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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 28, 2008, 4:34 pm CDT

I Must Have Really Struck A Nerve.

Quote From: shelly_80

Gosh, why the animocity toward older women?  As another poster said, to each his own but it's still frustrates me for you  to insult older women and view younger women as someone to just fulfill your sexual desires. After all that's all they're there for. YOU SICKEN ME!  The only reason any women would ever fall for you is because you lead her to believe you're something you're not, then she want to kick herself when she realizes.

 

I don't know if I do or not but I hope I speak for all women by saying, this has MALE CHAUVINIST written all over it!!!!!!  I am 27 and probably too old for you anyway, but personally I have no desire to be with a man who only wanted to be with me in order to have his ego stroked.  I want a man who will wrap his arm around me, kiss me on the lips, cheeks, nose and/or forehead and tell me how beautiful he thinks I am. Us women want to be told we're BEAUTIFUL not hot! 

 

The only reason older women are the way they are, is because they've been burned too many times by boys like you.  A man isn't concidered a man by his age. A man is concidered a man by his level of maturity (which you lack) and his ability to sincerely connect with his a woman no matter what age she is AND NOT FOR HIS OWN EGOTISTICAL PURPOSES!.

 

I just have several questions.  What's going to happen to the 25 y/o you're with now when she reaches "the cut off age?"  Are you going to dump her for someone younger?  How do you think it will make her feel?  You have absolutely no reguard for women or their feelings, whatsoever.  It seems to me that you are only interested in making sure YOUR DESIRES are fulfilled and to hell everyone else, including the younger women who will eventually become the older women (against whom you speak so heavily.)

 

It thrills me to know that you will not/cannot have children due to not wanting them.  If there is one thing I can't stand it is a man who has multiple children and doesn't love them, support them emotionally or financially, or even act like they matter.  So thank you for doing us WOMEN that favor.  YOU ARE WORSE THAN  I IMAGINED IF YOU REFER TO CHILDREN AS F**** TROPHIES.  What does that say about your own mother? Does she not have atleast one of her own!  It puts things into another perspective doesn't it?  On second thought, maybe it doesn't because you are a typical, hard-headed male chauvinist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 


 

You made some interesting and well thought out points. Unfortunately your points are nothing new and seem to be right out of the 1964 Feminist Handbook. Never the less I shall address them and offer you and other women some food for thought.

First off let me remind you that I do not have any animosity toward older women. But do not confuse a lack of animosity with sexual desire. Older women are not as beautiful as younger women. This is not only my opinion, but the opinion of the vast majority of Men & WOMEN in western culture. Let me ask you all to find an ad for any cosmetic that espouses its ability to make a woman look older, smarter and more experienced. You will not find such an advertisement anywhere, for by and large women do not want to look older, smarter or more experienced, for society does not value O.F.F. (OLD FAT or FLAT) women. (And to be fair "FLAT" is open to interoperation, and usually refers to firmness and perkiness.) Why is it an insult to be honest? This is not to say that O.F.F. women are shunned by society or me for that matter. Older women are valued for their experiences and knowledge. But face facts ladies, society places much more value on a woman's ability to REPRODUCE then it does on her life experiences. And like it or not nature made pregnancy and giving birth a young woman's pursuit. It is physically taxing and age does not combine very well with what is regarded as a woman's most important role in civilization. Oh yes medical advances have made having babies possible for more and more older women. But medical science does not dictate what is beautiful. Our animal instincts do that.

Yes I want women to fulfill my sexual desires! What on earth is so bloody wrong with that? When I look at a young hot chick in a Bikini, my first instinct is NOT to determine if she knows anything about quantum physics. No my first instinct is to wonder how she would perform in my bedroom and how she would look Without that bikini! Furthermore a young hot chick in a Bikini is NOT trying to be appreciated for her mind! She puts on a Bikini to be sexy and attract attention to herself.

Which brings me to treating women as mere objects: I would like to paint a picture in your minds for a moment. Picture a lovely young women in a bikini laying on the beach on a nice sunny day. Then picture two Men 20 feet from this young woman watching her. One is handsome and rich, the other is ugly and poor. The rich and handsome Man would be regarded as showing interest. While at the same time the poor and ugly Man would be a sexist jerk who was only regarding this poor woman as nothing more then a piece of meet. Have any of you women ever noticed this double standard? I often hear that women do not like being treated as objects and despise being objectified. Well it has been my experience that the difference between flirtation and objectification is about $200,000 a year in gross income. The fact of the matter is women LOVE TO BE OBJECTIFIED. What women hate is being objectified by the wrong person. Thus as a Man, playing the game according to the rules you chicks have laid down, it is in my bests interests to granted permission to treat woman like an object. So why is this bad? It sure works well for me!

No, 27 is not to old for me. But, are you hot? THAT is the question of key importance. And after reading your well worded and well thought out rebuttal to my first posting, I suspect that you are not hot. Beauty and intelligence so rarely go hand in hand. Generally my cut off age is 30, but in all fairness I do judge 31 and 32 year olds on the individual basis.

You asked me several questions... "What's going to happen to the 25 y/o you're with now when she reaches 'the cut off age?'" That depends on her and she knows it! She has to keep my interest if she wants to keep me. She has told me that being open and honest with her are two of the most important things to her as a woman. And I give her what she wants by being open and totally honest with her about what I want and think. And she knows full well that a woman who does not stimulate me below the waist cannot possibly stimulate me above the waist. "Are you going to dump her for someone younger?" You betcha! Women are like cars. It is best to replace them every few years and get younger models. " How do you think it will make her feel" I am not sure? I have not given t much thought, for it is not important for me to think about her feelings. I am and always will be the most important person in my life and my success and happiness takes precedent over everything else. My would be girlfriend know this and respects me for my confidence. You do remember Men having confidence don't you?

You called me a mail chauvinist in your posting. That used to mean something. But in 2008 'Mail Chauvinist' is thrown around so much it means nothing anymore. If woman make a case for the sky not being blue and when a Man dares to correct her on this, he is labeled a male chauvinist who thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant. In other words the label 'Male Chauvinist' is used as a substitute for substantive arguments and/or logical thinking. It is easier to assign a label then it is to prove someone wrong through facts and figures.
 
October 28, 2008, 5:17 pm CDT

Dr Phil, Dr Phil, Dr Phil

Dr Phil:  On this program you said what could a 25 year old woman have in common with a 48 year old man.  Well...  I met my husband when I was 25, he was 46.  What did we have in common?  Skiing, camping, travel, dancing, opera, ballet, industrious, same values and yes... great sex!  We have now been together for 24 years and you would have a hard time finding a better matched couple.

Before I met my husband I had dated several men my own age, one lasted 7 years.  Thank God it failed, he is now a cocaine addict, doesn't work...  In most cases women in their 20's are more mature than the men in their 20's.

I have a friend who is 60 and is limiting herself because she doesn't want to date an older man.

As far as older women dating younger men, if both are comfortable with it, why not?

 
October 28, 2008, 5:57 pm CDT

You're Right. But...

Quote From: brendaklein

Dr Phil:  On this program you said what could a 25 year old woman have in common with a 48 year old man.  Well...  I met my husband when I was 25, he was 46.  What did we have in common?  Skiing, camping, travel, dancing, opera, ballet, industrious, same values and yes... great sex!  We have now been together for 24 years and you would have a hard time finding a better matched couple.

Before I met my husband I had dated several men my own age, one lasted 7 years.  Thank God it failed, he is now a cocaine addict, doesn't work...  In most cases women in their 20's are more mature than the men in their 20's.

I have a friend who is 60 and is limiting herself because she doesn't want to date an older man.

As far as older women dating younger men, if both are comfortable with it, why not?

A woman going after younger Men is called a sexually liberated COUGAR.

A Man going after younger women is a pig.

The double standard has to go!
 
October 28, 2008, 10:56 pm CDT

Is that so?

Quote From: renophil

You made some interesting and well thought out points. Unfortunately your points are nothing new and seem to be right out of the 1964 Feminist Handbook. Never the less I shall address them and offer you and other women some food for thought.

First off let me remind you that I do not have any animosity toward older women. But do not confuse a lack of animosity with sexual desire. Older women are not as beautiful as younger women. This is not only my opinion, but the opinion of the vast majority of Men & WOMEN in western culture. Let me ask you all to find an ad for any cosmetic that espouses its ability to make a woman look older, smarter and more experienced. You will not find such an advertisement anywhere, for by and large women do not want to look older, smarter or more experienced, for society does not value O.F.F. (OLD FAT or FLAT) women. (And to be fair "FLAT" is open to interoperation, and usually refers to firmness and perkiness.) Why is it an insult to be honest? This is not to say that O.F.F. women are shunned by society or me for that matter. Older women are valued for their experiences and knowledge. But face facts ladies, society places much more value on a woman's ability to REPRODUCE then it does on her life experiences. And like it or not nature made pregnancy and giving birth a young woman's pursuit. It is physically taxing and age does not combine very well with what is regarded as a woman's most important role in civilization. Oh yes medical advances have made having babies possible for more and more older women. But medical science does not dictate what is beautiful. Our animal instincts do that.

Yes I want women to fulfill my sexual desires! What on earth is so bloody wrong with that? When I look at a young hot chick in a Bikini, my first instinct is NOT to determine if she knows anything about quantum physics. No my first instinct is to wonder how she would perform in my bedroom and how she would look Without that bikini! Furthermore a young hot chick in a Bikini is NOT trying to be appreciated for her mind! She puts on a Bikini to be sexy and attract attention to herself.

Which brings me to treating women as mere objects: I would like to paint a picture in your minds for a moment. Picture a lovely young women in a bikini laying on the beach on a nice sunny day. Then picture two Men 20 feet from this young woman watching her. One is handsome and rich, the other is ugly and poor. The rich and handsome Man would be regarded as showing interest. While at the same time the poor and ugly Man would be a sexist jerk who was only regarding this poor woman as nothing more then a piece of meet. Have any of you women ever noticed this double standard? I often hear that women do not like being treated as objects and despise being objectified. Well it has been my experience that the difference between flirtation and objectification is about $200,000 a year in gross income. The fact of the matter is women LOVE TO BE OBJECTIFIED. What women hate is being objectified by the wrong person. Thus as a Man, playing the game according to the rules you chicks have laid down, it is in my bests interests to granted permission to treat woman like an object. So why is this bad? It sure works well for me!

No, 27 is not to old for me. But, are you hot? THAT is the question of key importance. And after reading your well worded and well thought out rebuttal to my first posting, I suspect that you are not hot. Beauty and intelligence so rarely go hand in hand. Generally my cut off age is 30, but in all fairness I do judge 31 and 32 year olds on the individual basis.

You asked me several questions... "What's going to happen to the 25 y/o you're with now when she reaches 'the cut off age?'" That depends on her and she knows it! She has to keep my interest if she wants to keep me. She has told me that being open and honest with her are two of the most important things to her as a woman. And I give her what she wants by being open and totally honest with her about what I want and think. And she knows full well that a woman who does not stimulate me below the waist cannot possibly stimulate me above the waist. "Are you going to dump her for someone younger?" You betcha! Women are like cars. It is best to replace them every few years and get younger models. " How do you think it will make her feel" I am not sure? I have not given t much thought, for it is not important for me to think about her feelings. I am and always will be the most important person in my life and my success and happiness takes precedent over everything else. My would be girlfriend know this and respects me for my confidence. You do remember Men having confidence don't you?

You called me a mail chauvinist in your posting. That used to mean something. But in 2008 'Mail Chauvinist' is thrown around so much it means nothing anymore. If woman make a case for the sky not being blue and when a Man dares to correct her on this, he is labeled a male chauvinist who thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant. In other words the label 'Male Chauvinist' is used as a substitute for substantive arguments and/or logical thinking. It is easier to assign a label then it is to prove someone wrong through facts and figures.

First off, you didn't "remind" me that you had no animosity toward older women because you didn't state it the first time!  Is that the best you can do?  Well, I guess I will be nice and give you credit for trying. 

 

Actually, no I'm not hot.  I am  5' 10", 130 lbs with long brown hair and FAR TOO BEAUTIFUL for an O.F.F (OLD FAT FART) such as yourself. Furthermore, are you incapable of getting your point across?  Why else would you feel the need to keep referring to the O.F.F syndrome,a childish term, which you made up?  You see, men who are capable of getting their points across effectively, need not repeat themselves.  Yes, I've read your other posts and you mention that along with your western culture b.s. in many of them.

 

I have to agree with you on one thing.  Women are like cars, collectors cars- THE OLDER THEY GET, THE MORE THEY'RE WORTH!  Funny thing is if you'd look around you'd see that most middle aged men prefer the cars from their era-ones they had when they were in high school.

 

NO! Women do not LOVE TO BE OBJECTIFIED!  I challenge you to randomly ask women of all ages whether they would like to be objectified or not instead just assuming!  That's your problem!  You think you're God's gift to all women, when in fact if you asked around you'd find out fairly quickly that you aren't SO HOT yourself.   

 

You made the comment that if a woman make a case for the sky not being blue and when a man dares to correct her on this, he is labeled a male chauvinist who thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant. May I ask Mr. "know it all" what if it's cloudy and raining that day are you still going to "try" (oh there's that word again) to convince her that it is blue? 

 

I never attempted to prove you wrong about anything but you sure did prove me right about everything.  I hope your "would be girlfriend" reads your posts and comes to her senses before she gets her heart broken by a man that's going to dump her when she hits 30 whether she stimulates him below the belt or not.  Either way she's a goner, you said it yourself.  Why do you think women don't deserve/desire love and respect? 

 

You are right, the label "Mail Chauvinist" means absolutely NOTHING!  The label "male chauvinist," on the other hand, does.  What is a mail chauvinist, by the way?  Is it another one of you made up words?  You really ought to reconsider your grammer.

 
October 29, 2008, 5:45 am CDT

There are better conversations to be had.

Quote From: shelly_80

First off, you didn't "remind" me that you had no animosity toward older women because you didn't state it the first time!  Is that the best you can do?  Well, I guess I will be nice and give you credit for trying. 

 

Actually, no I'm not hot.  I am  5' 10", 130 lbs with long brown hair and FAR TOO BEAUTIFUL for an O.F.F (OLD FAT FART) such as yourself. Furthermore, are you incapable of getting your point across?  Why else would you feel the need to keep referring to the O.F.F syndrome,a childish term, which you made up?  You see, men who are capable of getting their points across effectively, need not repeat themselves.  Yes, I've read your other posts and you mention that along with your western culture b.s. in many of them.

 

I have to agree with you on one thing.  Women are like cars, collectors cars- THE OLDER THEY GET, THE MORE THEY'RE WORTH!  Funny thing is if you'd look around you'd see that most middle aged men prefer the cars from their era-ones they had when they were in high school.

 

NO! Women do not LOVE TO BE OBJECTIFIED!  I challenge you to randomly ask women of all ages whether they would like to be objectified or not instead just assuming!  That's your problem!  You think you're God's gift to all women, when in fact if you asked around you'd find out fairly quickly that you aren't SO HOT yourself.   

 

You made the comment that if a woman make a case for the sky not being blue and when a man dares to correct her on this, he is labeled a male chauvinist who thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant. May I ask Mr. "know it all" what if it's cloudy and raining that day are you still going to "try" (oh there's that word again) to convince her that it is blue? 

 

I never attempted to prove you wrong about anything but you sure did prove me right about everything.  I hope your "would be girlfriend" reads your posts and comes to her senses before she gets her heart broken by a man that's going to dump her when she hits 30 whether she stimulates him below the belt or not.  Either way she's a goner, you said it yourself.  Why do you think women don't deserve/desire love and respect? 

 

You are right, the label "Mail Chauvinist" means absolutely NOTHING!  The label "male chauvinist," on the other hand, does.  What is a mail chauvinist, by the way?  Is it another one of you made up words?  You really ought to reconsider your grammer.

Tee Hee. Do you think for one second that he spouts all this nonsense to whatever woman he has in his life? He is huffing and puffing here because it's anonymous and someone is always willing to acknowledge him. Do you remember the bad kid in class? They did not care what kind of attention they got as long as it was attention. If people just ignored the poor wee misogynist he would slowly slink away in a pout.
 
October 29, 2008, 10:11 am CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: efffy_

Tee Hee. Do you think for one second that he spouts all this nonsense to whatever woman he has in his life? He is huffing and puffing here because it's anonymous and someone is always willing to acknowledge him. Do you remember the bad kid in class? They did not care what kind of attention they got as long as it was attention. If people just ignored the poor wee misogynist he would slowly slink away in a pout.
I wonder, how he managed to get so many girls around my age only to be taken the bait & being taken advantage of is beyond me, yet I can't seem to find any good girls around my age who will love me & respect me. Is it because of money? The love of money is the root to all evil. I also can't understand how many women seem to like bad men, over good guys who will treat them right. i don't have a problem with older men dating young girls, & vice versa, as long as they treat them right. I guess nice guys finish last & that I'll have to wind up being "bad" in order to have one.
 
October 29, 2008, 1:30 pm CDT

Totally Upsetting:(

I was totally upset watching this show first off im 19 and my fiance is 35. Now from what I just said people automatically assume im just in it for the money and as a few of you said to be taken care of , well guess what ladies im madly head over heals in love with this man. No matter what materialistic things he may have its not what matters we have so many things in common and get along better then ever. I really liked watching that one blonde bimbo on here haha who said that men want the young unsuccessful type well guess what im very successful im on my way to opening my own company with no help from anyone but myself, seems your just upset cause you can't seem to find anyone. Stop blaming others for why you can't get a date its no ones problem but yours if a man wants a younger women or a women a younger man thats there preferences. Age DOESN"T MATTER! Its just a number as far as Im concerned.
 
October 29, 2008, 1:51 pm CDT

:-)

Quote From: manofgoods

I wonder, how he managed to get so many girls around my age only to be taken the bait & being taken advantage of is beyond me, yet I can't seem to find any good girls around my age who will love me & respect me. Is it because of money? The love of money is the root to all evil. I also can't understand how many women seem to like bad men, over good guys who will treat them right. i don't have a problem with older men dating young girls, & vice versa, as long as they treat them right. I guess nice guys finish last & that I'll have to wind up being "bad" in order to have one.
Who is to say he has? Nice guys don't finish last, or first, or middle, that is just how you perceive it. Would you want any of those women that can be had for false promises and shiny beads? Usually the women that end up with bad men have some sort of psychoses, and they need serious help. Keep on keeping on, and you will meet someone that appreciates you. Don't dirty yourself up for something cheap. Have some fun, build your community, travel, make friends. Every good thing you do will make you a more complete human and in turn you have more to give.
 
October 29, 2008, 10:05 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: efffy_

Tee Hee. Do you think for one second that he spouts all this nonsense to whatever woman he has in his life? He is huffing and puffing here because it's anonymous and someone is always willing to acknowledge him. Do you remember the bad kid in class? They did not care what kind of attention they got as long as it was attention. If people just ignored the poor wee misogynist he would slowly slink away in a pout.
You go ahead.  That's you right but it's also mine to voice my opinion on things that bother me.  So, if you don't like it, my suggestion to you is don't read it.
 
October 30, 2008, 4:49 am CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: shelly_80

You go ahead.  That's you right but it's also mine to voice my opinion on things that bother me.  So, if you don't like it, my suggestion to you is don't read it.
Sorry, I didn't realize your hostility included everyone. If you didn't like what I said you could have ignored it.
 
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