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Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:51:47 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/22/08) Once a woman has a baby, the biological father is legally bound to provide financial support for the child. But what should a man do if he discovers he's responsible for a child he didn't know existed? Two years ago, Matt appeared on the show to discuss his court case dubbed "Roe vs. Wade for Men." Since then, Matt's case has been thrown out of court multiple times. And his mom, Diane, says the state has made an example out of her son and destroyed him financially and emotionally. Joining Matt and Diane is Mel Feit, Matt's advocate and director of the National Center for Men, and Gloria Allred, president of the Women's Equal Rights Legal Defense and Education Fund. Don't miss the lively debate that ensues! Next, Nicol says she thought she and her husband, Noel, had the ideal family life with a happy marriage and two children. Her dream shattered when Noel's ex-girlfriend called and requested that he get a DNA paternity test for a baby he never knew existed. Find out how the test results have changed Noel and Nicol’s lives. And, you won't believe what the baby's mother has to say! Then, what happens if a man becomes a sperm donor for a friend and years later she takes him to court for child support? Attorney John Purcell represented a man in a similar case which changed the law in Pennsylvania. And, TV and radio star Jay Thomas was contacted by his biological son 18 years after he was placed for adoption. He shares the story of their meeting. Find out if it's been a smooth reunion for Jay and his child or if they've hit rocky patches. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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zoey246

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confused

October 22, 2008, 6:26 am PDT

Why do you want him in this child's life??

I got pregnant with my oldest child and told the sperm donor that I was pregnant. He stated he was not ready to become a father and that I needed to "deal with it". So I did and have for the past 8 years. I did call him after her birth and offered him one last chance to be a part of her life but he turned it down. I then moved on from that point knowing that my child is my responsibility. I would not have it any other way. He is not one of those fathers who is in and out of her life. I don't understand why anyone would want to have a man in your child's life that does not want to be there.

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candygurl450

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October 22, 2008, 6:30 am PDT

I think it's ridiculous!

I personally agree with Matt on this one. Women should be held liable for their lies! Sorry ladies, but there are a lot of low down dirty women out there, and I've met a lot of the "messes" you have left behind!

Matts ex first of all LIED to him saying she couldn't get pregnant, then she lied to him by saying that she was on the pill! Why should he be the bad guy because he TRUSTED her? Had she been up front in the first place, we wouldn't be watching this story at all! I believe he made it very clear to her that he wasn't ready to be a father, she again lied by saying she agreed with him.

If women have a right to terminate a pregnancy without the father's permission~then men should have a right not to be a father!

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jonaval

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October 22, 2008, 6:31 am PDT

FATHER

I have a 7 month old and dad says its NOT his and hes ok with this he never bothers no phone calls and he lives with his parents for me i lost my job of 2 and half years i had to go on Welfare to barely make ends meet cant get help anywhere not even Support Enforcement ....I could write a book

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love4ewe2

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October 22, 2008, 6:33 am PDT

NOT FAIR!

Quote From: suckleh0nny

I guess being a woman I'm not of the norm. When she told him that she couldn't get pregnant and was on the pill and than let him not use a condom she set herself up. She gave him the way out. If I was with a man that I told those lies to and than let him have sex with me without a condom well than it becomes my responsibility if I got pregnant. Sorry gals but your fools to even want to be with a man that says its not possible he could become a father right than he's really saying not with you. I wouldn't have given him the time of day with me.

I, another woman, agree with you wholeheartedly. I think that having a child should be a joint decision and if the woman makes the choice to bring a child into existence knowing that the man does not agree with her decision and made that known from the beginning, then she should be solely resposible for that child, and not seek any type of support from him.

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jennynicholson

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October 22, 2008, 6:36 am PDT

Selfishness

I believe these men are sooo selfish... Women and men need to just do what is in the best interest of the child and stop all the I didn't want it crap! Lots of mistakes in life happen and I would hate for an innocent child to grow up knowing my biological father thought I was a big mistake and unworthy of his love!

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jennynicholson

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October 22, 2008, 6:38 am PDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: fluffyfat

What an absurd load of self-congratulatory self-pity. If you were as RESPONSIBLE as you say you were, you wouldn't have been having unprotected sex with someone you weren't married to. Twice. Responsible women use birth control or wait for marriage.

Yes your children did suffer but it was only half the fault of their father, their mother didn't bother to get married before she started to bring children into the world. Since the beginning of time women have made sure men were committed to them before they started having their children -- they usually did this by waiting for marriage.

I totally agree!!! Great job!

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candygurl450

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October 22, 2008, 6:41 am PDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

Quote From: love4ewe2

I, another woman, agree with you wholeheartedly. I think that having a child should be a joint decision and if the woman makes the choice to bring a child into existence knowing that the man does not agree with her decision and made that known from the beginning, then she should be solely resposible for that child, and not seek any type of support from him.

^5's...but I don't agree with you on the "he's saying not with you" thing. Maybe, he just REALLY isn't ready to be a father.

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robynec

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October 22, 2008, 6:44 am PDT

Forced to be a father

Hi There from South Africa. Nobody is forced to do anything. Let's get back to basics. Adam and Eve were made for reprocreation. That's that. When 2 consenting adults agree to have intercourse outside of marraige, knowing full well that the only foolproof way of not falling pregnant is to abstain, then when the little bundle is conceived, it should not be a shock to either mom-to-be or dad-to be. I realise in this day and age that abortion, adoption and dumping baibies at orphanages seems to be socially accepted, but it still boils down to the fact that both parents are responsible to raise the child in love. The child does not ask to be conceived, therefore the adults that have done the "dirty deed" and had their 5 minutes of pleasure, need to step up to the plate and accept resonsibility. Adult actions have adult concequences, and whining behind lawyers and mommy's skirt is not going to detract from the fact that you had your fun Bub! step up and face your resposibilty. Regards Robyne

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fleeflicker

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October 22, 2008, 6:47 am PDT

Men have no rights

This is a complicated subject and my heart goes out to the mother but the fact is that men have no reproductive rights. They are at the mercy of the system. The comments made by Gloria show the obvious double standard by women and the judicial system. Men need to know this. The fact that a mother can drop her child off when she can no longer care for him but a man cannot just shows you the way things are. I went back and forth between feeling for the mother and just shaking my head at the father because he doesn't have a chance. It's not fair but it's the way it is and men need to know it before they jump into bed.

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lisacooke

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October 22, 2008, 6:48 am PDT

10/22 Forced to Be a Father

The men keep saying they made a decision not to have children but no one mentions that he made the decision in the first place to sleep with the woman . It's just like if you sleep with someone you know there is a chance of getting herpes, hiv, pregnant etc. The "perfect couple" man stated all of his children were a conscious decision, well obviously not. I don't think this even compares to sperm donation where I am sure you sign a contract and know what you are getting into. Maybe we should develop instead of a pre-nup a pre-f--k. Maybe this will prevent this problem in the first place b/c if a man states ahead of fooling around that he is the type that would not support his child I would hope most women would not sleep with him anyway. Remember the old saying if you make your bed? Also the "perfect circle" woman is saying it will be devastating to her children, that is doubtful-unless she makes it that way. Maybe she should look at it as one more family member to love her children and when she is dead and gone, these children make support each other. I know this just happened with my adopted aunt who found 4 siblings when in her 50's.

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