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Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/22/08) Once a woman has a baby, the biological father is legally bound to provide financial support for the child. But what should a man do if he discovers he's responsible for a child he didn't know existed? Two years ago, Matt appeared on the show to discuss his court case dubbed "Roe vs. Wade for Men." Since then, Matt's case has been thrown out of court multiple times. And his mom, Diane, says the state has made an example out of her son and destroyed him financially and emotionally. Joining Matt and Diane is Mel Feit, Matt's advocate and director of the National Center for Men, and Gloria Allred, president of the Women's Equal Rights Legal Defense and Education Fund. Don't miss the lively debate that ensues! Next, Nicol says she thought she and her husband, Noel, had the ideal family life with a happy marriage and two children. Her dream shattered when Noel's ex-girlfriend called and requested that he get a DNA paternity test for a baby he never knew existed. Find out how the test results have changed Noel and Nicol’s lives. And, you won't believe what the baby's mother has to say! Then, what happens if a man becomes a sperm donor for a friend and years later she takes him to court for child support? Attorney John Purcell represented a man in a similar case which changed the law in Pennsylvania. And, TV and radio star Jay Thomas was contacted by his biological son 18 years after he was placed for adoption. He shares the story of their meeting. Find out if it's been a smooth reunion for Jay and his child or if they've hit rocky patches. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 21, 2008, 12:52 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: mstunie

Perhaps you meant "beware" of who you sleep with? Too many women are having sex for money nowadays. Maybe not by outright prostituting, but having babies for money!  Paternity fraud is rampant. Women go "daddy shopping" for the man she thinks will yield the most money via child support!
These gals have sex with multiple men. Then, once one of them gets her pregnant, she claims it was the man with the most money and status. And, it isn't so much the "child" support she wants. It's the "mommy" support.
 
October 21, 2008, 2:05 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: suckleh0nny

I guess being a woman I'm not of the norm. When she told him that she couldn't get pregnant and was on the pill and than let him not use a condom she set herself up. She gave him the way out. If I was with a man that I told those lies to and than let him have sex with me without a condom well than it becomes my responsibility if I got pregnant. Sorry gals but your fools to even want to be with a man that says its not possible he could become a father right than he's really saying not with you.  I wouldn't have given him the time of day with me.
What I would like to know is, howcome women have a problem with taking responsibility for their own stupidity?? Its simple: If you do not want to become pregnant, then guess what?? There are THOUSANDS of birth control that is out there to be used to prevent pregnancy?? Birth control started way back in the 1960s, so why is it that in 2008 women just can't get it together and start using it?? Birth control is VERY effective when used correctly! I think there's a secret that no one wants to let out and this is that, a lot of these women want children....PERIOD. And they are willing to do whatever to become pregant, you've seen it before how these young girls will do anything they can to have a baby! Are we suppose to feel sorry for these girls and have animosity towards these young men?? I am a woman, so I guess I am out of norm as well. Because, instead worrying about the men wearing condoms we should taking precaution ourselves. There is step by step process that we as women have to our advantage that men do not have: First option: We have the BIRTH CONTROL, which prevents us from getting pregnant. Second Option: We have Emergency Contraception when we think conception has occurred and don't want to become pregnant. Third Option: There is abortion, if the mother does not want to have the child. Fourth Option: ADOPTION, is readily available and there are plenty of couples waiting to adopt a child. Fifth Option: To Keep the child at this time she is directed to the nearest Welfare office where she will get free food, in some states, housing, healthcare, TANF which is a money from government every month, there is a program to help you finish school/work, and a program to put your child in childcare. I am woman  and with all these resources we really got it made! These men don't have any sort of resource but to pay child support, which is wrong. In this country we spend more time trying to hinder a man from information on how to handle situations like this, or if/when to get an attorney, how to get access to legal aid, how a womans cycle works, how pregnancy works. Instead of helping a man make informed decisions, we hinder him from vital information that might have even saved him from a situation like this! Bottom line is men should not be forced into fatherhood, because women don't have to be forced into motherhood, they have a choice, men don't, and that needs to change. Instead of thinking that these men "will change their mind after the baby is born" you need to get your mind in reality, b/c most of them don't.  Threatening child support, will only make things worst, its unfortunate but its the truth. We also need programs for the young girls who think they need a baby to fufilled. There is something distorted with that image, and it should be corrected before they destroy someone elses life.
 
October 21, 2008, 6:57 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: hpmx59

A Be Doctor Farther Forced Phil To. Did your Dad forced you to be a Father?  Of course not. But I wouldnot-

be a bit surprise if your Dad did forced you to be a Father. See you on Wednesday October 22nd, 2008.-----

Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What the heck does that mean?
 
October 21, 2008, 7:41 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Everyone knows that children are a possibility when you have sex. For men your time to decide whether or not you want children is before you have sex not after.
 
October 21, 2008, 7:59 pm CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

This is not about men or women it is about babies and what they deserve. I really don't care how a child got here. I don't care if it was a one night stand, someone lied, someone hypnotized a poor innocent man with a voodoo rattle. If you have sex with a woman she could get pregnant and carry a child to term. If that happens you had a part in it, so take care of what you made. Try to remember the child had no say in any of it.
 
October 21, 2008, 9:29 pm CDT

Exactly

Quote From: efffy_

This is not about men or women it is about babies and what they deserve. I really don't care how a child got here. I don't care if it was a one night stand, someone lied, someone hypnotized a poor innocent man with a voodoo rattle. If you have sex with a woman she could get pregnant and carry a child to term. If that happens you had a part in it, so take care of what you made. Try to remember the child had no say in any of it.
Why should a child go without because a parent refuses to pay for them.  And when I say parent I say this because it isn't just men who have to pay child support there are plenty of women who do as well either because they lost or gave up there parental rights.  Courts have applied this to both genders, so to say this is an attack against men makes no sense to me.  

It angers me that people would rather let a child suffer, than take responsibility for there actions. 
 
October 21, 2008, 9:39 pm CDT

There are problems with birth control pills

Quote From: pherford

What I would like to know is, howcome women have a problem with taking responsibility for their own stupidity?? Its simple: If you do not want to become pregnant, then guess what?? There are THOUSANDS of birth control that is out there to be used to prevent pregnancy?? Birth control started way back in the 1960s, so why is it that in 2008 women just can't get it together and start using it?? Birth control is VERY effective when used correctly! I think there's a secret that no one wants to let out and this is that, a lot of these women want children....PERIOD. And they are willing to do whatever to become pregant, you've seen it before how these young girls will do anything they can to have a baby! Are we suppose to feel sorry for these girls and have animosity towards these young men?? I am a woman, so I guess I am out of norm as well. Because, instead worrying about the men wearing condoms we should taking precaution ourselves. There is step by step process that we as women have to our advantage that men do not have: First option: We have the BIRTH CONTROL, which prevents us from getting pregnant. Second Option: We have Emergency Contraception when we think conception has occurred and don't want to become pregnant. Third Option: There is abortion, if the mother does not want to have the child. Fourth Option: ADOPTION, is readily available and there are plenty of couples waiting to adopt a child. Fifth Option: To Keep the child at this time she is directed to the nearest Welfare office where she will get free food, in some states, housing, healthcare, TANF which is a money from government every month, there is a program to help you finish school/work, and a program to put your child in childcare. I am woman  and with all these resources we really got it made! These men don't have any sort of resource but to pay child support, which is wrong. In this country we spend more time trying to hinder a man from information on how to handle situations like this, or if/when to get an attorney, how to get access to legal aid, how a womans cycle works, how pregnancy works. Instead of helping a man make informed decisions, we hinder him from vital information that might have even saved him from a situation like this! Bottom line is men should not be forced into fatherhood, because women don't have to be forced into motherhood, they have a choice, men don't, and that needs to change. Instead of thinking that these men "will change their mind after the baby is born" you need to get your mind in reality, b/c most of them don't.  Threatening child support, will only make things worst, its unfortunate but its the truth. We also need programs for the young girls who think they need a baby to fufilled. There is something distorted with that image, and it should be corrected before they destroy someone elses life.
They actually carry the potential for a lot of side effects everything from weight gain to blood clots (more common than a lot of people realize-particularly in heavy exercisers and smokers) and possibly even cancer.   They also don't protect against STDs, so women still do need to worry about if there is a condom.  

Men also have a choice-not to have sex.  Child support is about the child anyway not about the mother.   

I do though as well dislike all the random casual sex both on the part of males and females and it scares me that there are so many young girls who do want to have babies before they are ready.  
 
October 22, 2008, 1:23 am CDT

sex can equal babies

I think that they both knew that a child can result in babies.  Sex can result in a pregnancy.  My mother told me that in my sex talk and I always thought about that before sex.   No matter what, you could end up pregnant and is this someone you can have as part of your life if that is the result.  I tell you what, that did stop me alot. 

 

 
October 22, 2008, 1:25 am CDT

He has rights!

Quote From: suckleh0nny

I guess being a woman I'm not of the norm. When she told him that she couldn't get pregnant and was on the pill and than let him not use a condom she set herself up. She gave him the way out. If I was with a man that I told those lies to and than let him have sex with me without a condom well than it becomes my responsibility if I got pregnant. Sorry gals but your fools to even want to be with a man that says its not possible he could become a father right than he's really saying not with you.  I wouldn't have given him the time of day with me.
I totally agree with you. It is both parties responsibility. The system the way it is, gives the woman all the power and makes men responsible for situations they have made it clear they don't want to end up in. Its a prehistoric mindset. When he told her that he did not want to have a child with her, it was her responsibility to respect that and do her part to prevent pregnancy. When she assured him that she was taking birth control measures, she made him believe there was a mutual understanding. If she decided to become pregnant deliberately, then the baby is her responsibility. We are not helpless as women anymore. We should not be made to believe that just because our biological clock ticks, the country will hold our hands through parenthood and make us and our child victims, and the unsuspecting father suddenly, the bad guy. I'm proud of him for being forthcoming with his intentions. Too many women find out the hard way that they are with men that are not ready for parenthood. Others live in denial of the obvious. Its about time we as women define our own roles, take responsibility for our actions and stop taking advantage of a broken system. Things won't change until we make them change.
 
October 22, 2008, 1:29 am CDT

She made her choice so should he.

It annoys me to no end that people go out of thier way to talk about how a woman has a right to decide and then deny those same rights to a man. A woman can wait until her child is 7 years old, then decide she cannot be a parent and place the child in an adoptive home, however, a man can say from the begining that he has no interest in being a parent and yet we feel the need to force him. A man should have the same amount of time at the begining of a pregnancy to decide if he wants to be a parent as a woman gets to decide if she wants an abortion. Yes a child may be fatherless, but plenty of children are most of whom grow up fine and well adjusted. There is always the chance of a step father or other male role models. Forcing someone to be a parent only creates resentment towards the child and is no good for anyone. As for the argument he had a choice to have sex...well so did she. She knew she had the chance of getting pregnant and she had sex so she needs to deal with the consequences. She either needs to have an abortion, place the child in an adoptive home or step up and being the parent that she wanted to be and take care of her child by herself.
 
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