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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 5, 2008, 6:34 pm CST

Thank you..............

Quote From: manofgoods

Was this directed to me? If so, I appreciate it. I also agree with what Jewelsf & Efffy's advice that was given to me, & I thank them for that as well. I believe that it gives me good strength to hear those things. I'm 26 years old, & a African-American male, by the way. I also believe that there are good women out there who will really love me & apprciate me for who I am.

Yes, you are right! There is a good woman out there who will love and appreciate you for who you are. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogett's to find your true princess.  To be honest, my husband wasn't even my type when we met but there was just something about him that I liked, and the rest is history. We have now been married for 21 years and together for 23. If I hadn't given him a second chance when I realized that my blind date wasn't my type, boy would I have lost out on a man who is beyond worthy. I would say that I wish you the best of luck, but you don't need it because any man with a good heart is a great catch and it will happen to you when it's time.

Sincerely,

Jewels

 
November 7, 2008, 9:32 am CST

Dating strangers

We teach our children about STRANGER DANGER, yet I am amazed at the number of adults who ignore this rule.  Both sexes leave bars with strangers.  Men feel that they can handle a situation that may occur when they go home with a strange woman.  There is a case, where a woman went to a bar to lure a man home so a couple of her friends could commit murder to earn the right to join a gang. He was jumped and killed when he entered her apartment. 

 

I have always had a young sounding voice.  As a young mother, when I answered the phone, callers  would often ask to speak to my mother. 

 

From age 50-63. I made reservations for a major airline.  During that time there were countless times that men liked my voice and wanted to get to know me better.  As agents, we were not allowed to give out our person information....mainly for safety reasons.  During the booking the passenger talks to us.  Often men would  ask about me and after stating that I was not allowed to give out that information, they would guess my age and how I looked.  They usually said that I was in my early twenties,  5' 2" tall.  around 100 pounds, with long blond hair.  I would just tell them how surprised I was at how close their guess was.  (Remember I was over 50)  I can't count the times I received invites to fly to some place to meet these men.  Some who never even asked or guessed how I looked or how old I was.  One man offered to marry me without even knowing my name and offered to buy me a First Class ticket to New York to be married.  I was almost tempted to go ...just to see the look on his face when he saw me.  I am not bad looking for my age but I was 63.

 

One man was twenty years younger than I and I finally told him that I was too old for him and finally gave my age.  HE DIDN'T CARE.  He still wanted to meet me.  He said he was more drawn to me than any woman he had ever met and just had to meet me.  He begged me to call him.  (we get their phone number with the reservation)  I didn't call.

 

Finally, one day a man did catch my attention.  He wanted me to fly to The Keys and take a ride on his boat. I told him that I couldn't give out my information, so he told me that I could use his email address and contact him.  When I got home I did exactly that.  When he sent me a picture, it was a picture of a bloated man sitting at a bar with a drink in his hand. We emailed a couple times and I stopped.  I never did that again.

 

That woman who travels the world to meet strangers is taking her life in her hands.  You cannot tell if you are talking to an abuser or serial killer in person, yet alone over the phone.  (Remember Bundy?  He was very personable.) She should only meet strange men in public where there is a friend near by, or only alone if someone else knows him and how to find him if she goes missing.  (She must always tell someone where she is going and who she is meeting. That means everything she knows about the man she is meeting..not just a name. )  Going to other countries alone to meet men is nuts. 

 

Strangers can say and do anything.  Adults--remember the lessons we teach our childrent:  STRANGER DANGER 

 
November 8, 2008, 8:20 am CST

Such good advice!

Quote From: dionlee

We teach our children about STRANGER DANGER, yet I am amazed at the number of adults who ignore this rule.  Both sexes leave bars with strangers.  Men feel that they can handle a situation that may occur when they go home with a strange woman.  There is a case, where a woman went to a bar to lure a man home so a couple of her friends could commit murder to earn the right to join a gang. He was jumped and killed when he entered her apartment. 

 

I have always had a young sounding voice.  As a young mother, when I answered the phone, callers  would often ask to speak to my mother. 

 

From age 50-63. I made reservations for a major airline.  During that time there were countless times that men liked my voice and wanted to get to know me better.  As agents, we were not allowed to give out our person information....mainly for safety reasons.  During the booking the passenger talks to us.  Often men would  ask about me and after stating that I was not allowed to give out that information, they would guess my age and how I looked.  They usually said that I was in my early twenties,  5' 2" tall.  around 100 pounds, with long blond hair.  I would just tell them how surprised I was at how close their guess was.  (Remember I was over 50)  I can't count the times I received invites to fly to some place to meet these men.  Some who never even asked or guessed how I looked or how old I was.  One man offered to marry me without even knowing my name and offered to buy me a First Class ticket to New York to be married.  I was almost tempted to go ...just to see the look on his face when he saw me.  I am not bad looking for my age but I was 63.

 

One man was twenty years younger than I and I finally told him that I was too old for him and finally gave my age.  HE DIDN'T CARE.  He still wanted to meet me.  He said he was more drawn to me than any woman he had ever met and just had to meet me.  He begged me to call him.  (we get their phone number with the reservation)  I didn't call.

 

Finally, one day a man did catch my attention.  He wanted me to fly to The Keys and take a ride on his boat. I told him that I couldn't give out my information, so he told me that I could use his email address and contact him.  When I got home I did exactly that.  When he sent me a picture, it was a picture of a bloated man sitting at a bar with a drink in his hand. We emailed a couple times and I stopped.  I never did that again.

 

That woman who travels the world to meet strangers is taking her life in her hands.  You cannot tell if you are talking to an abuser or serial killer in person, yet alone over the phone.  (Remember Bundy?  He was very personable.) She should only meet strange men in public where there is a friend near by, or only alone if someone else knows him and how to find him if she goes missing.  (She must always tell someone where she is going and who she is meeting. That means everything she knows about the man she is meeting..not just a name. )  Going to other countries alone to meet men is nuts. 

 

Strangers can say and do anything.  Adults--remember the lessons we teach our childrent:  STRANGER DANGER 

  I wish that you could have written this sooner while the topic was still hot. Maybe you should repost it when the show airs again during repeats? I have never understood a woman who would put her life into some strangers hands without knowing anything about him. It's bad enough when you meet someone in person and go on a regular date, the kind I used to do before I was married and there wasn't as many crazy people out there to fear.

  Not only Bundy, what about the Max Factor heir who was reasonably good looking but chose to slip roofies into girls drink at bars, then take them home and videotape them while they were being raped? Back in my dating days I would have friends or acquaintances who would meet a guy at a bar, then go home with him that very night and have sex. Gee, they didn't even have a first date yet! That always grossed me out to no end. People do things between the sheets, especially when drunk, that I would never do unless freshly showered, and my man too! But do they care? Not from what I've seen.

  I have known a woman almost all of my life who as far as I know has already met 2 different men, 1 man from Africa, and another from India, on the Internet, and flew to their country's to marry them and brought them back with her. Of course she wasn't married to both at the same time but I'm sure you get my drift. She didn't know anything about these men yet she would fly over there, marry one, and bring him back. Is this an act of desperation? I would rather live and be alone than to stoop to such low levels.

  I tend to have trust issues with strange men in the first place because I am a victim of of an attempted kidnapping, when I was 20, and assaulted with a deadly weapon. Luckily I met the right man and have been married ever since, 21 years now. This is a very dangerous world and women do need to be on their guard at all times, until they get to know a man. Even just going to a bar puts you at risk of having something slipped into your drink. There's a whole new set of rules for women just because of this.

  I'll tell you about something "odd" that happened to me one time, again before I was married. I was living in Palm Springs at the time and I happened to be in a night club with a date, really more a male friend. This was a very exclusive club where a lot of celebrities went and the mafia owned it. Hey, it's Palm Springs! Anyway, I was sitting there at our table and I was dressed nice, not sleazy like many of the other women, and their was this Saudi Arabian Prince who had come in with a ton of bodyguards. He was an older man and had on the full Arabian type of clothing. The next thing I knew several of his bodyguards had surrounded me and his "man" approached me with an offer for the prince to buy me. You can imagine how surreal this was. I politely said "No thank you" but this prince was persistent. He kept sending his man over and I finally received an offer of expensive cars, A HUGE amount of money, jewelry, he said anything and everything that I could ever want. Of course I didn't do it but I wonder just how many women would. I know this story sounds pretty unbelievable, that's why I never tell anyone except those who really know me, but since there's hardly anyone looking at this topic I feel that I can go ahead and tell it. To this day I have always wondered what he actually meant by "Buying" me really meant. For a couple of years? My whole life? I have no idea but I certainly wasn't going to find out.

  It's really OK if you don't believe this story because a few people that I have told, who do know me, don't. But it is true.

  Anyway, you made some very valid points in your post and I really think you should re-post it when the rerun season starts again.

 
November 10, 2008, 7:57 am CST

Dating Dougle Standards

Quote From: efffy_

I think she was covering her hands because they reveal age. The neck and the hands are the best indicators of age. She looked good, but every single day of her age. My husband and I both said 62 at the same time, we were pretty close. I hope she got some help.

 

I understand what you mean about wanting to hide aging hands etc., but think back to seeing teenagers who continually pulls their sleeves over their hands.  They are not trying to hide aging hands.  I disagree with you.  The reason I strongly believe that she was doing it was once again, she continually adopts the trends of teenagers and one of those stupid habits is "the pulling of sleeves over hands".

 
November 10, 2008, 6:10 pm CST

hand pulling sleeves gesture

Quote From: douglashobbs

 

I understand what you mean about wanting to hide aging hands etc., but think back to seeing teenagers who continually pulls their sleeves over their hands.  They are not trying to hide aging hands.  I disagree with you.  The reason I strongly believe that she was doing it was once again, she continually adopts the trends of teenagers and one of those stupid habits is "the pulling of sleeves over hands".

The reason teenagers pull their sleeves over their hands isn't what you think. Nor is it stupid. It is a gesture of protection to not feel so  vulnerable, and  the feeling of being cold that inspires this gesture in the young. I do it and I am 44. I do it for these reasons. I do not, however do it on television. It is also done when one feels vulnerable to continual dissatisfaction that I feel (and teenagers feel) when they are confronted with people who make them uncomfortable( with criticisms like you are making). I find nothing wrong with the gesture, it's altogether harmless. I find that your  missing the point and nitpicking on this woman that needed a bit of kindness.
 
November 11, 2008, 3:10 am CST

I've noticed it....................

Quote From: mauvegirl

The reason teenagers pull their sleeves over their hands isn't what you think. Nor is it stupid. It is a gesture of protection to not feel so  vulnerable, and  the feeling of being cold that inspires this gesture in the young. I do it and I am 44. I do it for these reasons. I do not, however do it on television. It is also done when one feels vulnerable to continual dissatisfaction that I feel (and teenagers feel) when they are confronted with people who make them uncomfortable( with criticisms like you are making). I find nothing wrong with the gesture, it's altogether harmless. I find that your  missing the point and nitpicking on this woman that needed a bit of kindness.
Although I cannot say why teens do this, I have noticed that they do in fact pull their sleeves over their hands. I'm not making any judgments here, just an observation.
 
November 18, 2008, 9:33 am CST

life is what you make it to be

Quote From: clarky

I was totally upset watching this show first off im 19 and my fiance is 35. Now from what I just said people automatically assume im just in it for the money and as a few of you said to be taken care of , well guess what ladies im madly head over heals in love with this man. No matter what materialistic things he may have its not what matters we have so many things in common and get along better then ever. I really liked watching that one blonde bimbo on here haha who said that men want the young unsuccessful type well guess what im very successful im on my way to opening my own company with no help from anyone but myself, seems your just upset cause you can't seem to find anyone. Stop blaming others for why you can't get a date its no ones problem but yours if a man wants a younger women or a women a younger man thats there preferences. Age DOESN"T MATTER! Its just a number as far as Im concerned.
Thats people for me. That actually seems to be the view all over the world that if you are young and in a relationship you are in it for the money. i honestly thought it happened in South Africa only, lol!
 
November 18, 2008, 10:36 am CST

People assumed the same with me...............

Quote From: intellow

Thats people for me. That actually seems to be the view all over the world that if you are young and in a relationship you are in it for the money. i honestly thought it happened in South Africa only, lol!

I went through much of the same when I began dating and then eventually married my husband. That I was only dating him for his money. Well, it's been over 21 years now and all of those people who said it wouldn't last have been proven wrong. We have an age difference of 16 years, he is older than me. If you are happy, have a lot in common, have great communication, etc. then it is your business alone as to whom you wish to marry. It's your life and you are the one who will have to live it, not someone else. I can honestly say that I have married my soul mate and if I had it to do over again, I would happily, happily, do so without a second thought. I would have to say that marrying this man was the best decision that I have ever made in my life!

 
November 24, 2008, 3:39 pm CST

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: shelly_80

First off, you didn't "remind" me that you had no animosity toward older women because you didn't state it the first time!  Is that the best you can do?  Well, I guess I will be nice and give you credit for trying. 

 

Actually, no I'm not hot.  I am  5' 10", 130 lbs with long brown hair and FAR TOO BEAUTIFUL for an O.F.F (OLD FAT FART) such as yourself. Furthermore, are you incapable of getting your point across?  Why else would you feel the need to keep referring to the O.F.F syndrome,a childish term, which you made up?  You see, men who are capable of getting their points across effectively, need not repeat themselves.  Yes, I've read your other posts and you mention that along with your western culture b.s. in many of them.

 

I have to agree with you on one thing.  Women are like cars, collectors cars- THE OLDER THEY GET, THE MORE THEY'RE WORTH!  Funny thing is if you'd look around you'd see that most middle aged men prefer the cars from their era-ones they had when they were in high school.

 

NO! Women do not LOVE TO BE OBJECTIFIED!  I challenge you to randomly ask women of all ages whether they would like to be objectified or not instead just assuming!  That's your problem!  You think you're God's gift to all women, when in fact if you asked around you'd find out fairly quickly that you aren't SO HOT yourself.   

 

You made the comment that if a woman make a case for the sky not being blue and when a man dares to correct her on this, he is labeled a male chauvinist who thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant. May I ask Mr. "know it all" what if it's cloudy and raining that day are you still going to "try" (oh there's that word again) to convince her that it is blue? 

 

I never attempted to prove you wrong about anything but you sure did prove me right about everything.  I hope your "would be girlfriend" reads your posts and comes to her senses before she gets her heart broken by a man that's going to dump her when she hits 30 whether she stimulates him below the belt or not.  Either way she's a goner, you said it yourself.  Why do you think women don't deserve/desire love and respect? 

 

You are right, the label "Mail Chauvinist" means absolutely NOTHING!  The label "male chauvinist," on the other hand, does.  What is a mail chauvinist, by the way?  Is it another one of you made up words?  You really ought to reconsider your grammer.

Shelly don't waste your keystrokes on that dude. Older men who lust after perky young things are just trying to overcompensate for their shriveling south of the border. They only see women like pieces of meat. "Hannibal Lecter" mentality.
 
November 24, 2008, 4:10 pm CST

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: manofgoods

Was this directed to me? If so, I appreciate it. I also agree with what Jewelsf & Efffy's advice that was given to me, & I thank them for that as well. I believe that it gives me good strength to hear those things. I'm 26 years old, & a African-American male, by the way. I also believe that there are good women out there who will really love me & apprciate me for who I am.
There really are. Unless we put up a heck of a fight, "like attracts like" Just believe in yourself. Nothing makes me happier than to see a black man and a black woman who are clearly in love with each other, and they have decided it's forever. It's a beautiful thing, well worth waiting for, and well worth holding out for.
 
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