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Topic : 06/04 Grandmother vs. Mother Custody Battle

Number of Replies: 476
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 31, 2008, 04:11:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/04/08) Type your discussion here.How do you determine if someone is fit to be a parent? Should someone who is dependent on others for monetary help have the right to raise a child? Should someone the courts rule unfit as a parent ever be allowed to regain custody? What should you do if your parenting skills are called into question by a family member? Dr. Phil's guests are feuding mother and daughter, Barbara and Nicole, who have been battling for six years over the custody of Nicole’s son, Ethan. Barbara says she needed to take full custody of her grandson because Nicole was and is still not fit to be his mother. Barbara says she provided all the essential items when Ethan was first born, and when he needed surgery, she offered to cover the child under her health insurance. Nicole says she signed what she believed to be a temporary custody agreement to provide for her child's well-being, but says she was tricked into signing her rights away as a mother. Did Barbara have ulterior motives? Hear what Nicole's lifelong friend thinks. Then, Barbara claims her daughter broke the law to get her son back. Barbara currently has custody of the boy and claims that Nicole is a pathological liar, an inattentive parent and was living in deplorable conditions. Find out what the court documents show and what Nicole's former landlord has to say. When Dr. Phil proposes a plan for moving forward, which woman hesitates to participate? And, Nicole hasn't seen her son in more than four months. Will Barbara agree to let mother and son spend time together? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 3, 2008, 7:01 am CST

Look at Caylee Anthony!

In today's world, sometimes the only way to keep a child safe is for the grandparent to step in.  Grandparents KNOW when it is too dangerous to leave a child in the mother's care.  Children are neglected, hurt or worse every day in this country because no one has the courage to step in or in the case of Caylee....the grandparents were blinded by their love of their own daughter.

 

I did step in and took custody.  I spent money that I could not afford to keep that custody and after many battles and lots of pain for all, my daughter finally admitted that I had saved her child from an environment that would have been very dangerous.  Sadly, my daughter eventually died from her lifestyle and choices.  Thank God, her child was not with her. 

 

It is not easy being that grandparent because you love both your child and grandchild.  Children must be protected!

 
November 3, 2008, 11:28 am CST

What a Shame!

Quote From: karleen345

Don't you 2 realize all that you are doing with your constant fighting is hurting the child?! Grow up!!  Barbara, what makes you feel you'd do a better job of raising your grandson, and why would you want to take on that responsibility? PLEASE PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD, STOP YOUR FIGHTING!!

 

Where is the child's father during this time. Is he providing child support to Nicole? Are he and your daughter married or divorced?

 

Barbara & Nicole, obviously with the little snippet that was written I don't know anything about either of you .However, I will pray for both of you, as well as for Ethan.

 

Good Luck To You Both,

 

Karleen Powalie - from Ohio

I am a Mother of eight, a Grandmother of 22, and a Great Grandmother of 5. I have seen it all!  Bottomline is... Children love their parents no matter what! When others interfere by taking the child away from parents (other than a  very serious drug or molestation issue) YOU WILL HAVE PROBLEMS WHEN THE CHILD BECOMES A TEEN.  I believe that Barbara has fallen in love with the child as her own and most likely gets some support for Ethan from the state. Maybe needs it? I have my 3 year old granddaughter. Her Mother called and wanted me to keep her for a week, it is 17 months later. I love her dearly but she needs her parents I would do anything to get help for her Mother, but I cannot find her.  Her Father just got out of jail and is trying to get on his feet. I am helping him with his daughter until he does. Please! My advice is... Help the child, by helping the parents (Mother),work together if you want success for the chlld.   

 

SAH, California  

 
November 3, 2008, 12:16 pm CST

Response to SAH

Quote From: sahgov

I am a Mother of eight, a Grandmother of 22, and a Great Grandmother of 5. I have seen it all! Bottomline is... Children love their parents no matter what! When others interfere by taking the child away from parents (other than a very serious drug or molestation issue) YOU WILL HAVE PROBLEMS WHEN THE CHILD BECOMES A TEEN. I believe that Barbara has fallen in love with the child as her own and most likely gets some support for Ethan from the state. Maybe needs it?I havemy 3 year old granddaughter. Her Mother called and wanted me to keep her for a week, it is 17 months later. I love her dearly but she needs her parents I would do anything to get help for her Mother, but I cannot find her. Her Father just got out of jail and is trying to get on his feet. I am helping him with his daughter until he does. Please! My advice is...Help the child, by helping the parents (Mother),work together if you want success for the chlld.

SAH, California

  I did help the parents, both of them.  They lived in our home for three years. We built them their own space, a full apartment with a kitchen etc.  and tried to let them be a family, but all I got was attitude.  Not one time did either of them offer to lift a finger or pay for a thing.


I waited one winter to see if they would buy him a coat.  My daughter delivered  Ethan one morning for school without any jacket of any kind and it was 30 dregrees outside! 

 

State money, ha!  Maybe you get some but I don't.  Never have and never will.  Lady, you need to re-think what is really good for your granddaughterand you need to get real, these are not PARENTS, you are describing.  Your daughter and this dad are a couple who had a child, but they are not parents.

 
November 3, 2008, 12:50 pm CST

You did the right thing!

Quote From: monachin54

In today's world, sometimes the only way to keep a child safe is for the grandparent to step in.  Grandparents KNOW when it is too dangerous to leave a child in the mother's care.  Children are neglected, hurt or worse every day in this country because no one has the courage to step in or in the case of Caylee....the grandparents were blinded by their love of their own daughter.

 

I did step in and took custody.  I spent money that I could not afford to keep that custody and after many battles and lots of pain for all, my daughter finally admitted that I had saved her child from an environment that would have been very dangerous.  Sadly, my daughter eventually died from her lifestyle and choices.  Thank God, her child was not with her. 

 

It is not easy being that grandparent because you love both your child and grandchild.  Children must be protected!

 

 

  I am sad that someone else has been in my shoes, because they carry a heavy burden.  You are right on when you say that as a I mother it is very difficult to chose between a child and a grandchild.  Most people do not understand  that my daughter has a choice and her child does not.  If Nicole wants to live in filthy conditions, move often and just jump from one relationship to another that is her choice, but that does not make it OK for her her to force  that life for her son, and I feel strong that my heavenly father would be disappointed if I sat back and did nothing about it. I love her but she made me take a side, I had to choose the child.

 

Thank you for your understanding.

 
November 3, 2008, 1:03 pm CST

Grow up!

Quote From: lostmommy82

I am a 25 year old single mom in the exact same situation. I asked my mom to watch my daughter for a few months and she frauded the courts and stole custody from me. Since birth my mom has wanted my daughter. I was naieve and trusted my mom, and this is what she did. Grandparents should not have any rights to the child with out full investigations from social services. Social Services won't even get involved because there is no abuse. And I have no grounds to stand on, no money for a big time lawyer like my mom has and I'm completely helpless. How is this right or legal?? there should be a law against this. She has legally kidnapped my daughter and it's the worst feeling in life, worse then loosing a child for good, she's alive, healthy, and just out of my reach. I have had to learn to hate my own mom for doing this, she has destroyed our family, my life and most important my daughters life. She is the only one truely suffering.

   I could not help but notice that you left out the reason for the need for your mother to watch your child.  Rather than hate your mother, why don't you work to put your own life together enough to prove to the courts that you DESERVE your child back.  If you had your act together, you would not need a big time lawyer because a decent lawyer would take your case (if you had one).

 

By the way, I also notice that you will admit that your daughter is "happy and healthy".  Does this not mean anything to you?  Maybe you should think of someone other than yourself, including your daughter.

 
November 3, 2008, 4:40 pm CST

11/04 topic

I have experienced a very similar situation  myself.  My daughter and her boyfriend were using crack cocaine and I got custody of her kids.  She had two at the time.  Despite my repeated protests to CYF, the children, after a year, were sent back home.  I could see that nothing had changed at the time, but no one would listen.  My daughter ended up having another child and her and her boyfriend started using crack cocaine again.  They lost their kids again.  This time, I had three.  The first time, we hired an attorney to fight for the kids but I ended up losing my home because I got so much in debt.  The second time, we lived in a little two bedroom apartment.  I made room for them, of course.  The two youngest ones went home after about 9 months but the older one stayed with us for almost 2 years.  Believe me, the last thing I expected to be doing at my age was raising kids again.  I just couldn't let my grandchildren go to foster homes.  Things still aren't great with them, so I don't know what I'll do if they're taken away again.  The father has never worked since the kids were born.  My daughter, at age 32, suffered  two strokes from the crack.  It's a real mess to be in.  I resent reading about the controlling parents just wanting to raise other kids.  I guess in some cases it could be true, but I don't think too many.

Carole 

 
November 3, 2008, 6:18 pm CST

signed away rights by force

I have experienced something extremely similar. I was in an abusive marriage when I lost my three children. I had to work, clean house and take care of my children. Because I worked an evening shift it was up to my husband to fix the kids dinner. They were in daycare during the day because I did not want them around the abuse. So I did not get to see them much. I was blamed for the things that went wrong in the evenings. It was my fault that they did not eat a good meal at dinner, and it was my fault that they were not properly bathed. My husband's cousin and her boyfriend were living with us. She was the one that did all the cooking and cleaning while the guys sat and played nintendo. About the time that our marriage was coming to an end my daughter got sick. I took her to the emergency room which was extremely full. It was 10:00 at night and I didn't feel it was a good idea to keep her waiting in a cold waiting room. I got the number of the emergency room and agreed to call them every 30 min. The minute they had a doc available I would take her back in. When I got home my husband left and went to his sisters house. While he was gone I looked her over and did what I could to make her comfortable. When my husband got back home with the car his sister was with him and his sister, her husband, and my husgand's cousin took my daughter to the emergency room. Of course they got in right away, but by this time a few hours had passed. We only had one car so I was not able to take my daughter back when the emergency room had emptied. This was the beginning of the end for me. They tried to say that I left because I didn't have time to stay and all kinds of other stuff. My husband and I were in the mids of seperating and so I agreed to sign emergency temporary custody papers and gave my sister-in-law and her husband emergency custody of my kids. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was also pregnant at the time. It wasn't until later that I found out they had no intention of giving me my kids back, and my husband was not going to sign divorce papers until I signed away my rights. The only way I could get them back was through a divorce and the judge awarded me custody. It was either that or court. My husband wouldn't sign divorce papers and I couldn't afford a good attorney. I was hounded until I finally gave in and signed adoption papers. I knew I had one year to overturn the adoption and I did everything I could to find a lawyer that would help me, after all I signed under diress and I was pregnant. But too many people new my brother-in-law and would not touch the case. They did not want to go up against him. So I lost my kids. I cannot talk to them or see them. They moved out of state and have changed the phone number I had for them. I was promised I would be allowed to see them, and now I am being told that I cannot. I have been promised pictures and have not seen a single one. I know what it is like to loose your children and not have contact with them. I feel for anyone that has lost a child and was forced to sign away rights. It is heart breaking. I only hope and pray that my children will come home. I keep praying that God will bring them to me by the end of the year. So far it hasn't happened. This Christmas will make the third Christmas I have gone without seeing my children.

 
November 3, 2008, 8:09 pm CST

same here

same here.  going thru divorce ask bio parents to babysit my older two kids while I worked two jobs.  I met a man and we now have a baby together.  My parents are taking me to court to get visitation.  The courts have given to much to the grandparents.  There is no reason to take my kids.  They bad mouth me in front of my kids.  They love my ex.  We have a nice life and it is so much better w/o them in it.  I think the issue is more to control the adult child than anything else.
 
November 4, 2008, 5:01 am CST

Hero?

Dr. Phil said sometimes, someone just has to be the hero.

Does this mean that a grandmother should back off and never see there grandchildren again?

Does that make the grandmother a hero to the grandchildren?

The only time I see my two grandchildren is when there father gets his visit.

His EX doesn't let him see the children that often.  He has court ordered visitation, but

that means nothing to his EX.  The children get to upset going back to court .  So I guess my son is the hero for not puting the children through another court battle, Right?

 

Advice for All men.

If you get a divorce, just walk away.  If you don't you will only hurt your children.

Pay your support, health and dental care, if the children ever calls in need of something, get what they need.  Your EX will pick it up and take it to the children for you.

 

If you agree to NO children before you marry.  Go to the doctor ASAP, before you have sex with the woman the first time.  She just wants to control the time SHE wants children. 

Don't be a fool, the law and courts are on the side of the Women. 

 
November 4, 2008, 5:14 am CST

11/04 Grandmother vs. Mother Custody Battle

Quote From: crobb23

I have experienced a very similar situation  myself.  My daughter and her boyfriend were using crack cocaine and I got custody of her kids.  She had two at the time.  Despite my repeated protests to CYF, the children, after a year, were sent back home.  I could see that nothing had changed at the time, but no one would listen.  My daughter ended up having another child and her and her boyfriend started using crack cocaine again.  They lost their kids again.  This time, I had three.  The first time, we hired an attorney to fight for the kids but I ended up losing my home because I got so much in debt.  The second time, we lived in a little two bedroom apartment.  I made room for them, of course.  The two youngest ones went home after about 9 months but the older one stayed with us for almost 2 years.  Believe me, the last thing I expected to be doing at my age was raising kids again.  I just couldn't let my grandchildren go to foster homes.  Things still aren't great with them, so I don't know what I'll do if they're taken away again.  The father has never worked since the kids were born.  My daughter, at age 32, suffered  two strokes from the crack.  It's a real mess to be in.  I resent reading about the controlling parents just wanting to raise other kids.  I guess in some cases it could be true, but I don't think too many.

Carole 

I get SO ANGRY when I hear people saying that grandmothers WANT to raise the children!  Most of us would love to spend our time and money on ourselves, after already raising our families!  We would like to be like our friends, relaxing in front of the TV set or taking a vacation.  Instead, we mortgage our homes for attorney fees to protect the children, then spend our 'golden years" running to school events, dealing with toddlers and sassy teens and trying the best we can to make up for missing parents. 

 

 

 
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