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October 31, 2008, 3:13 pm PDT
are you insane?
Quote From: erica1984I don't know about any of you, but I remember being an angry teenager. I feel that what Rafael is doing is not hurting a thing. Children should listen to their parents and do as they say. There should be a standard that they have to live up to. When the child does not meet that standard, they should have to face consequences. I would rather either of my children to stand at attention for 2 hours or be grounded for 6 weeks than have them smacked around. Obviously, Rafael is a strict father, but he IS NOT abusive in any way shape or form. OF COURSE his daughter does not like it!!!! She is a teenager and she'll say anything to get her father into trouble! When she is an adult, she will appreciate how her father taught her respect and discipline without the use of his open or closed fist. Picking up rocks and putting them into a pail for 4 hours is not a harsh discipline. Now, if the children were outside in the bitter cold with no shoes on, this would be abuse, but they weren't. His form of discipline is obviously working somehow, because his children respect him enough to follow through with the punishments he dishes out. He might not get ALL of the results he was looking for, but his children DO have respect for him without the threat of physical punishment. I support what Rafael is doing and I think all of us as parents need to take this show as a sign that our society is becoming weak, undisciplined, and dangerous. If we can't discipline our children the way we want--without physically hurting them--then when we get older and leave the country to them to run, what is going to happen? The United States will no longer be a strong country. The daughter doesn't RESPECT her father, she FEARS him! She is afraid to say no because he has told her he will "break" her. She is afraid to say no. This man is KILLING her spirit. He is DAMAGING her in ways that will haunt her for the rest of her life with out counseling and support. Just because he isn't "physically" damaging her doesn't mean he is not hurting her emotionally and spiritually. What he is doling out is not discipline, it is punishment and abuse. So, you advocate "disciplining" children by use of intimidation and fear, as long as there is no hitting? Yes, as children grow up and BEGIN TO HAVE A MIND AND OPINIONS OF THEIR OWN, in adolescence, they, not being mature enough yet to control their emotions, like adults are supposed to do (yeah right), begin to believe that they know better than their parents. They talk back, question authority, get angry, and act like the not-quite-adults they think they are. It is then incumbent upon the parents to act like an adult, mature, in-control role model, and follow through with consequences for bad behavior, to TEACH the child that bad behavior brings unwanted and sometimes unpleasant actions. The child then LEARNS that there are consequences for that sort of behavior, just like in the real world. For example, when my then teenage son was acting like a jerk and not respecting his belongings, things that I had purchased for his comfort and enjoyment, I took them away from him. He had to earn them back with good behavior. When he was behaving angrily and stomping into his room and slamming the door, I warned him that if he continued I would remove his door. He continued, and I removed it. I took the bedroom door off and he had to earn it back by behaving better. It really had an effect on him, and he LEARNED and realized that his bad behavior wasn't going to get him anywhere. He LEARNED that I meant what I said, that his bad behavior was unacceptable, and I did it without belittling him, shaming him, or emotionally abusing him. I allowed him to use his own brain and figure out for himself that what he was doing was causing him inconvenience, a loss of privacy, and made his life tougher.
You sound like you are still angry. Hopefully you have no children of your own.
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(Original Air Date: 10/31/08) Grounding for two months, withholding dinner, making a child stand at attention for hours or collect rocks in the hot sun … is this basic discipline, or is it too extreme? Trisha fears her husband, Rafael, is destroying their 13-year-old daughter with punishments that are too severe. Rafael says his wife forces him to be “the hammer” because she’s too lenient. Their opposing views on child discipline are putting a strain on their marriage, but what is it doing to their daughter? Hear her heartbreaking diary entries. Plus, what happened in this household that’s been swept under the carpet for far too long? Dr. Phil has a heart-to-heart chat with the teen. Have you ever wondered if your discipline tactics will have a lifelong effect on your child? Are you inadvertently crossing the line into abuse? Grade your own parenting skills with today’s show. Plus, learn discipline guidelines that will keep your children healthy and thriving. Talk about the show here.
