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Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

Number of Replies: 1737
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/22/08) Once a woman has a baby, the biological father is legally bound to provide financial support for the child. But what should a man do if he discovers he's responsible for a child he didn't know existed? Two years ago, Matt appeared on the show to discuss his court case dubbed "Roe vs. Wade for Men." Since then, Matt's case has been thrown out of court multiple times. And his mom, Diane, says the state has made an example out of her son and destroyed him financially and emotionally. Joining Matt and Diane is Mel Feit, Matt's advocate and director of the National Center for Men, and Gloria Allred, president of the Women's Equal Rights Legal Defense and Education Fund. Don't miss the lively debate that ensues! Next, Nicol says she thought she and her husband, Noel, had the ideal family life with a happy marriage and two children. Her dream shattered when Noel's ex-girlfriend called and requested that he get a DNA paternity test for a baby he never knew existed. Find out how the test results have changed Noel and Nicol’s lives. And, you won't believe what the baby's mother has to say! Then, what happens if a man becomes a sperm donor for a friend and years later she takes him to court for child support? Attorney John Purcell represented a man in a similar case which changed the law in Pennsylvania. And, TV and radio star Jay Thomas was contacted by his biological son 18 years after he was placed for adoption. He shares the story of their meeting. Find out if it's been a smooth reunion for Jay and his child or if they've hit rocky patches. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 22, 2008, 1:41 am CDT

forced to be a "parent"

To me the answer is simple.. is any women forced to carry a baby to term if the bio father wants the child and she doesnt, whatever her reason?  No she therefore is not forced into parenthood yet made the same choice he made to have sex. Women cannot in my opinion demand equal rights but expect special treatment.

I got pregnant out of wedlock with my boyfriend at the time. He was excited at first but later decided that fatherhood was not what he wanted at the time. I had decided long before that if I was to get pregnant I would give the bio dad the same choice I had... he chose not to participate. It made things more difficult but  I made my choice. I allowed him to legally give up his rights in court and have raised my child without him. My daughter is now 9 and recently found out that her step father is not her bio dad. e have been very open with her and allowed her to ask any questions she has and she is doing fine.

The bottom line is it breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt know her bio dad and wish he had taken responsibility but the reality is unless men are also given the right to tell a women she cannot have an abortion because the father wants the child and that she will have to pay child support for said child you cannot force a man to be a parent.

Kerri


 
October 22, 2008, 2:13 am CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Well, every situation is different and should be treated that way. I just want to say I personally think Gloria is completely obnoxious. I can't stand to watch and listen to her. Most of the time when she is on the show I have to turn it.
 
October 22, 2008, 2:29 am CDT

Forced to be a Father

I am a woman and I hate having to pay some dumb female who got herself pregnant. I have to pay 400 a month, but does anyone care that my husband and I have other children to take care of. NO! The father should not be held responsible for something the mother obviously did on her own. There are alot of females out there that will get pregnant on purpose to trap a man and when that doesn't happen boom child support. When it comes to this the law is stupid for making the father pay for something he was tricked into. And yes there should be a time frame when the female should tell the father-to-be that she is pregnant . None of this crap about 1,2 or 5 yrs later you come looking for financial help. You were doing good this far. Why did you wait so long? I made the choice to have children with my husband and he already knows I will not ask for child support from him if we ever get a divorce. It just stupid! Well I know alot of other women are probably mad but guess what when you have a big chunk of your income taken away to pay for this other woman's 2007 escalade while your driving in this '97 mustang, and you can barely make ends meet even with your partners income then you can judge me for saying this!
 
October 22, 2008, 3:40 am CDT

Sick of the Sainted Single Mother

She doesn't wait for marriage to have sex like almost all the women in past generations.

She is so irresponsible, she doesn't use any of the dozens of reliable birth control methods available to her -- some injections last for three years and combined with a spermicide her chances of getting pregnant would be nonexistant.

Then she doesn't bother with the morning after pill.

Then she doesn't place the baby for adoption with a good, two parent, family.

She deliberately brings her children into the world with no willing father, no married parents, all set up for poverty and failure.

And people admire her for it.
 
October 22, 2008, 5:41 am CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: efffy_

Everyone knows that children are a possibility when you have sex. For men your time to decide whether or not you want children is before you have sex not after.
The same applies to the woman also!
 
October 22, 2008, 5:42 am CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: KathySue

What the heck does that mean?
We never really know! He is our mystery man.
 
October 22, 2008, 5:48 am CDT

A quick note!

Quote From: pherford

What I would like to know is, howcome women have a problem with taking responsibility for their own stupidity?? Its simple: If you do not want to become pregnant, then guess what?? There are THOUSANDS of birth control that is out there to be used to prevent pregnancy?? Birth control started way back in the 1960s, so why is it that in 2008 women just can't get it together and start using it?? Birth control is VERY effective when used correctly! I think there's a secret that no one wants to let out and this is that, a lot of these women want children....PERIOD. And they are willing to do whatever to become pregant, you've seen it before how these young girls will do anything they can to have a baby! Are we suppose to feel sorry for these girls and have animosity towards these young men?? I am a woman, so I guess I am out of norm as well. Because, instead worrying about the men wearing condoms we should taking precaution ourselves. There is step by step process that we as women have to our advantage that men do not have: First option: We have the BIRTH CONTROL, which prevents us from getting pregnant. Second Option: We have Emergency Contraception when we think conception has occurred and don't want to become pregnant. Third Option: There is abortion, if the mother does not want to have the child. Fourth Option: ADOPTION, is readily available and there are plenty of couples waiting to adopt a child. Fifth Option: To Keep the child at this time she is directed to the nearest Welfare office where she will get free food, in some states, housing, healthcare, TANF which is a money from government every month, there is a program to help you finish school/work, and a program to put your child in childcare. I am woman  and with all these resources we really got it made! These men don't have any sort of resource but to pay child support, which is wrong. In this country we spend more time trying to hinder a man from information on how to handle situations like this, or if/when to get an attorney, how to get access to legal aid, how a womans cycle works, how pregnancy works. Instead of helping a man make informed decisions, we hinder him from vital information that might have even saved him from a situation like this! Bottom line is men should not be forced into fatherhood, because women don't have to be forced into motherhood, they have a choice, men don't, and that needs to change. Instead of thinking that these men "will change their mind after the baby is born" you need to get your mind in reality, b/c most of them don't.  Threatening child support, will only make things worst, its unfortunate but its the truth. We also need programs for the young girls who think they need a baby to fufilled. There is something distorted with that image, and it should be corrected before they destroy someone elses life.
Actually birth control goes back a lot farther than the 60's. In the "olden" days, condoms were made out of the lining of animal intestines. Even the saloon girls knew how to not get pregnant! I have no idea why women in the 20th and 21st century haven't figured out how and why this happens!
 
October 22, 2008, 5:51 am CDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: trigreen

Why should a child go without because a parent refuses to pay for them.  And when I say parent I say this because it isn't just men who have to pay child support there are plenty of women who do as well either because they lost or gave up there parental rights.  Courts have applied this to both genders, so to say this is an attack against men makes no sense to me.  

It angers me that people would rather let a child suffer, than take responsibility for there actions. 
Ditto. The vast majority of deadbeats are men, and this show is about a pathetic male lump that feels hard done by.
 
October 22, 2008, 5:58 am CDT

Donating for a friend..............

I haven't seen the show yet since it won't be on for a few more hours here but, as I was reading the topic above I saw the situation concerning the sperm donor. If a man is kind enough to help a woman out under conditions where she wants a baby but no daddy, then she should have no right to come back years later and demand child support. That is just absurd! But at the same time, this man, any man who does this, should have a contract stating the facts on what is and is not expected of him in the future. If he neglected to do this, it wasn't his brightest moment. But even if his brain wasn't running on all cylinders at the time this woman should be ashamed of herself over her greed.
 
October 22, 2008, 6:09 am CDT

Brag much?

Quote From: jules1965

I don't feel sorry for any man, young or old who is 'forced to be a father' or forced to be responsible.

If you have sex and a baby is produced........TOO BAD, pay up!

The mother was good enough to bed she's good enough to wed.....is an old saying.

 

If a man doesn't want a baby then wear a condom, have a vasectomy or don't have sex.......simple as that!

 

If you screw someone casually and a baby is produced......whose fault is it? The womans? She often has to be the responsible one while the man walks free. BULLSH*T.

Why should the woman be the only responsible one?

 

I had 2 children out of wedlock before I was 20 and I didn't get child support. I WORKED and I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILDREN.

It was very difficult but I DID IT! My girls are 24 and 26 now and I raised them ALONE.

Their lives would have been a lot better had I had some financial help from their father..and their lives enriched by a father and their fathers family........but it was not meant to be.

 

I was forced to be responsible for MY actions........but the guy walked away free.

 

I would NOT trade a single moment of being a single mother because my daughters love and respect me for all my hard work and the way they were raised. Still I think they missed out on so much and it was not fair to them!

I'm not worried about me, I worked 3 jobs for many years living on 3 hrs sleep a night, not seeing my girls as much as I wanted......I did a bang up job but I worked hard for my girls. They KNOW that.

 

I never talked bad about their father......I figured I didn't have to because his actions would provide them with all the answers to their questions and I was right.

I also knew if I talked bad about him it might backfire on me so I refrained from speaking badly of him.

They are adults now and know the real truth because they witnessed it all.

 

So men, if you're going to play be prepared to pay. You didn't hurt ME.......you hurt MY kids.

For that you'll pay for the rest of your life.

What an absurd load of self-congratulatory self-pity. If you were as RESPONSIBLE as you say you were, you wouldn't have been having unprotected sex with someone you weren't married to. Twice. Responsible women use birth control or wait for marriage.

Yes your children did suffer but it was only half the fault of their father, their mother didn't bother to get married before she started to bring children into the world. Since the beginning of time women have made sure men were committed to them before they started having their children -- they usually did this by waiting for marriage.

 
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