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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 29, 2008, 10:49 am PDT

I am a Christian, but...................

Quote From: pinkhavanna

Satan has come to kill ,steal and destroy your sons life. From a early age he has a hold on him and your family. God is the only one who can release your son and help him be the man that God put him on this earth to be. God loves you and is just waiting for you to call upon him. Please give your problems to him.
Yes, I am a Christian but, the brimstone and hell fire manner in which you use here really doesn't sit well with many of us. It's fine for you to have these beliefs for your own self, but it's not right to push them onto others. What else does the Bible say about casting the first stone?
 
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October 29, 2008, 10:56 am PDT

Again......................

Quote From: pinkhavanna

Don't you see that Satan has come to Kill, Steal, and Destroy these peoples lives? That is exactly what he wanted is for that young man to kill himself. We have to come to these people with a heart of compassion and let them know that God understands what they are going through and wants to help them and comfort them. Without him we are all lost.
Again, as a Christian I refuse to believe that God is incapable of judging someone over something they have no power over. That is true hypocrisy! My God is a loving God who embraces everyone. It's people like you who cause situations like this to happen, the story Effy told about her friend committing suicide. Would your God really approve of his parents pushing their son away and refusing his love, or refusing to give their own child unconditional love? If so, then we are obviously embracing two separate higher powers!
 
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October 29, 2008, 10:58 am PDT

gender confused

Dr. Phil,   I have a 35 yr. old niece who at the age of 3 desided her  name was KEVIN and she was a boy. Her parents said ,okay Kevin you can wear boy cloths to play in ,But girl cloths for school and church. She was not happy but they stood firm with her.About the time she turned 9 or so she just stopped the Kevin stuff and is now a neo-nurse at a large hospital and the very proud mother of 5 children and is a wonderful wife and mother. All said I think alot of little kids have ideas forming in their heads BUT it is the parents responsabilty to guide their child along the proper path. We have given to many choises and have lost our places as parents. Children need parents NOT parents need children.WE as the adults in life need to wake up before our  children forget how to be children.  Thank You.      Sandra Merritt
 
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October 29, 2008, 10:59 am PDT

I'm so sorry!

Quote From: efffy_

I don't have to break my arm to know that it hurts. I don't have this particular issue in my life, but I can tell you what I would do. I would love my child and support them no matter what. When I was 16, my best friend killed himself because he was outed. His parents where bible thumping born again monsters. They didn't have the first clue about what love means. Love is unconditional or its not love.

He came to my house to tell me what happened. His mother had peeled his arms from around her neck, pushed him away like he was something slimy and distasteful. She said he was going to hell and that he made her sick. His bags were on the front step. He was not to come back until he found god... their version of god of course. He was in shock. I told him not to do anything crazy (like run away). He was always so crazy and fun. He was beautiful inside and out. We always joked that you could see his flame from space. I loved him just the way he was. I digress... the memories are bittersweet. Anyway, I asked my parents if we could take him in. I explained all the whys and wherefores truthfully. My parents agreed. My parents are pretty old fashioned and don't understand homosexuals, but they understand love, and his parents disgusted them.

He said he had to get his things from home. I told him I'd come as soon as I talked to my parents. When I got there, emergency vehicles were just pulling away. He was dead. He broke into his home and hanged himself in the basement. His parents had him cremated and never picked up his ashes. His sister finally took them when she was 18.

Kindness impresses me. Acceptance impresses me. Understanding impresses me. Love impresses me. This is one of many events that have shaped my life and my attitudes. Im not saying it is always easy, but it is something to strive for. No one has the right to define you, control you, or determine your future.  
That is such a sad story and a waste of a beautiful life. I believe parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally and though they may not approve of their child's way of life, they still need to accept and love him as their child. How truly sad. Oh, and let's not forget hypocritical.
 
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October 29, 2008, 11:04 am PDT

What are you talking about?

Quote From: dpwtchr

I just wonder how many of you that are saying "You're born that way" would let your child - however young they may be when the "desire" hits... to go out and have sex anytime and with anyone because they are "born with a high sexual drive"?  I know this may sound crazy, but it's the same thing... you are letting "worldly things" rule the lives of our children.  You are parents, protect your children.  Satan puts bad thoughts and desires in minds, if he didn't, wouldn't this be a perfect world?
Excuse me, but you can't compare having a high sexual drive to a gender disorder. That's just ludicrous! And yes, if my child was gay, trans-gendered, etc., I would still love and support him/her. I firmly believe that trans-gendered people are in fact born this way. It's not a choice! Why would anyone choose a life that they know will be so much more difficult for them? I wish everyone would get off of this Satan kick that has permeated the board!
 
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October 29, 2008, 11:08 am PDT

excuse my misspellings

Quote From: clvrgrl29

I would like to state that this is not just hard on the child it is hard on us, too.We do not understand why our 7 yr old is more girlie than me.It hurts My Husband and I everyday.We sometimes argue about it when he is at school(never in fromt of him).We accept him 100% and would NEVER unclaim him.He already has anxiety and acts sad at times from the kids at school.I am confused on this whole thing as well as my husband.It goes through our heads everyday "should we let him play with this stuff or take it away or should we really be letting him where girl pajamas to bed" And many more questions along with it.So I want to say unless you have a child that is like this shut the hell up.You could help by teaching your children that everyone is different so they can stop making mine feel like an outcast.

I misspelled alot in my previous posts excuse me for that (upset happens).I wanted to mention that my brother Kevin watched this show and he agrees with the people who are not believing they are born like this and it is the parents fault.Now me and my brother are arguing about this.He says we are the ones that turned him that way.I know for a fact ,no way we did not.Since he could walk and not talk he would wear shirts on his head and no one knew why.When he got to the age to talk he told why, because he thought it was hair.Yeah if he wants a barbie at his age of 7 we do get it for him.We do try to interest him in a boy toy and that never works.So who knows he is my little love bug and I love him no matter what.I am just bothered that my closest brother, the one that calls me daily 3-4 times is now mad because he told me IF my son lived with him for 6 months he would be a boy after that.LMAO he needs mental help.
 
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October 29, 2008, 11:10 am PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: pinkhavanna

Don't you see that Satan has come to Kill, Steal, and Destroy these peoples lives? That is exactly what he wanted is for that young man to kill himself. We have to come to these people with a heart of compassion and let them know that God understands what they are going through and wants to help them and comfort them. Without him we are all lost.
There is no such thing as  god or satan. Please don't respond to me with your religious beliefs.
 
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October 29, 2008, 11:18 am PDT

Very well put!

Quote From: bhm1rn

We were blessed nearly 3 years ago with the most beautiful grandson anyone could ever have.  However, he had some genital anomalies that we knew were going to require minor (we thought) corrections as he grew.  However, after 6 months and delayed growth (but not development) we had genetic studies done, discovering he has a condition called "XY-XO Mosiac Sydrome."  Genetic tagging tells us that he is very lightly affected--he's had 2 surgeries to repair hypospadias and 1 to remove tissue in the abdomen that started out as an ovary, but did not fully develop.  Some of these children are much more severely affected, and it can be difficult to tell gender at the time of birth.  It is a complex syndrome, and the effects are far-reaching. Some of the children have mental delays, particularly in the area of mathmatics and spatial reasoning, most will be very short without the early administration of growth hormones, and some of them are sterile.  The condition occurs very, very early in gestation-we were told during the first 92 hours following conception, and, simply put, means that not all of his XY (male) chromosomes are complete.  As they grow up, some of these folks identify female, even if they look male or have had reconstructive surgery to appear male, and a significant number of them choose transgender surgery in their late teens and early 20's  Our grandson appears, at this point, to identify completely male, but should that change, we, with his wonderful parents, will love and support him, and provide whatever he needs to become the most complete, productive human being he can be.  Because isn't that the real goal of a loving family and a truly tolerant and educated society--to make its members complete, contributing and productive?  What they have inside their underclothing is just nobody else's business.

  I am not trans-gendered, nor can I speak for any of them but, I do know that many of them have both male and female chromosomes at birth. Many children are born with both male and female genitalia. This is not as uncommon as people think. Unfortunately many children have had surgeries to define their sexuality when they are too young to know which gender they will identify with. In the latest documentaries that I've watched on this, it is now recommended that parents wait until the child is older to have surgery done for this very reason.

  For those on here who claim that nature is supposedly perfect and never makes a mistake, although I find it hard to use that term when referring to children, they are dead wrong. I do not believe that anyone would choose to be a trans-gender just for the heck of it. Why would they? And Satan has nothing to do with it either! It's no different than trying to say that Satan gave a child cancer. This is nature, and God needs to be kept out of it.

 
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October 29, 2008, 11:22 am PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: jewelsf

Yes, I am a Christian but, the brimstone and hell fire manner in which you use here really doesn't sit well with many of us. It's fine for you to have these beliefs for your own self, but it's not right to push them onto others. What else does the Bible say about casting the first stone?
if you are a Christian (a follower of Christ)... you would believe HIS WORD... He is the one who talks of Hell... this person is not casting stones, merely giving advice... GOD's advice... if you truly are a follower of Christ, you would heed His advice and not try to justify sin.
 
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October 29, 2008, 11:24 am PDT

Blank Slate?

Children are born with a blank slate!  We as parents are the ones held responsible to teach them how

to be a good adult.  The foundations we set are what influences them regardless of gender.  Toys are mostly gender based now because of the public demand for that, the way of life before that.

Proudly using God to throw opinions against those chosing a different way of life is definately being a hypocrit.  Let God do Gods work.  The Bible is a history book that should be like sound advice to use not abuse.  I am a very spiritual person and so tired of the Bible thumpers: you are suppose to give positive or be quiet unless it is to help those who cannot help themselves yet you ignore that parents are trying to decide on giving children medication for sexual orientation?  Sex crimes is the number one harm to children and you are not addressing that any sex intruced to children should be from sound reasoning not because of any kind of sexual orientation as a toddler?

Skip these parents who honestly think a child should be given direction for sexual orientation as a toddler?

Who introduced them to sexuality?  Being a child is full time learning usually by mockery of what they see and hear or from what they dirive from that same environment.

If you put a Monkey in a room with lipstick and purses it will play with them.

If you put a child in a room with a knife or gun after watching any program using them, they will copy it?

We as adults are suppose to protect our child from what has potential to harm them?  Do we? Are we as a whole society?  NO, exposing children to medications for sexual orientation is abuse.

Toys, dress or clothing means nothing until some idiot adult makes it an issue then teaches thier child to treat another different because of how they look, dress, talk, walk or live? 

Now adding sexuality to it?

Adults as usual is the biggest problem children face?

 
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