Topic : 06/02 Forced to Be a Father

I was a single working mom who has recieved child support off and on through out my son's life.  I am now in a relationship with a man who pays support for his other children.  I love all of the children we have his, mine, and ours but out of the three other women he has children with only one works.  I will also add she is the only one who doe not complain if we have to be a bit late on our support payments.  The one has said that even though I have a sick infant at home I should go out and get a better paying job then the one I have at home so that we can afford to give her more money, while she sits at home on welfare.  In the three years I have known her she has only worked a handful of days.  But we can not get custody of her because in the courts eyes she should be with her mother for no other reason then a child should be with her mother.   I will also say that our daughter has ripped, stained, dirty clothing and is usually not well kept yet her mother gets expensive hair dos and brand name clothes.  I do not feel mothers should have children as pay checks, the money we send every month is going to improve her mothers life not hers, there should be ways to stop that.  The courts say mothers can use support for anything they choose regardless if it is used for the child or not.  So our other kids do with less so that a mother can go out and do as she pleases while her daughter gets to sit at home alone in unsuitable clothing.  I think women should have to prove in sitautions like this what the monry is being spent on to the courts so that our money goes there for it purpose not for her mother.

im 20 years old. I found out i was pregnant about three months after i graduated high school. i told my boyfriend at the time i was pregnant .Yes it was my choice to keep my daughter but i am not forcing my ex to step up because of the fact that when i did tell him he denied her and i wasnt goin to put up with the stress of oh him when i had/ have a loving man in my life who loves my little girl like she were his. But i feel it takes more than sprem and money to be a father... What i mean by that is if the guy doesnt love the child he will always resent that child if he is forced into father hood.I feel love is what makes a man a father..... If a woman decides to have a child on her own i feel like its her obligation to take care of that child...And i feel like there should be a window in when a woman should tell that she is pregnant and if she doesnt do it in that time frame then she shouldnt be able to legally do anything to get support.

This couple, unfortunately, is the very definition of what our society has evolved to be. Children are looked upon as burdens and not gifts. A child is a gift from God and has the right to be loved. Likewise, the parents have the obligation to love what they have participated in conceiving. That gentleman tried to portray himself as the innocent bistander in an evil plot by some woman who somehow conceived this beautiful child on her own???  He is equally at fault for this situation and should step up and be the Father that he CHOSE to be when he had his "5-minute fling" as he called it. Abortion is not the answer either. Killing your child so that you may live as you wish is evil. The answer is self-sacrifice and responsibilty. This family would be truly blessed if they welcomed a new life even if it was just on the weekends. Those two children would not be "traumatized" to have a new sibling, they would be overjoyed. This family will be in our prayers.

I know paying unfair child support is a pain (we pay multiple thousands for three kids every month), and having kids and an ex interferes with your "perfect circle" world, but, face it, lady...your husband DID make a decision to have sex. He keeps saying he didn't decide to be this child's father, but he IS a father because of a decision he made. He's the one you should be angry with...not the child.

I think this is an issue of equality.  A woman can choose to have an abortion or carry the fetus to term.  A man, however, cannot get an abortion and is forced to support the child.

I think there should be the legal equivalent of an abortion for men.  They should be able to legally disclaim the child and not have any responsibility for it.  This would also entail that the man must be informed of the pregnancy so as to make his decision, and if he chooses to disclaim the child it must be made permanent so that he can make absolutely no future claims on/to the child.

Regardless of all of the moral, ethical, philisophical, religious or societal arguments, the answer to "Forced To Be A Father" is very simple.

For example, if I pull the trigger on a firearm, whether intentionaly or accidentaly, I am ultimately responsible for the end results of the bullet.

If I, as a man, choose to have sex , I am utultimately responsibility for the results of that act.  I fired that "bullet".  I am responsible.  Period.

My husband and I were paying child support for a child that my husband and ex girlfriend had.  He told her right upfront that he was not ready and did not want to be a father.  We are now finally done paying child support.  We were paying over 650.00 a month.  There were many years that she kept taking my husband to court because she just wanted more money.  She made it impossible for my husband and child to have a relationship because she bad mouthed my husband to the child and to everyone including his family.  It was a very difficult process.  We have two children and are very happy with our family.  Just try to stay positive and focuse on your two children.  you will get thru this.

What is this guy's  problem?     what a  dumb ass!!    Women can't get pregnant  alone..

This is what is wrong with our world today, noone wants to take responsibility for their actions. God created people to have babies through sex, so guess what it is always a chance you can get pregnant. If it happens to you take responsibility. It is not the child's fault so make the best of the situation and be a good parent. If you aren't ready to be a parent then don't have sex.