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Topic : 12/30 Extreme Discipline?

Number of Replies: 237
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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:58:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/31/08) Grounding for two months, withholding dinner, making a child stand at attention for hours or collect rocks in the hot sun … is this basic discipline, or is it too extreme? Trisha fears her husband, Rafael, is destroying their 13-year-old daughter with punishments that are too severe. Rafael says his wife forces him to be “the hammer” because she’s too lenient. Their opposing views on child discipline are putting a strain on their marriage, but what is it doing to their daughter? Hear her heartbreaking diary entries. Plus, what happened in this household that’s been swept under the carpet for far too long? Dr. Phil has a heart-to-heart chat with the teen. Have you ever wondered if your discipline tactics will have a lifelong effect on your child? Are you inadvertently crossing the line into abuse? Grade your own parenting skills with today’s show. Plus, learn discipline guidelines that will keep your children healthy and thriving. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 26, 2008, 1:42 am CDT

Are u thinking??

Quote From: hpmx59

Discipline Doctor Extreme Phil. Doctor Phil do you discipline your kids yourself or Robin does it? I think di-

scipline is not a right thing for kids under 18. But if they are over 18 or under 01-06 then go right ahead.-----

See you on Friday October 31st, 2008. Happy Halloween. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----------------

Children need to learn what is right and wrong before the age of 18.....discipline is about love and nuture not about all badness and abuse.It is teaching children as they grow what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.
 
October 26, 2008, 5:27 am CDT

To late we learn

I can tell that mother to take her daughter and run. I grew up being disiplined with a belt and switch from an alder tree, as well as verbal punshiment. It was horrible. I had no self esteem and at 62 still bear the scars emotionlly. Don't get me wrong,I loved my parents and when they passed away it left a huge hole in my life. I was able to talk to my father about the extreme punishment before his passing and he acknowledged it was wrong and apologized. That felt so good. My mother died thinking that to spare the rod was to spoil the child, but she was wrong. I miss her so much ,but wish she could have understood.

I have four children whom I love more than life , but I know I damaged them somewhat , although I was better than my parents, I still was far from perfect.

My oldest daughter doesn't like me at all, My youngest daughter I'm not sure off. My oldest son loves me unconditionally, and my youngest son I don't know about? I just feel sad when I watch them struggle to over come the things I did.

 
October 26, 2008, 7:48 am CDT

Discipline

I think discipline begins with toddlers and the time outs....Taking something away that they cherish...

Just in ontario canada now a 15 yr old boy (grade A student) is missing after leaving home because his parents took away his x-box because they thought he was spending too much time on the online gaming system.Even microsoft have bypassed their privacy regulations ...so they can find who he was gaming with.

Here we have parents who are not abusing or harshly punishing a son and he just leaves because of a video game.

I am so glad my kids grew up without internet and spent most of their time involved in sports and just being outside.

Only thing now is worrying about what your grandchildren are doing....

 

 

 

 

 

 
October 26, 2008, 11:34 am CDT

It's Sad

Anyone that extremely disciplines their children like that should get some serious mental help.  No child deserves to be living in fear wondering what mom or dad will do to them next.   

 

I have witnessed extreme discipline as well as went though some.  This definitely scars a child's life.  Just looking and observing how some parents discipline their children disgusts me.  I am a true believer in discipline, everyone (even adults) needs a little conviction from time to time to remind us what we did was wrong, but we MUST discipline with love, not to inject fear in the child's life.  Extreme discipline does nothing but make your child hate you even more, rebel against you and get involved in all kinds of outside trouble. 

 

Either a child is extremely disciplined , or extremely spoiled and walks all over their parents.  What is wrong with this world??  These are our children and our future!!  It's not easy to raise children, and it's certainly not easy to discipline one , but it is our responsibility to do it WITH LOVE!

 
October 26, 2008, 11:34 am CDT

Extreme Discipline?

  It sounds as if this form of discipline is too extreme. We shouldnt treat teenagers like there in boot camp
 
October 26, 2008, 11:55 am CDT

this is DISCIPLINE?????

Quote From: frosado

Anyone that extremely disciplines their children like that should get some serious mental help.  No child deserves to be living in fear wondering what mom or dad will do to them next.   

 

I have witnessed extreme discipline as well as went though some.  This definitely scars a child's life.  Just looking and observing how some parents discipline their children disgusts me.  I am a true believer in discipline, everyone (even adults) needs a little conviction from time to time to remind us what we did was wrong, but we MUST discipline with love, not to inject fear in the child's life.  Extreme discipline does nothing but make your child hate you even more, rebel against you and get involved in all kinds of outside trouble. 

 

Either a child is extremely disciplined , or extremely spoiled and walks all over their parents.  What is wrong with this world??  These are our children and our future!!  It's not easy to raise children, and it's certainly not easy to discipline one , but it is our responsibility to do it WITH LOVE!

To discipline is to teach.... what are these parents teaching this poor child about love, life, self-worth, confidence, common sense? Do these parents even want this child? Their actions will drive her away.

Throught the eyes of this child, I bet anything she could conceive of would be better than what she is experiencing at "home" .. what a joke to call her living condition "home" in any kind of safe emotional sense.

These parents need parenting classes, this child needs another place to live and be counselled.

 

 

 
October 26, 2008, 2:07 pm CDT

Extreme discipline

I'm sitting here pondering what these 'crimes' could have been.   NO DINNER?, even death row murderers get dinner each night. The only people I know punished with ROCK PICKING in the HOT SUN are the prisoners in "The Toughest Sheriff's" Arizona Tent Prison.  And as to STANDING for HOURS, I don't even know what to say, except this psuedo Dad should try it himself. And TWO MONTHS grounding.  My kids would have driven me crazy and I say that with a giggle in my heart because if my husband grounded our kids I'd be in their room playing with them.  Thank goodness my husband is absolutely NOTHING LIKE PSUEDO DAD!!  Dr. Phll, you must rescue this child.  I'll be watching Friday
 
October 26, 2008, 6:24 pm CDT

This parent needs some help

Quote From: kim77077

I call this child abuse, any child should not have to be in the heat collecting rocks or with holding their dinner it is wrong and if one thinks that it is right to have a child out in the heat knowing that a child is left in a hot car what can happen this child could have a heat storke. If the parents really love this child they would not be doing this. Their are other ways to solve bad behavior, Take something away that they like playing with or they cannot have a play date with the friends that she likes to hang out with or no phone calles to her friends what a day or two their are other ways of dealing with behavior then doing what the parents are doing now,Both parents need to go to parenting school and untile they can get a grip on things this child should be living with a grandparent. How would they feel if they were being punish like this and where they

punish like this when they were a child?

Yea this definatly is not the proper way to discipline in my opinion.  But my guess is that quite possibly it is learned behavior.  I am thinking that this parent was punished propably even worse than this when he was a child.  So it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have this child living with a grandparent.  My hope is that he will be open to Dr. Phil's advise and will be able to change and teach his children the proper way to curb bad behavior and then start generations of parents who know how to properly raise children. 
 
October 27, 2008, 9:16 am CDT

discipline

When I read the messages about picking up rocks in the sun, I just about laughed.  I'm sorry, I had to do that and it wasn't for discipline.  Some people do physical labor and some don't.  It was hard work but you knew you had worked when the day was done.

 

We were disciplined as children with the belt and I have to say that you knew you better be good.  I think that some discipline can be over bored but come on, have you been to the schools lately?

 

Unfortunately some children are abused.  I would hope the man who made the child pick rocks in the hot sun at least watched him.  There is a difference between doing out of a necessity and for punishment.  I hope and wish that we can learn and do better with our kids.

 
October 30, 2008, 2:15 pm CDT

Extreme an understatement

I know that there are alot of people out there who would disagree with my idea of discipline, I will be the first to admit that I have spanked my children, on their back sides and never with anything other than my hand, I have grounded them when they deserve it, but i would never force my children into slave labor as a punishment, i was punished that way.

Any man who feels he has to "break" a child is not a man he is a punk who needs to be taken out behind the wood shed and taught some reality. There are some things you just dont do, I have to often keep my husband in check because he can go to far, he doesnt like it but I would rather be the one to punish them than him doing it.
 
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