Topic : 12/30 Extreme Discipline?

40 years ago, that 13 year old girl was me. Hy heart aches and I can barely see as I type this , for the tears that stream down my face.  "I'll break you" were the same words that my abusive father said to me. I remain broken to this day, (secretly) but broke the cycle myself and never laid a hand on my own children or anyone else for that matter. Nor have I ever belittled my children.  I am (we are) their biggest fans.  We have disciplined them with love and respect and gotten love and respect from them in return. They are respectful, honest, loving, caring, intelligent, confident and happy young people now, who want to make this world a better place.  They enjoy their  lives and we enjoy them, and know that they can always come to us with any type of problem.  (And they have! ) Home to them has always been a "soft place to fall".  As a child, the opposite was true for me. I am happy that this young girl and her family will receive the help that they need.

I can so relate to that child only mine was with my husband.He verbally abused myself & our children.He was so abusive that the children have affects from it in their adult life today.I know you are thinking why didn't I do something.I couldn't support them since I had not completed high school.I had married @ 16 & thought that was the way everyone lived.There is alot more to the story but in the end I left when the kids were grown.After 10 years he's sober and now we are friends & his personality is great.He now sees the wrong that was done to me & our children.

I was watching tonight’s episodes and thought it interesting that the guest was being labeled a child abuser. I think the dynamics of this family were laid out in the first few sentences - the father is not home a lot and is not a part of the daily routine. When he enters the picture he is seen as a n outsider, which he undoubtedly feels, therefore he tries to assert his presence and opinion. One of the points of contention was the night he made her sit without food for the entire night. If you listened to the story you would have heard he told her she could get up when she was ready to talk and she CHOSE to spend the night on the couch. With that being said, it is not UNBELIEVABLE that he said "I am going to break you" because they are in such an obvious power struggle and he is trying to maintain his authority as a parent. His wife has good intentions but the fact the child knows that she would leave him if they continue to fight just lets the child know he doesn't have to listen. This poor kid doesn't have an issue with her father, she has an unbelievable and unfortunate history. They need counseling and other help but to vilify the father and make it his fault is sad.

I just find it unfortunate that if this were a different show Dr. Phil would be telling them that they are the parent and when you have a disrespectful and unruly child you have to stand your ground. He isn’t beating her, he isn't trying to undo her emotionally - he is obviously trying to maintain control. If this family is guilty of anything they are guilty of not noticing she is going through something important and band together.

I agree she needs nurturing but that is not contusive with the environment between the parents. They are at odds and that is where the child will find security in themselves and learn about positive relationships.

 

Bottom line, to say this is as simple as my dad is a hard-ass and that is the root of all evil for this girl is simple minded and ridiculous. The entire FAMILY needs help and no one is doing right by this girl.

 

I have seen this show before and it was very disturbing for me because it hit home. I had a father like this and I became very promiscuous at a young age. I have been divorced twice and I didn't know why I was making these mistakes until I went into counseling. I realized I was choosing partners just like my abusive, alcoholic father. Dr Phil is right: if a daughter does not experience love, acceptance, security, dignity and respect from her father she will not know how to feel  it in a relationship. She will choose men who don't know how and can't love her because that is what she experienced. It is a very difficult and lonely life. I am not presently married and 56 years old and do not trust men. It still hurts me very deeply inside. My father has passed away and we never had a relationship. He was verbally and abusive to his 6 children and physically abusive to my mother. It is a terrible home to be in because it is a secret! That is how you live and you have to survive somehow. I have made some other mistakes in my life because of this and I am trying to forgive myself. I pray that men learn what their God-given roles are in a family and how to love his wife and children. It is so very important! It is very damaging to have a father treat a daughter as this man did. I know......I lived it and still do. The hurt has never gone away!

I hate it when Dr Phil says to people that when they have been sexually abused it doesn't change who they are.  IT DOES!!!  I was raped over 30 years ago & it definitely changed who I am & what I became.  My youngest daughter was sexually abused by a friend of her father & it definitely changed her.  I just don't see how it can't.  I can identify with the situation I watched on "extreme discipline?" because I was married to a man a lot like that father.  I am divorced now & wish that I had put my foot down instead of taking the path I chose. 

I feel very sorry for this little girl and the abuse she has had to endure at the hands of her father. It broke my heart to hear this little girls cry for help.  As I sat and watched the show tonight,  it made me very angry.  This little girls father shows no remorse whatsoever and thinks that his way of disiplining a child is ok.   I cannot believe that the mother of this innocent little girl and wife of this man is still with this man she calls her husband and would allow this abuse to happen to her daughter.  If I had a daughter that was abused and raped as this little girl was I would be doing everything in my power to protect my daughter and get her out of this horrible situation.   I was abused emotionally and physically speaking by my estrange mother so I know what this little girl is going through.  I feel for her and I pray for her.

I also had a traumatic situation over 35 years ago, I am now 52 years of age and recently came out and told my family that an uncle of mine had molested me.  He is now in his eighties and other relatives have told me that I should not bring this up to him because he old and sick now.  I would like your advise as to whether you think he should be reported for the all the hurt and embarrassment that I have had to keep inside of me all these years. 

I agree with you 100% calvin!!!

I am a 49 year old female that lived through emotional, phsycal and sexual abuse.  By the time I was 8 I ran away from my family on a weekly basis and was always just brought back.  I didn't know why I was so unhappy but i knew I didn't want them as my family anymore.  5 years ago after a suicide attempt I was hospitalized and for the first time the light was brought to me of why I have been so desctructive in my life towards myself.

I am trying to face the persons that are responsible for my trauma.  One is dieing of cancer so I have to come up with something quick or I may never get that demon out of me, and the other one is old and still believes beratting me on a daily basis is just fine.  the one who phsycally abused me died many years ago and I will never have closure for that.

Love your children, let them have a voice, talk to them!!!  They have feelings and issues that they need to talk to their parents about.  Hurting them causes so much confusion and hurt that they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives.  I know.

It sounds like maybe the wife just sits back and let’s the dad handle everything and then criticizes.  The wife didn’t have any problem tattling about her husband’s behavior, yet she didn’t do anything when the daughter had allegedly been molested.  Why on earth was the child sleeping on the couch in the first place?  Doesn’t she have a bedroom?

Just because a child draws some questionable pictures doesn’t mean they are nonfiction.  Maybe the child is just very dramatic. 

Parents need to have the right to discipline their own children.  Each child is different and the parent usually knows the best type of discipline for his/her own child-more so than CPS.