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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.
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lsgunter

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October 29, 2008, 8:45 pm PDT

Two Extremes

I am a counselor who has taken classes from several professors/researchers who are well-respected by the American Psychological Association.  These professors/researchers are practicing sex therapists who also research issues such as Gender Identity Disorder and how to effectively treat it.  I wish the opinion/ideas of these individuals had been on the show because I feel that the two views presented were the two extremes.  The nature vs. nurture debate has not been proven as completely one or the other in any type of research.  Therefore, the most correct view is that issues like gender identity disorder are caused by a combination of both biological issues and social issues.  I do wonder why we have to be extreme and say your only options as parents are to either  A. support and completely let your child decide if he/she has a different gender identity or B. not allow your child to play with/do things that are inconsistent with what the culture says is appropriate for their gender.  Just one option for the middle ground of these two extremes would be to allow your child to have his/her own interests/feelings and support him/her, but not support that it makes them a different gender to have those interests/feelings.  That's just one of many other options.
 
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nikkidane
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October 29, 2008, 8:54 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: nohsp4u

Here is a simple thought, as a child i was raised in a household where my step father sexually abused me for several years, after my mom finally left him, i was left with a mom and two sisters to grow up around> Gender confused? no! it is called no positive male role model. My mom started me into the Big brothers/big sister program. I still have some female charactoristics, but i am all male and love being a male and i love women. Any parent that would foster an 8 year olds desire to cross dress etc, should be taken aside and have their heads checked. I think they left their brains at home.

You are not Transgender. Why do you try to compare your situation of being a victim of sexual abuse to someone being born Transgender? They are very different.

A child who identifies with the opposite sex will continue to do that regardless of what behavior  the parent does or does not permit. A parent needs to be sensitive to the needs of their child.  Telling a child he/ she is wrong or sinful for just being themselves will undermine the child's self esteem.  Some children may grow out of this, many will not. The child needs to be loved for whatever gift that they are and not judged.
 
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bellamy25
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October 29, 2008, 9:00 pm PDT

Well said...

Quote From: lsgunter

I am a counselor who has taken classes from several professors/researchers who are well-respected by the American Psychological Association.  These professors/researchers are practicing sex therapists who also research issues such as Gender Identity Disorder and how to effectively treat it.  I wish the opinion/ideas of these individuals had been on the show because I feel that the two views presented were the two extremes.  The nature vs. nurture debate has not been proven as completely one or the other in any type of research.  Therefore, the most correct view is that issues like gender identity disorder are caused by a combination of both biological issues and social issues.  I do wonder why we have to be extreme and say your only options as parents are to either  A. support and completely let your child decide if he/she has a different gender identity or B. not allow your child to play with/do things that are inconsistent with what the culture says is appropriate for their gender.  Just one option for the middle ground of these two extremes would be to allow your child to have his/her own interests/feelings and support him/her, but not support that it makes them a different gender to have those interests/feelings.  That's just one of many other options.
Exactly.  Dr. Phil, why didn't you say this?  At least one thing we can count on is that you are from Texas, this is not your first rodeo and tell these parents that they need to take a parenting class.  There is a huge difference between supporting your child's interests and sending them to school in a dress.  Isn't our job at the minimum to protect our children from harm at least until they are old enough to fight their own battles and make their own decisions.  This behavior from the mother is almost a sickness and definitely some type of codependence.  Something is off.  Common sense would have helped here.
 
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mauliecat
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October 29, 2008, 9:03 pm PDT

No wonder the child is confused!

As a nutritionist, watching this episode, it was interesting that nobody talked about the nutritional aspects of these children that are "gender" confused.  What was the nutritional state of the mother during pregnancy?  What was the nutritional status of the child up through his early childhood?   Numerous studies are out there that show deficiencies in neurotransmitters in transgender individuals.  When deprived of essential amino acids from high quality proteins, brain function is altered.  Give the kid more brain food instead of junk food!
 
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mstee77
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October 29, 2008, 9:14 pm PDT

Great Topic

I think the parents did right by supporting their child.  I do think if you do decide to support your child in the decision to change gender that education is a big part of the change . That has parents it is our responsiblity to let the child know how cruel this world could be.  I did notbelieve in transgender until I took Gender Psychology and it was an eye opener for me.  The couple that was in the audience is the typical ideal of parents these days and of course you are going to set limits and boundaries but if your childs happiness is the most the important thing in your life then you would not dismiss the issue as a phase.  I do not believe that they should start hormone treatment in this child at this age because again you never know what is in this childs future 
 
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nikkidane
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October 29, 2008, 9:18 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: lsgunter

I am a counselor who has taken classes from several professors/researchers who are well-respected by the American Psychological Association.  These professors/researchers are practicing sex therapists who also research issues such as Gender Identity Disorder and how to effectively treat it.  I wish the opinion/ideas of these individuals had been on the show because I feel that the two views presented were the two extremes.  The nature vs. nurture debate has not been proven as completely one or the other in any type of research.  Therefore, the most correct view is that issues like gender identity disorder are caused by a combination of both biological issues and social issues.  I do wonder why we have to be extreme and say your only options as parents are to either  A. support and completely let your child decide if he/she has a different gender identity or B. not allow your child to play with/do things that are inconsistent with what the culture says is appropriate for their gender.  Just one option for the middle ground of these two extremes would be to allow your child to have his/her own interests/feelings and support him/her, but not support that it makes them a different gender to have those interests/feelings.  That's just one of many other options.

Interesting comment., however, when a child tells you that they were born in the wrong gender you must take them seriously. No parent wants to encourage a child to choose a lifestyle that is radically different.

The challenge is to allow your child to be who they are without judgement or shame. You might choose to point out the challenges of being gay or Transgender in a world that basically rejects them, but you must love your child unconditionally and allow them to live honestly.
 
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dpwtchr
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October 29, 2008, 9:18 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: simbaloumary

You obviously are not a believer. You need to read Romans you will get your answers. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. He is born who he wants him to be.
Am I talking to a wall or do you just not hear me??? Did I not just say that THE BOY ON THE SHOW IS THE ONE THAT SAID GOD MADE A MISTAKE!!!  I SAID GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES.! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!?!
 
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shauna3930
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October 29, 2008, 9:19 pm PDT

I hope I can help

Quote From: nb_tween

I'm 34 years old, and was born with a sexually ambiguous genteic makeup (47XXY.) I always felt like a girl growing up but was never verbal about it. Growing up, kids and adults teased me. "You act like a girl, you talk like a girl, you wear makeup, etc..." I played with any toy I was given because I was poor. I wasn't given girl toys but I did want Barbie and all the Cabbage Patch dolls but again wasn't verbal about it. At the age of 10, all the redicule I was getting from people drove me to a state of not wanting to live...so i wrote a letter to God wishing to die. My mother found the letter and took me to a child psychiatrist.

 

It was a rollercoaster ride from then on.

I went from child psychiatrist to family doctor to geneticist.

 

I was put on male hormone replacement therapy at the age of 13 for life but rebelled at 15 and stopped at 21. During the 10 years of being testosterone-free, my goal in life was to become a woman. I never dressed as a woman per say (except when going out at night) but some people addressed me as ma'am because of my appearance, voice, and mannerisms. I was even hit on by men but I never showed interest.

 

To make a long story short, I saw your show on confused gender identity disorder kids and agree with the man in the audience with glasses to an extent. Children should NOT be put on any type of hormone therapy until they are old enough to decide for themselves because HRT is irreversible. I feel that hormone therapy is necessary for children with life threatening issues. My situation wasn't life threatening, it was at the time medically standard and deemed "a better way of life".

I regret taking HRT because I hate my body now and eventhough I am not on any type of hormone, I know that I can never blend in as a boy or girl.. I try so hard to blend in but they wont let me. I identify as intersexed now .

 

I know people think I'm gay but there is a difference between sexual orientation and sexual identity. I've never been in a relationship, dated, been to a dance...nothing. Do I regret it? No...but I do regret my body being hormonally altered just to fit the society we live in's standards of what is deemed male and female.

I am giving you a link for Intersex which I am a board member, I too am 47 XXY partial female partial male.

http://www.intersexualite.org/Index.html

My name is Shauna
 
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dpwtchr
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October 29, 2008, 9:20 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: simbaloumary

You obviously are not a believer. You need to read Romans you will get your answers. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. He is born who he wants him to be.
Am I talking to a wall or do you just not hear me??? Did I not just say that THE BOY ON THE SHOW IS THE ONE THAT SAID GOD MADE A MISTAKE!!!  I SAID GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES.! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!?!
 
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nikkidane
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October 29, 2008, 9:21 pm PDT

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: mauliecat

As a nutritionist, watching this episode, it was interesting that nobody talked about the nutritional aspects of these children that are "gender" confused.  What was the nutritional state of the mother during pregnancy?  What was the nutritional status of the child up through his early childhood?   Numerous studies are out there that show deficiencies in neurotransmitters in transgender individuals.  When deprived of essential amino acids from high quality proteins, brain function is altered.  Give the kid more brain food instead of junk food!

Well, now I've heard it all.....lol. I ate the same food as my siblings and I turned out Transgender. I don't think it has anything to do with nutrition. I do think it has to do with hormones and genetics but not nutrition.
 
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