Message Boards

Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

Number of Replies: 132
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:49:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Bullies love an audience, and there’s no bigger playground than the World Wide Web. Cyber bullies create vulgar MySpace posts to taunt others, or send harassing text messages and threatening e-mails. Dr. Phil tackles this topic head on with his son, Jay, whose new book, Jay McGraw’s Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, offers action-oriented plans. Jay recently sat down with a group of teens to get their perspective on cyber bullying -- and they didn’t hold back! Learn what concerns the students the most. Next, 17-year-old Austyn says a close friend turned on her, hacked into her MySpace account and reformatted the page to say that Austyn is a " slut," a “sag” and a “butter face.”  Austyn says she now has a bad reputation at school and shows Dr. Phil producers a typical day in her life. What can the teen do to empower herself? Steve DeWarns, a police officer and founder of Internetchildsafety.net, explains when cyber bullying becomes a crime. Then, is your child capable of intimidating other kids? Jay gives the Dos and Don’ts of reacting to a bully. Plus, meet a teen who fears his future may be ruined after a fake MySpace page was created in his name, and a mother who says her 15-year-old son was bullied to death. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 28, 2008, 7:15 am CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

I saw just the last 5-10 minutes of the show, I write this to show about my limited knowledge of what Dr. Phil discussed. With that said, I heard the discussion about incorporating respect into schools curriculum.  I'm not against that idea, but i believe that the real responsibility is of the parents.  Our problem will not go away with more education only.  Parents are the key to teaching our children to respect others.  Children watch their parents and learn from them.  Kids are often bullies because they have a low self esteem.  At least that was what I observed when I taught school.  The answer is that we as parents need to stop doing so much and start spending more time with our kids.  We need to talk to them and get to know them.  Bullying and other problems would soon decline if we as parents would invest more time in the lives of our children.
 
October 28, 2008, 7:22 am CDT

bullying

Im really concerned about the bullying problem in our schools.  About 3 yrs ago I had to face with a big bullying problem in a school were my daughter attended and nothing was ever done, except saying they were aware of the bullying problem in there school.  My daughter was ganged up on by 3 girls that she had known since kindergarden one day at recess.  They walked up on her and acted like they were wanting to play a game with her and it resulted to make a long story short the main girl yanked her pants down in front of all the fifth graders for them to see, she was left fully exposed till her one friends that were her true friends came up and crowded around her to get her self back together .  She was very embarassed over this and was very afraid to tell me anything when i came home from work, her friend had called me and i went to work to find out who they where and getting down to what happened . It was too late to call the school cause no one was there and it was on a Friday. So luck have it we live in a small town were some of the teachers and principals live close. I never got a hold of the principals till late that night and informed him that i would see him Monday morning, needless to say he never showed up for our meeting . The one principal that did show up said that things were gonna be taken care of, well needless to say all she did was give the main girl inside recess and write a sorry note to my daughter and the other two only had to write sorry notes to my daughter.  I feel they didnt take care of it in the right matter, so i went to the board meeting about it and they only could say we are aware of the bullying problem.  Worst of all the one girl that was part of it her mother was on the board.  What makes me sad is for about into about 2 yrs after this has all happened she gets nervous around them girls and starts to shake.  Its been 3 yrs since this has happened , I have since then took her out of that school and enrolled her in a better school were she feels alot safer.  Plus she is doing alot better.  Whats sad its not just in the higher grades it all starts in the earlier grades like 1st and up.
 
October 28, 2008, 7:29 am CDT

No wonder they didn't want you around her

Quote From: whitemag3

Eventually guarding your children from the evils of the world will make them ultrasesitive to the evils of the world. You can't hold your child's hand all throughout life. Especially their teen years, it's just not possible. What you should be doing is limiting their ability to make large mistakes. Educate them some and let them make their own decisions sometimes. If you don't you will be setting them up for a very troubled young adult hood(18-24).

Let me give you a case. I'm 20 and a senior Biology student at a major university. I work two jobs and go to school full time. When I was 17, I had a girlfriend of 17 with parents very much like you. They were very overly protective, they had a list of things they didn't want their daughter doing. One thing was dating boys, another was social networking sites and amongst those two was sex, hanging out with 'bad' teens, and basically everything you can imagine. They were insane about limitations, they had timers for phone calls, internet use, and pretty much any action in her life. Well, being teens of legal consenting age(17 for Texas) me and her decided to have sex after about six months in the relationship. They caught word and banned me from seeing her. All of the limits combined with not being able to see her best friend of many years/boyfriend of many months tramatized her ability to romantically socialize and she went on to be an emotional wreck. Over the past two years she's had several boyfriends, cheated on all of them, dropped out of college for a guy, moved three hours away for a guy, been abused sexually by guys. And there's no longer a legal intervention her parents can take because she won't let anyone with good intentions control her. That is just my personal experience with over protective parents. The problem is parents think their children are going to get several years of life experience on the day they turn 18, grow up, and be functional adults. They need to transition into adulthood, that's the bottom line.

As far as the internet is concerned, pretty much any social site can be dangerous. The key word is can. With some very simple precations they can be virtually harmless and even beneficial.

 I'm 20 and a senior Biology student at a major university      ~   me and her decided to have sex  ~ you skipped English and grammar, I'm suspecting

 

And there's no longer a legal intervention her parents can take because she won't let anyone with good intentions control her  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????  That would be you with the good intentions wanting to CONTROL??????????? her?   My BP is going up.   Her parents were trying to protect her from, not only herself, but from people like you.  The  frontal lobes of your brain is not even fully developed at 17 to make life decisions, yet children and young people continue to waste their youth learning from experience.  Her parents have already forgotten more than you know!

 
October 28, 2008, 7:54 am CDT

Bullying was a part of my life

Through elementary and middle school I was a victim of bullying. I was picked on by most my peers, I believe now because I was an easy target. I was quiet and kept to myself. I couldn't tell my family because they would tell the school whom would then give those students a short term punishment that would cause me long-term pain. It was until I finally snapped in high school and pounced on a student after he had made a remark about my mother. After that day I stood up and said no more. I am the only one that gets a say in how I feel. I will not start a fight, but I will stand up and defend myself.

 

Bullying does have longterm effects. I am 29 years old and I have good days and bad days accepting compliments from people because deep down I still feel like that young girl who felt she was never pretty enough or good enough.

 

While being bullied, my home was my safe haven. I can't imagine what children are going through these days with cyber bullying. I pray for them that God gives them stregnth to live life to the fullest. No matter what people say about you, you are special in your own way and you can rise above this.

 
October 28, 2008, 8:16 am CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

For the young man who had a My Space account created on his behalf without his knowledge. I suggest he and his mom read this:

 

 

http://www1.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.terms

 

... and then use the link to contact the staff to have the page removed. While My Space is not liable for damages, they will take down the page. I think that you might have to stay after them with e-mail, because they are a big company, but generally the provider, in this case my space will co-operate in taking this down.

 
October 28, 2008, 8:27 am CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

 

 

I watched your program today.  It is a terrible problem.  I find it interesting that everyone’s solution is to have the schools deal with it.  The bullying is probably not happening in the schools, as most schools have blocks on the personal sites and policies about email, My Space etc.  The bullying is happening after school, in their spare time.  It is also interesting that you find lots of victims, but rarely do you find anyone admitting they are the bully.   So, in my mind the solution rests more with the parents, not just in looking for the victim, but looking to see if your child IS the bully.  Until society is more kind to everyone, the kids won’t be.  Look at the reality shows where it is big entertainment to bully, name call and the like.  We as a society need to correct this behavior.  Kids learn by example.

 
October 28, 2008, 8:47 am CDT

Not just a problem among children

A friend called me to tell me about the topic today. It made me sad and disheartened to see what these children have had to endure. But I can relate. I, too, am a victim of cyber bullying. And I am a 34 year old mother of three. Just goes to show that this issue is not confined to schools and youth.

The same person has been harassing me and posting horrible things about me on-line fand harassing me via email or the past year. I have contacted law enforcement officials, spent thousands in legal fees. My life and that of my family has been turned upside down. I am depressed and must see a therapist on a weekly basis.

My cyber bully hides behind her computer and I am grateful that I do not have to face her on a regular basis. I can only imagine having to go to school  and facing my bully everyday. I guess I am lucky in that respect. My heart goes out to the children who have to go to school in fear and shame on a daily basis.

We live in a cruel society. I feel that people have taken the whole freedom of speech thing way too far. When is it ever okay to torment someone? What kind of person engages in this type of behavior? There has to be some way to combat this problem.  We need better laws, more stringent supervision of on-line forums such as myspace, facebook and blogger, and education for legal professionals and law enforcement.

 

 

 

 
October 28, 2008, 9:25 am CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

Lets not forget about the ultimate school bully....the teacher!!  You know the one, she has "taught" for 25 years and should be retired.  The one that teaches by intimidation!!  Any child in her "care" that doesn't sit at their desk with hands folded saying yes maam no maam, the teacher feels like she can BULLY into submission.  Teachers can make or break a child especially at an early age.  My daughter is in fourth grade and was bullied by her second grade teacher.  She has had trouble since that time because I believe she was so busy trying to defend herself and learn at the same time, she had trouble learning!  My daughter was afraid to tell until it was too late and of course we all tend to believe the teacher because they are the adult!  Don't fall into that trap.  Last year as my daughter was repeating third grade (I had vowed to myself to never let anything like this happen again), I caught the signs that she was being intimidated by a reading teacher.  I am happy to say that I confronted the teacher in a way that brought it to light to not just the teacher but ALL the appropriate people.  Much to my surprise I was told that this was not the first time.  My point is watch out for bullying teachers as well as children.  p.s.  I was bullied in school and never told a soul.  I suppose I was afraid and ashamed.  I remember the details to this day (40 years later) including the girls name and can picture her  in my mind.  It is a real problem!
 
October 28, 2008, 9:33 am CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

Quote From: idigress

A friend called me to tell me about the topic today. It made me sad and disheartened to see what these children have had to endure. But I can relate. I, too, am a victim of cyber bullying. And I am a 34 year old mother of three. Just goes to show that this issue is not confined to schools and youth.

The same person has been harassing me and posting horrible things about me on-line fand harassing me via email or the past year. I have contacted law enforcement officials, spent thousands in legal fees. My life and that of my family has been turned upside down. I am depressed and must see a therapist on a weekly basis.

My cyber bully hides behind her computer and I am grateful that I do not have to face her on a regular basis. I can only imagine having to go to school  and facing my bully everyday. I guess I am lucky in that respect. My heart goes out to the children who have to go to school in fear and shame on a daily basis.

We live in a cruel society. I feel that people have taken the whole freedom of speech thing way too far. When is it ever okay to torment someone? What kind of person engages in this type of behavior? There has to be some way to combat this problem.  We need better laws, more stringent supervision of on-line forums such as myspace, facebook and blogger, and education for legal professionals and law enforcement.

 

 

 

I think bringing the person into the light so to speak is the answer for a lot of these people that hide behind their computers and do this to people.  Go to the news media!  Put it in the local newspaper, hang flyers, do whatever you have to do to bring this person to justice especially if law enforcement cannot or will not help.  I have had problems with this as a child and have a child that has experienced this.  Not in cyberspace but in person.  I brought it to light finally in our neighborhood by going to parents (that didn't know it was going on)  and had meetings with all moms involved.  I went door to door!  It has stopped for now.  We will see what the future holds in this neighborhood!!
 
October 28, 2008, 9:58 am CDT

Cyber Bullying

As a member of multiple message boards I can tell you that it's not just teens and kids that use the internet to feel superior or to release the "bully" inside.  I have seen it happen on other boards as well   ... there are boards out there that have things worse then what I am sure kids can do.  It's interesting to me what people do to other people when there is a sense of anonymity and even when there's not.  

 

I also know that sometimes it's hard as a parent to determine what is actual bullying and what is the way kids just talk.  They way that they call each other names all the time and tell me "it's just for fun".  When did calling your best friend a whore become fun? I wonder if the fact that everyone does everything through the interenet change the way we perceive people in general.  For example .... would I personally feel as comfortable stating my opinion if it were a face to face discussion as I am here on a message board. 

 

I also wonder if there will be a new brand of "police" that will need to evolve so that some of these kinds of thinsg can't happen.  If they can monitor our cell phone calls for key words it really seems that there should be a kind of software out there that could monitor for certain key words.

 

Also I think there needs to be stricter consequences for those involved including the site.  If the owners of myspace or any of the other sites out there were held accountable for what was being done as well woudln't that decrease some of the cyber issues.  And parents need to be held accountable for what their children are putting out on these sites as well.  I am always surprised at some parents who don't "know" that their child has racy pictures up or has said things online that they shouldn't have. I probably monitor more then I actually need to and the girls that I am talking about are 19 and 20 and don't live at home any more but I still look at their sites regularly and they all know if they use MY computer at MY house utilizing the internet that I PAY for there is no right to privacy. 

 

Okay my two cents for the day

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last