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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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steph1247

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October 29, 2008, 1:31 pm PDT

The kids aren't the confused ones

I don't understand what all the confusion is about. Gender is not all about body parts. I mean everyone has to know that even if they woke up tomorrow and didn't have the genitals they have now they would still be the same gender. So is it so hard to understand that gender identity can come from the brain and not the body parts youre born with. Let's stop holding children to an image that society gives us. How dare that man on the show place the blame on that mother. She's putting her child's happiness over trying to direct her child to be "normal" and fit some mold. I think we should admit that WE are the ones who are confused and stop taking it out on our kids.

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smizmar

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October 29, 2008, 1:35 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Firstly transgendered peoples and gay people although they usually are considered allies to one another are not the same thing and their identities' manifest themselves differently. So why this has become a gay bashing message board is simply posting hate for no reason. It comes down to freedom from and freedom to; if you want freedom to believe a certain section of the bible then I have the freedom to ignore them or question them. And these families can raise their children to be happy regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you. As for the child who said God made a mistake wasn't her trying to accuse God, I think it was just her trying in a limited vocabulary to explain the disconnect between a mental identity and a physical one. You aren't going to get anywhere by screaming at people to read the bible. A message of peace is the only message heard.

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hsmith2972

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October 29, 2008, 1:36 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I agree with the social side of this versus the biological side. I have spoke so much about this! It is social because of what is classified as male/female. If a male child grows up with just a mother he may like to do more socially indicated female things (IE. clean, shop, child care). Vice versa a girl that has only a father might like to do more male things. But who says things that are done are male/female. SOCIETY, hence SOCIAL! Society says that males should wear pants where females should wear dresses, males should work while females take care of home/kids. Just like the lady who's son is now older, said so many socially indicative things that her son was doing that were female. Gender is not defined by what you do it is defined by your genitals. As it was said the difference between male and female is defined on the spectrum of what they do. Just because a boy likes to do ballet does not make him a girl. But society sees ballet as a female thing and they think well that boy is doing it so he must be a girl or a pansy or even gay. Most of people associate this topic with the whole gay topic. I beg the question of what is gay and why is it defined by gender. Not all males have to like to hit things, sports, and cars just as not all girls have to like make-up, cooking, and ballet! A child learns by what it sees, if a boy is in a mostly female influenced environment then he may like to do more things socially deemed female and vice versa if a girl is around males more often she is going to like to do things that a deemed male! (and I step down from my soap box!)

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tekfan33

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October 29, 2008, 1:38 pm PDT

frustrating...

I only was able to catch the last 10 minutes of the show today, but immediately checked the website. I am very frustrated to see how many posts truly believe that homosexuality is a choice. As the mother of a gay son I can think back to remembering how I knew that he was different than what everyone seems to think the "average boy" is. Would I have chosen this for him? No, of course not but this is who he is - who God created him to be.

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karasgirl

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October 29, 2008, 1:38 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

This is a deeply complicated issue with no proven rights or wrongs at this point. I believe it is imperative that parents err on the side of their children's happiness. It is much easier for a child to change their mind later in life (pre-op, of course) and laugh about thier gender confusion than to be plunged into deep depression by a forced way of life. Dr. Phil I am excited about your bringing this issue into millions of homes and am hoping you will contine to explore it. I applaud the parents that were on your show. They are quite brave for sharing their expierience with us and are shining examples of what parents should be.....

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odonlin

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October 29, 2008, 1:39 pm PDT

a room full of idiots!

I am amazed at how many people who claim to "know it all" either because God told them...or they read some abstract internet article! I thought in this day, people would be more intellectually progressive to actually take a moment to understand somebodies thoughts...other than throw the bible at them and call it a day! And by the way....FACT all fetus' initially have female brains..until testosterone appears in gestation and changes the physiology of the brain to what science considers "male". go to your local biology professor/ doctor to confirm....so it's not a fetch that more or less testosterone could net a different developmental result.

And by the way - I'm Christian too - but I'm not an idiot~!

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astraea24

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October 29, 2008, 1:39 pm PDT

Shocking!

I cannot believe the advice of the doctors on this show. Gender is constructed not asigned. Not allowing child to feel the way they feel is right from them is only taking power away from them. And assigning a disorder to the problem is just as ridiculous...just as homosexuality used to be disorder..it is a choice. A parents role is to support their child in what is best for them. A little boy who feels as though they are a girl is not harming anyone, let the child be! i agree with the parents 100% with supporting their child for who they are, not what society says they should be! And if only 20% of transgender children end up being transgender adults then what does it matter to support a child who feels they are a boy or a girl. Denying a child to be who they are and not support what is important to them is the worst thing you could do.

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jeyoder2

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October 29, 2008, 1:40 pm PDT

Indulgent Permissive Parents

I just recently watched the show today about Gender Differences. I'm sorry, but I believe that it is the parents fault. Gender is an identity problem that is expressed around 4 years of age, therefore it is a behavior problem All roles of identity are learned, therefore it results from nurture, not nature. Gender distinctions are the product of ongoing reinforcement and punishment. I believe the parents are misguiding this child, and need to re-think the idea. Hormones is not the solution. The reason I say this is because of the David Reimer story, for all of you who know it, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't here is the link to read about it and take what you want from it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer

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gammy58

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October 29, 2008, 1:41 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

What is going on? All this trans-gender crap. Homosexuals flying out of the closet? Must be something in the water if it's not that being gay is "popular"?

My step brother is gay so I understand a little about that but this trans gender stuff I don't. I believe homosexuals are born that way. Are transexuals gay? Does the boy who wanted to be a little girl grow up and desire a male partner? To me, that would be gay.

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kellogg41

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October 29, 2008, 1:41 pm PDT

Transgender

Read "Bringing Up Boys" by James Dobson

Children are not born gay/lesiban/transgender or any ohter things that you think they can be born with. They chose to be gay/lesiban/transgender. Read your Bible. God created man and woman. Parents should step up and take charge not let the child be the parent. I have a big family and there is no one in my family that is gay/lesiban/transgender because their parents took charge. Parents need to be parents instead of friends to the children.

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