Although I know it's hard for some parents, including myself, to imagine leaving a child somewhere there were times as a child I wish my mother had given me away. I may have had a better chance in life with more opportunities or have been able to make better choices sooner.
At 3.5 yrs old I was molested by a man my mother knew had been released from a hospital after raping another child. She married him knowing what he was capable of doing. I almost died. Repeatedly my uncle and others would rescue me from cars while my mother was getting toasted in a bar. Then she moved so far away no one could find me or help me.
The more she drank and took drugs the more she abused me. I was locked in closets when parties were raided. I was beaten. Called all kinds of unbelievable names. And all through my life she would tell me it was my fault my step-father raped me. Over and over she would tell me that I was trying to steal her husband. Yes, at age 3.5 years old. My life was full of pain. At 13 she picked out a boyfriend for me that was a man she used to date herself. And when he wanted to marry me to rescue me from her home she made me pay her to sign the papers to let me get married. She needed to pay her bar tab.
I reported the abuse just once in school and they gave my mother a 3 day warning they were coming to the house. She was the perfect mother in front of them. You see as a child my mother taught me lies about my life also so that if I ever told anyone the truth, half of what I told them would be lies. So I would look like the one that was wrong. She had told me that I had a brother who died in a fire. That never happened. So when I told them about him, since he didn't exist, she told them I made things up. They believed her and not me and I was beaten badly after they left the house.
It took me a lot of years to become who I am today, now 45 years old and a much better person. But I lived on the streets at age 15, because I only married at 14 to get away from her. I worked hard to find my real father and went back to school at 16 and spent the rest of my life working to be a better person.
In my 20's I called my mother one day and told her if she never talked about the past, neither would I. I still lover her. I just believe she was sick. I forgave her because I think it's what was best for me. Anger only hurts the person who is angry. Holding grudges have the same result. I wasn't hurting her - she was at bars getting drunk to forget her pain. By letting go of mine, it released the pain so I could move on with my life.
I have 2 wonderful children who's lives were much better. No abuse. We were very poor as I started young as a mother at age 19, but my children always had what they needed and most of all they were loved. Not spoiled, but loved dearly. For me they were a gift because I was never supposed to be able to have children because of what happened to me when I was very little.
It was always my dream to be rich so I could adopt a lot of children. I envied families I saw on shows who had adopted many children. I lived in a trailer in my younger years so wouldn't have had the room. Today I have a nice home, a wonderful husband, but still don't have the money to afford to adopt. It's a shame that adoption costs as much as it does, because I could afford to care for a child properly, I just can't afford the expenses for the adoption itself.
My husband and I hear all the time on the news of people leaving their children somewhere. Often we wonder during these hard times we are in economically in the world how the states will be able to afford to care for these children. We both wish we could adopt. My children are now grown and we have a lot of room and a nice home to raise children. We are looking into foster care, but I'm not sure I could deal with children coming in and having to let them go. That's something I'm searching my heart and praying about now.
Children need loving homes. I think we would see less child abuse and death if there were more open ways for girls to give up their children when they feel they can't do it themselves. And I think we need more education about parenting.
A friend of mine took in her cousin's children for 2 years - I helped her every day as it was a lot of care with her own children. Her cousin would come to the house and we taught her how to cook and care for the two little ones. I still remember the night her father had called my friend for help. She had abandoned her children and ran away. The baby laid in a crib full of vomit. The kids clothes were all dirty. They were both in dirty diapers. No food - no nothing for them. I helped pick up all their things and put them into garbage bags to get them to her house. We cleaned them up and the next day went out and bought them all new things from thrift shops and consignment stores to get them more established. Once we found their mother we got her the help she needed and although it took 2 years of her coming twice a week to learn how to care for a home and children, she later became a wonderful mother. It was a heart breaking experience for us all when we let them go and a little scary too. But we are greatful we had the opportunity to help.
I learned in life, "Everything for a reason", so I accept what happened to me as a child, because maybe through my pain I have been able to help someone else - maybe even a few someone's. But children shouldn't have to feel such pain. They are precious gifts.
So honestly, if your out there pregnant or with children and feel you can't care for them, seek out help. It's out there. But don't hurt the children. There are many who would love to have a child. Although I have 2 children, I also lost 2 in miscarriages. And I would give most anything to have more children that I could give for more. It doesn't make you a bad person to let them go. But killing and beating children won't make you any better for keeping them. Do the right thing. There are places to help you learn to care for them if that's what you need. And so many ways to give them up if that's what you need too.
Abandoning a child is largely considered the worst thing a parent could do … or is it? As an alternative to leaving unwanted babies to starve in dumpsters and alleys, many states have enacted a safe haven law, which provides the option of leaving the child in a safe place, such as a hospital or fire station, with no questions asked. Nebraska was the last state to enact the law; and did so without an age restriction. As a result, there has been a recent spate of parents dropping off grown teenagers to the care of the state! Should an age limit be set? When Courtney, 34, became overwhelmed with caring for her 15-year-old daughter, she says she used the loophole in the law to get her daughter the care she needed. Was this an act of abandonment, or a mother’s last resort? Next, abandoned at an airport at just 10 days old, Elizabeth was given the nickname “Delta Dawn” by the pilots who found her, and Michael, left in a trash can by his birth mother, was saved by a night watchman. Learn how their lives played out and hear the lasting repercussions of their abandonment. Then, meet Elizabeth, a 20-year-old mother of two who says she is considering giving up her daughters. Would her decision be in the best interest of the children? And, when Maria, at age 16, unexpectedly gave birth on her bathroom floor, she says she stabbed the baby with a pair of scissors. Find out what drove her to such drastic measures. Join the discussion.
