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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

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October 18, 2008, 9:10 am CDT

Never married and seeing 20 year older man

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona
 
October 18, 2008, 11:39 am CDT

dating in 50's almost nonexistent

I look forward to seeing this show - I am a 54 year old woman - divorced for five years.  Ex decided he was needing to trade me in for another after 27 years of marriage.  Financially I'm fine but I have found dating extremely difficult.  Men my age walk past me to the 30 somethings.  Other women my age are extremely aggressive and I'm not the one that wants to do the asking out.  I met a couple men online but they are "players" and I would like an exclusive relationship.   I read Dr Phil's dating book and have tried to follow his advice but it's hard facing the rejection over and over.  I had a 58 year old tell me I was too old at 52 to date him.
 
October 18, 2008, 1:10 pm CDT

This will be interesting....

I'm 43 (almost) with 2 kids that are with me pretty much year-round.  My ex left me for a woman 7 years younger than me and moved 1/2 way across the country last year to be with her.  Divorce has been final since this spring.  Besides being too busy to get back out on the dating scene because I'm the sole parent, I'm not feeling my prospects are all that promising.  I've been told I look younger than my age, but if a woman who's 30 is having trouble getting dates what are my chances looking like I'm in my mid-30's?
 
October 18, 2008, 2:04 pm CDT

Been There, Done That On This One

Is there a dating double standard? Absolutely.  At age 61, this long-divorced and childless female has seen and heard about it all from men, other women and her own experience.  Examples follow:

 

  • the online dating service prospects who've lied about their ages, marital status and incarcerations, much less everything inbetween;
  • the married colleagues who've suggested that we work together in my/his room during business trips;
  • the men whose eyes dart around the room and then excuse themselves from my side after learning how old I am;
  • the younger men looking for a sugar mama, and the much older ones seeking "a nurse with a purse";
  • the friends' husbands who've quietly offered their sexual services to relieve my "frustration", or their own boredom with an affair on the side;
  • the clergyman who offered to hear my confession and offer his counsel alone in my home after his kids were in bed;
  • the fears and unfounded suspicions of women with spouses or SO's who don't invite single/divorced/widowed women to participate in neighborhood couples' social events; and
  • the eligible men who've disappeared after being informed that getting tested for STIs and using condoms will be necessary for sexual intimacy. You should hear some of the responses I've gotten as to why these precautions are unnecessary with older women.  I swear, the ignorance fairly oozes. 

 

I could go on, but you probably get the idea.  The older a decent single woman is, the harder iit is to find an equally decent single man.

 

I don't go to bars (or drink); hold to preconceived ideas about "suitable" age, occupations or physical appearance; or go out with female friends in a posse: all are notions that don't work.  I'm a decent and attractive lady who is comfortable with living on her own, but I still would like to find a good man who really wants to grow old with me.  I've just about given up on the idea, but I'm looking forward to Dr. Phil's show on older dating to see what else I can do.  Sure, I'm getting up there, but I'm not too old to learn something new. 

 
October 18, 2008, 2:50 pm CDT

Dating at 67!

I have been divorced for years and a caregiver most of my adult life....my mother who had Alzheimer's disease, my 47-year old son who has special needs, helping with grandchildren and anyone else who seems to need assistance.  My mother passed away a year and a half ago and my amazing son has found - for the first time in his life - a special woman.  My grandchildren are growing up.  Here I am alone and wondering who or what is out there for me.  I'm told I am attractive, I have tons of energy and a zest for life.  It's discouraging to think that I am beyond an age a man will find me worth pursuing.  And frankly, it's terrifying to contemplate.  I am really looking forward to your special brand of wisdom next Friday.
 
October 18, 2008, 2:55 pm CDT

««««««««««close the subject

 
October 18, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona

If you truly love him or think you might one day, then don't let someone else talk you out of it just because they make jokes or don't agree with the age gap.  Don't allow that seed of doubt to be placed in your mind. I made that mistake and I can't tell you how miserable I am because of it!  I fell deeply in love with a man twice my age (27 and 56) and when my family found out they made me break up with him.  I told him goodbye in April 2008 and everyday I regret letting my entire family have that control.  I still talk to him occasionally, but I'm so afraid of getting caught.  I live inferior of my family now.

 

I have cerebral palsy and suffered with seizures from 3 to 9 years old.  I was always delayed in anything I did.  I didn't crawl until I about 9 months, I didn't walk until 16 months, I got my license at 18, the legal age is 16.  My parents took me out of public school and home schooled from the 6th-12th grade because I got made fun of alot in the 5th grade.  So, I didn't socialize all that much once that happened.  Now, at 27 I don't have a career/job and I still live with my parents. I've like tons of guys but never had a boyfriend, until this man.  For whatever reason it would humiliate me if my family found out I liked someone.  I know it is because of my medical history and inexperience in the dating scene that my family is so protective.  But there comes a time when they have let you find out who YOU WANT TO BE as an individual, right?  I can't make them understand that.  Anyway, this whole experience has opened my wider than they ever been.  I've decided to put myself out there and start looking for a career so I can make it on my own one day.  I typed up a resume, not a very good one I might add, and I'm going around to all the local Dr. offices.  By my family forcing me to give this man up, it has caused me to really take a closer look at my life and realize the necessary things that need to happen for me to have my own life won't ever happen unless I make them happen.  That's why i'm seeking a career and hopefully a life of my own.  Maybe one of these days our paths will cross again and we'll get a second chance.

 
October 18, 2008, 3:11 pm CDT

Close the subject

Hi Dr. Phil and crew,

 

I am about to close the door to relationships as it is too hard to find a genuine person who doesn't have a bagage...In my concern it is proven that men will, in their life time, fall in love once or twice (rarely) they will rather have a suitable companion then give to the love thing. Women on the other side will fall at least 2 if not 3 times in love in their life time... If you look younger it helps but rarely for finding the "rigth one" man are too practical for that. Most of guys in their 30's will look for possible mother figure mate " the mother of my children" in a last call as they do have a biological clock too. The man in their 40's have usually 20 years old children and been there done that soo they just  want to have fun not an other extented family...

What's left if you are in your forties...?

 
October 18, 2008, 3:53 pm CDT

Having trouble finding Mr.Right

I am a 53 yr old divorced woman who hopes that there is a Mr.Right out there for me still.  I also beileve that people believe that it is okay to see a older man with a younger woman, but when the roles are reversed then society thinks we are awful.  If you see an older woman out with a younger man you just assume that is her son, but when you find out different it changes some people's oppinons.  I do think that part of the reason society sees so many younger women with older men is because those women want taken care of. I have been married 3 times, and maybe not looking for marriage again but that special person to be with. 

 

 
October 18, 2008, 5:00 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Dating Doctor Double Phil/Robin Standard. Did you ever date Robin and another woman at all? I wouldn---

ot be surprize if you date another woman while dating Robin at the same time. I never would try that mysel-

f. See you on Friday October 24th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------- 

 
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