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Topic : 04/07 Broken Trust

Number of Replies: 132
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Created on : Thursday, October 23, 2008, 01:01:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/27/08) A recent Reader’s Digest poll ranked trust as the number one crucial quality for a happy marriage. But what happens when trust between spouses is broken? Deanne and Brian have been married for 12 years and have four children between them. Now, due to alleged lies and infidelity, divorce is just a signature away. Deanne says that Brian has had multiple affairs, inappropriately touched his stepdaughter’s friend, sent messages to other women and seldom wears his wedding ring. Brian says that’s all in the past. He blames Deanne’s long work hours and his previous alcohol abuse for his straying, and says that if those two things remain under control, he thinks their marriage can work. Deanne’s daughters, meanwhile, have conflicting opinions. Find out whose side they’re on. Will this family remain divided? And, can and should this marriage survive? Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 27, 2008, 3:29 pm CDT

Not wearing wedding ring

I'm just starting in middle of the show here, but in regards to Dr. Phil's questions regarding this guy on the show not wearing his wedding band because he's a automotive mechanic. There seemed to me to be some skepticism from Dr. Phil about his explanation of this. I work in the heavy equipment industry, and we are not allowed to wear rings or necklaces since they are a safety hazard. If you insist on wearing these items during work, you will be told to leave, and our union backs up the company on this. Gold is an excellent conductor of electricity and rings and necklaces can get snagged on all kinds of things when you're working on engines. If I wear it to work, I don't always remember to put my wedding ring back on after work, and more often than not, I don't bother taking it to work with me, anyway. My wife understands this and doesn't have a problem with it, because she would rather me come home uninjured. Just my two cents.

 
October 27, 2008, 3:37 pm CDT

10/27 Broken Trust

Quote From: porkchop62

I watched your show with my husband and he had a fit when Deanne mentioned her husband did not wear his wedding ring. Well my husband was a mechanic and he has never wore a wedding. If you are working on a car, van, or heavy equipment you do not want to be wearing a ring of any kind. My brother was a mechanic and he always took off any rings or left therm home before going to work. I think Brian should let his wife file the divorce papers and run and make a new life because she is controling and he will never be able to satisfy her. I do believe he should spend more time with his son because he needs some guidence right now. This family will be better off if there is a divorce. I believe they will get along better being apart. I don't like to see people get divorced if the marriage can be saved, but it is not the case here.
I agree with 'ya. I don't think this one has a chance, and she's a nutcase if she stays. Even Dr. Phil said how she has no type of emotion with any of it. She was stone cold. How much more of this can everyone in the family take? She will never trust him anymore, (believe me), and I wouldn't trust her going to Reno with " a friend" on her birthday every year. What's up with that? I would never do that and I'm sure my hubby wouldn't appreciate it either. I would never think of ever doing anything like that.. And she thinks it's just fine. And what is she doing on the computer from 6am-4am??? Even with a buisness that's a little too long. Poor kids. And once a cheater, always a cheater.
 
October 27, 2008, 3:44 pm CDT

10/27 Broken Trust

Quote From: jtcdavis

I'm just starting in middle of the show here, but in regards to Dr. Phil's questions regarding this guy on the show not wearing his wedding band because he's a automotive mechanic. There seemed to me to be some skepticism from Dr. Phil about his explanation of this. I work in the heavy equipment industry, and we are not allowed to wear rings or necklaces since they are a safety hazard. If you insist on wearing these items during work, you will be told to leave, and our union backs up the company on this. Gold is an excellent conductor of electricity and rings and necklaces can get snagged on all kinds of things when you're working on engines. If I wear it to work, I don't always remember to put my wedding ring back on after work, and more often than not, I don't bother taking it to work with me, anyway. My wife understands this and doesn't have a problem with it, because she would rather me come home uninjured. Just my two cents.

I agree, and I also cannot work with any jewelry on, in a pharmacutical company. My husband does not wear his either because of his position. But when we go out, he puts it on and I do too. I heard somewhere during the show that somebody saw him take the ring off during some event. Like sneakin it in his pocket. OK, that's not good.
 
October 27, 2008, 3:47 pm CDT

Ugh.

If I had not seen the title of the show I would never have guessed they were married. I could have sworn those were two unattached people on stage. There is no way in h3ll a marriage can work (or a family for that matter) when both people are so self absorbed. Marriage = learning to share your life with another person. You don't need to completely lose your independence or self identity but there are limits to certain activities.

They're both tools.

As far as trust issues go, even though I'm in my mid-20's (married too) I have seen more marriages than I should fail miserably. A few had foolishly believed marriage would be a cure-all for issues such as trust. Yes ladies and gents, if he/she cheated on you while dating or the engagement, chances are they will do it again. A ring and a piece of paper will not change that. One couple I know "recovered" from infidelity on the husband's part, but their relationship will never, EVER be the same. I don't like to over generalize and say once a cheater, always a cheater (even though it is true more often than not) but to think that you can restore a relationship to it's original condition after cheating is pretty unrealistic.

To the poster that said one who cannot learn to trust again does not understand love you are mistaken. Relationships are built on more than just love, as they cannot survive on love alone for too long.
 
October 27, 2008, 3:48 pm CDT

Trust Episode: Advice for Deanna

I hope that somehow Deanna will read this.  I made a profile on this website specifically because I wanted to tell her something.  I cannot believe how such an intelligent, beautiful, motivated, loving woman can be so dedicated to such a bad husband.  I think you should get a divorce and never look back.  You will always be in a family; you will always have your children.  You are so lovely and loyal and I know you could do so much better.  That man does not deserve you.  There are plenty of faithful men out there; I really do fear that your husband will keep hurting you. 
 
October 27, 2008, 3:53 pm CDT

Broken Trust

Quote From: jtcdavis

I'm just starting in middle of the show here, but in regards to Dr. Phil's questions regarding this guy on the show not wearing his wedding band because he's a automotive mechanic. There seemed to me to be some skepticism from Dr. Phil about his explanation of this. I work in the heavy equipment industry, and we are not allowed to wear rings or necklaces since they are a safety hazard. If you insist on wearing these items during work, you will be told to leave, and our union backs up the company on this. Gold is an excellent conductor of electricity and rings and necklaces can get snagged on all kinds of things when you're working on engines. If I wear it to work, I don't always remember to put my wedding ring back on after work, and more often than not, I don't bother taking it to work with me, anyway. My wife understands this and doesn't have a problem with it, because she would rather me come home uninjured. Just my two cents.

I have to agree with you on the part about the wedding ring, my husband owned his own automotive shop at times he couldnt wear his ring cause of the type of work he did, also when he worked as an electrician his workplace wouldnt allow them to wear their rings so they wouldnt hurt themselves. I also would like to comment on the daughter saying how she felt about her mom and step dad, I feel the same way she does about my parents and I am 34 years old, my parents go through the same thing but my mom is so controling with my dad and follows him around everywhere even when he goes to the bathroom, she is so insecure that she does crazy things, she fakes a heart attack when he had to go out of town for business at work, etc, that is so unfair to my dad and my dad is dumb for staying with him. He is only my step dad but to me he is like my real dad, I believe they would be better off seperate than together. Sometimes families need to look and see how they feel with each other, for me and my husband he trusts me and I trust him, I dont mind what he does and he doesnt me. I do like to control sometimes though lol.

Janie

 
October 27, 2008, 3:55 pm CDT

10/27 Broken Trust

Quote From: theloniousjw

What they need is a spiritual higher power, for me it is God. He needs to go to meetings for his addiction, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps. She needs to go to meetings as well and learn about her husband sickness, it's just like cancer you cannot do wrong for wrong the bible tells you that  for better or worst is a vow in God eyesight  you need to  ask God  for forgiviness. Your son is acting  out because  of you  guys disfunction when you  get  right  he'll get right .I know because I am  a  victim of  this. I'm a  recovering  addict  working  this program, dealing  with  trust with my  wife but for the grace of  God  with my meetings and support with addicts like me I am making it.HER MOTHER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER DIVORCEING HIM OR NOT IT'S JUST AS MUCH HER FAULT AS HIS SO GO TO GOD IT'S THE ONLY WAY,SUPPORT HIM AND GET TO GO TO MEETINGS AND EVERYTHING IS GOING  TO BE ALL RIGHT. I HOPE YOU GUY'S GET  THIS  MESSAGE  MY DEED IS DONE GOD BLESS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Good luck with the meetings. I did it for 14 yrs. Some things you have to change starting from the problem at hand, like your living conditions, wife, husband, your past, whatever. You have to seek the base problems of your drinking and drugging. Otherwise you'll have the same problems but without the drinking, etc.( which will drive ya nuts). I love my God and I believe that He does take care of everything in His own time. He puts everything right in front of us. It's up to us to do His Will.
 
October 27, 2008, 4:05 pm CDT

10/27 Broken Trust

Quote From: ramair

Deanne already had one failed marriage. To marry a man who was already cheating on her, especially after the counselor warned her not to, was beyond stupid. Good enough for her!
 I agree. What was she thinking?? What the heck?? What is he and she hanging onto? She's a nutcase herself going on her "birthday trip" with her friend for years that just happened to buy a condo or house right across the street.  They warned her, he cheated supposidly when they were engaged and still all these problems after, what? 12 years?? OMG, don't put the kids through anything else. Get it over with!!!!!!!
 
October 27, 2008, 4:54 pm CDT

Karma

My husband and I were both "players" when we hooked up. He much more so than me.

He "played" after  we married, I have not.  I will never forgive or forget.. but at my age (60) I can wait a while... things have a way of working out in the long run.  Guilt free is a wonderful and powerful place to be. I spend time with my kids and grandkids, work out, travel, shop, read, hang out with friends, and basically do what ever I please. 

He on the other hand...jumps when the phone rings, looks out windows, hides his phone, runs for the mail, lies pathologically, drinks too much and takes 12 medications daily to stay alive. 40 years of  trying to juggle worlds has taken a huge toll. He would never admit it but he has become the old stud horse that can't even find its way back to the barn. Tee-hee  Oh ya... he has to be nice to me..not just out of guilt but because he just might need a strong, capable and familiar care giver.  But, pay backs a bitch and I am guilt free.

My situation is different but still related. If I were younger, it would be about the children. Now, its all about me!!

Northwoods Diva

 
October 27, 2008, 7:09 pm CDT

10/27 Broken Trust

Quote From: kittty56

OK, I can tell again, that you are young. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They're men and that's all they have on their minds. Good luck on rebuilding your trust.
I can tell you are bitter, and your radar isn't working.
 
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