Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

Bullying Cyber Doctor Phil. Now you have done it Doctor Phil. You have gone too far Doctor Phil. Becareful-

whe you are at work. See you on Tuesday October 28th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----------

Bullies have always existed, and kids have always been hurt by them. The web offers a chance to escape from all that, and  learn about whatever interests you. On line you aren't restricted to your physical community. You can read about what interests you. You can go on forums and make new friends who are interested in the same things you are. It is wonderful to make friends outside the community, and provided you live by one simple rule it is completely safe. The rule is use an on line handle to keep yourself annon on the web, so that your on line life, and your personal life are completely seperate.  My Space and face book aren't sensible to get involved in, but if you do, NEVER use your real name, or facts that could connect your page directly back to you. Keeping your on line and off line lives seperate, protects you both from bullies you know and bullies you don't know.

Never give out your home address to friends on line... unless perhaps to someone you have known for years and truely know this person to be whom they say they are... and provided you are over 18 and... have great intuition about people.... and well really it is best not to, but if you must, then save it for your very best on line friends. Be equally careful about who you tell your on line handles too. If you really want to share a forum you enjoy with a friend, make sure that person is a loyal friend, or that it would not bother you if all your class mates read every word of your favorite forum, and every other forum you use that handle on. Also for that reason it doesn't hurt to have several handles for different forums.

I think the internet gets unfair treatment on the news, and even on Dr. Phil. The internet is a wonderful resource, where you can learn about virtually anything. If used properly the internet is the biggest library in the world, litterally a modern reincarnation of the Library of Alexandera. In general if I had to advise I'd say as long as you maintain your annon status, and keep your on line and your off line seperate, then the web is completely safe, and you can enjoy chatting about whatever interests tou. Your real life is the potential danger. People on the web can't hurt you and generally live in other states and sometimes in other countries. it is interesting to talk to people from all over the world, It is also good to get away from those bullies and talk to people who respect your on line persona.

In general there are sites you should avoid. Those inclued Pornography, which spreads computer virus. The dating sites should be avoided in my opinion, because those people are desperate and desperate people are potentially dangerous. It is better to get involved in web communities and forums. Avoid anything that might compromise your annon status, and for god's sake don't post your pic on the open web..

I think that it's very bad for people to be cyber bulling. These kind of thing can ruin people's future's. However, there are some who are rightly justified, such as Victoria Lindsay (anyone remember that), after she had a argument with the girls on some private issues which I'm not going to get into. I've been following up on that since the beginning, & those girls have absolutely no right to do what they did to her by beating her up. Whatever happened to "sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Now look, they want to take the cowards way out by having their lawyers trying to expose her lifestyle to make her look like the guilty one & to ruin her reputation. See here (there is a source who is very close to the lindsay family named Unknown):

http://www.topix.com/city/lakeland-fl/2008/04/8-teens-arrested-in-beating-of-lakeland-girl/p302?threadid=ORNG40EBG086IH4I

Just scroll down below. It's absurd, & ridiculous. I abosolutely feel very sorry for Victoria in what she has to go through. Hopefully her lawyers will put a stop to it.

As for the show, I'll have to wait & see before I make any judgements on it.

I agree that bullying is no worse, simply because it is on the internet. In a way it is better, than having them making phone calls or egging your house, or beating you up... or even mouthing off in front of other people at school.

It's and interesting co-incidence that I am 48, and was also picked on in school. I never fit in really... and I caught quite a bit of flack in school, I almost never think of it now. The weird thing too is that whenever I see one of my former bullies now, they try to be ultra nice to me. They never mention the bullying, and they act like we were best friends in school or something. I think this is kind of weird, but whatever gets them through the day. I suspect it bothers them a lot more than it does me, cause a lot of stuff has happened in the last thirty year that makes my highschool days look rather bland and unimportant. I admit I haven't exactly forgiven them all, but it isn't something that I think about now. I honestly think it stopped bothering me at least 20 years ago... completely. Some of it had to do with finding out that one of my ex bullies, life was really miserable last time our paths crossed. Karma works, and even though she hurt me, I still wish that woman's life was better. I mean she deserves it, but still... I wish her load was a bit lighter. Believe me what goes around comes around, and usually long after they give up bullying and become wives and mothers, and try to be respectable, that is when Karma comes to roost. Not only is revenge a dish that is best served cold. You don't even have to serve it. It just happens. Life always kicks bullies in the teeth when they least expect it.

I believe we experience many things in life, and scars can heal. What happens to us in life is sometimes beyond our control, but how we think and feel about it, is our choice.. It has been thirty years, so why hold on to this any more? Why let it rule your life? It sounds like this impacted your self image, while with me it really didn't. They were the ones who were flawed, not us. See it now, even if you couldn't see it then. YOU weren't weaker, THEY were weaker. They were the ones who were messed up, psychologically flawed, and such. They were just mixed up flawed kids. They probably grew up to be mixed up flawed adults. You cannot change the past, and you can't change other people, but you can change yourself, and how you feel about yourself. I agree, they wrote on your slate. A lot of people have wrote on all our slates, People say things to us every day, and we choose how to interpret them. WE can take it personally, or we can realize that the way people act is more about them than us. As children we don't know that, but as adults, when we look back, we should realize that the child that picked on us WAS just a child, who was acting out because THEY were desturbed, trumatized, or otherwise flawed or damaged, It had nothing to do with us, other than the fact we were there.

Dwelling on the past isn't productive, and dwelling on a negative past, just draws negativity to you. It is better to forgive and forget, and just move on. You are an adult now, and YOU choose what your life is about. I know it is hard to get over that stuff. I remember for many years after high school, I would feel anger and hatred as I thumbed through the year book, or when certain people's names were mentioned, but eventually you just have to put those things away and move on. You have to realize that those people have nothing to do with your life now. Those things are in the past, and it is only you who are clinging to them and giving them a life of their own in the present.

Cyberspace has so many advantages and great ways to find great resources for anything that we need.  Unfortunately,  Man has perverted cyberspace so badly to where now we have "cyberbullying".  Now it's so easy to bash someone and spread rumors about them, not only around school or the work place, but spreading them throughout the whole entire world.  Are we this cowardly that we have to hurt others by bashing them through the Internet?  Teenagers have no business having a My Space nor any other chat account to begin with.  We as parents need to block websites that can be threatening to our children, and monitor where they surf.  Limit their time in the Internet. Put them in other activities so that they do not have time to be bullying others in the Internet.   That is why we have family safety, so what we can keep our children from this type of danger.  I know that not everything is controllable and we cannot be with our children 24-7, but we can do our best to prevent stuff like this from happening .  It's better than doing nothing about it. 

We need to set an example for our kids.  It's just plain common sense!  I remember the poor 13 year old girl committing suicide because a PARENT disguised herself as a 16 year old boy and toyed with this girl's mind, just so that she can get information if this 13 year old girl was talking bad about her daughters.. How mature of her!!  In my eyes, this lady is a murderer for doing such a horrible thing.  A parent lost a child because of another parent's immature action and poor judgement.   I have a 13 year old son, and I don't know what I would be capable of if a neighbor is remotely hurting my child like that.  If our children look at this wonderful example,  they will think that it is acceptable to bully someone around in the Internet.  If our  kids see us fight, argue and bully little league coaches, karate instructors, teachers and neighbors, guess what.?  They are going to do the same thing, whether if it's through the Internet or live.  That's right, it will bite right back at us.

Dr Phill is right.. Bullies love an audience, and they will do anything to get attention.  When someone, whether if it's a friend, schoolmate or a family member, tries to bully and upset my son in some form or fashion, my husband and I always remind our son that bullies are nothing but cowards with a low self esteem, that loves to grill a kid with great morals just to make themselves look high and mighty.  Bottomline:  Teenagers should not have access to My Space or any other chat account until they are grown and out of the house.