Message Boards

Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

Number of Replies: 1737
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/22/08) Once a woman has a baby, the biological father is legally bound to provide financial support for the child. But what should a man do if he discovers he's responsible for a child he didn't know existed? Two years ago, Matt appeared on the show to discuss his court case dubbed "Roe vs. Wade for Men." Since then, Matt's case has been thrown out of court multiple times. And his mom, Diane, says the state has made an example out of her son and destroyed him financially and emotionally. Joining Matt and Diane is Mel Feit, Matt's advocate and director of the National Center for Men, and Gloria Allred, president of the Women's Equal Rights Legal Defense and Education Fund. Don't miss the lively debate that ensues! Next, Nicol says she thought she and her husband, Noel, had the ideal family life with a happy marriage and two children. Her dream shattered when Noel's ex-girlfriend called and requested that he get a DNA paternity test for a baby he never knew existed. Find out how the test results have changed Noel and Nicol’s lives. And, you won't believe what the baby's mother has to say! Then, what happens if a man becomes a sperm donor for a friend and years later she takes him to court for child support? Attorney John Purcell represented a man in a similar case which changed the law in Pennsylvania. And, TV and radio star Jay Thomas was contacted by his biological son 18 years after he was placed for adoption. He shares the story of their meeting. Find out if it's been a smooth reunion for Jay and his child or if they've hit rocky patches. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 20, 2008, 7:46 am CDT

Being a PARENT

There is alot more to being a parent then how much money or extotion you can pay. The only reason they put these monetary binds on a parent usually the father is becasue we have federal incentives that produce negative outcomes on our families. They need to put the effort into finding the real father then give him the opportunity to be an active parent to the child. Child support is tucking you kids in at night, going to the park, and showing them how to survive life not about becoming an ATM.

We need to abolish Title IV-D of the social security act to save the taxpayers money and let parents be parents. The courts should promote family preservation not instant paychecks and slavery.


 
October 20, 2008, 12:25 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: erinzachjj

I have such a hard time with this topic. Dr. Phil, people think that waiting until you get married to have sex is so old fashioned. In fact now it is ever looked down upon. But My husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex and guess what? Our kids are both our kids. We have never had any concerns about STD's and we have a loving and fulfilling relationship.

THERE IS NO SAFE SEX. I don't care if you are on the pill, if you wear 10 condom's. ALL IT TAKES IS ONE SPERM! It is time for personal responsibility to come back into our lives. This man made a choice, and because he made that choice a baby was born. That was not this childs fault, it was his mothers and FATHERS choice. If you don't want a child, stop doing what it takes to have children. And now that he has a child, STOP WHINING ABOUT IT! You made the choice, now step up to the plate and be a man.

 

And I am sorry, but I am very disappointed that you keep bringing this lawyer onto your show. Because all he is about is men trying to shirk their responsibilities. I don't know if I can take any more of his whining either.

 YES!!!!!   Some one with an intelligent response.   I agree with you 100%.   I was not someone that waited until my wedding night,  in fact my husband and I each had a child before we were married.   Guess what,  we have no one to blame for that situation besides ourselves.    This is why you should wait until your married,  and you should tell your children sex before marriage is not okay.  Sex leads to children,  in fact that  is and always has been the purpose of sex,   the fact that its great is just a side benefit.    If you are a young lady that has a child with someone that does not pay child support and is a complete loser,  maybe you should have thought about that before you jumped into bed with him.   And if you are a young man and can't understand why you don't have a choice about child support,   um your choice was made the second you whipped it out of your pants.    IF you have sex,  you could get pregnant or disease every single time  there is not 100%  protection even with a condom.   You cannot change that fact so suck it and deal with the mess you have made of your life before it affects the only person who did not have a choice, the child.
 
October 20, 2008, 12:46 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: eschenck

 

Do wish that our educational systems nation wide would actively advise our teenagers

as to their financial responsibilities for the babies they bring into this world.

 

If the boys realized that their future earnings would be affected (amounts indicated clely)  and the girls fface  a financial responsibility as well....perhaps this might be a deterrent to sexual relations.

 

The girls must be advised that the "STATE" might pay for the first child, but no additional

children.

 

Sadly one of my nieces planned to have 5 kids....always getting money and in this case

a new apartment, in order to have the income.  But said income was going to buy

dope and alcohol, and the children ran wild until we went to court.

 It is not the school job to educate children about sex.....   That is the parents job.   I resent that people place that responsibility on the schools.    I am the one that explained things to my then 12yr old son,  and would appreciate if the school just concentrated on the academics.    I take responsibility for my children and that example works wonders.   It did for me,   I raised him on my own with little financial help.... because thats the way it is when you take responsibility.  My parents were not perfect and niether am I but when you choose to have sex you choose to have children and those children are your responsibility and no one elses.    The state has some fantastice programs that are meant to help a young person who made a bad judgement  call get back on thier feet.  IT was not set up to,  and should not be used to support those who choose to live irresponsibly.   If  your niece was my niece she would have been the reciever of several lectures and would have been take to court quickly.   We  have the responsibilty as aunts and uncles and cousins and extended familys and parents and friends to stop making this behavior okay.   Hopefully this girl gets some prison time and some help and turns her life around for her kids.   The kids need a good example somewhere,  is it you??
 
October 20, 2008, 4:04 pm CDT

If you don't want to be a father...

...don't have sex!
 
October 20, 2008, 4:15 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: kaykwilts

I don't really feel sorry for these men to at a later time learn they are fathers and are required to take responsibility.  They should learn to take responsibility for their own fertility from the get go.  If they are going to unzip thier pants they need to make sure that they have adequate birth control on hand.  Don't trust the girl to say she is on the pill or is infertile.  Really, every time the man does it he should have a condom on it.  Although a condom is not 100 percent effective it does offer some degree of protection and may save him from  surprises in the future.  

I think a man should get a paternity test immediately after the baby has been born. To make sure it's his. If it isn't, he isn't required to pay child support. But, if he waits too many years to find out the baby isn't his, he might be required to continue paying child support.

 
October 20, 2008, 7:56 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: lynnfield

I agree that sex should be with marriage and not a sport.  The bad behavior was on both parties.  If Matt had been advised he was a father at the time of birth, I agree he is responsible for the child. End of story.  But...... this woman waited for who knows why, she took the "responsibility" of this child - withholding this knowledge from the father.  I see it that she owes the father something since she purposely withheld this knowledge and now wants the money.  She is a fake mom and in this instance, she stole the fatherhood away from Matt and Matt should not be responsible but in fact should be reimbursed for the loss.

 

So many times you hear that the woman is responsible for her body.  Absolutely HOWEVER, when it comes to sex, understand that the action has a consequence - Creating Life .  You as the woman can control that consequence.  Stop acting like cats in heat.  Act Responsibly.  This is not a video or stupid TV show.  This is life.  You get one shot at it.  Act Right.  Do what is right - Hopping into bed on a date is bad decision.  Have some respect for yourselves.  A man will respect you when you first respect yourself.

You are joking of course????  DId you not see the original show?  Matt knew right away that he was going to be a father....no one "came back and told him later".  He REJECTED this child from the beginning.  You need to get your facts straight and not make up these stories as this message board goes on.  Matt has continually confused responsibility with rights as the courts have proven several times in his case.  He needs to quit whining and let this child grow up without his constant complaining. 

 

I don't hear the mother complain that she is raising a child alone here.  And yes, she pays for this child too, as do all single parents (custodial fathers as well as mothers).  I do not feel sorry for Matt...I feel sorry for this child that it has an irresponsible biological father that has a need to be sensationalist on this show.  ANd shame on Dr. Phil for bringing the whining lawyer on also.  What does he even know about being a father?  Al lhe knows is that he has a cause and wants his airtime.

 

Wow and the second paragraph completely puts the whole responsibility on the woman again.  You're obviously lacking respect for women.  Men can control jumping into bed as well as women.  Gosh, women will respect a man for not begging to "hop into bed on a date" also. 

 

I am so disgusted with people that cannot think of how this emotionally will affect the child.  I think that there is a word for it.......oh, yes...............selfish.

 
October 20, 2008, 8:17 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: fairytale

  If everyone would learn to have some sort of morality, it would not even be an issue. With the promiscuity of today, it is no wonder that men are being told down the road that they are responsible. How about all of the abortions performed where the father has no say so. Or the adoptions which are preceeded to with out the knowledge of the father. I know there are a lot of "deadbeat dads" out there, but there are a LOT of even worse 'deadbeat moms". They sleep around with God only knows who, and then want to be martyred, because the father won't help support their child. I know because I have an ex-daughter-in-law, who went to court at every whim that hit her getting more money out of my son, for my to grandsons. What did she do with the money, she drank it away. My two grandsons raised them selves, and are now resentful of their mother, and have no time for her. Which is what she deserves. Fortunately, myself and their other grandmother and aunts and uncles have had enough input to defuse the matter. So don't be telling me how wonderful moms are and how terrible dads are. There is plenty of blame to go around.

(clap, clap, clap!) Thank you! Most would like to put all of the blame on the man, but you know, it takes two. If a woman is deceitful, wait, an outright liar, and tells a man she can't get pregnant, she's trying to trap him. She should take the responsibility of raising the child in that case. Why would she want a child with a man who doesn't want a child? MONEY! No doubt about it! She's after a paycheck!
 
October 20, 2008, 8:33 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: seriouslynow

You are joking of course????  DId you not see the original show?  Matt knew right away that he was going to be a father....no one "came back and told him later".  He REJECTED this child from the beginning.  You need to get your facts straight and not make up these stories as this message board goes on.  Matt has continually confused responsibility with rights as the courts have proven several times in his case.  He needs to quit whining and let this child grow up without his constant complaining. 

 

I don't hear the mother complain that she is raising a child alone here.  And yes, she pays for this child too, as do all single parents (custodial fathers as well as mothers).  I do not feel sorry for Matt...I feel sorry for this child that it has an irresponsible biological father that has a need to be sensationalist on this show.  ANd shame on Dr. Phil for bringing the whining lawyer on also.  What does he even know about being a father?  Al lhe knows is that he has a cause and wants his airtime.

 

Wow and the second paragraph completely puts the whole responsibility on the woman again.  You're obviously lacking respect for women.  Men can control jumping into bed as well as women.  Gosh, women will respect a man for not begging to "hop into bed on a date" also. 

 

I am so disgusted with people that cannot think of how this emotionally will affect the child.  I think that there is a word for it.......oh, yes...............selfish.

Lacking respect? How is he supposed to respect her if she doesn't respect herself? You know she could have just said NO! What's wrong with saying no? Can you think of anything? Don't women brag about having control over their own body? Where was her control? I dare say if she had said NO, there wouldn't have been any sex going on!
 
October 20, 2008, 8:39 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: tnjnew

i feel no pain for him you should be aware who you sleep with and protect yourself .and as for someone
who donate sperm have some sort of written contract.

Perhaps you meant "beware" of who you sleep with? Too many women are having sex for money nowadays. Maybe not by outright prostituting, but having babies for money!  Paternity fraud is rampant. Women go "daddy shopping" for the man she thinks will yield the most money via child support!
 
October 20, 2008, 11:00 pm CDT

Ignorance and the Law

Not knowing does not protect an anyone from the law. The man has already missed a very important time for this child and the money is the issue? Give me a break. Was this guy forced to have unprotected sex? Obviously, he enjoyed the experience. 'Then, come the consequences.'
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last