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Topic : 06/04 Grandmother vs. Mother Custody Battle

Number of Replies: 476
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 31, 2008, 04:11:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/04/08) Type your discussion here.How do you determine if someone is fit to be a parent? Should someone who is dependent on others for monetary help have the right to raise a child? Should someone the courts rule unfit as a parent ever be allowed to regain custody? What should you do if your parenting skills are called into question by a family member? Dr. Phil's guests are feuding mother and daughter, Barbara and Nicole, who have been battling for six years over the custody of Nicole’s son, Ethan. Barbara says she needed to take full custody of her grandson because Nicole was and is still not fit to be his mother. Barbara says she provided all the essential items when Ethan was first born, and when he needed surgery, she offered to cover the child under her health insurance. Nicole says she signed what she believed to be a temporary custody agreement to provide for her child's well-being, but says she was tricked into signing her rights away as a mother. Did Barbara have ulterior motives? Hear what Nicole's lifelong friend thinks. Then, Barbara claims her daughter broke the law to get her son back. Barbara currently has custody of the boy and claims that Nicole is a pathological liar, an inattentive parent and was living in deplorable conditions. Find out what the court documents show and what Nicole's former landlord has to say. When Dr. Phil proposes a plan for moving forward, which woman hesitates to participate? And, Nicole hasn't seen her son in more than four months. Will Barbara agree to let mother and son spend time together? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 4, 2008, 7:46 am CST

where is the Father?

nothing was mentioned on the show, why is the biological father  not in the childs life or payin and helping of the financial support of this child?
 
November 4, 2008, 7:46 am CST

So Wrong

There is nothing in the actions of the mother that proves that the child is in danger.  The testimony of an angry landlady isn't enough to remove the custody of a child from the biological parent.  Nothing in the testimony that was presented showed that she was an unfit parent.  The grandmother actually proved that she is truly unfit.  She is supposed to be a mother first and her treatment of her own daughter is deplorable.  If she raises Ethan in a similar fashion she will have an emotionally devasted child and grandchild on her own.  She has absolutely NO rights over the biological parents and clearly shows that she is doing this merely as a method of control. 

 

If the things presented here were enough to take away a child - thousands of parents would immediately lose their children.  Is that right?

 
November 4, 2008, 7:52 am CST

If Grandma is the better parent...

...why did her own daughter turn out so unable to care for herself?  She raised the girl she claims has no social/parental skills, so why would she do any better with Ethan?

 
November 4, 2008, 7:54 am CST

mother vs. grandmother fight

Barbara needs to get over herself.  That little boy will be very resilient and he needs to be with his mother.  She is NOT the mother and her daughter does not have to raise Ethan to please her mother.  she needs to provide him a safe and nuturing environment.....

 

I teach Head Start which is a program for at risk children, and I have seen some horror stories.  I don't believe that Ethan is one of them.

 

Poor Nicole to always be judged by someone who seems to think her way is the only way to raise a child.

 
November 4, 2008, 8:11 am CST

i am the father of the daughter in THATSME21

it is my mother and father that she is talking about. i think it is also shitty that they ae doing this. i was in jail for a DUI when all this took place. i couldnt do anything. and that feeling was awful. i love my daughter and i am a good father. right now i cant even afford to buy a lawyer and get the help that i need for my daughter. my parents have put me in a situation that is killing me and my girlfriend. i love them both equally. they are my life. i am a "retired" drug addict, and for that i am blessed. yeah i may not of have been able to buy her diapers but that is the small things in life. crackheads have there kids but me i dont. you know the way that i look at it is KAITLYN is mine and JESSIE'S. we made her not my mom and dad. and i always thought no one could take her. BOY WAS I WRONG. my sister and her boyfriend are in the same situation as we are. he smokes and sells pot, she and him drink, he blackedout and ruined his new trailer and ended up in wilmington, nc drinking and driving but they still have custody of there "miracle child". this whole situation just pisses me off. PLEASE IF THERE IS SOMKEONE OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP US OUT AT ALL PLEASE EMAIL ME AT BRIANHOCUTT@BELLSOUTH.NET. I COULD US ALL THE HELP I CAN. I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY CHILD. KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS. DR. PHIL PLEASE HELP US OUT
 
November 4, 2008, 8:18 am CST

A case of who wants to be the mother

A grand father myself, I feel sorry for the daughter. I feel that the grandmother wants control of her daughter thru the grandson. I base this on the fact that the Barbara attitude came across as I will do anything it takes to keep my grandson. Including strapping her daughter financially to the point that she can't afford to fight back or she has to come back home. Barbara will probably come after the next baby as well. After all grandparents have the money & the time to raise their grandchildren better than the parent.  We as parent made our own mistakes Barbara needs to back off and let her daughter make hers, no matter how much it hurts her. She neeeds to support her daughter in any way she can , not be her worst enemy.  I didn't hear where the fathers are for the child or Barbaras husband. Whats their take? They have a vested interest in this as well. Feel bad for the daughter because the one person she could & should be able to trust is now an adversary. No wonder she moved to Seattle. I camre from a family wher my parents were controlling but not to this extent.
 
November 4, 2008, 8:23 am CST

Grandmother vs. Mother Custody Battle

Quote From: thatsme21

it is my mother and father that she is talking about. i think it is also shitty that they ae doing this. i was in jail for a DUI when all this took place. i couldnt do anything. and that feeling was awful. i love my daughter and i am a good father. right now i cant even afford to buy a lawyer and get the help that i need for my daughter. my parents have put me in a situation that is killing me and my girlfriend. i love them both equally. they are my life. i am a "retired" drug addict, and for that i am blessed. yeah i may not of have been able to buy her diapers but that is the small things in life. crackheads have there kids but me i dont. you know the way that i look at it is KAITLYN is mine and JESSIE'S. we made her not my mom and dad. and i always thought no one could take her. BOY WAS I WRONG. my sister and her boyfriend are in the same situation as we are. he smokes and sells pot, she and him drink, he blackedout and ruined his new trailer and ended up in wilmington, nc drinking and driving but they still have custody of there "miracle child". this whole situation just pisses me off. PLEASE IF THERE IS SOMKEONE OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP US OUT AT ALL PLEASE EMAIL ME AT BRIANHOCUTT@BELLSOUTH.NET. I COULD US ALL THE HELP I CAN. I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY CHILD. KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS. DR. PHIL PLEASE HELP US OUT
I am confused about who you are. You said your the father But keep replying saying YOUR DAUGHTER when Ethan Is a boy they are talking about? I am Confused. Inform me
 
November 4, 2008, 8:44 am CST

Nicole should have her son!

Nicole seems to have her "stuff" together & certainly doesn't appear to be a mother who doesn't care what happens to her child. I truly believe she doesn't have the resources to "fight" for her son... it's takes alot of money to do that.  The child should be with his mother... period!  As long as she isn't unfit & it seemed to me that she is a "fit" person/parent based on the show.  Just b/c her mother doesn't think so doesn't make it fact. Nicole seems to have turned out alright despite Barbara's mistakes... and as parents we all make them... we are only human!  Ethan is better off with his mother until it is proven she neglects him or doesn't care for him properly. Sounds to me that Barbara has some "control" issues & based on what I saw on the show... Ethan is definitely better off with his mother than his grandmother!  Having money doesn't mean she can give him the "stable" environment he needs... it only means she can give him the things he "wants".  As a grandparent we have to step back and allow our children to "do the best they can" and if they need our help, we help... we don't "take over" and demean them as human beings. Our roles change when they become adults.  We become supporters and cheerleaders for them and continue to love them regardless.  As long as there isn't drugs, alcohol, neglect or abuse involved, Ethan will be fine. All he needs is the love and support of HIS mother... and his grandmother needs to step back and be "the grandmother'... that role is important, don't get me wrong... but it's different.  I believe that as long as he has clean clothes (& it doesn't have to be a closet full of them) shoes on his feet and proper nutrition, he isn't being neglected.  Hang in there Nicole... I wish you the best.  Tell your Mother to be the best grandmother she can be & you will be most happy to share Ethan in the capacity to which she is supposed to be in his life.  All he needs is to feel loved unconditionally and accepted & encouraged by Nicole... be the best mother you can be to him... always tell him he can be/do anything he wants to and by all means talk to him... always... on a level based on his age.  Education, communication & unconditional love is the key to successful children! 
 
November 4, 2008, 9:02 am CST

What do I do?

My daughter & grandson have lived with her boyfriend for 5 1/2 months.  He is not my grandsons father.  The boyfriend drinks alot, is never home, etc.  My daughter has come crying to me about his behavior more than once plus her behavior was changing.  I tried to determine if it was out of frustration or what.  In the meantime, I care for my grandson while she is at work, etc.  She was very short tempered, always tired, had no money, said my grandson was evil, she couldnt take it anymore, didnt know her life would be run by a 3 year old, etc.  My grandson told me of things her boyfriend had done to him, I took this information to her and she called my 3 year old grandson a liar.   I kept trying to talk to her about things but she would "go off" on me in front of my grandson.  I confronted her two weeks ago about things I "saw", drug paraphenalia, etc. in the basement, she denied it, then when I said lets go look she bodyslammed/attacked me.  She said she would call the police, I said please do but she called her boyfriend so I called the police.  This is a straight A student with a full ride to college behaving completely out of character and had been a good mother previous to living with this boyfriend.  In a nutshell, the police came, she wouldnt let them in unless they agreed to blame everything they found on her boyfriend and leave her out of it, etc.  Now I have seen my grandson twice in two weeks for an hour at his soccer games.   He doesnt know what happened that day because luckily I had put him down for a nap.  I tell him I love and miss him very much.  He tells me he loves me and misses me.  I don't know when I'll see him again.  I was trying to help and talk to my daughter, care for my grandson while she was working, etc.  I BELIEVE I HAD A RIGHT TO TELL HER WHAT SHE WAS DOING WAS WRONG AND THAT IT WASNT A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR HER AND HER CHILD WITHOUT BEING ATTACKED AND KEPT AWAY FROM HER AND MY GRANDSON.  The whole thing is a nightmare, Im very concerned about my daughters mind and my grandsons emotional wellbeing, etc.  How hard that must be for him not knowing why Im not around anymore.  He is the best little grandson in the world.  But when he kept crying and saying he didn't like his mommy anymore, I felt the issue should be addressed with her. 

 
November 4, 2008, 9:08 am CST

This Happened To Me

I am 27 years old.  My ex-mother used to watch my daughter while I went to work.  One day when I finished work and went to pick up my daughter, she refused to give her back.  Then she bounced my daughter back and forth between her and my ex-husband.  From that time on, I have been accused of everything under the sun.  I had gotten remarrried and then they started accusing him of all kinds of crazy things as well.  ALL OF THE ALLEGATIONS WERE UNFOUNDED and they still got away with it.  Sch. County courthouse had us all attend psy. evaluations 4 times.  All of those reports came back with the fact that my daughter should be with me.  The bio father is a drunk.  My ex-mother is all about control.  Yet, the courthouse just keeps allowing them to get away with everything they say.  I have had it.  This has been going on for four years now.  I completely understand all of the feelings that come with this issue. The court claims that this is all about the child's best interest, yet they have not done anything at all for her best interest.  I swear that they don't care that a 5 year old little girl suffers everyday....

 
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