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Topic : 01/20 Dating Double Standards

Number of Replies: 227
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Created on : Friday, October 17, 2008, 02:56:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/24/08) Ladies, what would you do if you had to return to the dating game in your 40s, 50s or even 60s? Dr. Phil’s guests point to a double standard between men and women. Men can date women young enough to be their daughters, while a middle-aged woman who dates younger men is sure to face criticism. Caroline is a 58-year-old grandmother who has been married three times and is still looking for her Prince Charming. She admits to traveling from Monaco to Amsterdam and throughout the States in search of love, often with younger men. Caroline says she even accepted a proposal from a man she met online -- a suitor she has never met in person! Her daughter, Anara, says the problem is not her mother’s age, but that her mom doesn’t act her age. Is Caroline just living life without limits, or is she her own worst enemy when it comes to meeting Mr. Right? Then, Dr. Phil talks to Patti Stanger, CEO of The Millionaire’s Club, an exclusive dating service that caters to wealthy men and women who are looking for love. Find out why Patti says Caroline is heading toward a life of loneliness, and learn her dating tips to increase your chances of finding a mate. And, Anna is only 30, but she says some men already think she’s too old to date! Her friend, Robyn, says Anna's independence turns some men off. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil cameras follow Anna for a night on the town. Plus, meet a divorced mom who says she’s been on the dating scene for 15 years and has yet to find a man her age who wants to commit.. Join the discussion.

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October 20, 2008, 11:17 am CDT

Dating Double Standards

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona

Ramona

Be ware-take it slow. Having married at 23 to a 37 year old didn't seem like a problem at the time. Now, at 51 and he's 65 everything has changed. I'm not ready to stop and he is. I want to go out and he doesn't. Sex is over-has been for several years. Medical probably, but he won't go see a doctor. Many more issues than I bargained for.

Susan

 
October 20, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona
Sounds like he might be looking for some "arm candy" to stoke his ego.
 
October 20, 2008, 10:45 pm CDT

Don't Give Up 40something

Quote From: mikelina

I'm 43 (almost) with 2 kids that are with me pretty much year-round.  My ex left me for a woman 7 years younger than me and moved 1/2 way across the country last year to be with her.  Divorce has been final since this spring.  Besides being too busy to get back out on the dating scene because I'm the sole parent, I'm not feeling my prospects are all that promising.  I've been told I look younger than my age, but if a woman who's 30 is having trouble getting dates what are my chances looking like I'm in my mid-30's?
I'm 42 and in a similar boat. I've been divorced for almost 10 yrs to a dead beat dad so needless to say I too am a sole parent. With limited time to spend on getting to know a guy I have been thru a few "throw-backs" and glad I did. If I learned anything from my divorce it's to have faith and put your confidence face first. Don't give up, he's out there somewhere. One thing I can say about the dating scene at our age (but look like we're in our 30's) is that shifting the focus to mysef and accomplishing things that please me first instead of focusing on looking for "Mr Right" pays off. Self confidence in a woman is attractive to a decent man. Never make a guy the center of your world. If a guy "fits" into my schedule and is understanding to my role as a parent, then I know he will likely have respect for me as a partner. I learned not to"lose myself" in a relationship. I am fortunate to have met a good guy about 5 yrs ago and even though it's going slow due to commitment issues and an ex-wife issue (another show) I'm confident that in the end we will have grown and respected "our" relationship enough not to make mistakes and go thru another divorce each. Good luck!
 
October 21, 2008, 7:27 am CDT

To completed my Registertion

Quote From: rclower

Reading this segment promo, makes me worry about my relationship. I am 47 he is 67. I have never been married, he has been married twice before. We've gone out once and I am feeling anxious about this. I feel like I am dating out of my league but I don't exactly have men my age beatting down the door for me. On our 'date' he tells me he thougth I was in my 30's. So I am wondering if he asked me out because he thought it would look good on his belt to have a much younger woman or if he really likes me for me. I am not sure what I feel for him. This is the first date I have had in years and I am clueless. My sister asked me how was my date with grandpa, so, i am not sure this is a great idea. - ramona
 
October 21, 2008, 7:59 am CDT

Kind of you

Quote From: fireman453

wish I knew where you are. we would probably do well together. Keep your chin up love can be anywhere in this country
Thought your message was kind to the gal who sees life as (cruel) as it seems to be.It is decent of you to encourage her so  thanks from a 44 year old single attractive woman who treats all women as gorgeous lovable and wants society to do the same. I find it difficult to date because most men don't see me for kindness, integrity and spunky independence, just for (looks only). I always look for the ones with integrity, the people who encourage others self esteem. Thank you for speaking up fireguy.
 
October 21, 2008, 1:17 pm CDT

Men who prefer older women

Many men, I'm one of them, are infact attracted to older women.  I find there are more men attracted to older women than women who are open to dating younger men.  There is website, urbancougar.com that was featured on several shows a couple of years ago.
 
October 22, 2008, 7:58 am CDT

Yes, its true

Quote From: bostonu02

Many men, I'm one of them, are infact attracted to older women.  I find there are more men attracted to older women than women who are open to dating younger men.  There is website, urbancougar.com that was featured on several shows a couple of years ago.
Yes, I have noticed that too. I've dated men from from a few years to 8 years younger (they wanted to) I gave it a fair try, not yet finding the maturity level I am seeking. Young men are gorgeous, and there is nothing wrong with anyone seeking that  for an older woman. It's great for me to pass for a 30 yr old(I'm 44) that it a beautiful thing. Looks isn't everything it part of the person only. I  usually have great discussions with men my age because they have interesting live experiences. I don't call myself a cougar. I am not seeking a man for financial reasons. Life is a delight, not a game of catching someone, or for that matter-hurting someone. To be loving is my hourly goal whether I am alone(not lonely) or not.
 
October 22, 2008, 1:47 pm CDT

10/24 Dating Double Standards

This is just one example of many double standards for dating/romance for women.  Another example is that "ugly"/overweight men can date thin, pretty women, but change those positions and it's suddenly weird and wrong.
 
October 22, 2008, 4:07 pm CDT

from Mauvegirl to Fireman

Quote From: fireman453

women want hunky men,men want models and overweight and not so good looking people that would make wonderful spouses get left in the dust. I have been divorced since 1999 and have not been able to get a date since. I got hurt a work and unable to work out due to my injury,to lose weight and dieting just don't work I am not crippled I cook clean and do laudry and am very loving but that just is not enough for any women standards are to high. women want good looking men and when they find one they think they are going to treat them right,but alass their are 300 other women just tempting to take him away so he does not treat you right. The same goes to men and model type women. People don't want relationships like it was a long time ago they want fun flings and the emphasis is on sex. I thought relationships was working together and do everything together and have fun together, to much emphasis on sex and looks.These women on todays show can keep going out with younger men and continue to feel alone and be alone to the end. I ahve already came to peace that I will die alone and never have a relationship again. women control all in a relationship I can't just walk up to a women and ask her out and she will say yes but a women always have a date with anyone they chose to.
Hi, I thought a few things you said were right on, especially about having real fun together

   I hear you especially about people not seeming to want real relationships nowadays. If you were to see me you'd assume (what you have just written about)a thin beautiful woman not  even considering at looking at a guy like you( as you describe yourself). I am just like you-old fashioned values. You describe what I was looking for in dating when I was dating. I rarely even get asked out as it is. I've been told by more than a few (uncouragous sweet guys) that they'd be  afraid I would reject them! No wonder I rarely have a date! even though my butt gets a lot of attention I don't personally!
    I find that offensive-that so many men assume- so much about me because I happen to look good because I do take care of myself, since I certainly am not judging them by their looks! Very few men actually bother to talk to me at all. Most conversations start because I talk to men first.,In fact I usually feel more comfortable talking with men like you(who know what they want).
 That's why it is of utmost importance for everyone to remain optimistic no matter how they look (it how you feel that makes you who you are)  and please don't assume or judge someone by looks only since you could be missing out if you do. I look great for my age because I take loving care of myself and yet I live below the poverty level in Canada. Proof that you just cannot judge a person on first glance.
 In my books, integrity and values count, not the bar scene or with people with sex only agendas. I love a good conversation.I don't fit any preconceived mold now or when I was young.
 
October 23, 2008, 1:05 am CDT

Age is just a number

We will never get away from the double standards...

I don't see why people have to worry about what everyone else is doing in their personal lives.  So what, an older woman is acting younger and dating younger men...  she has lived her life and raised her children.  She should be able to enjoy what time she has left in her life. 

My mom recently started dating a man (he just happens to be her age) and started acting almost like a giddy, love-struck teenager again.  I am happy for her that she has found something that makes her feel like she is young again and makes her happy.  She raised her children.  She worked to give us a life and we now have our own husbands and lives.  Why should she have to continue her life unhappy, just getting older and feeling it?  This is her time again to do as she pleases, and do what makes her happy and to keep her feeling like she is still young and have a life of her own again...
 
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