Message Boards

Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 18, 2008, 6:53 pm CDT

Double Standards you bet

You bet there is a double standard. If a woman in  her 40's. 50's and even 60's  isoverweight  and not very attractive men look to younger women but a man of the same age range can be bald and pudgy then they say they are distinguished looking. To me looks shouldn't be everything  IF a woman dates someone younger people talk and call them cougars. It is a time for change  and women need to take control. I  dated a man who is six years younger than and at first I didn't really want to go out with hm but we started out as friends and we have been married for four years
 
October 18, 2008, 7:23 pm CDT

scary

I am separated and the thought of getting out there again is just  scary.   Married for 24 years, and never strayed.    Why is it so easy for men, but the thought of it just overwhelms me.   Makes you want the loser husband back first.   The 50 year old men date the 30 (or 20 year olds), what is left for the 50 year old women.  I am not looking forward to this, but luckily with all my friends will get through.  Would it be so difficult to find a companion to share my life and love with. 
 
October 18, 2008, 9:19 pm CDT

whats up with Caroline?

Just from what I have read,(I could be misinterpretating things) Caroline no offense but you need to recognize who you are.

Are you a Nimphomaniac.?

Married three times,and still cant find what your looking for?

Why did you marry to begin with.?

Please dont give me the "Old School" excuse.

I am 42,never been married,no children,yet raised 10.

I learn through watching people and going through my own experiences.

Grant you life may have dealt you a raw deal,no one knows everything,coming into this nor will they know everything going out of it.

To wanna marry someone,through the internet.?

Caroline I dont know you But (I KNOW YOU).

Ithrough lifes knowledge,Honey you got some issues going on.

Wanna tell Dr Phil,I know he will help you.

I am interested to know ,tell it like it is.?

 

 
October 19, 2008, 6:42 am CDT

Of course there is

Good people to date ARE hard to find. And yes, married people don't want us around...especially their married husbands. Some things just are what they are. But the first step to living your life single, seperated, or divorced, is realizing that you don't need someone else to make you happy. You can live a fulfilled happy life with the friends and family you have. Focus on living YOUR life and stop worrying about finding someone else to make you happy. That change alone my be all you need for him to seek you out instead.
 
October 19, 2008, 8:01 am CDT

Be Happy

Quote From: nadine88

Hi Dr. Phil and crew,

 

I am about to close the door to relationships as it is too hard to find a genuine person who doesn't have a bagage...In my concern it is proven that men will, in their life time, fall in love once or twice (rarely) they will rather have a suitable companion then give to the love thing. Women on the other side will fall at least 2 if not 3 times in love in their life time... If you look younger it helps but rarely for finding the "rigth one" man are too practical for that. Most of guys in their 30's will look for possible mother figure mate " the mother of my children" in a last call as they do have a biological clock too. The man in their 40's have usually 20 years old children and been there done that soo they just  want to have fun not an other extented family...

What's left if you are in your forties...?

A few years ago I was also ready to call it quits with relationships after I was badly treated by a man I really fell for. BUT low and behold I went on a dating site as a last resort to see what I am missing. Friends of mine have found love in cyberspace so it was not strange to me to try this once more I had 2 marriages a relationship for 5 years and I am now in my sixties so was I going to spend my senior years alone or with some one that was compatible with me. I found this man he was single never been married lived in another town not to far from my own city. We decided to meet and had some real candid conversations, Today we are living together and on Nov 9 we are celebrating our 3 anniversary of our first date. He is tree years younger then I has no baggage ( no family at all) was very accepting of my family and my wishes not to move away from  the area where my children live so he decided to sell his home and we bought a home in a small town close to my family and the rest is history. We live in an all adult community have made new friends together his "old" friend are happy for him that he also now has a new companion in his life so there are happy endings BUT never give up hope I am so glad I never did although I had so many reasons to give up after having been abused in two marriages and a relationship. Dr Phill gave me the courage to face up to the fact I was an abused women and made changes in my life so that would never happen again and now I am living a life of peace and  Harmony that I longed for all these years,
 
October 19, 2008, 9:01 am CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

I've been single for over 50 yrs. In other words: I've never been married. Ok, so you're probably saying to yourself "what a loser" but that's not the case. I'm just too picky, I guess. I'm not gonna marry any joe-jack that comes along then get divorced everytime we argue. I don't quit! I also don't give up! I'm still looking for another Mr. Right. I found one in High School but he wasn't as "into me" as I was into him. 'Nother story.....

The older I get, the harder it is to even find someone to go to dinner with, let alone marry, perhaps! All the older men want the younger, more youthful "eye-candy". I guess it's a boost to their ego. I could care less about how old or young someone is. I just would like to find someone who has "chemistry" with me, treats me like I should be treated, and loves me for me! Is that asking too much? Apparently in this day and age it is.....

 
October 19, 2008, 11:29 am CDT

Agree Completely

Quote From: halzmark11

Is there a dating double standard? Absolutely.  At age 61, this long-divorced and childless female has seen and heard about it all from men, other women and her own experience.  Examples follow:

 

  • the online dating service prospects who've lied about their ages, marital status and incarcerations, much less everything inbetween;
  • the married colleagues who've suggested that we work together in my/his room during business trips;
  • the men whose eyes dart around the room and then excuse themselves from my side after learning how old I am;
  • the younger men looking for a sugar mama, and the much older ones seeking "a nurse with a purse";
  • the friends' husbands who've quietly offered their sexual services to relieve my "frustration", or their own boredom with an affair on the side;
  • the clergyman who offered to hear my confession and offer his counsel alone in my home after his kids were in bed;
  • the fears and unfounded suspicions of women with spouses or SO's who don't invite single/divorced/widowed women to participate in neighborhood couples' social events; and
  • the eligible men who've disappeared after being informed that getting tested for STIs and using condoms will be necessary for sexual intimacy. You should hear some of the responses I've gotten as to why these precautions are unnecessary with older women.  I swear, the ignorance fairly oozes. 

 

I could go on, but you probably get the idea.  The older a decent single woman is, the harder iit is to find an equally decent single man.

 

I don't go to bars (or drink); hold to preconceived ideas about "suitable" age, occupations or physical appearance; or go out with female friends in a posse: all are notions that don't work.  I'm a decent and attractive lady who is comfortable with living on her own, but I still would like to find a good man who really wants to grow old with me.  I've just about given up on the idea, but I'm looking forward to Dr. Phil's show on older dating to see what else I can do.  Sure, I'm getting up there, but I'm not too old to learn something new. 

I'm close to your age and I agree with you completely.  I am head of a single's organization (55 to 75+) in my state, and I hear constantly from men and the women that they can't find anyone descent.  Where are they? Do we have unrealistic expectations in who we would like to have in our lives?  Men say they want a woman that is attractive, sweet and intellingent, but the first thing they want to do is jump in "the sack".  Women say they want someone who is understanding, kind and has a thick wallet, and most times they will settle for anyone that comes along, and gives them the least amount of attention to have companionship.  Also we have as many men as women looking for someone to bankroll them as well as take care of  them. 

 

In this area as in many communities, women outnumber the men 10 to 1, and if one lady doesn't work out they jump to the next one, the next one etc., and the cavalier attitude about sex is unbelieveable.!!! There are several reasons this happens.

 

 l.  Not being able to get pregrenant at this age. 

2.  While married or in a committed relationship most men have never had to use protection,

3.  Being in a new area where you aren't around immediate family and life long friends, adds to the ease of jumping from partner to partner without any embrassment or shame.

 

Two years ago the actions of the older, single adult  population in our area gave this community  the reputation (as reported on CNN) as having the fastest growing STD's and AIDS rate of any community in the entire US.  That's enough to scare anyone dating at this age.

 

I wish I had the answer, but I'm looking like everyone else. What makes some of us different  is we do not want to be a person that "settles for" just someone who comes along and shows us some attention.  There is an older song that goes something like this - "It's so sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along".  We should all have a list of criterias for the type of person we would like in our lives, and I've also heard Dr. Phil say there are "deal busters", such as drugs, alochol, violence etc. we will not want in our lives. Meantime, we go on living our lives with the hopes and dreams that along the way we will meet that someone special.  We watch the days, months, and years pass by, and  are we lonely?  Sometimes we are, however we have choices.  We can sit at home or go out and live life as fully as possible.  I was asked not long ago by a man if I was lonely, and I inquired why he was asking.  His response was because women that are lonely are more likely to get involved in relationship faster.  I hesitated for a few seconds, and then answered unequivocably that I wasn't most of the time.  Being lonely is a choice.  There are other options if we choose to take them.  What hurts is sometimes not being accepted by your married or your single friends if you are intelligent, independent, outgoing, and attractive.  Both side sees you as a threat, but aren't we fortunate at this age to have an avenue to vent, grow and learn?

 

 

 
October 20, 2008, 5:39 am CDT

Never married and now...

I am 46; 5'9", buxom and not a hollywood beauty stuck in a very large midwestern town that wants to be a city.  The pickings are slim, and men seem drawn to only what they see on tv, movies or videos.  I have 0 (ZERO) desire to get that thin.  Are we just supposed to be happy knowing we may never be with anyone?
 
October 20, 2008, 6:48 am CDT

everyone wants a beauty

women want hunky men,men want models and overweight and not so good looking people that would make wonderful spouses get left in the dust. I have been divorced since 1999 and have not been able to get a date since. I got hurt a work and unable to work out due to my injury,to lose weight and dieting just don't work I am not crippled I cook clean and do laudry and am very loving but that just is not enough for any women standards are to high. women want good looking men and when they find one they think they are going to treat them right,but alass their are 300 other women just tempting to take him away so he does not treat you right. The same goes to men and model type women. People don't want relationships like it was a long time ago they want fun flings and the emphasis is on sex. I thought relationships was working together and do everything together and have fun together, to much emphasis on sex and looks.These women on todays show can keep going out with younger men and continue to feel alone and be alone to the end. I ahve already came to peace that I will die alone and never have a relationship again. women control all in a relationship I can't just walk up to a women and ask her out and she will say yes but a women always have a date with anyone they chose to.
 
October 20, 2008, 6:51 am CDT

wish i met her

Quote From: divaofkc

I am 46; 5'9", buxom and not a hollywood beauty stuck in a very large midwestern town that wants to be a city.  The pickings are slim, and men seem drawn to only what they see on tv, movies or videos.  I have 0 (ZERO) desire to get that thin.  Are we just supposed to be happy knowing we may never be with anyone?
wish I knew where you are. we would probably do well together. Keep your chin up love can be anywhere in this country
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last