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Topic : 10/29 Gender Confused Children

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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:51:47 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil tackles the sensitive topic of children who identify more with the opposite sex. What do you do if your son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls? Or if your daughter tells you she wants to be a boy? Should parents chock it up to being a phase that their children will grow out of, or should they intervene right away? Meet Melissa and Tim, whose 8-year-old son declared himself to be a girl when he was just 3 years old. Now, they allow their child to live as a girl and wonder if and when they should begin hormone therapy. Then, when Mary’s son was 8, he told her he felt like a girl, and Mary allowed him to experiment with dressing as a female. Now a teenager, her son is more comfortable living as a male -- but Mary wonders if she caused his confusion. Joining the discussion are experts with differing points of view: Dr. Dan Siegel, professor and clinical psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, and Glenn Stanton, author and research fellow with the organization Focus on the Family. Is gender identity something we’re born with, or is it influenced by parents and environment? Don’t miss this heated discussion, then talk about the show here..

Find out what happened on the show.

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beckyboutwell

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January 13, 2009, 8:56 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Responding to the parents questions regarding whether or not they should transition their transgender kids. Think about it this way: What if your child had a life threatening disease causing blindness, hearing loss, obesity, diabetes and all the major organs are attacked in the body? What if you didn't know how long your child would live? Average life expectancy early 20's. What if this child, your child, told you he/she wanted to live as the opposite sex? Would you transition that child? You most certainly would. Because you would want that child to be happy with what little life they may have left. This is MY child. I have a child with Alstrom Syndrome and is transgender. We transitioned her from male to female at the age of 12. She is now 13 and extremely happy. The opinion that a parent is somehow involved is ridiculous.

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balunrdale

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January 13, 2009, 9:08 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: systole

My nephew was very confused growing up, and he loved to dress as a girl. He played with dolls and he had few friends because of his secret obsession with Barbie dolls. In his mind he knew this was not acceptable among other people so would pretend he was buying them for his sister.

He is very clever, but had a hard time adjusting to normal life and spent a great deal of time doing things with his mother, who he was very close to. After a few years of trying to go to normal school and a couple of suicide attempts, I now hear that at 18 he believes he is gay. I have not seen him in a few years, but I do not think he is gay. I think that he is confused about all his life and he thinks this is an easier route. I do not know if he has had sexual gay relationships, or this is what he believes he wants.

I do believe that his life of confusion has led him to be very unhappy, and his home life had a great deal to do with this confusion

I don't think he is anymore confused about his gender than you are about yours. These children know who they are inside the fact that there are troubles at home does not cause ones gender. Look at your life you didn't come from a "normal family" and you don't seemed to be confused about what gender you identify is.

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trevor1989

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January 13, 2009, 9:22 pm PST

Sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears!

Two words to sum up this episode. Riviting and heteronormative.

First, i completely support transgendered people and especially transgendered youth. Secondly, I Gender Identity Disorder does not exist. Its a construct that heteronormative people apply to people who do not follw their expected gender performance. Society internalizes within us that our sex (male/female) determines our gender performance (masculinity and feminitity). In being Masculine, that child is expected to reject anything characteristic that is feminine... and same applies to femininity.

Seriously. i felt like strangling the man who said "Natural heterosexuality" like seriously now? Sex is not gender, and gender is not sex. they are completely seperate and different. Sex is between the legs, and gender is between the ears!

Go Toni! i feel for you! you continue doing the best for your children!

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balunrdale

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January 13, 2009, 9:32 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: ailema

I agree with you , when someone has morals & values and want to state their case on the Dr. Phil Show I find they are soon cut off and no one really gets to hear what they have to say. Either one is on either side of the fence. If one is a Christian then stand up and say so but don't sit on the fence like I see on his show

Get off the cross somebody needs the wood! This isn't about religion!!!!!! I suppose that a child born with a birth defect was because the mother sinned. Do you see the ignorance. These children didn't choose this they were born this way. Look at the study they did on twins. The Doctor was right they have proven that this happens in the womb within the first trimester. If you have a complaint make it with God that he didn't make a full proof system there are some kinks in the wiring. We must have love and compassion for those that are different than ourselves.

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jacobp

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January 13, 2009, 9:36 pm PST

Thanks for this comment!

Quote From: marie8765

I have 3 girls. About 18 months ago my youngest daughter (age 3) said she would grow up one day and be a daddy instead of a mommy. She only played with "boy" things. After hearing Dr. Nicolosi on a radio program, I read his book, "A Parents Guide to Preventing Homosexuality". I realized this was not a "defect" in my child, but an error in my parenting. It has been a year since we started implementing the things Dr. Nicolosi suggested and I am so pleased with the results. I love my daughter unconditionally and I know the best for her is to be all that God designed her to be. If your child struggles with GID, please read Dr. Nicolosi's book!

I am so shocked at how closed minded people are about change. They have allowed TV to tell them what to think. I appreciate your comments. I too have been greatly helped by Dr. Nicolosi. These people sling their insults around at Nicolosi as if they are BONAFIDE FACT! THere are many people who have changed! I too read this book. It DOES NOT blame parents. Itsimply tells parents what to look for and how they might respond.

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balunrdale

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January 13, 2009, 9:37 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: rylies

Please don't bring onto the show rude mothers who will not let others speak of an opinion different to their own. It was hard to watch Toni being so disrespectful and rude! I want to hear the difference in opinions on this topic, not who's eligible to speak about it. Telling people to their face that their theory sucks and that they are plain wrong doesn't convince anyone anything except perhaps you are the close-minded person. Toni just made me want to turn off the TV.

As for the term "Natural Heterosexual", I believe that makes sense because boy and girl makes babies and that's natural. None of the other combinations can do that. Heterosexuality is a big part of why you are here.

Just a heads up these transgender people can also reproduce. You are confused about the topic.

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jacobp

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January 13, 2009, 9:47 pm PST

Two GREAT Experts Nicolosi and Stanton

Quote From: texas06

Dr. Phil I watch you everyday and never have I been so shocked by your guest "experts".The way those two doctors spoke about Toni and her transgender child was garbage.Thankfully the other two doctors were TRUE experts and showed some human kindness and understanding.

Just because a doctor goes along with a popular opinion doesn't make him an expert. Suppose this was the 1920 and someone said, "I can't believe those two 'experts' are claiming those NEGROS are equivalent to us!"

It takes a lot of guts to be in Nicolosi's position fighting for those of us who have had success in change!

The real experts even if they didn't get to say much of anything at all were Nicolosi and Stanton!

The proof is not in how many fail but in how many succeed! Then the question is WHY? There are thousands of success stories, the media just CENSURES THEM!

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unknown24

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January 13, 2009, 9:56 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

I don't think its something in the brain. I think its something that they want to do and the parent who are so sensative gives in. So many men in this world are gay and it falls back on the parents. This women gave up on her child and i don't cares what no one say! I DON'T THINK THERS NO SUCH THING AS A 'GENDER CONFUSED CHILD'. The reason why they turn to suicidal is because they can't do what they want. I think boys should speend more time with their farther. When little boys see momma doing things then they going to want to do the samething. I just think that the mother'TONY' to this child was disespectful and ashame,she was so defensive. She the one gave in, no one bought dresses and little girl skirts for her son but her.She should have been ashame and who ever in the world that's doing the same. Don't give in so fast. This child got a whole life in front of him. I don't think that confused gender is true! Its just something they try to make gay men look good!Also they don't even have enough info to back it up.how sad!!!!

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jacobp

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January 13, 2009, 9:57 pm PST

Nicolosi is not saying parents are the CAUSE!

Quote From: cutie_en_masse

I am unbelievable angry right now!! I can't believe that those two gentlemen would believe that being 'trans-gender', a lesbian, or gay in not natural and that you, as a parent can guide them away from that!! And another thing, as a single mother, I am outraged that they would say a boy being too close to their mother makes them gay or trans-gender in some way! That is just crazy!!

I'm sorry but if a child is gay or trans-gender, I can't possibly see how that is the fault of the parent!

My son is 17 and we are close, and has has very little contact with his father through out his life, and he's straight. So I think those two gentlemen theory is a load of nonsense!!

Read his book, Nicolosi is in no way saying that parents are the sole cause of their child's gender issues. It is obvious that sometimes PARENTS are the cause. They shape a child's life in many ways. Why can't they shape a child's view of his own gender! MY PARENTS SHAPED MY VIEW! Did they do it on purpose? Was it ENTIRELY their fault i turned out the way i did? Nicolosi is not saying that! He only says that they MAY contribute to it. He also believes other things POSSIBLY contribute as well. He then offers POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS to help the child feel better about his gender. IS that so hard to understand?

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kttnajj

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January 13, 2009, 10:01 pm PST

10/29 Gender Confused Children

Quote From: claypot51

I am so disappointed and angry that Dr Phil allowed the panel to be completely taken over by Toni. He had 4 professionals who were supposed to have equal time to state their positions and he did not allow that. Once Toni came on he allowed her to totally dominate the rest of the show. I did not watch this show to hear about a disappointed mom vent at someone who differed from her. She was not at all respectful and if the opposing side had talked to her as she talked to them Dr. Phil would have stopped them immediately and instead he allowed her to take over the rest of the show. Dr. Phil you were not fair to the opposing side and did not offer a parent who had been helped by them to be on the show and share the way they dealt with it. I have lost a lot of respect for Dr. Phil for the way he handled this show.

You are so right. I too watched in amazement as Dr. Phil allowed that mother (Toni) to rant and rave about defending her position about her young son. It was so clear that Dr. Phil was NOT neutral here, like he claimed he was. Toni was so rude to the 2 professionals on the other side. Obviously she had no intention of listening to their point of view, and Dr. Phil just let her run off at the mouth. Like the old saying goes, "it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease", and she was squeaking and Dr. Phil gave in! It would have been one thing if the show was about one family's struggle with transgender and just let it be that, without having ANY professionals other than Dr. Phil on the show. BUT when the show is supposed to represent 2 sides of a controversy, for heavens' sake, then give both sides equal time to express their viewpoint. That did not happen today and I too was very disappointed with Dr. Phil.

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