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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

Number of Replies: 1316

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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cowzrus2

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January 13, 2009, 3:27 pm PST

Gender Children

My 2 boys were brought up in Portuguese family where as my Mother-In-Law said that because I hugged and kissed on them and put aprons on them as they were at the kitchen sink with me cooking and doing dishes that I was going to make quears out of them. My Husband wanting not to upset her made sure I would not waver from her beliefs. What was funny was that she was allowed to show them affection but I wasn't. For years beeing stupid I just went thru the motions as beeing a provider not showing affection in a loving way. To make a long story short today they know they are loved by beeing told and showed. My husband even tells them. Also they are far from beeing anything other than MEN . So I think that doc is a quack for saying as women we can't show our boys affection or else.

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frauwessels

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January 13, 2009, 3:28 pm PST

Normal

Quote From: emsantes21

Watching this show makes me really upset! We have people telling the world that we stereotype straightness as being normal! IT IS NORMAL! There is a reason why god put two genders on this planet..SO WE CAN POPULATE IT! Two women ,two men can not to this. Ya know, people say that people are BORN to be serial killers does that mean they should be allowed to kill people..because they were born that way...and for that matter ,supposedly, therapy and or treatment can help people with chemical in-balances and if we are all in agreement that this starts in the womb why not put them on some kind on hormone therapy. Furthermore, watching this woman on todays show totally chastise these EDUCATED men....irked me! She is only willing to except her opinion and that is that she has made NO mistakes as a parent. I have zero problem with gay people....but I also think its a disorder that with treatment can be cured! Hey, maybe I'm wrong but why don't we explore that option..this way everyone wins!

I couldn't agree with you more! Being tolerant seems to be a one-way street. Liberals are always right, conservatives always wrong. This woman was absolutely embarrassing and rude. Maybe the fact that she had too little to do with her child made him try to get her attention in an odd way. How about that?

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obake09

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January 13, 2009, 3:30 pm PST

an error

Quote From: darleen324

Why do you bring these left wing Christian idiots on your show? I cannot believe what they are saying. I have an 18 year old son who is very classically autistic. The argument they propose is like to the Cold mother theory with autistic children. It is offensive.

Sure it was a mistake - but "left wing" refers to liberal types that typically rebel against traditional religious ideas. What you meant to say was "right wing" Christian types.

What I find interesting about many left wing liberals is that they constantly fight for the right of freedom of expression & speech - but they respond negatively when it differs from their own views. Those men have helped people - whether you agree of not - they have done hundreds of hours of research, just as the doctors on Toni's side have.

Its funny that everyone wants to be open-minded, except when they disagree with it.

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phonemommy

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January 13, 2009, 3:31 pm PST

child maybe confused because of mother's attitude

I have never posted on any board but was so angry watching this show that I decided I needed to vent and found this board. First off, Dr. Phil, I'm very disappointed in your handling of the show. You sat there like you were afraid of that mother. She was allowed to rant and rave and say whatever she wanted to the two doctors on the other side. But, when they tried to stick up for themselves to her, you scolded them on their reaction to her answers. Where was your backbone? Did you leave it in your high-heeled pumps? Second, the mother was completely rude, obnoxious, and was obviously correct about anything and everything (at least in her mind). If you are going to have a show about a very controversial issue then let both sides have equal time. The show definitely was not about gender confused children, it was about angry parent of gender confused child.

I feel sorry for the boy. He will have a tough road ahead of him. God forbid he gets on the wrong side of that woman. He doesn't really need to have a dad, because she obviously wears the pants in that household. I don't know much about this condition and thanks to Dr. Phil just sitting there, looking on blankly with his fingers under his chin, i STILL don't. I only got to hear an angry mother telling off two men that obviously care about children or they wouldn't waste their time on the show or studying this disorder.

My prayers will be for the little boy that he is able to live a happy, healthy productive life no matter which way he turns out. And, Dr. Phil, I'll pray for you that the next time you are faced with a situation like today, that you will find your voice and guts to step in and take control of your show and your guests (even if you are intimidated by them).

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drphilfanincan

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January 13, 2009, 3:32 pm PST

Thank you

Quote From: daileymarty

I understand the "need to grieve" that this mother is going through. My oldest child came out to me

when he was 16 yrs. old. Almost 9 years ago. I knew he was battling with something and when he shared that he was gay, my first reaction was, "Of course you are." His whole life up to that point passed before my "eyes" and I knew in my heart that this was his truth. Yet, I grieved for the lifestyle I envisioned he would have. Meeting a woman, marriage, grandchildren. That was the hardest, grandchildren. I needed to grieve the "loss" I felt and recognize that my son was the same as he had always been. He would say to me, "I'm still me!"

AFter 4 sessions with a counselor, and 9 years of acceptance under our belts, we have a great relationship. He is an adult, through college, working in his field and successful. HE has met a wonderful man whom we adore. They, together, are the perfect couple. I would have it no other way, happiness for my son is most important. He will be able to legally marry someday and grandchildren will follow.

Grieving the loss of who you thought your child would become, your dreams for that child is a natural process. Putting their emotional/physical well-being first is a hard call when dealing with transgender

issues. I bet if an honest look backwards has taken place, this Mom has seen signs all along her child's life and knows in her heart this is how the Creator made this child. As a Mom, you know!

Support your trans. child. The Creator/God makes no mistakes. Sexual Identity/Orientation are small parts of who we each are. Embrace the spirit in your child and give unconditional acceptance and support.

Grieve for a while, then go on to explore the spirit and enjoy your child. The Creator/God doesn't give

special children to everyone, only some of us are lucky!!

Thank you SO much for sharing this. I hope that people will open their eyes and be more accepting of people that are outside of so-called "societal norms".

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varambel

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January 13, 2009, 3:34 pm PST

Little Boy Lost

This woman needs to take a chill pill. Her defensive, rude, accusatory, behavior is offensive and annoying. I empathize with her situation, but give the professionals a chance to talk. Maybe, she did do the right thing in her situation, but her actions indicate that she feels guilty----perhaps responsible for what happened to her little boy.

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frauwessels

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January 13, 2009, 3:34 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: gibsonlespaul2

Since when do children have a choice to do anything? Where are the parents? All I see are mothers that have issues that their children are the same as everyone else's children and possibly see this as a chance for their child to be "unique." Being gay is a choice people make, if it was natural there would be scientific proof - there is no proof. Being gay is so "Hollywood" these days, it's a fad like any other and it's disgusting and perverted.

So very true!

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loveingmommy

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January 13, 2009, 3:36 pm PST

unfairly represented

I just watched the show, and was quite disappointed that the topic became so one sided. I was very interested in hearing more about the type of therapy the Focus on the Family physiologists were offering to these families. Unfortunately they were not able to speak openly about their work, and were quite rudely interrupted by everyone on the show. I feel as if they were unfairly represented but the mother, the other psychologists as well as Dr. Phil himself. To be fair I think Mr. Stanton and Dr. Nicolosi should have had a mother on their side of the panel whose son had gone through their therapy, so we could hear her story as well. I felt that Mr. Stanton and Dr. Nicolosi were treated with complete disrespect and ignorance and were not given a chance to speak, let alone explain what they do to help families. Very disappointed in this show’s one sided approach to this subject!

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rarwgloryrawr

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surprised

January 13, 2009, 3:37 pm PST

Are You Seriouse?

What the heck is wrong with that doctor? how can he say that it is the parents "fault" for the way the childs orientation turns out? i person is born gay strait lesbian bi. they arent coaxed. and for people to say that is rediculouse. why should parents be able to give their children the right of life experience and career and then contradict themselves by saying that they dont have the choice of life style? its completely absurd. i think that a parent should support their child in all decisions. by telling a kid "no you cant play with dolls cause your a boy" is ultimetly being sexest and thats not right. maybe it's a phase, or maybe it's a breakthrough from confusion to life making sence. but to not let them decide is robbing that child of their personality. You Don't Have The Right To Take That Away, Cause You Didnt Give It.

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chilebeen

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January 13, 2009, 3:37 pm PST

gender disorder

I am watching this show with great interest. I know in my heart that these children suffering from this disorder are not confused - not even close to confused. I firmly believe it is a genetic anomaly that happens in uturo. Upbringing, in this instance has nothing to with the gender disorder. I find your guests that are trying to dispell the notion that this can be fixed to be disingenious and frankly I feel they are grossly misguided in their thinking.

Toni is right, these so called experts are wrong, wrong wrong. any child can be bullied into wanting to conform, because believe me, children want to please the parent.

Toni is very brave and please ask her to stay on for the remainder of the broadcast. She excudes intelligence and please tell her that she did the right thing.

On another note, and you probably will not touch on that, is what religious affiliation these experts have. I have a sneaking suspicion that they are of right wing christian belief as gender confusion is against the writings in the holy bible. I apologize for spouting on, but these so called expert are completely misguided.

Sincerely,

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