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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

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October 24, 2008, 5:44 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Children Con Der Doctor Fused Gen Phil. That is new one me. But I will get to see it anyway. See you on---

Wednesday October 29th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------------------------------------

 
October 25, 2008, 1:56 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Let your child be the person he/she believes.

Do not start hormones or any treatment after puberty.

I was born a girl and had the sex change surgeries.

I feel that after puberty you really know who you are and you can better express it.

I knew it when I was 5.

To go through the change you must be ready physical and emotional.

It is not an easy road.

So, you shouls not start too soon with the changes like hormoes etc.

 
October 25, 2008, 2:21 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I hope this episode isn't going to focus solely on how parents can "fix" their kids or some trash like that.
 
October 25, 2008, 3:22 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

  I am married to a cross dresser. I have trouble dealing with this. He didn't tell me this until after our first child was born.  Then it became very difficult to be intimate because once he told me, he was very uninhibited and even took off what I had on and put it on himself during sex so he could climax.  I felt very unsexy, and was devastated.  How can i compete with my clothes? He would then have the guilt attacks and couldn't even face me. We have an understanding now. He has friends who do the same thing and he gets together with them 3-4 times a year.  I just don't want to see him when he is dressed as a woman.  I love him dearly but cannot endure intimacy with him. It is too painful for both of us.  He loves me too and I am sure he is not gay. But I do fear that some day he will decide to truly "cross over".  He says this is not that he wants to change his sex  but that he just feels more comfortable dressed as a woman. Is that possible?  Or is he still suffering from gender confusion? I know I have blinders on but its the best way I know to deal with this.
 
October 25, 2008, 4:35 pm CDT

Who's Confused???

These children are not "confused", they are being themselves. It's simple...honestly! It's the greater American culture and people who think they have all the answers who are confused. The concept of gender is very dependent on our socialization. There are some cultures, specifically Native American cultures that not only recognize, but revere more than 2 genders. Additionally, even with having a BA in psychology, I argue that being transgender, transexual, and of other so-called divergent sexualities, are not the result of mental disorder. It's simply self!

We need to stop proliferating hate. People who discriminate against gay men, women, and children today are likened to those who condoned slavery at a time in our history, those protesting against basic civil rights for women and minorities, and those today who scream out "terrorist" and "Muslim" with regard to Barack Obama.

One more thing...when you hate or simply don't accept someone for who they are or blame them for your problems, there's a really good chance you aren't taking responsibility for your own failings.

It's time to wise up, America...and stop discrimination...period.
 
October 25, 2008, 6:43 pm CDT

Gender Confused Children

I agree with those knowledgeable ladies who understand that a person is born with her sexual orientation, and should never be cast out or made to suffer because of it, any more than a heterosexual person should be.  It is not a choice; I know I did not choose to be heterosexual--I just turned out that way.  If a young child displays some gender confusion, we must lay off the God trips and accept the child for who she is at all stages of her life (or his, as the case may be).  The idea that God hates certain persons and loves others is a human idiosyncrasy, and it's wrong to frighten a youngster with this stuff. 
 
October 25, 2008, 7:36 pm CDT

Boy dresses as girl

My nephew was very confused growing up, and he loved to dress as a girl. He played with dolls and he had few friends because of his secret obsession with Barbie dolls. In his mind he knew this was not acceptable among other people so would pretend he was buying them for his sister.

He is very clever, but had a hard time adjusting to normal life and spent a great deal of time doing things with his mother, who he was very close to. After a few years of trying to go to normal school and a couple of suicide attempts, I now hear that at 18 he believes he is gay. I have not seen him in a few years, but I do not think he is gay. I think that he is confused about all his life and he thinks this is an easier route. I do not know if he has had sexual gay relationships, or this is what he believes he wants.

I do believe that his life of confusion has led him to be very unhappy, and his home life had a great deal to do with this confusion
 
October 25, 2008, 8:09 pm CDT

Gender confused children

Children are not born gay or lesbian, they are made that way by people and that is so sad for everybody involved.  Some one close to the family circle hurt that child emotionally on a very young age. Without sometimes parents knowing it and without professional help when needed. It is an emotionally block that this children have to help them cope with a much delicate and painful experience. (most of the time without realizing  themselves)

Parents, please just love your child and accept him or her the way they want to be, reject the lifestyle (sin) not the child.

RW



 
October 25, 2008, 8:48 pm CDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: choirmouse

  I am married to a cross dresser. I have trouble dealing with this. He didn't tell me this until after our first child was born.  Then it became very difficult to be intimate because once he told me, he was very uninhibited and even took off what I had on and put it on himself during sex so he could climax.  I felt very unsexy, and was devastated.  How can i compete with my clothes? He would then have the guilt attacks and couldn't even face me. We have an understanding now. He has friends who do the same thing and he gets together with them 3-4 times a year.  I just don't want to see him when he is dressed as a woman.  I love him dearly but cannot endure intimacy with him. It is too painful for both of us.  He loves me too and I am sure he is not gay. But I do fear that some day he will decide to truly "cross over".  He says this is not that he wants to change his sex  but that he just feels more comfortable dressed as a woman. Is that possible?  Or is he still suffering from gender confusion? I know I have blinders on but its the best way I know to deal with this.
Move away from the bus...........stand up and be the stable parent.  I lived this story.............and the outcome was devastating on my sons.  Fortunately I left as soon as I found out., it was a long hard road but I stablized my family. Its been a long road but worth it  for the kids.
 
October 25, 2008, 11:59 pm CDT

I have questions

I find so many aspects of this subject absolutely confusing and illogical. I really have to admit I do not understand... despite the fact I have read about, and even know homosexual and transgender people. I hope no one will be offended if I ask a few questions.

 

1. What do clothes have to do with Gender? I mean clothing is cultural, and it varies in different countries and through out history. The early Roman men wore short skirt like garments... and sometimes the Greeks wore nothing at all... I am certain Jesus didn't own a pair of pants, because they weren't invented yet in his day. Bras, Pants, and underwear are basically modern inventions. Therefore it could not be a biological, instinctive or inborn need for someone male or female to wear women's underwear. Fruther natural born women do not wear dresses very often at all, Most women don't wear nearly as much make-up, or worry about their hair and clothing as much as trans gender people. Honestly most women don't dress that differently from men. So why is clothing so much of an issue with these confused gender people?

 

2. What difference does it make really what gender you are? I mean sexual preference sure, people like what they like I guess. I am a woman who is attracted to men, It would not occur to me to even think of being with a woman, so I suppose that if a man felt the same way for some reason, then it would be hard to change.... but gender for the sake of gender only... like wanting to be the opposite sex just because you feel like a man or a woman? What is the point of that? For example why would a man change his gender to female, and then be a lesbian? Why would he bother to change his gender... and apart from sexual preference, what difference does it make if you are male or female? WEll other than the difference in economic opportunities. It seems to me a man getting a sex change cuts his paycheck in half, and volunteers to recieve condesending attitudes, and descrimination... even if he successfully convinced people he was a real woman. Why would anyone want to be a woman if they were not born one?

 

3. Why do interests, toys and hobbies have to be gender specific? Plenty of little girls like to climb trees, and play with toy trucks. I remember in kindergarten they made the little girls play with dolls and the boys play with trucks. I used to take trucks away from little boys every time the teacher left the room, cause dolls got boring after a while. I don't think that made me a guy... I think assuming gender is based in toy preference makes any sense at all. Fruther I still think trading recipies, and a lot of other feme activities are boring. I don't think that makes me a guy either, just a woman who would rather be in a room full of men listening to them talk, than in a room full of women listening to them talk. On the other hand, some men like being around mostly women, and listening to them talk about clothes, and hair. Some men like to cook. That doesn't make them gay, or women... it might just  mean they like women a lot? Could I be right on this? How are toys and hobbies gender related anyway? People enjoy what they enjoy. Why can't people do whatever they want to do regardless of gender?  

 

4. What is wrong with just letting people wear what they want, and play with whatever toys they want, and just not attaching a gender to it? Trying to pass for the opposite sex is another matter, but if men just think our clothing is more intersting, why not make silk shirts in pastel colors for men, Women already enjoy the right to wear jeans, and slacks. Why not just have clothes, instead of women's clothes and men's clothes?

 

5. I've heard gender confused men say they felt like women... but how do they know what it feels like to be a woman in the first place. I actually asked a few, who described that feeling to me, and I can honestly say, I never felt that way in my life. I asked around to my female friends, and they don't feel that way either. It seems to me that women take their gender for granted, They don't go around singing, "I feel pretty." If  someone was to ask me how it feels to be a woman, I'd probably describe the pain of minstral cramps,  cause I figure that is the only thing I or any other woman feels that is any different from what a man feels.

 

6. If a person had a transgender operation, what are the odds of a straight, normal, hetherosexual person wanting to date them or marry them? How could they tell people they date that they are transexual without getting gay bashed? Is it really fair for them to try to pass as women, and pick up men, when in fact most men will only be repulsed when they find out, and it might even cause them to doubt their own masculinity?

 

7. Don't you think that all this talk about gay and transgender on TV causes more and more people to become gender confused? I have heard people say that young people need to consider their sexual preference... in my day we didnt' consider anything of the sort. It was just assumed, but a small precentage of people were still gay. I think if someone is gay they would know it without thought or discussion.

 

8. Being molested or raped brings on a lot of confusing, self loathing, and general distress. Is there any link between having gay sex, whether willingly or unwillingly before the age of concent, and being gender confused? Couldn't being forced or coerced into gay sex make a man think he is gay or transgender?

 

Again I am not trying to be offensive, these are just things I wonder about, and am afraid to ask people I know...could anyone explain any of this to me? 

 
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