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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

Number of Replies: 1316

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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daytonsmom

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January 13, 2009, 3:07 pm PST

You must be crazy

Quote From: nicholejabs

god created us all in his image god would never create this. if children were raised in church and taught the bible i dont think this would be an issue. god didnt create this its the work ot the devil.

I think if your going to preach about the bible you need to get it right. Who are you to judge?? We arent put on this earth to judge anyone, You need to go back and read the bible again.

Its between god and the child.

Your the reason more people arent in church, JUDGEMENTAL ignorant responses like this.

Go back and read the bible and dont skip the parts about "Judging others"

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docphilviewer

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January 13, 2009, 3:08 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: ddcrobbins

Oh my gosh, that Tony woman is horrible. I cannot believe the degree of her rudeness and her smugness. Just because she disagrees with the experts on the other side of the issue, that is NO excuse for her being so abusive. She is one of those typical people who cannot stand for anyone to have a different opinion. All she has accomplished is to make a TOTAL FOOL of herself.

Amen! I wrote a very similar blog - didn't see yours first or would have just responded to it. Not only was she rude but childish and very defensive. She wanted it her way or no way!

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babsepooh

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Relaxed

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January 13, 2009, 3:08 pm PST

Little boy lost

Dr. Phil....I found your handling of the show about gender identification disorder to be disturbing. The gentlemen who advocate treatment by bonding with the child's father and stating that the mother was too attached is a bunch of baloney. Nothing like bashing motherhood!!! They would not even listen to Toni's story without interrupting her and totally invalidating her by promoting their "treatment"..... Personally I believe they are totally in denial about this issue. They were so interested in pushing their credo that the issue was not even really discussed...I wish you had made sure that both sides were heard. I felt like the actual issue was not every really discussed. The doctors on the other side of the issue were not even allowed to speak! We are talking about people with a very important issue and the baby was thrown out with the bathwater.. I am a fan, so hope that you would make sure that you give equal time for both sides of any issues discussed on your show.

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haveblessings

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angry

January 13, 2009, 3:11 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I can't believe how rude Toni was. She seemed to want only validation that she was right and everyone else was wrong. Even by her own admission she was distant from her son, maybe she should look at the fact he is now trying to get attention from her.

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cdg4761

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frustrated

January 13, 2009, 3:11 pm PST

Today was one-sided!

I am really frustrated with the tone of today's show. I love Dr. Phil's show and love the diversity. However, I am sick over the mother's ability to berate and interrupt the 2 gentlemen that were opposing her views on transgendered children. I can not believe that Dr. Phil allowed it to continue the way he did. Obviously he did not show impartiality on this show. Those men were not allowed to complete one sentence without the mother jumping in. They were attacking those men and were being very arrogant towards them. Then of course on the last segment those men were replaced by the parenting expert that was sitting next to the mother -- sending the message, loud and clear, that he knew more about the loss that parents must feel and the other gentlemen did not. I feel that those men were not allowed to clearly express their view and were not able to get their message across. However, the mother and her parenting expert were allowed to have the floor and shove their viewpoint down our throats. She insulted those men for their stance and clearly felt superior in mind and soul. However, in my mind, she was the one that looked out of control with her emotions and looked childish. I was insulted by her and I can't believe that it was allowed to happen. I am disappointed with this show.

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rutager01

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January 13, 2009, 3:12 pm PST

GENDER CONFUSED CHILDREN

I HAVE TWO BROTHERS ONE OF WHICH IS HOMO SEXUAL. HE WAS THE OLDER OF THE TWO. MY DAD WAS VERY HARD ON HIM. I THINK FROM THE PAST MY DAD'S FATHER WAS HARD ON HIM AS THE OLDEST BOY. MY DAD AND MY OLDEST BROTHER DIDNT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. SO FROM MY EXPERIENCE I THINK THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HIM AND MY DAD HAD A LOT TO DO WITH MY BROTHER BEING GAY. I AGREE THAT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HAVE A GOOD FATHER FIGURE THAT SHOWS BOYS HOW TO BE A MAN WHEN THEY GROW UP. FOR MY BROTHER AND FATHER THEY ARE GOING THRU A HARD TIME STILL TO THIS DAY TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP LIKE FATHER AND SON. MY FATHER HAS A HARD TIME COPING WITH THE FACT THAT MY BROTHER IS GAY.

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jenn_p

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January 13, 2009, 3:12 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: daileymarty

I understand the "need to grieve" that this mother is going through. My oldest child came out to me

when he was 16 yrs. old. Almost 9 years ago. I knew he was battling with something and when he shared that he was gay, my first reaction was, "Of course you are." His whole life up to that point passed before my "eyes" and I knew in my heart that this was his truth. Yet, I grieved for the lifestyle I envisioned he would have. Meeting a woman, marriage, grandchildren. That was the hardest, grandchildren. I needed to grieve the "loss" I felt and recognize that my son was the same as he had always been. He would say to me, "I'm still me!"

AFter 4 sessions with a counselor, and 9 years of acceptance under our belts, we have a great relationship. He is an adult, through college, working in his field and successful. HE has met a wonderful man whom we adore. They, together, are the perfect couple. I would have it no other way, happiness for my son is most important. He will be able to legally marry someday and grandchildren will follow.

Grieving the loss of who you thought your child would become, your dreams for that child is a natural process. Putting their emotional/physical well-being first is a hard call when dealing with transgender

issues. I bet if an honest look backwards has taken place, this Mom has seen signs all along her child's life and knows in her heart this is how the Creator made this child. As a Mom, you know!

Support your trans. child. The Creator/God makes no mistakes. Sexual Identity/Orientation are small parts of who we each are. Embrace the spirit in your child and give unconditional acceptance and support.

Grieve for a while, then go on to explore the spirit and enjoy your child. The Creator/God doesn't give

special children to everyone, only some of us are lucky!!

i think that its wonderful that you feel this way. my cousin came out a few years ago and honestly ive never seen her happier and isnt that what counts?

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jallsup8

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Happy

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January 13, 2009, 3:13 pm PST

One Question

Dr. Phil I have just have one question for the mother that lost her little boy to transgender, IF SHE ONLY HAD THREE BOYS WHY WAS THERE ANY GIRL TOYS, GIRL CLOTHES, OR GIRLY THINGS FOR HER MIDDLE BOY TO EVEN CONSIDER PLAYIN WITH AT 2 YEARS OLD? I truelly believe she wanted a little girl and was determined to make one of her boys the girl that she wanted!! That is why there was girl toys and girl clothes baught to choose from!!! Children can only play with what the parents buy them if that little boy never was made to play with only girl toys he would have wanted boy toys if that is all he had to play with!! NO SHE WASN'T CLOSE TO HIM BEING A BOY BUT NOW THAT HE IS A GIRL THEY ARE CLOSE AND SHE IS NOW SHUTTING HER OTHER TWO BOYS!!!! I BELIEVE SHE IS THE ONE THAT NEEDS HELP NOT HER SON!!! SHE IS AN OVERBEARING MOTHER!!! Its is the same thing when u constantly make a baby use one or the other hand u can make them LEFT OR RIGHT HANDED!!! I am a mother of 8 and I have 13 grandchildren I know u can make a baby into anything a mother wants it to be like until it gets out into society then we are over ruled!!

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jenn_p

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Cranky

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January 13, 2009, 3:14 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: scar4464

First of all, Dr Seigel is an ex-gay man who did not mention this on the show. If he is SO convinced that "gender reorientation" works why not say it worked for him. My brother, who was killed in a car wreck in 1991 had strong male role models in his life. He played outside with tonka trucks and toy john deere tractors. He plowed fields and played baseball. He went to the prom with a girl. He had some "feminine tendancies" like wearing the most fashionable clothes (mens) his hair had to be so-so. Was he "gender confused"? was he "gay"? I dont know but we loved him regardless.

im so sorry for your loss, but i think its wonderful that you love him not for what he was or may have been but just as who he was

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daylem

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Happy

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January 13, 2009, 3:15 pm PST

I support Toni

I completely support Toni. I do not have a transgendered child but I am so offended by the opposing doctors I had to write. To say that a mother can cause a son to be transgendered is outrageous! Its offensive and closed minded. I give Toni kudos to have even sat on that stage entertaining those idiots for as long as she did. As parents we do the best we can do with what we have. We love and support our children. No parent is perfect. Having a father play trucks with their son is not going to change brain chemistry. I would rather my child know that I love her and support her than to make her feel I am ashamed of her and that she should be ashamed of herself. That leads to self destructive behavior. God bless you Toni. I hope you and your child are well. I hope that you have support in your family and community and I want you to know there are others out there that know you love your child and are doing the right thing for YOUR family. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I think you are doing a wonderful job and those doctors should be ashamed!!!

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