Topic : 06/03 Virtual Chaos

Quote From: diamondaj

The show depicted World of Warcraft as some horrible game which destroys lives.  Really?  I have read through many of these posts/replies.  It seems as if many of the "gamers" are affected by some type of mental disorder or depression.  In my opinion (I am no expert) these people who let this game ruin their lives are going to have their lives ruined no matter what unless they have received some type of assistance in dealing with what is really wrong with them.  These are the ones who need mental/emotional help for some problem(s) that they are burying and not dealing with.   Certain people get obsessed with a variety of things to keep their minds off of other things that are bothering them.  I just don't see how people are blaming World of Warcraft/EQ or any other game.  There are people who knit all day, people who make crafts all day, people who read all day.  Why aren't these people being targeted?  These people have the same problem.  From my point of view, many of the gamers you guys are talking about seem to be lacking self-esteem and confidence.  They play the game to gain this from people whom they don't know in "real life".  If the time played is causing marital problems, then look and see what problems existed in the marriage before the game.  I am sure that you will find some for no marriage can exist without some problems, whether they be major or minor.

 

I personally love World of Warcraft.  I met my boyfriend playing it.  He is a teacher who gets up every morning and goes to work as do I.  We spend $15 a month each to play.  The game is a huge part of our social life.  We could spend easily spend over $50 a night going out to a movie and to dinner or going out to a club.  We prefer to stay home and play the game.  We do go to see movies, plays, etc.  I feel as if my guildies are like a second family and many have grown to become really close friends of mine.  I talk to them throughout the day and many know more about me than people I know in "real life".  There is a difference between a hardcore raider and a casual player.  A hardcore player/raider plays the game competitively to see what content can be conquered preferably before anyone else.  A casual player logs on when he/she wants and plays for awhile and then logs off not worried about beating others to the punch if you will.  The hardcore raiders are the ones who will play the game everyday for hours on end.  The reason they do this is because they have joined a guild who expects them to be on so many days/hours a week in order to raid.  If they do not, then they usually are removed from the guild and join a casual guild.

 

My guild is a mix of both.  We do not punish people for not being online, but we do expect them to be on as much as possible during raid times.  If we have kids in the guild, we encourage them to do their homework and keep up their grades.  I always tell them school before raids.  "Real life before WOW".  My guildies know they can go out with their spouse and kids and not get chastised over it.  I guess what I am trying to get across is that the people who play wow need to know how much time they are going to spend on the game and join a guild that matches their playing schedule.  This will make spouses, friends, etc. happy due to the fact that you can set aside days for family days, etc.

 

I have met many people who have met online playing WOW.  They have gotten married and have had kids.  Most of the time, these people reduce the amount of time they play, but they do still play when they can.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have also seen people get divorced over the game.  It does consume a huge part of your life and time.  I always tell people to get their spouse to play and when they do, they usually like it.  I think as in anything in life people need to be in the right state of mind in order to control their gaming.  If they aren't, then they will fall down that slippery slope of depression no matter if it's gaming or any other obsession.

 

Many people have had their confidence built by playing the game.  The game is not "evil" by any means.  I have guildies who are ADD, Agoraphobic, who have Turrets.  We treat them no differently because of these handicaps.  We all have handicaps in my opinion.  I have not met anyone who is perfect.  WoW is a place to escape and not be judged because of imperfections.   It is a place to make friends and possibly build relationships that last a long time.  It is a place that can be calming.  You can just sit around and fish if you want to.  You can run around and pick herbs (flowers/plants).  You can just fly around looking at scenery.  You can just stand in the middle of town and talk to people.  You can ....have fun!

Quote From: exgamerdotnet

There's already a gaming addiction recovery program at a clinic in the Netherlands. We know of several comparable programs in the U.S. It's time for the AMA to enter the same century as the rest of us and recognize this addiction so people get help more easily.

Brad

www.exgamer.net

Quote From: auisa116

We all know that this is a problem, but no one is really offering up a viable solution.

 

So... How do we help those who are addicted and their friends and families?

 

I've checked out the gamer's online site, but I think being on the computer isn't really a good idea for those who are addicted.  Having a support system is amazing, but that should come from your family.  If not, then that website is great.  But how do we help break the cycle of addiction? How can we help our own friends and family members?  Is it so bad that we have to go to a 12 step program? Please don't give me the line about how we need to fix the "core" problem, because a LOT of people don't have a "core" problem, they just enjoy the game  and then the game slowly takes over there life.  I quit cold turkey after looking for solutions and coming up empty handed.  I still have the craving for WoW, so all I want to know is if anyone knows of any other ways to help gamers become less addicted.

 

I really enjoy the stories, but can someone please shoot out some ideas on how to help?

 

Quote From: auisa116

We all know that this is a problem, but no one is really offering up a viable solution.

 

So... How do we help those who are addicted and their friends and families?

 

I've checked out the gamer's online site, but I think being on the computer isn't really a good idea for those who are addicted.  Having a support system is amazing, but that should come from your family.  If not, then that website is great.  But how do we help break the cycle of addiction? How can we help our own friends and family members?  Is it so bad that we have to go to a 12 step program? Please don't give me the line about how we need to fix the "core" problem, because a LOT of people don't have a "core" problem, they just enjoy the game  and then the game slowly takes over there life.  I quit cold turkey after looking for solutions and coming up empty handed.  I still have the craving for WoW, so all I want to know is if anyone knows of any other ways to help gamers become less addicted.

 

I really enjoy the stories, but can someone please shoot out some ideas on how to help?

 

Quote From: chapkom

Judging from your responses, you seem to be a very condescending and angry person.  This is not conducive to helping the situation.

That being said, if you read the posts here defending gaming in general, I'm sure you will find that nobody is defending the excessive behavior.  It is a big problem, and it is a tough nut to crack.  It can take years to make progress against the problem.  The real issue here is that there is no single magic bullet that cures all ills for all excessive gamers.  The problem is unique to each excessive gamer. 

It's not really even a sign of immaturity, per se, so attacking it like it is purely immaturity or a refusal to grow up is absolutely the wrong approach.  Attacking is only going to give the excessive gamer yet another reason to retreat into the game world.

I have a few points for you all to consider based on my personal experience with this issue.

1. Know thy enemy.
This is absolutely crucial.  Talk to the excessive gamer about the game they play.  Find out what it is about the game that interests him/her so much.  You may, and probably will, meet with some resistance at first because the excessive gamer may be embarrassed about playing the game.  Be persistent.  Research the game a little.  Learn how it works.  The more you know about what you are trying to beat, the better you will be able to beat it.

2. Never go on the attack.
Like I said earlier, attacking the excessive gamer is the absolute worst thing you can do.  You can't embarrass an excessive gamer out of playing the game, but you can definitely embarrass him/her into playing it even more.  It adds one more layer you have to dig through to get at the root of the problem and may even make it impossible for you to help.  You may have to go to outside sources to help you if you slip and go on the attack.

3. Positive reinforcement is the key.
Don't misunderstand me here.  I don't mean positive reinforcement for playing the game.  I mean positive reinforcement for doing things outside of the game.  This is where it gets difficult because each excessive gamer gets something different out of the game that is positive for him/her.  That's why you must talk to him/her about the game and find out what interests him/her so much. 

For example, some people play certain games like WoW because the quest system is purely positive reinforcement.  There are no negative outcomes for failing to complete a quest.  You get to try again and again until you succeed.  This is where your prior research comes in handy.  Learn how the quest system works and try to emulate it.  You may even have to use terminology from the game.  Give him/her a "quest" and tell him/her what he/she will get when it is completed and follow through with the reward.  This will be a slow process involving some trial and error because the reward must be something that interests him/her, but does not involve the game. 

For others, it may be the ability to socialize without any real consequences.  Anonymity can do wonders for a gamer's ego and confidence level.  This is definitely a tough nut to crack.  You should consult a psychologist (not a psychiatrist) to determine how to proceed on this one.  I'm especially familiar with this reason for excessive gaming, because it was my reason.  I had a deeprooted fear of socializing with other people, especially people my age, because of some things that happened when I was a kid.  It wasn't until I was able to come to terms with it that I was able to kick my excessive gaming problem.  This is a long, hard road to walk and will take years to overcome. Patience and persistence are vital to success.

4. Remember that excessive gaming is not the disease, it is a symptom.
Related to point number 3, excessive gaming is not the ultimate problem.  It is a sign of a deeper problem, whether it's a lack of positive reinforcement in real life, feelings of powerlessness in real life, social insecurities, various phobias, or whatever the case may be.  For me, it was a combination of social anxiety and a deeprooted distrust of new people because of some things that happened when I was a kid.  It's easy to blame the game because it's an obvious indicator and takes no effort.  Like any other excessive compulsion, there is a reason behind it.  If you find the reason and deal with it, the excessive gaming problem goes away.  Just like any other excessive compulsion, there's a good chance the excessive gamer will "fall off the wagon".  It's important to stick with him/her and help him/her get back on the wagon again.  Patience and persistence are the keys.

5. Have a support network ready.
Not just for the excessive gamer, but for you as well.  Trying to help an excessive gamer kick the habit is a massive undertaking and will put a strain on you.  Have an outlet other than the excessive gamer that can help you vent or take your mind off of it for a while.  Have someone you can ask for advice.  Have someone you can go out and have some fun with so you can get rid of some of the stress.

6. Be prepared to accept some hard facts.
It's going to sound harsh, and may not necessarily be true in all cases, but the excessive gamer may not be the only one that needs to change some behaviors.  Sometimes the excessive gamer retreats into the game world because of family issues.  Consulting a psychologist specializing in family counseling is probably your best bet here.

This is a tough nut to crack, and I wish all of you who are dealing with this issue the best of luck in getting to the root of the problem and getting it resolved.

Signed,

A recovered excessive gamer turned casual gamer.

Quote From: gokudera

I just don't get where we can be able to draw the line at who is an addict and who is just a proud gamer.  Really, half of the time, when I get together with my friends, yes they're talking completely in nerd talk about World of Warcraft and I'm like, what the heck are you talking about.  However, I know for a fact that even though they talk in whatever speech they talk in when it comes to WoW, I know they're not addicted.  But there are people who would see this and be freaking out about how my child or a person I know is addicted.  I'm just confused about the whole situation and how that would work.  That's why I see it as dumb, because how would you be able to draw the line between gamer and someone who is addicted?

Quote From: suezq7319

 

  Watched the show on virtual chaos hoping and praying that Dr. Phil would tell us WHERE TO FIND HELP.

The end of the show came with nowhere for me to turn. He kept saying that he challenged the parents to take the quiz to tell whether or not your child had an addiction.  I don't need to take a freakin quiz, I already know the answer. My son is an addict. Will he admit it....NO. What he did admit to is that he has had suicidal thoughts and YES, has thought about killing himself. He said NO, he will not go and talk to anyone. He graduated H.S. this past June and did not go to college. He has a part-time job and that is the only time he leaves the house. He converses with no one in the house. Doesn't eat half the time. No social life, no friends, no phone calls. Stays up all night and sleeps in all morning. On-line with his" X-Box Clan" approx. 16 hours a day. These are the only people he communicates with. I don't want to find him dead. I need help. If he refuses help, what do I do? Dr. Phil, you left me hanging with no real answers to this major problem. suezq

Quote From: suezq7319

 

  Watched the show on virtual chaos hoping and praying that Dr. Phil would tell us WHERE TO FIND HELP.

The end of the show came with nowhere for me to turn. He kept saying that he challenged the parents to take the quiz to tell whether or not your child had an addiction.  I don't need to take a freakin quiz, I already know the answer. My son is an addict. Will he admit it....NO. What he did admit to is that he has had suicidal thoughts and YES, has thought about killing himself. He said NO, he will not go and talk to anyone. He graduated H.S. this past June and did not go to college. He has a part-time job and that is the only time he leaves the house. He converses with no one in the house. Doesn't eat half the time. No social life, no friends, no phone calls. Stays up all night and sleeps in all morning. On-line with his" X-Box Clan" approx. 16 hours a day. These are the only people he communicates with. I don't want to find him dead. I need help. If he refuses help, what do I do? Dr. Phil, you left me hanging with no real answers to this major problem. suezq