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Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

Number of Replies: 1737
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/22/08) Once a woman has a baby, the biological father is legally bound to provide financial support for the child. But what should a man do if he discovers he's responsible for a child he didn't know existed? Two years ago, Matt appeared on the show to discuss his court case dubbed "Roe vs. Wade for Men." Since then, Matt's case has been thrown out of court multiple times. And his mom, Diane, says the state has made an example out of her son and destroyed him financially and emotionally. Joining Matt and Diane is Mel Feit, Matt's advocate and director of the National Center for Men, and Gloria Allred, president of the Women's Equal Rights Legal Defense and Education Fund. Don't miss the lively debate that ensues! Next, Nicol says she thought she and her husband, Noel, had the ideal family life with a happy marriage and two children. Her dream shattered when Noel's ex-girlfriend called and requested that he get a DNA paternity test for a baby he never knew existed. Find out how the test results have changed Noel and Nicol’s lives. And, you won't believe what the baby's mother has to say! Then, what happens if a man becomes a sperm donor for a friend and years later she takes him to court for child support? Attorney John Purcell represented a man in a similar case which changed the law in Pennsylvania. And, TV and radio star Jay Thomas was contacted by his biological son 18 years after he was placed for adoption. He shares the story of their meeting. Find out if it's been a smooth reunion for Jay and his child or if they've hit rocky patches. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 18, 2008, 8:31 pm CDT

Umm what?

Quote From: boobooiseeyou

Lets say he did use a condom it had a hole in it, the man never knew and now the women gets to come back two years later and nail him. I do not think that is fair at all. What about the womens responsibility she should have told him right away maybe then he could have done something, or they could have discussed abortion or adoption or some alternative. This man had no choice and she took that away.

I am sorry but if this man did not wan to conceive a child he should not have had sexual relations.  When his sperm is released he can no longer say wait!!!!  So he made his bed, he needs to lie in it.
 
October 18, 2008, 10:32 pm CDT

Never forced

I have such a hard time with this topic. Dr. Phil, people think that waiting until you get married to have sex is so old fashioned. In fact now it is ever looked down upon. But My husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex and guess what? Our kids are both our kids. We have never had any concerns about STD's and we have a loving and fulfilling relationship.

THERE IS NO SAFE SEX. I don't care if you are on the pill, if you wear 10 condom's. ALL IT TAKES IS ONE SPERM! It is time for personal responsibility to come back into our lives. This man made a choice, and because he made that choice a baby was born. That was not this childs fault, it was his mothers and FATHERS choice. If you don't want a child, stop doing what it takes to have children. And now that he has a child, STOP WHINING ABOUT IT! You made the choice, now step up to the plate and be a man.

 

And I am sorry, but I am very disappointed that you keep bringing this lawyer onto your show. Because all he is about is men trying to shirk their responsibilities. I don't know if I can take any more of his whining either.

 
October 19, 2008, 1:48 am CDT

Suck it up Matt

|I| guess Matt has learned a good lesson.  He should keep it in his pants or wear a raincoat.  There is no reason that a child should have to go without because he thinks that he should have to pay support.  It would be something else if the tables were turned and it was Matt who gave birth to this child and the woman walked away.  It's about the child and nothing else.  That child didn't ask to be born.  His few minutes of pleasure or lust made him responsible for the next 18 to 20 years.
 
October 19, 2008, 10:49 am CDT

I way past agree with you there

Quote From: fairytale

  If everyone would learn to have some sort of morality, it would not even be an issue. With the promiscuity of today, it is no wonder that men are being told down the road that they are responsible. How about all of the abortions performed where the father has no say so. Or the adoptions which are preceeded to with out the knowledge of the father. I know there are a lot of "deadbeat dads" out there, but there are a LOT of even worse 'deadbeat moms". They sleep around with God only knows who, and then want to be martyred, because the father won't help support their child. I know because I have an ex-daughter-in-law, who went to court at every whim that hit her getting more money out of my son, for my to grandsons. What did she do with the money, she drank it away. My two grandsons raised them selves, and are now resentful of their mother, and have no time for her. Which is what she deserves. Fortunately, myself and their other grandmother and aunts and uncles have had enough input to defuse the matter. So don't be telling me how wonderful moms are and how terrible dads are. There is plenty of blame to go around.

Bra-freaking-VO!  I totally agree with you, and I wonder what you do for an encore!

 

In this day and age where girls are under so much peer pressure to look thin and attractive, and TV shows like Gossip Girl and the new 90210 showing the importance and trials and tribulations of romantic relationships, it’s no wonder we continue to see a surge of babies being born in Generation X.  The school in Massachusetts in which a group of girls made that pregnancy pact comes to mind.  Also, turn on shows like Maury Povich and you will most likely see an episode where sexually out of control girls do anything and everything just so they can have a baby – even setting goals for popping out kids (three kids by age 21, as an example.)  When asked why, they say it’s their body and they can do whatever they want.  Rare is the occasion where they say they want someone to love them because they’re not getting it from their mothers.  Also, turn on yet another Maury show (one of those infamous paternity shows, which I think America is getting tired of) and you’ll most likely see a young adult woman with a baby less than a year old or so, and she’s crying because she cheated on her boyfriend with her brother or someone else or whatever, and she doesn’t know who the baby’s father is.  (Look, I’m sure she has her regrets, but this is why I don’t commend revenge cheating – it always comes back to bite you.)  Then, if it’s found that the boyfriend is not the baby’s father (and neither is the other man) she gets all upset, then she has to come back many more times to test 10+ more men to find the baby’s father – this time, with men who deny, deny, deny.  Not to mention the women who willingly keep their babies away from the fathers because they are being bitter and hateful towards them in the post-breakup, saying negative things about them so harsh and so often, the children will want to disrespect the fathers once they’re in their sight, then when the fathers are fed up, they don’t want to be around the children anymore

 

Are these women who are innocent victims of circumstance?  The ones we are supposed to feel sorry for, as we force the men to pay up?  I don’t think so.

 

Look, I can feel sorry if you slept with one man, and he turns out to be the father.  But if you’re going to sleep around with half the world, not care who the father is going to be, then especially leave your baby at home with strangers while you go off and party and do drugs and drink and whatever, and use the child support money to support a lavish lifestyle instead of your child, then why should I feel sorry for you, and why should I continue to pay child support to you if I’m the baby’s father?  If anything, I should be spending that money on lawyers in my fight for permanent custody if you’re going to be so irresponsible.  The only negative things I would say would be the truth once my child is old enough to handle it.  In other words, if you make your bed, you’ll have to lay in it.

 

So please do not give me this pity party towards the irresponsible women who “live it up” so to speak, just because they can get pregnant and have a baby.  Just because you’re fertile, doesn’t make you a proper candidate for motherhood.  There just might be fathers out there who will be more active – hope Matt will be one of them.  And quit making all the mothers who are responsible look bad.  The world will thank you in the long run.

 
October 19, 2008, 11:58 am CDT

Personal Responsibility is GONE

Personal responsibility flew out the window of this country a long time ago.  I agree a man should be responsible for child support once paternity has been established.  I do not believe he should be responsible for back child support.  It is not his fault the woman waited a few years or longer to pursue support after the child was born. 

 

I think establishment of paternity should be required by hospitals or doctors who are treating any woman throughout pregnancy, but that won't happen during my lifetime. 

 

My 41 year old brother has lung cancer.  He and his wife have four kids under the age of 10.  Only one of them is his biological child.  The other three are by her family members.  His name is on all four birth certificates as father.  Yet when he dies, she'll get his SSI for all four of them, rather than for one.  To me, this is fraud and/or theft.  Her foodstamps and other welfare benefits will increase, too, but the other three fathers will never be held accountable for supporting their kids.          

 

I agree a man has as much responsibility, if not more, for wearing a condom.  However, when a woman does get pregnant, the decision should not be hers alone whether to abort, adopt out, or raise the child.  When she does make this decision without the biological father's input, then she should be charged with fraud or similar if she later comes back to claim child support by the father.     

 
October 19, 2008, 12:37 pm CDT

sorry

Quote From: neenna66

I am sorry but if this man did not wan to conceive a child he should not have had sexual relations.  When his sperm is released he can no longer say wait!!!!  So he made his bed, he needs to lie in it.
i feel no pain for him you should be aware who you sleep with and protect yourself .and as for someone
who donate sperm have some sort of written contract.

 
October 19, 2008, 2:01 pm CDT

Forced to be a father

 It is obvious that this gentleman forgot to take the usual  safe precautions if years later  he did not want

to hear  from the  so called event  of a possible biological child.

Where was his sense of responsiblity at that  very specific time years ago?

 
October 19, 2008, 5:45 pm CDT

10/22/08 Forced to be a Father

Quote From: erinzachjj

I have such a hard time with this topic. Dr. Phil, people think that waiting until you get married to have sex is so old fashioned. In fact now it is ever looked down upon. But My husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex and guess what? Our kids are both our kids. We have never had any concerns about STD's and we have a loving and fulfilling relationship.

THERE IS NO SAFE SEX. I don't care if you are on the pill, if you wear 10 condom's. ALL IT TAKES IS ONE SPERM! It is time for personal responsibility to come back into our lives. This man made a choice, and because he made that choice a baby was born. That was not this childs fault, it was his mothers and FATHERS choice. If you don't want a child, stop doing what it takes to have children. And now that he has a child, STOP WHINING ABOUT IT! You made the choice, now step up to the plate and be a man.

 

And I am sorry, but I am very disappointed that you keep bringing this lawyer onto your show. Because all he is about is men trying to shirk their responsibilities. I don't know if I can take any more of his whining either.

I agree that sex should be with marriage and not a sport.  The bad behavior was on both parties.  If Matt had been advised he was a father at the time of birth, I agree he is responsible for the child. End of story.  But...... this woman waited for who knows why, she took the "responsibility" of this child - withholding this knowledge from the father.  I see it that she owes the father something since she purposely withheld this knowledge and now wants the money.  She is a fake mom and in this instance, she stole the fatherhood away from Matt and Matt should not be responsible but in fact should be reimbursed for the loss.

 

So many times you hear that the woman is responsible for her body.  Absolutely HOWEVER, when it comes to sex, understand that the action has a consequence - Creating Life .  You as the woman can control that consequence.  Stop acting like cats in heat.  Act Responsibly.  This is not a video or stupid TV show.  This is life.  You get one shot at it.  Act Right.  Do what is right - Hopping into bed on a date is bad decision.  Have some respect for yourselves.  A man will respect you when you first respect yourself.

 
October 19, 2008, 8:01 pm CDT

Prevention of the Problems

    I propose licencing sex to maturely educated adults who agree by its terms that you would be resposible to possible situations before getting involved in any act. For instance, if you are two legally licenced adults engaged in sex it could be a default that condums MUST be used unless a formal waiver is written before hand. I know this sounds kind of cold and may seem to remove some of the magic in our idea of intimacy. But it can certainly work. And it would be a minor inconvenience.

    If a waiver is not submitted legally then should say, the woman gets pregnant, then either one or both have broken a law of non-submittion, false submission, or a freak accident of nature could have occurred. The law could vary on what could be done in each unique case.

 
October 20, 2008, 7:33 am CDT

Paternity ...who is really hurting?!?

My husband, Ira, has been going through a court battle, for paternity, with his ex-wife, for over a year now.  Kennedy was 14, now 15, when her mother told her that Ira wasn't her father, she gave her the name of her so-called biological father and even contacted the biological father.  Kennedy did not want to live with Ira, any longer, just like that, did not want to have anything to do with the guy who raised her for 14 yrs, the last seven by hisself, with no help from her mother.  Hardly ever seen her mother.  The mother was jumping from job to job, state to state, and man to man, to worried about herself.  Ira thought he was the father to Kennedy, and still in his heart, he will always be.  Stephanie had an affair while they were married, kept it a secret to everyone, until a year ago when she wanted the child back to get child support.  The mother decided to move to the town we live in and harass us, our family, our  friends, our jobs, even stealing our mail.  She brainwashed Kennedy into thinking that she should not live with Ira, because he was not her father and that me, the stepmother, to Kennedy for the last 7 yrs. and my daughter, the stepsister were the worst people.  The funny thing is we had a great family, the four of us, Kennedy was like my own, Jade and Kennedy were soo close.  We spent over $20,000. in legal fees for custody and in January 2007, Kennedy told the judge that she wanted to live with her mother and the court did just that .  Kennedys words, to us, were she never had a relationship with her mother and she wanted the kind of relationship Jade and myself had, with her mother.  And she did not belong here because Ira wasn't her dad.  Nothing that Ira did, as the childs father for 14 yrs and the family we had for 7 yrs, and that her mother was never around, mattered to this child.  Ira, did a paternity test in January, to prove to Kennedy that he was her father, it came back that he was not.  The child moved to Florida with her mother, we live in Indiana, we have not talked to the child, since.  We have left 125 messages, several emails, the child does not want to have anything to do with Ira.   Kennedys mother, Stephanie, took Ira back to court over child support.  Ira has to pay child support for a child he does not even see or talk to.  He never once got a dime from Stephanie, when he had custody of Kennedy, for seven years.  The court says he signed the birth certificate, so he is legally her father.  Well, why would Ira not sign the birth certificate, he thought he was the father.  Another thing is as soon as the mother, Stephanie, got Kennedy back, she left her with a friend and Stephanie lives 150 miles away, from her child, getting Kennedys child support.  And the mother does not want  Florida to have jurisdiction over this case because she is getting child support from Ira, through the state we live in, Indiana, and she is either getting state assistance from Florida or she is sueing the biological father, who lives Florida, we were told.  And states, do not coincide with eachother, so how would anybody know, that she is committing fraud and getting paid by two.  The law seems to be for the criminal, they say they are for the child, but in this case, they are not!  Who is hurting here??  Everyone, but the criminal, the mother, Stephanie!  We are financially broke, due to court fees, not too mention, emotionally a wreck.  It is such a sad situation.  We really do not know what to do anymore.   

 
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