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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

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October 29, 2008, 8:23 am CDT

choice

Quote From: pch2008

I was about to turn off my tv tonight, when I just happened to see a commercial for this topic being discussed on tomorrow's show (oops, TODAY'S show at this point!). I had to set it for my DVR to watch.

How strongly do I feel about this topic? I registered on here just this moment, just so people could read this and hear me out. I am a biological male and always have been. I was brought up in a loving, even church going household and still love my God and hold my faith dear. Why do I say "still"? Because I have this background and "yet" I am transgender as well. If anyone would NOT be like this, it would be someone raised the way that I was!

Yes, I do think that there is the rare case when there is a child that is confused and they are not truly "TG"...however, I think most are TG if they think so. Look at it this way...yes there are cultural influences that are debatable in all this...but if somebody is so very young in particular that is like this (I watched 20/20 with Barbara Walters show a biological boy who was 3 who obviously has not been influenced by society yet subtly or not so subtly...his "brain sex" was very, very obviously female, yet he was born with male anatomy, make sense? For those people that say that God does not make mistakes, you are right....because "these people" are no more "mistakes", than you, than me, or the person (think about it) who is born with Elephant Man Disease and deformed! The very sad thing is that thinking like this keeps people back and does not open minds to even listen, let alone change. My Mom does not even know that I sometimes go out looking like the opposite gender, and she would probably literally have a heart attack if she did....why? Because people raised like I was are "not supposed to be like this". The sad irony is that I used to live right under her roof and hear her say things against TG people, and it was clear that the thought never even crossed her mind that I could have possibly been one of the very same people she talked bad about, not knowing it was her very own son that was TG. My father passed away this month, and went to his grave never even knowing this about me. Trust me...think about it....NOBODY WOULD CHOOSE THIS WILLINGLY. Does a guy wake up and "decide" to put on a skirt and wonder what it feels like? I used to throw away literally hundreds of dollars worth of wigs, skirts, jeans, etc that were my female expression manifesting itself physically in accordance to how I would be thinking and wanting to express myself at the time. This happened multiple times, feeling society pressure, and (very falsely) thinking this would stop "THIS time". Before you know it, you could die before ever living the life you should and accepting it of yourself in the first place! I stopped throwing those things away once I learned about the subject (and yes had therapy to learn that this is who I am and it does NOT go away). I embrace it now for the most part, and just know its part of my thinking process and my personality..and I am so much more happy, relaxed, etc. because of it.

Gender is a very fluid thing. It is NOT always black & white!! It is society that needs to change and understand this, not transgender people...or they will have even more depressed people and suicides on their hands than have already happened for people unsuccessfully trying to "conform" to what is "normal". Gender is so fluid that that is why there are people that go out like the opposite gender part of the time to "let out what society doesnt let them let out" for our rigid social standards and pressures, all the way to the TG people that are out like that 100% of the time.....those are usually the transsexual people where the inclination is so strong, that it is CONSTANT instead of fairly regularly.

Sorry this is so long, but I think at least this needed to be said/vented, at least by me. I am so glad that a respectable show like Dr Phil's (and more and more like them) and talking about this sometimes and less and less exposure for the horrible negative stereotype that certain other daytime shows are like. That is not what the Transgender Community on the whole is like at all!

So again, for those that talk about judging, mistakes, and the like...dont do that too much, because I am living proof that you could have a son or daughter that is TG and you dont even know it, because what you have let your children hear regularly, and at such a young age, already makes them believe they can never tell you the truth about them....and you will never truly know 100% of who your child is.....ever. Sadly, that is my background in my life and so many others with undeserved shame. Fortunately I have a wonderful network of supportive friends that actually listened when I got the courage to tell them about this pat of me, and learned about what I have been through and how I think in comparison and difference to many "normal" people! My sexual orientation is heterosexual still, like most TG, yes....but sexual orientation and sexual IDENTITY are two very, very different things.

Please watch this episode people...you are strangers to me, obviously, and I am ASKING you to watch it...TALK about it with the people you know watch the show. Heck, talk about it with your family...hint to loved ones friends and family that you saw it and open the lines of communication on this...you never know. Most people think they dont know someone like this, when the truth is they often do, but it is "hidden" so much that nobody knows and that is quite sad. ..LIke I said, my family would never guess this about me and frankly they are missing out in so many ways...we are so close, yet they still dont and never will know 100% of me after all of these years...that part of me that NEEDS to be expressing "both sides" (genders).... but I know how close minded they are, and even though I am "their blood", they have likely already made up their mind like so many others seem to do without even hearing the facts. :( If you are interested, look at websites like wikipedia, and keyword transgender. You will learn more and I sincerely thank you for reading this and possibly watching this episode. =)
But you can overcome this. I used to be an alcoholic and my GOD delivered me from alcohol. Do I still have a desire for it? Sometimes! Do I still "wake up and "decide" to (take a drink) - I used your quote only inserted my "vice".... the wake up and decide is the key here.... if you truly love GOD, you will heed HIS word which talks of SIN... and SIN is SIN... so yes, when I choose to sin I can't blame it on MY desire, or HOW I was born or whatever excuse you want to use.... sin is a choice, and I choose GOD - who makes NO mistakes, and who can deliver me from SIN!  If you think this makes me close minded or narrow minded, that's ok, cuz HE also says in His word that Narrow is the road that leads to life (Matthew 7:14)...  You have a choice.
 
October 29, 2008, 8:26 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: t_wolfman2087

it is easy for someone who has never dealt witht the issue to say what they "would or should do" in this situation. But speaking from first hand experience it is destructive to a childs psychy to force them (a TG child) to live a way that their mind tells them is wrong. I have aa best friend from high school who is TG. I watched as his parents tried to force him to dress and act like a boy. Everyday he would come to school depressed beyong belief. I found him one day in the bathroom with his arms cut open for crying out loud, this due to the fact that; according to his journal; he planned on killing himself because his father told him that if he did not change, he would never accept him as his son or daughter. Why is it so hard for someone to just accept another person for who they are and not how this twisted society tells us we should act. We can accept biggomists and thieves and homosexuals but we cannot accept a guy who wants to be a girl or vise versa? To try to force these people into living a lie shows you to be selfish, self-serving, hypocritical (as in the case of the gentleman from the show who argued the parents should step up), and insecure in their own standing. People should learn to just accept others and stop being so overcritical and just worry about what is going on with themselves.

 

Now to get to the parents on the show. I applaud you for supporting your children. If the parents cannot accept and support their own children who will? Now about the hormonal theropy. NO NO NO NO NOOO!!!! Absolutely Not! In some cases in fact more often then not this is just a stage that children go through when they are influenced more by the opposite sex then their own. Wait to see if your child will grow out of it first. If not after puberty this is a topic that must be discussed between the parents, child, and (i stress this point) a licensed psychiatric professional. Hormonal theropy is a life changing decission. Do not take it lightly. If you are not sure you are doing the right thing, take a look at your child, is he/she happy, or does he/she always seem to be depressed? You as the parent will know when you look at your childs emotional  well being as to whether you are doing the right thing or not.

wow i love what you had to say, my husband gets so depressed some days i really do not no how to help him/her. i have to let him/her be who he/her needs to be i except bot her( CYBRA/ CRAIG) it has been hard because most wife's would say "NO WAY ".i love this person and i can not imagine this world with out CYBRA/CRAIG!!!!
 
October 29, 2008, 8:28 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: freakycat125

I find so many aspects of this subject absolutely confusing and illogical. I really have to admit I do not understand... despite the fact I have read about, and even know homosexual and transgender people. I hope no one will be offended if I ask a few questions.

 

1. What do clothes have to do with Gender? I mean clothing is cultural, and it varies in different countries and through out history. The early Roman men wore short skirt like garments... and sometimes the Greeks wore nothing at all... I am certain Jesus didn't own a pair of pants, because they weren't invented yet in his day. Bras, Pants, and underwear are basically modern inventions. Therefore it could not be a biological, instinctive or inborn need for someone male or female to wear women's underwear. Fruther natural born women do not wear dresses very often at all, Most women don't wear nearly as much make-up, or worry about their hair and clothing as much as trans gender people. Honestly most women don't dress that differently from men. So why is clothing so much of an issue with these confused gender people?

 

2. What difference does it make really what gender you are? I mean sexual preference sure, people like what they like I guess. I am a woman who is attracted to men, It would not occur to me to even think of being with a woman, so I suppose that if a man felt the same way for some reason, then it would be hard to change.... but gender for the sake of gender only... like wanting to be the opposite sex just because you feel like a man or a woman? What is the point of that? For example why would a man change his gender to female, and then be a lesbian? Why would he bother to change his gender... and apart from sexual preference, what difference does it make if you are male or female? WEll other than the difference in economic opportunities. It seems to me a man getting a sex change cuts his paycheck in half, and volunteers to recieve condesending attitudes, and descrimination... even if he successfully convinced people he was a real woman. Why would anyone want to be a woman if they were not born one?

 

3. Why do interests, toys and hobbies have to be gender specific? Plenty of little girls like to climb trees, and play with toy trucks. I remember in kindergarten they made the little girls play with dolls and the boys play with trucks. I used to take trucks away from little boys every time the teacher left the room, cause dolls got boring after a while. I don't think that made me a guy... I think assuming gender is based in toy preference makes any sense at all. Fruther I still think trading recipies, and a lot of other feme activities are boring. I don't think that makes me a guy either, just a woman who would rather be in a room full of men listening to them talk, than in a room full of women listening to them talk. On the other hand, some men like being around mostly women, and listening to them talk about clothes, and hair. Some men like to cook. That doesn't make them gay, or women... it might just  mean they like women a lot? Could I be right on this? How are toys and hobbies gender related anyway? People enjoy what they enjoy. Why can't people do whatever they want to do regardless of gender?  

 

4. What is wrong with just letting people wear what they want, and play with whatever toys they want, and just not attaching a gender to it? Trying to pass for the opposite sex is another matter, but if men just think our clothing is more intersting, why not make silk shirts in pastel colors for men, Women already enjoy the right to wear jeans, and slacks. Why not just have clothes, instead of women's clothes and men's clothes?

 

5. I've heard gender confused men say they felt like women... but how do they know what it feels like to be a woman in the first place. I actually asked a few, who described that feeling to me, and I can honestly say, I never felt that way in my life. I asked around to my female friends, and they don't feel that way either. It seems to me that women take their gender for granted, They don't go around singing, "I feel pretty." If  someone was to ask me how it feels to be a woman, I'd probably describe the pain of minstral cramps,  cause I figure that is the only thing I or any other woman feels that is any different from what a man feels.

 

6. If a person had a transgender operation, what are the odds of a straight, normal, hetherosexual person wanting to date them or marry them? How could they tell people they date that they are transexual without getting gay bashed? Is it really fair for them to try to pass as women, and pick up men, when in fact most men will only be repulsed when they find out, and it might even cause them to doubt their own masculinity?

 

7. Don't you think that all this talk about gay and transgender on TV causes more and more people to become gender confused? I have heard people say that young people need to consider their sexual preference... in my day we didnt' consider anything of the sort. It was just assumed, but a small precentage of people were still gay. I think if someone is gay they would know it without thought or discussion.

 

8. Being molested or raped brings on a lot of confusing, self loathing, and general distress. Is there any link between having gay sex, whether willingly or unwillingly before the age of concent, and being gender confused? Couldn't being forced or coerced into gay sex make a man think he is gay or transgender?

 

Again I am not trying to be offensive, these are just things I wonder about, and am afraid to ask people I know...could anyone explain any of this to me? 

  

 

I feel the same way.  I don't fully understand these situations and would love for someone to explain to me also.

 
October 29, 2008, 8:29 am CDT

Let Me See If I Can Help

Quote From: freakycat125

I find so many aspects of this subject absolutely confusing and illogical. I really have to admit I do not understand... despite the fact I have read about, and even know homosexual and transgender people. I hope no one will be offended if I ask a few questions.

 

1. What do clothes have to do with Gender? I mean clothing is cultural, and it varies in different countries and through out history. The early Roman men wore short skirt like garments... and sometimes the Greeks wore nothing at all... I am certain Jesus didn't own a pair of pants, because they weren't invented yet in his day. Bras, Pants, and underwear are basically modern inventions. Therefore it could not be a biological, instinctive or inborn need for someone male or female to wear women's underwear. Fruther natural born women do not wear dresses very often at all, Most women don't wear nearly as much make-up, or worry about their hair and clothing as much as trans gender people. Honestly most women don't dress that differently from men. So why is clothing so much of an issue with these confused gender people?

 

2. What difference does it make really what gender you are? I mean sexual preference sure, people like what they like I guess. I am a woman who is attracted to men, It would not occur to me to even think of being with a woman, so I suppose that if a man felt the same way for some reason, then it would be hard to change.... but gender for the sake of gender only... like wanting to be the opposite sex just because you feel like a man or a woman? What is the point of that? For example why would a man change his gender to female, and then be a lesbian? Why would he bother to change his gender... and apart from sexual preference, what difference does it make if you are male or female? WEll other than the difference in economic opportunities. It seems to me a man getting a sex change cuts his paycheck in half, and volunteers to recieve condesending attitudes, and descrimination... even if he successfully convinced people he was a real woman. Why would anyone want to be a woman if they were not born one?

 

3. Why do interests, toys and hobbies have to be gender specific? Plenty of little girls like to climb trees, and play with toy trucks. I remember in kindergarten they made the little girls play with dolls and the boys play with trucks. I used to take trucks away from little boys every time the teacher left the room, cause dolls got boring after a while. I don't think that made me a guy... I think assuming gender is based in toy preference makes any sense at all. Fruther I still think trading recipies, and a lot of other feme activities are boring. I don't think that makes me a guy either, just a woman who would rather be in a room full of men listening to them talk, than in a room full of women listening to them talk. On the other hand, some men like being around mostly women, and listening to them talk about clothes, and hair. Some men like to cook. That doesn't make them gay, or women... it might just  mean they like women a lot? Could I be right on this? How are toys and hobbies gender related anyway? People enjoy what they enjoy. Why can't people do whatever they want to do regardless of gender?  

 

4. What is wrong with just letting people wear what they want, and play with whatever toys they want, and just not attaching a gender to it? Trying to pass for the opposite sex is another matter, but if men just think our clothing is more intersting, why not make silk shirts in pastel colors for men, Women already enjoy the right to wear jeans, and slacks. Why not just have clothes, instead of women's clothes and men's clothes?

 

5. I've heard gender confused men say they felt like women... but how do they know what it feels like to be a woman in the first place. I actually asked a few, who described that feeling to me, and I can honestly say, I never felt that way in my life. I asked around to my female friends, and they don't feel that way either. It seems to me that women take their gender for granted, They don't go around singing, "I feel pretty." If  someone was to ask me how it feels to be a woman, I'd probably describe the pain of minstral cramps,  cause I figure that is the only thing I or any other woman feels that is any different from what a man feels.

 

6. If a person had a transgender operation, what are the odds of a straight, normal, hetherosexual person wanting to date them or marry them? How could they tell people they date that they are transexual without getting gay bashed? Is it really fair for them to try to pass as women, and pick up men, when in fact most men will only be repulsed when they find out, and it might even cause them to doubt their own masculinity?

 

7. Don't you think that all this talk about gay and transgender on TV causes more and more people to become gender confused? I have heard people say that young people need to consider their sexual preference... in my day we didnt' consider anything of the sort. It was just assumed, but a small precentage of people were still gay. I think if someone is gay they would know it without thought or discussion.

 

8. Being molested or raped brings on a lot of confusing, self loathing, and general distress. Is there any link between having gay sex, whether willingly or unwillingly before the age of concent, and being gender confused? Couldn't being forced or coerced into gay sex make a man think he is gay or transgender?

 

Again I am not trying to be offensive, these are just things I wonder about, and am afraid to ask people I know...could anyone explain any of this to me? 

1. It isn't about clothes. It's about being the person you feel yourself to be. 2. It makes a HUGE difference. Men and women, whether they like to admit it or not, treat each other different based on sex. So imagine yourself waking up tomorrow looking like the opposite gender and people treat you that way. It might sound like fun, but it would quickly turn to feeling like torture, you'd want to be seen as the sex you feel yourself to be. 3. Two reasons. First, by nature we come into the world with certain inclination. Second, because of biological society expects certain things from each sex. 4. That only works to a degree. men and women think differently, it's a biological fact. So a transgender child usually becomes an outcast because they don't think and act the way they are "supposed to". 5. Without pointing to your body how do you know you are female? You can't explain it, you just know. That's how it is for me as well, I just know. 6. Actually the odds are going up all the time as more and more people become educated about what transgender means. Also hormones and surgery can work miracles and the person can look just like their identified gender. 7. No. The reason more people are coming out now is because information is now available. When I was a child growing up in the boonies 35 years ago, no information was available. I had no idea that there was a reason I felt as I did. 8. That's a red herring, multiple studies have proven that idea wrong. I was never molested. I was never interested in being gay either. I came from a normal two parent household. I had nothing you might describe as a "risk factor" and yet I was transsexual. Hope this helps.
 
October 29, 2008, 8:33 am CDT

As a mom of 6 and knowing God doesn't make mistakes...

I am distressed for the children. I have 6 of my own, 4 boys and 2 girls. They range in age from 20 to 1. Until age 18ish it is a parent problem. When my 2 and a half year old wants to paint his nails because he sees me painting his sisters, we say no because you are a boy and boys don't do that. Of course there are times he will play with his sister when she's playing with her barbies but we always reinforce that he is different from her. All my boys were given boy toys. Dressed in blue,boy clothes. Etc. My husband says, that we as parents condition our kids to like certain things. For instance, our first girl brought pink into a once blue house. Fluffy, frilly pink. Everything was pink. And bows everywhere. Now she's old enough to choose for herself and she chooses exactly what we used to pick for her. I'm the parent and it's up to me to protect my child, not give them whatever they want. Just because it looks good or they think it'll feel good doesn't mean it will. Somtimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same thing. No one wants to see their child hurt but the long term damage this will do. If they grow up and decide on their own, but if not they look back and say where were you as my parent?? I believe a childs mind isn't capable of making such important decisions, otherwise why do they need a parent to care for them? And as a Christian, Our God is perfect, never making a mistake. The thief somes to steal, kill and destroy and that's exactly what he's doing.
 
October 29, 2008, 8:37 am CDT

transgender children

God does not make mistakes when it comes to the way your child is born.  He made the plan of what we look like, what we do, and what we will do in our lives.  We were created in God's image.  I think that parents that have gender confused children need to figure out whats right and wrong.  In the show today I saw a video of one of the mothers smiling as they are putting make up on their child.  No wonder the poor boy is so confused, you can't do that to the boy.  He does not know any better at that age if he is a guy or a girl.
 
October 29, 2008, 8:52 am CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: yorkerpup

What your body is and what you feel you are are completely different things.
One major problem is, we say that baseball is for a boy and Barbie's are for a girl. If we would be open enough to let a girl play with whatever toy they wanted, things would be different. Don't classify a toy or activity as male and female. Any person can do it!
I am Co-Vice President for a group for trans gender and inter sexed people. We educate and fight for change.
A parent should respect their child's choice. I don't see anywhere in the Bible that says only females can wear dresses and only males can wear pants. The idea of that is just ridiculous. Plus, I was always taught that God is loving and we should love others and treat them the way they want to be treated, labeling them and telling them they are wrong and all of this you want to do IS WRONG AND AGAINST WHAT GOD TAUGHT US!

Well in USA what the body is does greatly impact many adversely.  We should change the toys industry so it does not have such drastic differences in toys by gender.  Heck men enjoy Barbies more than any child?

Toys should entertain and teach more important than the stero type crap most chidlren are given?

The Bible days raley distinguished on dress code except to be appropriate, most wore some kind of robe wear, head garbs to protect from head lice, heat, sun and other reasons.  They wore lothing to cover the body for the most part not an extention of self as todays world.

respecting a childs choice is absurd, raising a child to be a respectful adult is much better, child learn to make choices, it takes time to know all the decision making skills of an adult.

Want to through the Bible in for anyone, we are suppose to teach children what way they should go, as in

how to be an adult and what kind of good adult they should be?  With a world of too many mouthy, disrespectful and far too immmature youths: our parenting skills need a whole lot more than just about gender, if it is about respecting individuals we would have less troubles?

bullying in schools and neighborhoods is growing constantly and getting more dangerous?

Perscription drugs kills more people than any other narcotic?

Alcohol is found all over, every age and geender yet a cancer or arthritis patient can't smoke Pot to ease pain and nausia?

The Bible is absolutely a good history book to lean to on many issues, especially about loving and respect.  Bad things happens to good people all the time , the Bible shows us that history, don't expect changes too fast for any of this, but medicating children is outragous!

 
October 29, 2008, 9:01 am CDT

"Man I feel like a woman"!?

I feel so sorry for this family. I think the mother is trying to be a friend instead of a mom. I was a "tom boy"  growing up wanting to play football with my cousins, go hunting with my dad, spitting like the boys did, wearing hats, and even dressed up like boys at Halloween and never, ever, did I "WANT" to be a boy. I look back and know the only reason I done that was simply because I wanted to be like the people I liked and spent time with. Now many years later I have been blessed with 4 wonderful boys of my own, my oldest being 11, next son is 6, and twins that are 5. All 4 of my boys asked me to put make-up on them when they saw it on me or watching me put it on. My boys have also put dresses on at DRESS UP play with my nieces. I have also bought boy dolls for my children, because I read that a boy can learn to show affection and learn to nurture and take care of that baby as they need to do in real life. For the woman that just seems to come naturally for most of us. Not once did I encouage the fact of changing who they are and who Jesus made them and intended on them being, by WILLINGLY changing wardrobes, providing my cosmetics, and heaven forbid me explaining TRANSGENDER to my children at the age of  "3". OH MY GARSH, what is this world coming to is all I could think watching this show. The boys comments on everything from the video @ home to Dr. Phil and the questions directly to the boy from Dr. Phil, sounded so learned and rehashed. I guess it's like anything else, if you hear it enough and people say anything to you very many times don't you start to believe or at least see things in a different light!!!! In closing maybe this mother should just be proud enough to know that her son loves her enough to look up to her and want to be like her, and may not want to necessarily LOOK JUST LIKE HER!!! I would like to know what she is going to do if the day does come that he doesn't want to be a she and absolutely resents his mother for not guiding him and explaining things to him and let this be a decision made by him at a legitimate age.

 
October 29, 2008, 9:21 am CDT

this is so not right

Growing up I wanted to be a boy, I wanted to be a boy so bad. I was angry that I had been born a girl. My mom would say to me well I can't help it you were born a girl. My parents did allow me to wear jeans most of the time, and I played football with the boys. I was a total "tom boy". Once I hit puberty I started being interested in boys and while I am still not real comfortable with dressing up. For me dressing up is a nice pair of jeans and a nice sweater. I enjoy being a woman now, I am married to a wonderful man, have great kids and I enjoy my life. AS A WOMAN! I think this family is really doing a disservice to this boy, this very well could be a stage that he will grow out of, and I think you draw the line with allowing him to act as a girl, call him she or her and cross dress. I think once he is an adult then he can do what he wants, but if he were my child, he would still be a he.
 
October 29, 2008, 9:30 am CDT

It's called Empathy.

Quote From: t_wolfman2087

it is easy for someone who has never dealt witht the issue to say what they "would or should do" in this situation. But speaking from first hand experience it is destructive to a childs psychy to force them (a TG child) to live a way that their mind tells them is wrong. I have aa best friend from high school who is TG. I watched as his parents tried to force him to dress and act like a boy. Everyday he would come to school depressed beyong belief. I found him one day in the bathroom with his arms cut open for crying out loud, this due to the fact that; according to his journal; he planned on killing himself because his father told him that if he did not change, he would never accept him as his son or daughter. Why is it so hard for someone to just accept another person for who they are and not how this twisted society tells us we should act. We can accept biggomists and thieves and homosexuals but we cannot accept a guy who wants to be a girl or vise versa? To try to force these people into living a lie shows you to be selfish, self-serving, hypocritical (as in the case of the gentleman from the show who argued the parents should step up), and insecure in their own standing. People should learn to just accept others and stop being so overcritical and just worry about what is going on with themselves.

 

Now to get to the parents on the show. I applaud you for supporting your children. If the parents cannot accept and support their own children who will? Now about the hormonal theropy. NO NO NO NO NOOO!!!! Absolutely Not! In some cases in fact more often then not this is just a stage that children go through when they are influenced more by the opposite sex then their own. Wait to see if your child will grow out of it first. If not after puberty this is a topic that must be discussed between the parents, child, and (i stress this point) a licensed psychiatric professional. Hormonal theropy is a life changing decission. Do not take it lightly. If you are not sure you are doing the right thing, take a look at your child, is he/she happy, or does he/she always seem to be depressed? You as the parent will know when you look at your childs emotional  well being as to whether you are doing the right thing or not.

I don't have to break my arm to know that it hurts. I don't have this particular issue in my life, but I can tell you what I would do. I would love my child and support them no matter what. When I was 16, my best friend killed himself because he was outed. His parents where bible thumping born again monsters. They didn't have the first clue about what love means. Love is unconditional or it’s not love.

He came to my house to tell me what happened. His mother had peeled his arms from around her neck, pushed him away like he was something slimy and distasteful. She said he was going to hell and that he made her sick. His bags were on the front step. He was not to come back until he found god... their version of god of course. He was in shock. I told him not to do anything crazy (like run away). He was always so crazy and fun. He was beautiful inside and out. We always joked that you could see his flame from space. I loved him just the way he was. I digress... the memories are bittersweet. Anyway, I asked my parents if we could take him in. I explained all the whys and wherefores truthfully. My parents agreed. My parents are pretty old fashioned and don't understand homosexuals, but they understand love, and his parents disgusted them.

He said he had to get his things from home. I told him I'd come as soon as I talked to my parents. When I got there, emergency vehicles were just pulling away. He was dead. He broke into his home and hanged himself in the basement. His parents had him cremated and never picked up his ashes. His sister finally took them when she was 18.

Kindness impresses me. Acceptance impresses me. Understanding impresses me. Love impresses me. This is one of many events that have shaped my life and my attitudes. I’m not saying it is always easy, but it is something to strive for. No one has the right to define you, control you, or determine your future.  
 
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