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Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

Number of Replies: 132
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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:49:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Bullies love an audience, and there’s no bigger playground than the World Wide Web. Cyber bullies create vulgar MySpace posts to taunt others, or send harassing text messages and threatening e-mails. Dr. Phil tackles this topic head on with his son, Jay, whose new book, Jay McGraw’s Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, offers action-oriented plans. Jay recently sat down with a group of teens to get their perspective on cyber bullying -- and they didn’t hold back! Learn what concerns the students the most. Next, 17-year-old Austyn says a close friend turned on her, hacked into her MySpace account and reformatted the page to say that Austyn is a " slut," a “sag” and a “butter face.”  Austyn says she now has a bad reputation at school and shows Dr. Phil producers a typical day in her life. What can the teen do to empower herself? Steve DeWarns, a police officer and founder of Internetchildsafety.net, explains when cyber bullying becomes a crime. Then, is your child capable of intimidating other kids? Jay gives the Dos and Don’ts of reacting to a bully. Plus, meet a teen who fears his future may be ruined after a fake MySpace page was created in his name, and a mother who says her 15-year-old son was bullied to death. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 29, 2008, 2:49 pm CDT

100% agree

Quote From: andyupnorth

It's funny how during the whole episode any mention of the words defamation/slander/libel is omitted.  The producers know full well that these laws already exist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamation).  The internet postings are an obvious violation of the law, and it's a shame that Dr. Phil didn't point that out.

Their senator would be reinventing the wheel if she were to write a new bill/legislation instead of enforcing the existing laws.  No wonder she's having a hard time pushing it through the Senate:  They all realize that it's just a waste of time!  She's just trying to give the appearance that she's doing useful work.
 
 
I know for a fact of a law in Michigan MCL 750.411s  which is an unlawful posting of message through the use of the internet.  This is a felony charge!   I hop e the guests from the show pursue this further with local authorities- 
 
October 29, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

Ugh...cyber bullying. I've left two forums because of it. Forums that which are probably STILL making fun of me behind my back, but I could care less, it just proves to me that they are about as mature as 4-year-olds.

 

The first one I went to started okay, except for the fact that I made my intro post, my very FIRST post ever on that forum, and someone responded to it with something rude. (I said that I like tattoos and philosophy, and the first post after that was "Hi, can we talk philosophically why I think tattoos are a waste of time?")

 

Things went shakey after that, because people on that forum were extremely opinionated, but when I went to the "Webcomics" thread, where we could post links to and share webcomics we liked, I posted a link to one of my favorites, and of course the very first post after mine was "This comic is s*it." After that, followed THREE PAGES of people making fun of me and the comic.  I told them it made me feel bad that they were wantonly making cracks at this comic and it's author, because I did like it, and they told me to shut up and allow them their opinions. They took pages from the comic, edited the words and pictures, and also took quotes from my posts and edited them to make ME look stupid. I asked a moderator to lock the topic three times, but they didn't do anything and allowed the bullying to continue for two more pages before I finally left.

 

Then the second forum I went to started out okay as well, and actually went on fine for a few weeks, until someone from the previous forum I had just left recognized me. This spelled my doom on this forum as well. After that, every post I made in any thread they joined as well was teased and cracked at. They even started telling lies about me and saying I was banned from the previous forum, when I did in fact leave of my own accord. Then I started a thread in the movies topic about how I thought it was a bad idea to have Jake Gyllenhal playing the Prince of Persia, and all chaos broke loose. Everyone who disagreed with me, moderators included, saw fit to pick on me for everything they could think of. Things that didn't even have anything to do whatsoever with the original topic. They made fun of me for talking about my boyfriend, they made fun of my boyfriend himself, they did the same thing the people on the other forum did and quoted my posts and altered the words. Then they started fighting among themselves about who wanted to say what first about me. ("Aw, I wanted to quote her last post, but you beat me to it!" were some of the things they did.) It was no use talking to a mod, because there were two of them that were participating in the bullying.

 

So I went to another topic and decided to forget that one. Nope. I was followed over there too. I posted something entirely different, completely separate from the other topic where the bullying started, and in it I stated that I have Japanese heritage. Someone remembered that I had said I was a natural blonde (which I am) and said that it's not possible for me to be Japanese because of that. That's when the racist comments started. (I don't usually like to throw that word around, because there are so many times that it is misused, but this was appropriate). They said that I have to be lying about my race, because it's not possible for Japanese people to have blonde hair unless they are albinos. Then one of them actually hunted down my photobucket page, and started posting pictures of me without my permission, tagging them with comments like "EW. Definately NOT Japanese." And once more, mods and users alike joined in the "fun" and I was the butt of all their racist jokes.

 

I went to another mod, and he was no help either. He said he didn't think he should do anything about it, that I was annoying him, and that the people making fun of me are mature and I was just being a "petty *ss." And that he was going to ban me for bothering him with "what you laughingly refer to as racism."

 

I tried to go over his head to board administration, but they were no help either, saying they have no control over how their software is used. So once again, I left that forum.

 

Internet bullying is just as bad as bullying in real life. I don't get how some people can think it's different, let alone OK to treat someone like crap just because there's a computer screen separating. Behind the username is a real person with feelings.

 
October 29, 2008, 7:46 pm CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

Quote From: freakycat125

I agree that bullying is no worse, simply because it is on the internet. In a way it is better, than having them making phone calls or egging your house, or beating you up... or even mouthing off in front of other people at school.

 

It's and interesting co-incidence that I am 48, and was also picked on in school. I never fit in really... and I caught quite a bit of flack in school, I almost never think of it now. The weird thing too is that whenever I see one of my former bullies now, they try to be ultra nice to me. They never mention the bullying, and they act like we were best friends in school or something. I think this is kind of weird, but whatever gets them through the day. I suspect it bothers them a lot more than it does me, cause a lot of stuff has happened in the last thirty year that makes my highschool days look rather bland and unimportant. I admit I haven't exactly forgiven them all, but it isn't something that I think about now. I honestly think it stopped bothering me at least 20 years ago... completely. Some of it had to do with finding out that one of my ex bullies, life was really miserable last time our paths crossed. Karma works, and even though she hurt me, I still wish that woman's life was better. I mean she deserves it, but still... I wish her load was a bit lighter. Believe me what goes around comes around, and usually long after they give up bullying and become wives and mothers, and try to be respectable, that is when Karma comes to roost. Not only is revenge a dish that is best served cold. You don't even have to serve it. It just happens. Life always kicks bullies in the teeth when they least expect it.

 

I believe we experience many things in life, and scars can heal. What happens to us in life is sometimes beyond our control, but how we think and feel about it, is our choice.. It has been thirty years, so why hold on to this any more? Why let it rule your life? It sounds like this impacted your self image, while with me it really didn't. They were the ones who were flawed, not us. See it now, even if you couldn't see it then. YOU weren't weaker, THEY were weaker. They were the ones who were messed up, psychologically flawed, and such. They were just mixed up flawed kids. They probably grew up to be mixed up flawed adults. You cannot change the past, and you can't change other people, but you can change yourself, and how you feel about yourself. I agree, they wrote on your slate. A lot of people have wrote on all our slates, People say things to us every day, and we choose how to interpret them. WE can take it personally, or we can realize that the way people act is more about them than us. As children we don't know that, but as adults, when we look back, we should realize that the child that picked on us WAS just a child, who was acting out because THEY were desturbed, trumatized, or otherwise flawed or damaged, It had nothing to do with us, other than the fact we were there.

 

Dwelling on the past isn't productive, and dwelling on a negative past, just draws negativity to you. It is better to forgive and forget, and just move on. You are an adult now, and YOU choose what your life is about. I know it is hard to get over that stuff. I remember for many years after high school, I would feel anger and hatred as I thumbed through the year book, or when certain people's names were mentioned, but eventually you just have to put those things away and move on. You have to realize that those people have nothing to do with your life now. Those things are in the past, and it is only you who are clinging to them and giving them a life of their own in the present.

I agree with you in regards to dwelling on the past but it is difficult to overcome. So meanwhile (before adulthood) one is having to go through the experience of being bullied. I believe, to a much more extreme of bullying than in the past. This is real, growth with violence (physical, mental, and social) in younger children is reality. Consider this could be linked to depression and anxiety in children who are victims.

 

I do not agree that bullying today is not worse than when you or I were younger. I too am in my 40's, and have daughter's who deal with "mean girls" everyday. We are lucky to be in a school district that has some bullying education. However, it is not working, and not to the right people; the offenders. Not enough is being done unless it is very physical. Many bullies (in our area) are high achievers who do well. Many are spoiled, know better by parenting guidance but are cunning in the way they hide from teachers, administrators, and their own parents. These bully's and/or victims are the "mixed up" future adults you talk of. Can't we try to lower those statistics? Lets all try to help by writing to our senators (link on Dr. Phil's website).

 
October 30, 2008, 7:57 am CDT

SafeWave.org

Quote From: jeanfledu

Andrew and his Mother had a compelling story and in my opinion made the show more interesting.

How could a school ignore this? The kids who did this to him must be made known so they can either be helped or punished. Is Jay looking into this ? Is the sheriff ignoring their complaint because he's too busy ?

 Is Dr. Phil helping them with the sheriff report ?  Is the Senator going to help them ?

And who is safewave his mom mentioned  on her board  post thanking Dr. Phil? 

I guess there was a lot more to the story and not enough time.

Too bad Andrew worries about college and job acceptance because of the myspace posting. 

I do wish Andrew all the luck in the world  it was brave of him to tell his story.

Jean

Jean,

 

Thank you for your concern with Andrew and wishing him the best.  At this point, Dr. Phil's contribution has been to increase national awareness of the seriousness of cyber bullying, an important element for curbing it.

 

We need to continue to educate parents and students and also give kids a safe place to go on the Internet.

SafeWave is the creator of www.iLAND5.com.  This site is content  monitored, age appropriate, predator free, and cyber bullying controlled.  It is only for children ages 5-18 and the child's school must verify his or her identification before they can become a member.  This is how predators, impostor profiles and the such are kept out.  If all social networking sites verified a persons identification before they became a member, what happened to Andrew would have never happened.  This site is built  around educational content and kids can play games, IM, chat, and create their own homepage.  None of their personal information is ever displayed.

The CEO of SafeWave.org really helped Andrew.  He gave us direction and continued to fight for my son.  I am sure the page would have never came down had it not been for him. 

As Dr. Phil stated, we need to continue to press for National Legislation, which is what Debbie Johnston is doing, so that there are real consequences for cyber bullying.

 
October 30, 2008, 1:46 pm CDT

you are not alone...

Quote From: darthk

I know how these kids feel. All through school I was constantly bullied. They felt that I was an easy target because I was disabled. I tried to stand up to them but it didnt work very long. I eventually started insulting myself before they would but it didnt always help. I got treated like a piece of trash. Sometimes my teachers would even make belittling comments to me. Even today I get bullied online and off. I know that Dr. Phil said tell a teacher and/or your parents but nether one of those will work. I love my parents very much, but I know how they would react. My dad wouldnt know what to do and my mom would say that Im over reacting or blowing it out of proportion. I have no one to talk to about it. It has really affected me! I hardly go out anywhere, Im single because Im afraid of what they will say, and according to Dr. Phils lists, Im depressed and cover 4 of the criteria for being suicidal. I dont know about the suicidal thing but it does scare me! BULLYING NEEDS TO STOP!!!!

I know how you discribe the situation that it hurts a great deal. It hurts everyone that has been bullied.It hurts if you have any human emotion at all, so now I ask you a question. You discribe yourself as a disabled individual; my son and others in his school has been bullied by a mentally disabled individual, is that different from any other bullying? Is that any different or does that feel any different if you are disabled, handicaped or not?

I guess I need an answer from someone who knows first hand how it feels to be harrassed. This kid has been bullying in school (who knows where else...) and it has been reported but excused because he is mentally disabled. Should the punishment be more severe if a disabled student is being harrassed or should the punishment be dismissed if the bully is disabled?

 
October 30, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

Bullying

Cyber bullying and just plain bullying should not be accepted period. I have a son and I have been

fighting with the school since he was in 6th grade. They would smash his head off the

lockers and these 5 boys got suspended for 5 days. Plus he has had his glasses broken , food

throwen at him, name calling, they would start hitting him for no reason at all. I have been at the

school numerouse time arguing with them and insisting on a meeting with the parents and wanting

to press charges against these kids but got no results from the school or police. I then I fought

with the school to send him some where else well I won on that, the whole thing is why should

we have to sacrafice our lives and change our lives just because of these bullies. We as the people

should do something even if you have no childern because think you were a child once and if

it happened to you how would you feel knowing that kids are getting bullied just like you. Now a days

it gets so bad with the bulling that kids are now taking their own lifes or better yet you have these

school shootings and these kids were once bullied and mistreated by other kids in school.

     I really liked the show and it gave me some info on the bulling.

weather we have kids or no kids we need to speak out and help. Dr. Phils son Jay is awsome to

write a book like this.

 

PEOPLE LETS MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

   TY Dr.Phil for the show....

 
October 31, 2008, 9:59 pm CDT

Website responsibility

Dr. Phil, I just watched your show on cyber bullying and had a thought that I didn't hear mentioned. What about holding the websites that allow these postings of video and derogatory comments accountable or responsible in some way? I was recently on a website, ripoffreport.com because I was doing some research on a television provider and found a lot of comments from customers and also posted my own comment, as I am not happy at all with the customer service of our satallite provider. This website could be a good model for how the rest of the websites should be forced to operate. Although people can go on this website and "vent" about a poor service, they have to do it tactfully, cannot use foul language, cannot call anyone names, cannot be derogatory in any way, or threatening, etc. So what you end up with is a forum for people to say what they want to say, but in a tactful and respectful way.

I'm not saying this will be a cure-all, but it has to be a good start. If the internet is where this is taking place, then the websites providing the platforms, must have filtration in place to make sure material does not actually get posted that would not be right or fit the "bullying" criteria in any way. Yes, this means the website companies will have to hire staff to read the material and decide what makes it on and what doesn't and yes, there will be a several hour delay before material that is okay makes it on the web, but at least it will help stop some of this.

I can't imagine the owners or companies of these websites sleep very well at night knowing what kind of content is being put on THEIR websites that they created and have their name behind. Show some accountability in protecting the people that use the sites.

And as far as being able to create a web page of someone else, without that person's consent or knowledge, that is absolutely a crime and there has to be ways to circumvent this also. It should be a crime punishable by doing time, even if you're underage.

The whole scene is just absolutely rediculous!

Thanks for your time!

 
November 1, 2008, 12:25 pm CDT

Parents Cyber Bully too

It is heartbreaking that so many children are being bullied but I have to wonder if some learn this at home.  There are several forum boards that I read and there are adults who travel in packs for the sole purpose of bullying.  They go from board to board with the sole purpose of attacking others.  They go to boards and start "board wars".   They deny they are bullying and pass it off as it being their opinion or taking up for themselves while attacking most times with no provocation.   These posters are fathers, mothers and grandparents who attack and call names.  I'm sure these same folks would totally be against their children being bullied, but they see nothing wrong in the bullying they are encouraging or participating in.
 
November 5, 2008, 8:15 am CST

cyber bullies

As I see it .....well let me say first that I used to get teased all the time and really bad too when I was in school. I just ignored it because my family taught me that the only reason kids do this is because its kids nature and second of all to make themselves feel better and third of all just to see how upset and angry they make you. I just ignored it  and didnt pay any attention to the kids who did it to me at all. Because my dad and my mom and my granny raised me to have  a strong mind. I just relized that they were just trying to get to me and since they never did get to me they gave up and picked another target....Now I will admit it took them a long time to get the hint well....I geusse when your a kid it seems like forever but thinking back now on it , it only took a few months for them to get tired of me not reacting to them. If kids would relize that theyres a deleat button on the computer to get rid of the myspace and face book and other things. And then go back in and set up another profile later on and then go to school and just strengthen your mind against these bullies and I think things would be better for them.
 
November 5, 2008, 8:42 am CST

Where did I say taxes? I was cut off of CCTB.

Quote From: efffy_

You cannot just call the government and have someone's taxes changed. They have access to all your records including marriage and birth certificates.
She had me cut off of family allowance, not my taxes. And yes, it can be done it happened to me. I had to send document after document to the CCTB offices in order to prove that yes I am married, and yes I do have children. Sure they had my marriage certificate, children's birth certificates, SIN numbers, health care numbers, etc on file. They did not want to go by that. I spent 5 months sending constant documents from Dr.s, teachers, friends, family, Everyone just to get back on it. I called everyday asking why they haven't just accessed my files, I got to the point I was screaming into the phone. Don't tell me someone can not get you cut off, I went through it. I spent 5 months sending everything the Government wanted, just to turn around and have to do it again. I am the one who went through hell to prove what they already knew. I am the one who spent day after day being a pawn in the Governments ignorant game. I am the one who was not amused that the Government would ask for one thing, then when they received it, would decide they wanted something else instead. I am the one who because of the stress,  couldn't work. I am the one who had their car repossessed and had no birthday presents or Christmas presents for their kids because all my money was going to prove to the Government I was married and had children when they already had all they needed on file.
 
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