Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

I believe that there is a fundamental problem in families when parents ignore the warning signs that their child's behavior is inappropriate and, in some cases, dangerous.  I once taught in private and parochial schools and cannot remember how many parents blamed everyone but their own parenting and their child for problems that arose from their child's attitudes and behavior.  Their chld was "misunderstood," or the teacher was "meanspirited" or "disliked" their child; or it was the fault of the other child. 

Some parents are overwhelmed by work; some are oblivious; some simply do not care.  All too many did not recognize that their own child had a problem. 

When I was a teacher I often wished that people needed to attend parenting classes before having children.  Since that didn't and won't happen, all parents need to be involved in lives of the children in their community -- at school, at home, and elsewhere -- so that they are not only aware of problems but also able somehow to be better parents -- not merely reproducing organisms.

Congrats on raising good kids. I am still in the process myself, but I think you will agree that instilling realistic self esteme is crucial, and always useful in being resiliant to bullies, whether in person, on the phone, or on the chat.

I agree that parents are part of the problem, not only by not saying no, but mostly by being absent. It isn't their fault really. They have to earn a living, but they aren't home, and 9 times out of 10 when they do say no they are so misinformed and unaware of what is going on, that NO isn't even the right answer. Parents are out of touch with their kids, and the kids are raising themselves and each other, because parents have gone AWOL. The kids are growing up in a high pressure vacuum, with zero tolerance, and zero rights. It isn't that parents are stupid, or have poor judgment, but they are misled, and manipulated by society, so that they have no resistance to peer pressure, because they themselves are in the grip of it. They can't give their kids what they have been robbed of, which is dignity, and self control. They are not masters of their own fate, so how can they teach their kids to take the bull by the horns. How can they tell them how to handle bullies, when they are being bullied themselves. The school tries to force kids to be passive, and that they have no rights. In generations past when a child was bullied, The parents would go to the school and talk to the principal, and things would be straightened out. Now the parents don't know, and don't trust their kids, and they won't stick up for the kids. The parents are afraid of the principal, and the principal is afraid of the bullies too, and no one is taking care of the problem. No one is instilling the self esteme in these kids to help them fend off the bullies, and the system attacks people for taking care of themselves in a hostile environment, which no one wants to admit is hostile... but public schools are a hostile environment. So is the work place, and so is society in general.

The internet is only a tool.It could bring us down, sure, but it also has the potential to save our society. It can be used in the ways we see fit. Thank God, and Bill Gates for the computer and internet. It is a wonderful thing. A real gift of knowledge, and communication. IFpeople want to waste the wonderful gift, by looking at pornography, and gossiping about others, then that is their choice, but we DO NOT have to participate, If we don't want to read something escape is at the touch of a button.

The huge plus about the internet, is that it can't hurt us, unless we let it. Unlike the phone which jangles our nerves as well as our ears with unwanted calls, we DO NOT  have to chat with people on line, unless we want to. The ease of blocking people from all the messengers and chats is one of the huge bright sides. WE don't have to open e-mail, and in fact we can delete it unread, or read it and pretend we didn't. No response is necessary. On forums, people can be banned, and dismissed easily. We do not have to tolerate bullies on line. They can say what they want, but we don't have to listen, unlike when they are in our faces at school or work or on the street. It is very EASY to ignor on line bullies, and still use the internet for more positive purposes.

There are down sides, including cyber stalkers and people whom we meet in life and on line, whom we get tired of talking to long before they tire of talking to us. In the cyber realm, we press a button and we can't read or hear what they say. I wish we could do this in person actually.

I have a site of my own now, a little forum where kids can come and talk to an on line mom. I started it after I joined a forum where there were a lot of teens. Before I'd been on a forum with old men in their sixties. It is strange how forums tend to reach a certain age even though they are based in interests. I figured I might be kind of unpopular on this site with all the kids, but I wanted information about what they were discussing. In no time though I was getting messages from kids, "I am home alone, and have a nose bleed! What can I do to make it stop?" or "I am home alone and there is a storm. I am scared, would you talk to me till it stops?" Then it picked up a bit. "My dad tried to molest me, what can i do?" or "I am having recuring nightmares, what does it mean?" I also help with improving writing skills, and how to reserach term papers. In general the topic of our site is our developing spiritualty and dealing with visionary abilities, which many children, and some adults have. The are kids on my site are gifted, most of them academically, but all of them have a lot of intuitive abilities, which cause them to be a little different than their peers. I give them a place of acceptance, where they can express their visions, and their opinions on most anything and still be accepted. We are a little family and my on line kids are there mostly to interact with me and each other in a safe environment. WE don't allow bullying, and my only real rule is that we all have to respond to each other with love, concern and respect. WE build self esteme, and try to care for each other through difficulties.

These kids work together to solve their life problems, deal with their inner anxieties, and discuss ways to prepare for an uncertain future, which most all of them get glempses of every now and then. WE compare notes and agree that the future is up for grabs. The future isn't set. There are many different forces both human divine and demonic that seek control of it. It is a war that still rages and we don't know the outcome, but we do know that there is hope. It is up to us as human beings, all of us, not just the visionaries to take responsiblity for our own personal futures and to whenever possible lead others in the right direction. The right direction it towards compassion, and fairness. We have hope that tradgedy can be averted, and we are using our abilities to try to understand and correct problems though prayer, spiritual work, and divine guidance.

There are some frighening possibilities for the future. Bio engineered plagues, coliding planets, global warming, government colapse, esculating war, and political oppression, are among the top concerns. However these things aren't set in stone, and we know that through it all we are more than conqurors. WE can handle the future no matter what it is, as long as we keep the faith and believe in ourselves, our god given abilities.

When you are considering such important and weighty matters, the opinons of these bullies sort of fades and become irrelivant. Who cares what some idiot says about you? Even if they are believed what difference does it really make. WE know who we are, and what we are made of. These things are of no consequence, and will soon fade into obscurity. If you ignore it or handle it appropriately then it will stop. It is our fear of bullies, and our reaction that makes them powerful, and if we refuse to react in the ways they expect, then what they are doing just looks stupid.  

Thank you for bringing an important issue to light.  Most people are not aware of how serious this is.  I never knew until it happened to my son.  I also want to thank SafeWave for helping get the myspace page down.  Thank you both for helping my son.