows, an acquaintance.
  a person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause, a comrade.
  
  * a friend is someone who cares, someone who is always there. a friend is someone special, someone who you can tell everything. a friend is someone who will never betray you, no matter who doesn't like you. a friend is someone you can trust, someone kind of like you.

 

 

 

A online friend is someone you know and like… but can’t really trust

In a game it is a person who can help you in tough situations *online* (not in the real world)

 

I could understand that online friends are not Reality friends, but you can form some type of friendship with that person.

 

Besides, how many friends do you know (in real life), that fit in that definition? (the yahoo answer given)