Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

My name is Dylan and im 20 years old. I was born female, but i am transsexual. I know without a doubt that there is nothing female about me besides my body. To be honest, i dont think that people that have not experienced this have any idea how this stuff works. It doesnt matter if youre a psychologist or not. You can have hours of training on hormone therapy, etc etc etc. But no matter how they try to "explain" the ways its not possible, they have no idea. People dont understand. When someone is trans, you know without a doubt that you dont fit your body. I have seen a therapist for this, and ive now been on testosterone (hormone therapy) for 9 months now. For the FIRST TIME in my life, i actually feel really comfortable with myself. My whole life growing up i was sheltered. I definitely had a much closer relationship with my mother than my father, however i still had a relationship with them both. My parents have been married about 25 years, i have a 21 year old brother. My parents have never seperated, nothing like that. A lot of people believe that something happened in my childhood with a man or something that made me this way. Thats not true by any means. Nobody ever touched me inappropriately, i never had an unhealthy relationship with a man, or woman for that matter. I was homeschooled until 6th grade and then was in a private (baptist) school until 10th grade. my sophomore - senior years i did attend a public school. But my whole life ive been different. I was VERY tomboy my whole life. i hated everything feminine. Hated dresses, never once wore makeup, never played with barbies. I didnt like it. When i played house with my friends, i insisted on being "daddy" because that was what i was comfortable with. I never felt comfortable in my female body. When i hit puberty and my body developed, i had a hard time looking myself in the mirror because i just didnt fit. For a long time i identified as lesbian, but even then i was not comfortable. I was very "butch" but still couldnt be comfortable with myself. When i started seeing a therapist for my transition, everything finally started feeling right. I only attended therapy 3 months before i started hormone therapy, because i knew it was what i had to do to be comfortable in my own body. It's the only thing that made me happy. 9 months on testosterone, and you would never know i was born female. I am pre-op. no surgeries thus far, mainly because i am still young and dont have the money at this point in my life for it. However, my goal for 2009 is to have my top surgery completed, if not both. I live my life as a straight male. I have a very supporting girlfriend, as well as my friends who i have adopted as my family. My parents dont accept the change. I'm the baby and the only female born child they had. Ive lost almost my whole relationship with both parents. We still talk on occasion, but it hurts me desperately that i wont be able to take the girl i love home to my parents. I do intend to have a family one day. I want a child or two that i can father. I want to be a daddy one day. But unless my parents can begin to accept my transition, ill never let them meet their grandchildren. And that kills me. It hurts that my parents and brother (even extended family) cant be a part of MY family because they wont accept my transition. I think the mother accepting her daughter as just that is amazing. That child needs all the support she can get because the world, like those doctors, and many of the people reading and writing on this board, cant accept them. I've known more than one transgendered person to commit suicide because of the way they are treated. I dont understand what is so hard about accepting a person for who they really are. If someone met me on the streets, you would have no idea that i was born female. There is nothing female about me, other than my legal documents saying so and my body that i have not yet corrected. I got so emotional, yelling at the tv, watching this episode of dr phil. Maybe some kids do go through a phase. But i know that not everybody does. If a persons gender identity does not align with their sex, they should be able to correct it so they can be as comfortable with themselves as everybody else. Just because most people out there are lucky enough to have their gender and sex align does not mean all of us do. I will never be comfortable in a female body, and i know many more like myself that have to stand by me and support me because so many others ridicule and dont understand.

I personally want to thank the mother of this girl for accepting and supporting her. Always stick with it, no matter what people say. Your child needs you now more than she will ever express. And for the others out there that agree, for those whose gender and sex do align, but support those of us that dont, thank you.

Without support from outsiders, it would be much harder for someone like myself to transition. It's not an easy thing to live with. But it's something i have to do for myself, something that MUST be done in order for me to live my life comfortably. To live my life at all.

Thank you.

For any others debating their gender identity, find a therapist in your area that deals with hormone therapies. sit down and talk to someone. They will help you. So many therapists and psychologists specialize in these areas. There are books out there... There are websites. Myspace has groups for people to meet and talk. for support. I'm in a couple groups on myspace myself. Without the support of my brothers there, it would have been hard to do. People can help you find resources in your area....

And Dr Phil, thank you for addressing this. I believe its an issue that is not touched nearly enough in our society today. I can only hope and pray that the world will become more accepting as time goes on.

-Dylan (Dallas, Tx)

Dr. Phil....I found your handling of the show about gender identification disorder to be disturbing.  The gentlemen who advocate treatment by bonding with the child's father and stating that the mother was too attached is a bunch of  baloney.  Nothing like bashing motherhood!!! They would not even listen to Toni's story without interrupting her and totally invalidating her by promoting their "treatment"..... Personally I believe they are totally in denial about this issue.  They were so interested in pushing their credo that the issue was not even really discussed...I wish you had made sure that both sides were heard.   I felt like the actual issue was not every really discussed.  The doctors on the other side of the issue were not even allowed to speak!  We are talking about people with a very important issue and  the baby was thrown out with the bathwater.. I am a fan, so hope that you would make sure that you give equal time for both sides of any issues discussed on your show. 

I have never posted on any board but was so angry watching this show that I decided I needed to vent and found this board.  First off, Dr. Phil, I'm very disappointed in your handling of the show.  You sat there like you were afraid of that mother.  She was allowed to rant and rave and say whatever she wanted to the two doctors on the other side.  But, when they tried to stick up for themselves to her, you scolded them on their reaction  to her answers.  Where was your backbone?  Did you leave it in your high-heeled pumps?  Second, the mother was completely rude, obnoxious, and was obviously correct about anything and everything (at least in her mind).  If you are going to have a show about a very controversial issue then let both sides have equal time.  The show definitely was not about gender confused children, it was about angry parent of gender confused child. 

I feel sorry for the boy.  He will have a tough road ahead of him. God forbid he gets on the wrong side of that woman.  He doesn't really need to have a dad, because she obviously wears the pants in that household.  I don't know much about this condition  and thanks to Dr. Phil just sitting there, looking on blankly with his fingers under his chin, i STILL don't.  I only got to hear an angry mother telling off two men that obviously care about children or they wouldn't waste their time on the show or studying this disorder.

My prayers will be for the little boy that he is able to live a happy, healthy productive life no matter which way he turns out.  And, Dr. Phil, I'll pray for you that the next time you are faced with a situation like today,  that you will find your voice and guts to step in and take control of your show and your guests (even if you are intimidated by them).

I was frustrated watching this show.  I think this is an example of when a show should be done in two parts.  Too many experts, too many opinions, too many commercial breaks.  I didn't see the first show but judging by the recap, I had already decided I didn't like the focus on the family guys.  But then I wanted to hear what they do.  I actually like to hear both sides of the story and in this case, we didn't get to hear both.  I think in our society today we are all so conditioned to accept everything.  Accept all behavior, all conditions.  I never even thought there might be therapy for this.  I would actually like to hear their success stories.  It didn't sound like they simply force boys to play with trucks.  I wonder if the mom (Tony?) had heard of this option years ago if she might have tried it.  I wanted to hear more about how only 15% of kids with gender confusion issues still live as the opposite (opposite as in genital opposite) sex as adults.

I have too many questions.  Oh and as a side note, the Focus on the Family guys seemed a bit fruity to me.