Topic : 12/30 Extreme Discipline?

For years, Dr. Phil has said, "Children are blank slates.  What's written on that slate by their parents stays with them forever."  This father is the living proof of the accuracy of that statement.  He said his father was killed when he was a young boy.  He said he was sent to a boarding school that administered, according to him, some pretty tough discipline.  Since the show mentioned nothing about this man having any troubled or deviant behavior as an adult, IE drug/alcohol problems, history of criminal behavior and/or arrests etc., I have to assume by all measures of how we as a society define success, IE job, house, takes cares of his responsibilities etc., this man is a "success."  The model for success he emulates is the model he grew up with in the boarding school.  The reality is, this man, while his intentions in raising his children are grounded in love, knows no other way to discipline his children.   

I remember years ago I saw some program on television that showed a real task master with an approach similar to this father teaching his pupil.  The program then showed a calm, nurturing mentor that was able to achieve the same results.  The point was:  You can get to the same destination by taking different paths.  This dad isn't a bad guy, he simply needs to be shown a different way.  I'm certain the counseling the show offered will afford that.  

You might have to live through this tyranny to determine whether this kind of punishment is abuse.  Maybe what you see as punnishment I see as control.   I was that girl that sat at the dinner table untill bedtime because I wouldn't eat my rice.    I wouldn't eat rice because my cat buried a bird that I'd found.  I dug it up and saw maggots all over it.  That was the first time I'd seen maggots.  Then years later my mom made rice.  I couldn't eat it because it reminded me of the maggots I saw on the bird.   I was horrified. I really couldn't eat the rice.  But yet I sit there, long after my entire family left, cleaned up the kitchen, and went downstairs to watch TV together.   My step dad wouldn't let me get up.  My mother agreed.  I felt so alone.  I only wanted them to understand that I just couldn't.  However my dad took it as a slight against him, because I told him I just couldn't eat the rice.    There's a difference in control and wanting to win and punnishment.    Also this show show is about disipline resembling abuse.  Not about parents who are too lenient.  DrPhil has done shows about that and he will again.  But for now, lets stick to the subject at hand.

This father in this family wants to win.  

" The children nowdays are rude, have no respect and get away with way too much. As far "

This is true, but DrPhil's not talking about *those* kids.  This is a different show, addressing a different issue.   He's talking about the ones that don't have marks on their bodies from being struck.  He's talking about the ones who's emotional scars run deep.  Deep enough to want to hang yourself at 13.  That's not okay.  And if any father or mother ignored such a thing (and I know it's happened with tragic results), saying their kid is just being a drama queen/king,  then they are playing russian roulette with their own baby's life.     I am a person of physical as well as emotional abuse.    And I can tell you, "This precious girl is no whimp".      Emotional abuse can cripple you well into adulthood.      

You may not recognize it, but make no mistake.  By a parent bringing their hand down repeatedly on your back side and or legs in your youth,  changes who you were *meant* to be.  Not who you are.  Who you were *meant* to be.  For example,

Can you hold down a job?  Drink or drug too much?  Are you a control freak?  Uncomfortable in large open spaces or in crowds?  Eat too much?  Hooked up with a man/woman who disrepects you, beats you?  Emotionally or verbally abuses you?  Always dated bad boys or girls?  Have anger issues?  Manic?  Depressed?  Road rage?  Don't feel you really deserve better?  Don't like yourself?  Have a low self esteem? Afraid to leave the house?  Enabler?  Bilemic?  Anorexic?  Have irrational fears about whatever, flying, clowns, dogs, cats, heights, water, etc? 

Make no mistake.  It effected you in *some* way.  By striking a child you not only desrepect them, you desrespect youself.  If spanking worked, you'd never gotten more than one.  Think about it.

Couldn't agree more. 

Then there was the 'Child Expert' who defined corporal punishment as child abuse only if more than 3 hits were administered, and if marks were left on the child. Where does she get her definitions? Hitting and spanking children is abuse, just like if you hit your wife or your parents. And if you hit a stranger then it's assault. Why is it ok to hit your children'

I thought the same thing.  When I was growing up my mom used to hit me 3-4 times with my step dad or brothers belt.   I can't can't remember if it left actual marks on my skin.  But it left severe marks on my mind and heart.  My mother and I still have a rocky relationship.  Right now we're not even speaking.   She has no idea that it's because of all the *so called* spankings.  And she doesn't want to.  She just wants it all to go away and me to forget about it.   Christ I wish I could.