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Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

Number of Replies: 132
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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:49:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Bullies love an audience, and there’s no bigger playground than the World Wide Web. Cyber bullies create vulgar MySpace posts to taunt others, or send harassing text messages and threatening e-mails. Dr. Phil tackles this topic head on with his son, Jay, whose new book, Jay McGraw’s Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, offers action-oriented plans. Jay recently sat down with a group of teens to get their perspective on cyber bullying -- and they didn’t hold back! Learn what concerns the students the most. Next, 17-year-old Austyn says a close friend turned on her, hacked into her MySpace account and reformatted the page to say that Austyn is a " slut," a “sag” and a “butter face.”  Austyn says she now has a bad reputation at school and shows Dr. Phil producers a typical day in her life. What can the teen do to empower herself? Steve DeWarns, a police officer and founder of Internetchildsafety.net, explains when cyber bullying becomes a crime. Then, is your child capable of intimidating other kids? Jay gives the Dos and Don’ts of reacting to a bully. Plus, meet a teen who fears his future may be ruined after a fake MySpace page was created in his name, and a mother who says her 15-year-old son was bullied to death. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 28, 2008, 2:58 pm CDT

Teenagers Will Lie and Sneak Around

Quote From: frosado

Cyberspace has so many advantages and great ways to find great resources for anything that we need.  Unfortunately,  Man has perverted cyberspace so badly to where now we have "cyberbullying".  Now it's so easy to bash someone and spread rumors about them, not only around school or the work place, but spreading them throughout the whole entire world.  Are we this cowardly that we have to hurt others by bashing them through the Internet?  Teenagers have no business having a My Space nor any other chat account to begin with.  We as parents need to block websites that can be threatening to our children, and monitor where they surf.  Limit their time in the Internet. Put them in other activities so that they do not have time to be bullying others in the Internet.   That is why we have family safety, so what we can keep our children from this type of danger.  I know that not everything is controllable and we cannot be with our children 24-7, but we can do our best to prevent stuff like this from happening .  It's better than doing nothing about it. 

 

We need to set an example for our kids.  It's just plain common sense!  I remember the poor 13 year old girl committing suicide because a PARENT disguised herself as a 16 year old boy and toyed with this girl's mind, just so that she can get information if this 13 year old girl was talking bad about her daughters.. How mature of her!!  In my eyes, this lady is a murderer for doing such a horrible thing.  A parent lost a child because of another parent's immature action and poor judgement.   I have a 13 year old son, and I don't know what I would be capable of if a neighbor is remotely hurting my child like that.  If our children look at this wonderful example,  they will think that it is acceptable to bully someone around in the Internet.  If our  kids see us fight, argue and bully little league coaches, karate instructors, teachers and neighbors, guess what.?  They are going to do the same thing, whether if it's through the Internet or live.  That's right, it will bite right back at us.

 

Dr Phill is right.. Bullies love an audience, and they will do anything to get attention.  When someone, whether if it's a friend, schoolmate or a family member, tries to bully and upset my son in some form or fashion, my husband and I always remind our son that bullies are nothing but cowards with a low self esteem, that loves to grill a kid with great morals just to make themselves look high and mighty.  Bottomline:  Teenagers should not have access to My Space or any other chat account until they are grown and out of the house. 

Knowing some of my childs friends they will lie and they
will make a Myspace or other social networking site at
a friends house and use it there.  A laptop or blackberry
can also access these sites from anywhere.... Do you
really know what your kids are doing????????
 
October 28, 2008, 3:01 pm CDT

It starts too young

Quote From: lmixon817

My daughter is 5.  She is in kindergarden this year and has been bullied.  These days it seems to be starting way too early.  She is the most caring, sweet, kind, respectful child and I do not understand how this could happen to her.  Her self esteem is definatley at stake.  She is very self concious and at her age, that is disturbing.  These bullies need to be sat down at home and at school and told the consequences of their actions.  If not, they will just keep on because they get some self satisfaction out of it.  I went to the teacher about it, and she sent my child to the counselor.  The teacher even sat my daughter down and talked to her about it too.  Her teacher explained for her to come to her when the bullying is happening so she can take care of it.  It has only been a week since, but so far so good with the bullying.  It has not happened again, Thank God!  The only thing that I can count on is prayers. 

 

 I tell my daughter every morning while I am dropping her off at school how pretty she is, to have a wonderful day, and that I love her.  And as she walks away from me waving and blowing kisses it brings a smile on my face because she is such a beautiful girl inside and out.  And I pray as I let her go that He will take care of my little angel!  And he does!

I am so sorry, the bullying starts young, I feel your
pain for your 5 year old. It is just not right what is
happening at school.
 
October 28, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

Social Conditioning

I was concerned to hear people believing Teachers should take the lead in teaching our children the values that parents should be responsible for.  Parents are not being held accountable for their child's upbringing, behavior, and the consequences of their actions relative to the lack of their social education.  How much more can we ask teachers to do for us?  Do we really want to put this important part of our child's education in the hands of a virtual stranger, teaching by state or federal standards?  I think it's past time that we hold one another accountable for the responsibilities that are ours.
 
October 28, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

Protip: No Yu-Gi-Oh in Grade 10

Quote From: kec42508

This show was stupid actually.
I know some kids go threw alot on myspace and what not. but if bullying starts delete your myspace its that simple. kids say i havent done anything for them to do that to me, BUT THATS A LIE. noone will  just start something for no reason @ all. so before you put kids on the show make sure they are telling the whole story. kids get bullied every day. and it has nothing to do with cyberspace. so if the kids dont wanna be bullied on myspace.dont have a myspace. or either go and edit your settings. delete those ppl from your friends list make your profile set as private, and set your page so that the only people that can message you or anything is the people on your friends list. K THANKS
While I agree with you one hundred percent in regards to MySpace, it is not true that any child who is bullied is deserving of it. A student will be picked on and abused because they are not physically attractive, because they have weird hobbies, partake in immature activities (playing with Pokemon cards in the 9th grade, for example) or are just socially awkward. They don't necessarily have to do anything offensive or make an idiot of themselves to become a prime target for bullies.
 
October 28, 2008, 3:14 pm CDT

Thank You

After watching today's show on bullying I was compelled to join the community and say Thank you to Dr. Phil and Jay McGraw for addressing this subject.  As a mother of two children that went through bullying, I know the heartache it can bring to a family.  I watched my beautiful talented daughter crumble while in her teens.  All along just wanting to be accepted for who she was.  She was a talented musician and for that she was punished.  It became a curse instead of a blessing.  Thank God she was able to overcome all of it and is now a senior in college studying vocal performance.  With my son it was for different reasons, he was the new kid in a school and different.  He struggled to be accepted and finally told us he was literally being chased to his bus each day.  After contacted a wonderful counselor at his school, the matter was addressed.  He used his struggles to get involved in his high school with the bullying program and is now also a student in college. 

 

This subject is something that people just do not understand.  They believe that some children are just too sensitive.  But unless you experience it, you do not have any idea how awful it can be.  It destroys

self-esteem. 

 

This subject is something very close to my heart and I thank you once again for understanding the affect it can have and the suffering it causes.

 

I was a lucky mom because my kids made it through this! 

 

 

 
October 28, 2008, 3:19 pm CDT

The worst on Bullying is Mobbing (adults)

While listening  as a regular viewer to your program on Bullying, I was identifying as an adult on Mobbing.

 

Has anyone in your forum experienced MOBBING. I would  like to share this kind of sneaky type of bullying in the business arena, or may be Dr Phil can have a special programme about it.  It will help a lot all those who have suffered from it . I read a lot about it, but I feel powerless as the subject is difficult to prove and not many lawyers are aware of it.

 

I will appreciate any response about it.

 

Katiuchka

 
October 28, 2008, 3:43 pm CDT

bully awareness, it's about time, thank you

Bullying be it cyber or in your face, is damaging. I wish Jay's book had come out when I was in elementary school and high school,  back then there was no bully awarness and I was terrified, my own mom wouldn't even console me, when I came home from school crying, she would just tell me to "give it a rest Stephanie" My mom was all I had and she was emotionally absent wich made things worse for me. Today I have forgiveness for all the kids that bullied me, and I got bullied at every school I went to, it was like I was a target. I was afraid to fight because I thought in the midst of the fight I would black out and do something that went way too far and end up in jail, so I played on the opposite and played the non violence card everytime,now thats who I am, a non violent person. As much as I forgive the kids for pickin on me and terrorizing me (because we were all just kids), I can't help but to hate kids and the bullying I survived is a big part of the reason I refuse to have any kids. I have no children to this day and I'm now 36 years old. I realise that the bullies probably had a horrible home life as I did too. Man to get it at home AND at school, to call myself a survivor would be an understatement. For me to have children would be for me to relive the horrors of my childhood so I remain childless. Kids would make crosses with thier index fingers and hiss at me, as though I was some sort of devil worshipper or something,  they had almost the entire school turned against me, was it because I was left handed? they made stuff up and would say I said things that I didnt, I would ask the bully where she got this information, and the bully could never and would never tell me their sources, just that they had 'sources'. There was definetly an audience, the crowd of kids that surrounded me as the bully had me cornered, was about 15 to 30 people at least, and amongst that crowd, certainly must have been one or two people chewing gum loudly and snapping it, that was a terrifying time for me, and to this day when I see and hear someone chewing gum, I plug my ears and if I can, I leave thier company, remove myself any way I can from the situation. Maybe it's a emotional scar, I try not to be a victim as much as I can help it. Every bullying ad I see on the tv I can relate to. Now I have myspace and facebook, I dont really know anyone on myspace, there's no issue there, facebook however, I have many friends there, a lot of people on my friends list at facebook are people that are friends of bullys that terrorized me, there is no hostility there, no more bullying, we are adults now but I enjoy sharing with them photos that show that NO bully EVER got the best of me, that I live life to the fullest as much as I can. That I'm not living my life as a victim, they called me chicken because I never wanted to fight, but I'm sure word got around my small home town that I wasn't chicken enough to confront a pedofile in court face to face. Some people stuck up for me, now I stick up for abused animals.
 
October 28, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

What do you do when the bully is...

Dr Phil,

 

What do you do when the bully is the high school coach, and the 'good ole boy' system has been in place to cover up years of abuse?  Nearly 20 years.  We are exasperated in our efforts!

 

This 'coach' is a public school elementary school teacher in FL who must attend anti-bullying trainings.  This behavior would not be tolerated in his school, yet he is allowed to get away with it when he coaches the girls' high school soccer team.

 

For every 10 girls he bullies, there are 2 of his 'favorites' to cover for him.  Our daughters know not to complain about him, the parents know not to report him, out of fear that they will be treated worse at practice. In addition, he teaches them a lesson by not playing them in games. His language is slanderous, belittling and mean.  For six years I have watched this one man ruin many girls' self esteem.  It has happened for 19 years, yet he is allowed to continue his abuse.  The internal investigation, conducted by his 'good ole buddy' Athletic Director showed no findings.  Of course, they neglected to interview the girls with their parents present, as they promised they would do;  they neglected to interview the girls who had the courage to step forward at the first meeting; and they neglected to interview the girls in groups, as they promised they would do at the initial meeting.

 

Coaching is to be constructive, not destructive.  Top-flight club players try out & make the high school team and if they are not one of his 'favorites' they quickly lose all confidence in their years of abilities... all due to his quips and negativity targeted directly at them.  You know, Dr. Phil, the funny thing is, our daughters love the game and each other more than they loathe him, so they are on the team year after year.  High school sports are supposed to be enjoyable, both for the players and spectators.  It has been a long, stressful 6 years.

 

FYI - this is not your average run of the mill soccer team.  This school draws top players year after year.  Our boys have an amazing coach who builds them up as a team and as individuals.  Don't our girls deserve the same?  At minimum, a male role model to be looked up to, not feared?  Girls are at a vulnerable age in high school.  Thank God my own daughters have an amazing man at home to look up to.  Other girls aren't so lucky.

 

Just wanted to get this off my chest after watching your show.

 

 

 

 
October 28, 2008, 4:12 pm CDT

What about the parents' role?

As a teacher in a high school I can emphathize with the story relating to Austyn.  Austyn's mother went to the parents of the child(ren) who started the malicious bullying against this young lady; and she was told the parents said "not my child, prove it".  How would those same parents feel if it was their son or daughter on the receiving end of this?  A really good kid can make a bad decision just as easily as a problem kid can make a bad decision.  If parents don't come together with a common understanding that all children are capable of poor decision making then a lot more would get accomplished.  I deal with bullying issues in my classroom everyday--the nastiness and maliciousness of kids today is astounding.  Yes, teachers and schools are an important place to start, but, to really make inroads into this topic, ALL parents must get over the notion that their children are not capable of this and then teach them from home that this behaviour is not only destructive to all parties but is criminal.  Fortunately in Canada it IS CRIMINAL!  We have extensive anti-hate laws that are being applied to these types of cyber crimes.  The US needs to keep up with the technology!
 
October 28, 2008, 4:21 pm CDT

Very Important

I took this show very personally.  If I was not the person I am I probably would have taken my life before I even hit the 7th grade.  It doesn't matter what type of bullying it is in your face or cyber bullying can effect a person and who the person will become for the rest of thier lives.  I will be purchasing this book and hoping one it will help me with my sons to protect them and prevent them from bullying, two to hopefully heal my own wounds.  One of the biggest mistakes that took place in my life was I told my parents I told my teachers everyone saw it happening but I was told to ignore it, as a child I did not understand what ignore meant so I bottled it till the top blew off and then I was punished because of my anger and fighting.  Other common thing that was told to me if you just didn't react to it they would leave you alone.  These so called tools to get the kids to stop picking on me left me feeling it was my fault or that I was being punshished for reacting to the wrong things that were happening to me.  Kids are relentless they don't just leave you alone, when they find a weak person or someone they precieve as being weak they just keep picking at those wounds.  As an adult I still battle with anger issues, I have a over sensativity to injustices and at times go to far at defending a situation.  I also have an extreme distrust in people, I only have a handful of people I trust and that is ok, but it isn't fair to others who may not have the patience to get to know me to appreciate who I am and I lose out cause I don't allow myself to get to know them.  The comment "sticks and stones"  well physical pain heals but the reason behind the stick and stones and the words will effect you a life time.
 
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