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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.
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sheilagoth

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January 13, 2009, 2:04 pm PST

Hard to keep watching this show

Hi Dr. Phil,

 

I found that I had a hard time staying tuned into today's show as I became angrier and more frustrated as I watched it.  I felt empathetic towards the mother Tony, who had to face these so called experts tell her that it is her fault her child is transgendered...rediculous!  They used to blame over enmeshed mothers for schizophrenia as well.  People on this message board seem to think Tony was out of place for being angry but this is her kid we are talking about.  I couldn't believe the arrogance of the psychologist who told her she was being over-emotional and to me he lost all credibility when he said he could 'cure' homosexualilty.  I wish the show had given Dr. Seigel more time to speak as I thought he was the most knowlegdeable and convincing.  I think that Tony is doing the right thing by supporting her son in his transition to be a girl.  No child would be so adament about this if they didn't truely feel that it was who they really are.  Tony tried for years to resist this transgenderism but how long should she continue to deny her child's identity?  I don't think in her case she should have waited for puberty to pass because then we are just saying that the child's gender identity is the most important factor in their life...above thier happiness and well being. 

 
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brittj1004
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January 13, 2009, 2:05 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: tabcat

Tony is the problem with her son.  She is definitely the problem.  She doesn't want advice because she knows deep down that she has made the issue worse.  It is a shame because the SON is the one who is going to suffer his entire life.  She doesn't know half of what she thinks she does.  To answer the involvement with the sons father-son bond.  when the father threw the barbie doll in the trash then she said he had to jump in the dumpster to get it out.  That is the problem.  there was never a complete follow thru with showing the son that at some point it was not appropriate for boys to play with girl toys.  This child doesn't seem to me that he has ever really been taught that it is not appropriate at some point.  I do believe there is a chemical imbalance with gender identity but i believe that like any other birth defect we should deal with the problem and we may not always be happy with what the defect is but we have to deal with it in a normal, natural way of life as we can.  We have to acknowledge what is right and what  we need to do to deal with the issue but not in an inappropriate way.  I am sorry but a boy living a girl is not appropriate and unfortunately he may have to live unhappy.  Just like any deformity that we may be born with.
I agree 100 percent with you.  She does not even allow the other men speak.  If she does not like to hear others opinions she should of never agreed to be on the show.  What is this world coming to?  I fear for my child's future & what he will have to grow up with.  What is wrong with parents these days.  They are scared or just tired or putting up with their children. 
 
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hkc1201
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January 13, 2009, 2:05 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: tabcat

Tony is the problem with her son.  She is definitely the problem.  She doesn't want advice because she knows deep down that she has made the issue worse.  It is a shame because the SON is the one who is going to suffer his entire life.  She doesn't know half of what she thinks she does.  To answer the involvement with the sons father-son bond.  when the father threw the barbie doll in the trash then she said he had to jump in the dumpster to get it out.  That is the problem.  there was never a complete follow thru with showing the son that at some point it was not appropriate for boys to play with girl toys.  This child doesn't seem to me that he has ever really been taught that it is not appropriate at some point.  I do believe there is a chemical imbalance with gender identity but i believe that like any other birth defect we should deal with the problem and we may not always be happy with what the defect is but we have to deal with it in a normal, natural way of life as we can.  We have to acknowledge what is right and what  we need to do to deal with the issue but not in an inappropriate way.  I am sorry but a boy living a girl is not appropriate and unfortunately he may have to live unhappy.  Just like any deformity that we may be born with.
First of all, it's not a deformity and second, the child seems to be aLOT happier now as a girl.  Were you watching the same show I was?
 
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marlenebryant
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January 13, 2009, 2:05 pm PST

Gender confused children

Quote From: angeltx98

not a shocker that Americans shouldn't be reproducing anymore....  I'm 29 and no, I don't have kids... but this show totally shocked me.  Since when does an ADULT listen to a 2 year old boy that says they are a little girl??  are you kidding me?? that is an adult decision that I will respect when my kid is 18 but seriously... come on.  If your 2 year old told you "oh hey mom, I'm thinking I need a couple tats and piercings, can you help me out?" are you gonna listen to that as well??? 
I cannot beleive the Mother was so angry if she was comfortable with her decision. I did not and still do not llike girly things and I am 54 years old I am sure glad my parents did not decide to turn me into a boy when you are 2 years old you do not know that your gender is wrong please give me a break. I do not think anyone is born gay the bible says that it is a sin so why would God have people born gay if it a sin. I feel the woman was very rude.
 
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angiethegreat

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angry
January 13, 2009, 2:06 pm PST

love your child

when you look into your childs eyes dont you just want them to be healthy and happy? i have a two year old son and if he told me he wanted to be a girl i would say ok. i love my son with all of my heart and i would do absolutely whatever it takes to make his life happy. people are too quick to judge each other and to think there is something wrong with their child. maybe its just the way god has intended the to be!!! you can not "fix" people. we are who we are, even if you take them to theropy and give them drugs when they are adults they will be able to think for themselves and by then they will be soooooo screwed up they will hate themself. you should never make someone feel like who they are is wrong just because its different. people are so scared of anything out of the norm, i mean what is normal? blonde hair and blue eyes, come on now if everyone in the entire world were the same and looked the same and acted the same what would be the point of being here. we need to accept one another and learn from each others differences, it will make us all better people as a whole. i say STOP TRYING TO "FIX" EACH OTHER. mind your own business unless asked for you opinion, dont make people asshamed of how they feel inside. life is about being happy so we should learn as long as we arent hurting anyone then do what makes you happy. stop trying to be right, there is no right!!!! all we have is love, unconditional love for our children, thats what makes a good person is to know you are loved with no strings attached.
 
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melimartinez05

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frustrated
January 13, 2009, 2:06 pm PST

Toni needs to go to a therapist

I believe this is a very touchy subject, BUT i do believe the mother (Toni) wasnt ready to discuss her sons situation. She was VERY RUDE. She wouldnt even allow others who believed different then her to speak their mind. She was sarcastic, kept interupting and just plain RUDE. I do believe its up to the parent to guide their children. It takes much patience to handle something like this. I have seen this before, and have also seen it as a phase.

 
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hkc1201
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January 13, 2009, 2:07 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: alli12

Toni is making herself sound so unintelligent. She is just angry that she could not help her son. She said at the beginning of the show that she was upset and mourning over the loss of her son. If she would just listen to Dr.Nicolosi and Glenn Stanton, maybe she could figure out how to parent him more effectively. She should not have been invited to be in the same conversation as these highly esteemed doctors. She is overly emotional and unwilling to learn or be helped. The Dr. Phil show is to help people learn and grow and change if need be. Toni should either show some respect to the fellow guests or leave.
Of course she is overly emotional...she is talking about her child and she is on a show in front of millions of people.  Never judge until you are in that persons shoes....
 
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kia01mic
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January 13, 2009, 2:07 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I'm so tired of hearing or watching about  parents letting children  make life decisions and the child is not  even old enough to read. Toni was defensive about the situation but it's her fault. She allowed this to happen, you can control a child. A child should never be able to tell you what they want to do. Remember a child is a child and not an adult. The mother needs the help.
 
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poohtatmom
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frustrated
January 13, 2009, 2:08 pm PST

Tired of People Condemning Homosexuality

When one of the so-called experts stated that he wanted to be a horse when he grew up, I just have to say he made it half-way!  I live in a community that has to tolerate people spouting hate against homosexuals and trans genders, etc. and anyone who might support such a person.  I'm sick of it!  If only they put 1/10 of that energy into feeding the homeless, finding cures for diseases or real mental disorders!  And that's just what I mean...  gender identity shouldn't be considered abnormal or a mental disorder.  The mother "grieving" the loss of her son was trying to make the point that these "experts" are part of a group of people who make it difficult for people and families having to make these decisions.  Just because they have studied psychology, doesn't mean they know everything.  How can they judge unless they have been through this in their own lives?  By offering "treatment" to change a child is basically saying there is something wrong with the child in the first place.  It angers me that they would need to start therapy at age 2 or 3 because a boy decides he likes to play with Barbie dolls instead of trucks.  Of course you can get a boy to put down the doll if you keep telling him or showing him that playing with the doll is the "wrong" choice.  You are shaming it out of him however gently you are trying to push him into the "right" direction.  Why can't people just accept that just because you believe that homosexuality is wrong or unnatural or you interpret the bible to mean homosexuality is wrong, doesn't mean that your opinion is right.  How do you know unless you've walked a mile in their shoes?  There are all kinds of people in this world and it's time we start accepting people for who they are.
 
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sarahjane2110
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January 13, 2009, 2:09 pm PST

Disgusted

This woman is a mess. I don't know how many men have come and gone in the boys life. I blame her. How dare she, whether she agreed or not, beat those men up like that on national television. She more than likely treats her children like that. Causing then to try to relate to her in a way she understands as a female.

 

Another point is, I don't know if anyone else noticed the GIANT perminant marker X on the "girls" left hand when she was showing the purses.  This mother claims she is a part of her "daughters" life now but what kind of mother allows her 13 year old CHILD to go to a dance club. HELLO!?! This mother is disgusting.  Not to mention the way the child was dressing. This mother wants so badly to be close to her "daughter" that she has lost the ability to parent and has chosen to be a friend. I strongly believe that it takes a special kind of woman to mother a child and she missed the mark.

 

God does NOT make mistakes. If he was meant to be a girl, he wouldn't have been born with a penis!

 

Disgusted and Disturbed
 
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