Topic : 06/03 Virtual Chaos

      I think that you're right. You husband is neglecting his kids to play a game, and I'd wager the only reason why the 5 year old has expressed interest in it because his father plays. 5 year olds generally are still learning how to see things beyond their prospective. "If daddy/mommy plays [X game], he/she doesn't spend time with me; maybe I do not exist during gameplay." Cognition Development.

     I think that you need to sit your husband down with a very long talk. If it doesn't work, you should consider giving him divorce papers. It might wake him up if not; you should follow through.

I think this is a load of crock. What Dr. Phil has done here is find every negative thing about a game and he blows it out proportion. What he needs to do now is do a follow up on this, highlighting all the positive things that gaming can do. What he has done is strereotype an entire community of people (roughly 10 million people, just using the WOW community and not the MMO community as an example) as obsessive people that have no lives, and ignore the important things in life. What he has not done is highlight all the successful people in life who also play this game.

 

I play wow, and have played for about 2 years now. I am a senior in college, have a full time job, as well as maintaining a 3.5 GPA. I have made many, many friends in this game, from all over the world, and have even met my girlfriend through the game. I find these games fun, and they have even helped me in some of my classes. It has helped me improve my math skills, leadership qualities, and critical thinking.

 

When I sit down to play, I make sure that I have all my assignments done, my work is done, and that I have done what ever housework needs to be done. Then I can log into the game for however long I deem to be enough, and that can be anywhere from 45 minutes to 12 hours. Yes, I have been in the game for 12 hours before, but I make plans for that, just like someone would make plans to spend 12 hours at an amusement park.

 

To me, it sounds like the person on the show isnt necassarliy addicted to the game, but is has some other issues that hes dealing with inappropriatly. Dont blame a community because a handful of people cant get thier personal crap together. Gaming has only once caused me to get into trouble, and it was after I had alot of bad things go on in my life in a very short time: a bad breakup, lost my part time job, grades were slipping, robbed at gunpoint, and had a grandparent die. I retreated into a console game (not wow) and refused to stop playing. It wasnt the game that made me not deal with the problem, but me that didnt deal with the problem. If I had not had the game, I would have found something else to focus on and obsess about.

     I would consider a parent hooking their child up as setting a play date.

 

    The BBC's is a cub scout like organization except it's a combination of a paintball league with lower powered BB guns and nature skills. I'd have to track down my friend who was a vivid member of the BBC's. (No idea what the initials stand for).

 

      If you pay attention to the game and their interests, I think; you'd see theirs a correlation between the two. Such as how many teen boys do you know plays that Barbie like online game?

I am a 50 yo female.  My husband and I game together.  He is a doctor and works full-time in his own practice.  The gaming at first left me sorta left out, so I decided to join him. I enjoy it.  We play Rock Band mostly now and I have a good game of Zelda going now.  Anyway, I make sure to keep track of time so I do not neglect my obligations.  I have a friend who is 60 and she and I get together so we can play Mario.  I do not see this as the game mfg's fault.  People make their own choices and know exactly what they are doing.  It is simply choice. 

 

There are usually other issues with many people like drugs, depression, porn, etc.  As I mentioned before about Liz and Shawn she knew for months what he was doing and did not intervene.  I cannot be sympathetic to her cause she had ample time to step in and help.  Maybe she blames the game so she does not have to feel guilt.

 

Anyway, addictions are for people who are out of sorts and fill a need with something else they can get satisfaction from.  All gamers are not bad people.  My husband and I play video games and we have not missed a beat.

did you ever try to play the game with him? maybe not put in as much time as he does, but did you? you just see the game as "the other woman" and instantly condemn it. my wife and i play every day. Its our quality time.  if my wife found some new obsession, i would look into it and try to see the appeal, learn about it and try to enjoy it with her.

Well, I see nothing wrong with playing games, unless it interferes with family time.  If it is causing you to separate yourself from your family, then is when I think it becomes unhealthy.  I believe a "gaming" obsession could be much like a gambling addiction.  You don't necessarily waste money gaming but it can take complete control of you life, the same as gambling.  I totally believe in a family game night, whether it be your favorite boards game or a video game.  Anytime spent as a whole family is a really good thing in my opinion.  But I must say, I do not agree with dad's or mom's who spend hours playing these games and neglecting their families and household responsibilities.

 My husband of 18 years is heavily involved in Second Life.  It began simply enough as a stress reliever.  The dynamics at his work place and the demands on him professionally are stressful.  At the time I thought this was a good thing, especially since he was talking and developing friendships all over the world.  Then his time on the computer started increasing and going into all hours of the night.  I let it pass because I felt it was his down time to have to himself.  Unfortunately, as time went on, I became quite jealous of the time he was spending on the computer.  At that time,  he showed me the game, explained the different aspects of it and what his role was on it.  He also told me about some of his friends-what they did for a living, where they lived etc.  I confessed my jealousy to him and he understood.  We talked; he involved me; I put on my big girl panties and got a grip.  I began to pick up hobbies and passions of my own that I had put on hold thinking that was part of my problem.  I needed more in my life which was true.  Life went on and all was well.  I became more understanding and interested (just enought to show interest but not get in his space) and he spent a little more time with me each evening before going online.  This went on fine until I walked into the computer room (which always has the door shut when he is online to block out the noise from the rest of the house) and discovered his character (which looks so very much like him in real life) receiving oral sex from another character while he himself was physically "taking care of business".  If you can imagine, once the shock wore off; I progressed into devastation; anger; tears; and betrayal.  I went into the room because I could hear him and thought he was having a heart attack.  When he finally came to bed that night he asked if I was angry.  We then had a long talk about how I felt; I made him understand that even though it was a "cartoon" version of him in a fantasy world--it was still him and it was especially hurtful since he hadn't touched me in quite sometime; what his actions put me through; why he did it; did he want out of the marriage;etc.  We talked everything out; worked through it and got past it.   For those who have been through this--you know how you beat yourself up wondering what you are doing wrong; are you overreacting; have you changed in such away that "virtual" people are more interesting or appealing than you are.  Is the life the two of you have built so bad that your spouse prefers the online world.  The time spent on the computer has been steadily increasing.  He comes home from work, checks SL, eats dinner--sometimes watches a little tv with me and then gets on SL until whatever time in the morning.  Sometimes I barely get two words before he closes himself off.  He runs a "business" in SL and I know he enjoys it because he feels successful and is working for himself.  I'v reminded him what a wonderful person he is; what a success in life he is but I don't know if it made a difference.  He says he loves me and there is nothing wrong between us but its getting harder to believe.  The scenen I walked in on still comes to mind now and then and affects my level of trust when he spends so much time in SL.  I don't blame SL and I admit I don't understand the attraction;  I just know what I should do.  He has given up some of his other passions and doesn't seem to be interested in things like he used to be.  I just don't want him to get lost in the virtual world and forget to live in this one.  The selfish reasons for my concern is that I don't want to lose him.  My husband is a very intelligent and responsible man.  His SL has not affected his work or outside commitments he has made.  He is spending more that we really can afford but nothing like what I've been reading in other posts.  He is a good man, I just miss him.  Thanks for listening.

 

I can totally relate to your story. I had a gaming fiance, and put my foot down too. My household is him, and his two gaming brothers so I would get lonely and left out. I started to wonder if I was crazy, I was the minority. Then I realized where this could go in our marriage if I did't speak up. I asked him to quit completely, and we compromised with one night a week after dinner. Good for you.

You can't say that the real world is a scary place filled with gangs as a rationale for staying inside and avoiding reality. You can't say that a couple people have a problem--- I know a lot of gamers and the norm for them is to spend entire weekends and over 40 hours a week, loosing their jobs and isolating themselves from their old friends. Denial denial denial!

I'm hopelessly addicted to video games.  It all started when my brother introduced me to WoW.  Although I no longer play that, I went on a huge gaming spree all last week with Age of Conan.  I have also been involved in Guild Wars, the Sims (both 1 and 2), Neverwinter Nights, Morrowwind, Oblivion, Fable, you name it.  Usually, when I get these games, I will play them none-stop for a period of about a month.  I turn on the TV and sit at my desk, open the video game, and away i go the entire day.  Then I'll stop for a few months, then something bad will happen and I will go out and buy one the whole thing starts over again.  I used to be atheletic, in really good shape, run 1/2 marathons.  But now I'm 20 lbs overweight and I can't even run for 10 minutes before I am out of breath.  My boyfriend knows nothing about this horrible habit that I seem hopelessly unable to change.  I get headaches all the time and I have carpal tunnel syndrome.

I feel like Dr. Phil doesn't take this seriously as an addiction.  A friend of mine who is a neuroscientist mentioned to me once that he knows of a scientist who analyzed the frequency of certain areas of the brain while gamers were playing WoW.  What he found was that the area of the brain that controls pleasure is incredibly excited during gaming, and that high amounts of dopamine are released.  Why doesn't Dr. Phil have Frank Lawliss analyze gamers the same way he does people who have ADHD? 

Dr. Phil I believe gaming is an addiction,  just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, and compulsive shopping.  Someday I hope that there is help for addicted gamers.