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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 25, 2008, 1:31 pm CST

16 Years Is Too Large A Difference

Quote From: jewelsf

  What an odd post you have made here. You have completely annihilated this man by just one comment from him. He may want her for a notch on his belt, or he may have just been giving her a compliment. We don't know we weren't there.

  Just because you had a bad relationship or marriage to a man who was 16 years older doesn't mean that it won't work for someone else. I have been very happily married to my husband who happens to be 16 years older than me for 21 years now. We have everything in common and I wasn't "picked" by him for a trophy wife. We are just plain old compatible in every way. He is not immature nor does he ever treat me like a child.

  Maybe you have just picked the wrong men and age had nothing to do with it. I do agree though that if this woman is feeling uncomfortable with her date then maybe he's just not the right man for her. I would be much more concerned over the fact that a man has already been married twice. The lack of being able to hold onto a relationship may show that he has problems that has nothing to do with age.

 

As far as I know, you don't know this man either. What makes you so sure he's good? He might be Mr. GOODbar.

 
November 25, 2008, 3:59 pm CST

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona
If a 67 year old man was looking to settle down, he'd be looking for a 60-something woman. He's looking for arm candy. If a 27-year-old was willing to go out with him, even better. I'm going to share tip  this as "an older sister" might.....some single older guys have ambitions of being "players"  they desperately need to feel that they still have "it" so they play the numbers game....the game being, how many younger women can they get to go out with them, and how young can they get them? And they can smell vulnerability and desperation at 50 paces.  about 4 or 5 years ago, I was on my own with my two young daughters, and this guy at church approached me who was even older than my father, (so that made him about 30 years older than me) and he was highly offended when he dropped the line, if you move in with/marry me, you'll never have to work unless you want to" and I said no thanks. I'm no hooker. I want the fairytale, or it ain't happenin'. I believe at 47, I am desirable enough for a man my age, or near abouts,  who is  suitable mate to fall in love with me and propose. And "the guy" is not out there, then fine. I'll build a good life for myself great career, friends, travel, hobbies, extended family--and stay as I am now, and date selectively if I need companionship.
 
November 30, 2008, 12:52 pm CST

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: philfan61

There really are. Unless we put up a heck of a fight, "like attracts like" Just believe in yourself. Nothing makes me happier than to see a black man and a black woman who are clearly in love with each other, and they have decided it's forever. It's a beautiful thing, well worth waiting for, and well worth holding out for.
Actually, although I love to date African-American women, I wouldn't mind also dating someone outside of my race as well (that's if they want to). I don't discriminate, LOL. I love everyone & treat everyone equally, regardless of race. Thanks for your help!
 
January 16, 2009, 3:47 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

Dating Double Doctor Phil/Robin Standard. Are you kidding me? I saw this last year. See you on Tuesday-

Janurary 20th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------------------------------------------------------------------

 
January 20, 2009, 2:05 pm CST

01/20 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona
I have a very similar situation, but I have now married the man who is 52 while I am 29.  We have a VERY successful marriage and 2 little girls who complete our family.  My husband has also been married twice before, and has twin boys who are my age.
 I have NEVER had a problem getting dates.  I usually knew that if I liked someone, I could more often than not end up on a date or in a relationship with that man.  There was something about my husband when I first met him.  He was attractive, kind, and VERY respectful.  He didn't know my age, nor did I know his.  (He has always looked quite a bit younger than he actually is.)  Before we knew it, we were a match made in heaven.  We didn't care about our ages once we found out.  We have now been married for 5 years, together for 7, and still going strong.  We have LOTS to talk about, and I consider myself just as intelligent as he is.  (Sometimes more so, depending on the topic LOL) 

Go with what YOU feel.  If you have a feeling that it is going to be enjoyable, then what will it hurt to have that date.  Don't listen to other people because everyone in my situation was betting on our failure.  Since then, a handful of those people divorced after a year, and another handful of those people have yet to find the right person.  I don't look at my husband and see a man in his 50s.  My husband and I have the same quarrels, the same fun and the same romance as any other married couple.  He also doesn't look at me and see a woman in her 20's. 
 
January 20, 2009, 2:07 pm CST

01/20 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: philfan61

If a 67 year old man was looking to settle down, he'd be looking for a 60-something woman. He's looking for arm candy. If a 27-year-old was willing to go out with him, even better. I'm going to share tip  this as "an older sister" might.....some single older guys have ambitions of being "players"  they desperately need to feel that they still have "it" so they play the numbers game....the game being, how many younger women can they get to go out with them, and how young can they get them? And they can smell vulnerability and desperation at 50 paces.  about 4 or 5 years ago, I was on my own with my two young daughters, and this guy at church approached me who was even older than my father, (so that made him about 30 years older than me) and he was highly offended when he dropped the line, if you move in with/marry me, you'll never have to work unless you want to" and I said no thanks. I'm no hooker. I want the fairytale, or it ain't happenin'. I believe at 47, I am desirable enough for a man my age, or near abouts,  who is  suitable mate to fall in love with me and propose. And "the guy" is not out there, then fine. I'll build a good life for myself great career, friends, travel, hobbies, extended family--and stay as I am now, and date selectively if I need companionship.
It is ignorant to make that assumption.  My husband at 52 is settled with me at 29!
 
January 20, 2009, 3:45 pm CST

My Dating Standards

Alright; regarding Dating Double Standards:

 

Is it ok for men to date younger women?  Of course!  Another of course...within reason..as noted on the show 10years younger may be less CrEEpy than 20 years younger!

 

Why is it awkward to see an older woman with a younger man?  We expire.  Give me grief for this comment, but it's ultimately true!  By 'expire' I mean that a woman eventually cannot childbear.  It's natural for men who can have children (even if they already have a dozen) at any age to seek women who can bear children if that man chooses to!  I have never dated a younger man.  The thought makes me question my intent.  Most people want, at the very least the OPPORTUNITY to have children.

I already have one!  Do I want to start over?  Since I can't answer that honeslty why would I put this burdening thought on any relationships I have? 

 

Our little lady taking flights all over the world...

 

I am currently in a very loving, happy and respectful relationship with a great man who I met through a dating site.  I met many people who were not my match.  I have a little philosophy I live by..You GET what you GIVE.  Any honest man is not sitting in front of you without an intent.  It's up to you to be able to filter out that the men you are persuing are A.  Telling you the truth and B. Their intent behind a perspecitive relationship matches yours.  Don't ever let another person decide what you need for yourself.  By answering your intent behind what you want and need out of a relationship will help you find the right partner for you.

 

If you are a strong woman and you want to share yourself with a strong man it's ok to claim that!  But if you are desperately reaching out for anyone to fill SomeThing then you're just not ready to be dating.  Take some time and learn who you are and what you want.

 

By no means am I in the millionaire's club (one day I will be!), but I am a strong, confident woman who has an amazing daughter, family and boyfriend!  Even though I KNOW how to change my the ceiling fan in my kitchen to track lighting I turned to my alpha guy and asked for his help.  He loves home cooked meals; I have learned that the internet not only has a buffet of eligible singles, but also some really great recipes! 

 

When you know the intent of your pursuit, when you know what you want it just happens!  Don't accept or 'waste your time' when your intuition is telling you NO.  Don't put yourself in harms way by meeting a stranger in a strange place.  Build your confidence and answer your desires.  If you want a man who can provide don't accept a couch potatoe.  If you want him to respect you..RESPECT yourself and RESPECT him.  You GET what you GIVE!

 

Don't forget that during your new relationship you have to work to learn about your partner.  Find out what makes him happy!  Don't assume he knows you enjoy him or that you think he's intelligent or handsome or smart if you don't open your lips and tell him!  You GET what you GIVE!

 

 

 

 

 
January 20, 2009, 4:31 pm CST

husband 17 years older

My husband is 17 years older than me.  He is my best friend, family, and lover of 9 years now.  What Dr. Phil said to Shay (that's the comedian's name, correct?) ,"What do you talk about?" in reference to his girlfriend, 17 years younger, is extremely ignorant!  I have many close friends, 20 years older and 20 years younger than I.  I can talk with my husband forever.  We have everything in common, have full lives socially and enjoy many outdoor activites together (we live in the Sierras -easy access) .  What matters is the individual, not a person's age when it comes to any relationship.  To have a prejudice with age going into any friendship is entirely limiting!

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to put it out there that it IS possible to have the relationship you always dreamed of, with an age difference.  I am lucky though, with both sides of our families being extremely loving and supportive- plus we all get along awesome!  (the wedding was a blast!)  We have a baby due in July- life is sweet. : ) 

 

Now I know that when he is 80 and I am 63, things will be not be as easy.  But like my father told me when I asked him for advise," It's better to have an amazing marriage for 30 years than a just OK one for 50."  After dating guy after guy my own age for years, completely bored, I fell heads over heals for my husband.  And 9 years later people comment we still act like we are "dating" because we are so in love.

 

Do Not Limit Yourselves!  Open your heart!

 

 
January 20, 2009, 4:46 pm CST

OH PLEASE!!!!!!

Age is a number and an attitude--not a reality, nor a death sentence.

 

I am 44 years old and HAVE started dating again.

 

Not only do I have NO problem finding dates in the age range I desire (45-55), I also have EXTREMELY young men clamoring to go out with me. (Whom I have NO interest-lack of experience and lack of stability MY main reasons)   Every week at least two-three men in the age range of 22-29 are asking me out.

 

When I ask men what they most seek in a woman, hands-down they respond it is CONFIDENCE as the most sexy thing that attracts them to women.  Next, they illustrate experience as well as a sense of being more stable...all of which they indicate are attributes that are more difficult to find in younger women, simply because they haven't been around as much...

 

 

so anyone saying that age is a factor is speaking to the wrong kind of man.  Look elsewhere ladies, there are plenty of men who appreciate an older woman.  Stop the excuses...

 
January 20, 2009, 4:48 pm CST

Older woman younger men

I truly  believe that age is just a number.  A lot of the comments are negative.  Too many people make such a big deal about age.  What's up America?????  Nobody can make decisions for anyone else as everyone has a different story, different history, etc. Do you remember we are all unique individuals.  Whats good for one person might not be good for others but the only person who can make those decisions is YOU.

 

I am currently 59.  Most people think I'm 40.  I only date younger men and have no problem with it and either do they.  I just got out of a marriage where my husband was 24yreas younger than me!!!!  The age difference was never the problem.  The problems we had would of been the same if he was the same age or older.  Most men I know prefer older woman because older woman don;t play the games that younger girls play.  Whatever, my point is do what makes you happy and stop listening to everyone else.

 

Maxine

 
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