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Topic : 07/20 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Number of Replies: 137
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, November 07, 2008, 02:47:55 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/14/08) When you tie the knot, you don't just marry your spouse -- in-laws and siblings often come with the package. But what should you do if you find yourself feuding with your new family? Jessica says most of her relatives hate her husband, Seth. Her mother, Irma, says she's offended by the nasty names Seth calls Jessica and says he needs to start being a man. Seth and Irma are constantly at each other's throats, and Jessica has had to physically restrain her mother from punching her husband. One of Seth and Irma's most-heated confrontations occurred two years ago in the delivery room while Jessica was giving birth! Now Seth threatens to keep the kids from visiting Grandma. Jessica says she can't take the fighting anymore, but is she contributing to the problem? Find out what Seth's mom, Laurie, says needs to happen. Can this family find a way to cease the combat and move forward? Then, Andrea says the war with her mother, Vicki, started three months ago when Vicki gave her an ultimatum: pay rent or move out of her rental house. Vicki says she had allowed Andrea and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Simon, to live in the house rent-free, but now she needs the money. Find out why Andrea says her mom's timing was horrible. Now that the relationship has deteriorated to constant bickering, is it worth saving? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. If your family is feuding, and you want to learn how to rebuild the relationships, you won't want to miss this show! Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 12, 2008, 8:32 pm CST

11/14 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Quote From: misslagirl

 MEN ARE LIKE BUSES ONE COMES EVERY 15 MIN. BUT UR MOM IS UR MOM SHE IS THE MOST

PRECIOUS PERSON IN THIS WORLD NO MATTER WHAT SHE IS THERE FOR U ALWAYS AND HE SHOULD RESPECT HER SHE'S EARNED THAT ANYONE IN MY LIFE HAS TO NEEDS TO RESPECT MY MOM AND BE NICE NO MATTER WHAT CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU IN ANY WAY SHE CAN AND IF HE IS BEING DISRESPECTFUL THAN YOU NEED TO MOVE ON CHILD OR NO CHILD HE CAN BE A DAD OUT OF THE HOUSE AS WELL AS IN

Women (or men) that think relationships are disposable have never been in love. If they had they could never refer to mate as a quarterly hour public conveyance. Good mothers never impose upon your relationship, and good mates never exclude your mother. My husband is once in a life time. I would never get involved with anyone that didn't respect me. Me includes my family.
 
November 14, 2008, 4:56 am CST

11/14 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Quote From: cirene

I well remember the ERA from my childhood.  To me it seemed an obvious, easy fix but the hysteria that surrounded the Equal Rights Amendment at times was rediculous.  Remember the dire warnings of having to "use the same public bathroom as a man!!" Well, here it is, almost 2009 and we have unisex bathrooms, but no ERA. Hey now, that's not right.

You know, I like the idea of equal rights for women always have. But, I personally don't feel the need to have unisex bathrooms. The fact that women are smart enough to be doctors, surgeons, politicians, even perhaps president, doesn't mean that we have to pee in the same room with men. It's hard to find a happy medium isn't it? Even today, women tend to make less  money than a man in the same position.
 
November 14, 2008, 6:58 am CST

11/14 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Quote From: housewife52

You know, I like the idea of equal rights for women always have. But, I personally don't feel the need to have unisex bathrooms. The fact that women are smart enough to be doctors, surgeons, politicians, even perhaps president, doesn't mean that we have to pee in the same room with men. It's hard to find a happy medium isn't it? Even today, women tend to make less  money than a man in the same position.
Perhaps there is a woman out there that is smarter then Bush... I think I'll go back to bed now and cry.
 
November 14, 2008, 7:21 am CST

Mom Vs. Daughter

I am writing about the second half of the show.  I have a daughter who is only 18 at this time but  seeing the mom and daughter fighting is like watching my life!  Although the cancer and heart attack issues are unfortunate and are present in their lives and thankfully not in ours, I believe that the issues were the same prior to that.  My daughter feels that she is owed everything. 

My daughter calls me names, says she hates me and some of the terminology was even the same as the daughter on the show, "You think you are perfect", "You only care about money", "you only care about yourself", it is like listening to my daughter.  She feels entitled to EVERYTHING!  She does not have a job, she asks for money every day and I work my butt off to pay for everything for my 3 at home children.  I told her that if she is always so upset with me, she could easily remedy that and move out.  But that never seems to happen.  She has been difficult for many years and I am at my wits end. 

 

The only time I have any peace is when I don't say no.  When I do say no to something she wants, it is three hours of ranting, raving, throwing things, and talking about how she hates her life!!  It is like a 3 year old having a tantrum.  She also lies and steals.  I have to sleep on my purse because she would come into my room at night while I was sleeping and take money.  I have tried for many years to deal with this.  I have tried kindness, anger, silence, compassion but nothing seems to work.  And no, I don't give in.  But it is effecting the other kids. We have even been to therapy where she told the therapist (like she was talking about someone who wasn't in the room) how "SHE does this and SHE doesn't do that".  At one point, my son spoke up and finally said that my daughter was one who was always yelling and she was the one who caused the chaos.  Once the therapist saw that my daughter was not revealing the real truth about our life, my daugther would not go anymore.

 

I dont' know if I should have her commited for depression, perhaps bipolar?  but I am not even sure this is what is going on and will she get help if she lies about everything in her life?   HELP!

 
November 14, 2008, 7:24 am CST

Andrea and Vicki - daughter and mother at odds

I think Andrea is having trouble moving thru the process of traumatic illness.  Despite the medical challenges, she needs to be accountable for other aspects of her life, including toxic family issues.

 

While the medical problems may have a profound impact on Andrea's life, she needs to be PROactive instead of REactive.  Both Mom Vicki and daughter Andrea would benefit learning how to set boundaries for their relationship.

 

Additionally, person to person support can be very powerful in dealing with issues, but when the dust settles and all is said and done what defines you is not your issues, be they emotional or physical, but how you work your way thru them.

 

My perspective comes from being a parent, a daughter....a wife.  We have had lots of challenges - a child with special needs, and my own personal experience with a heart attack and three occurences of non hodgkins lymphoma.

 

 

 
November 14, 2008, 7:30 am CST

11/14 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Dr Phil:  before my husband and I were married we had some rules to live by.....1) any issues that arise I would handle my family and he would handle his........my Mom and Dad died when I was 30 and they both had great respect for my husband because he never spoke an unkind word to them......and my inlaws as well.......his Dad and Mom as well had great respect for me and he had a very hard time with other inlaws because there was always a conflict.....just another note.....my sister married my husbands brother and let me tell you he was always getting into conflicts with my parents and she was always getting into conflicts with his parents.....at the end of my Mom's life she asked that my husband would pray for her and she told him she loved him......................you never know what tomorrow will bring.....thanks
 
November 14, 2008, 7:52 am CST

to lgil40

Quote From: lgil40

I am writing about the second half of the show.  I have a daughter who is only 18 at this time but  seeing the mom and daughter fighting is like watching my life!  Although the cancer and heart attack issues are unfortunate and are present in their lives and thankfully not in ours, I believe that the issues were the same prior to that.  My daughter feels that she is owed everything. 

My daughter calls me names, says she hates me and some of the terminology was even the same as the daughter on the show, "You think you are perfect", "You only care about money", "you only care about yourself", it is like listening to my daughter.  She feels entitled to EVERYTHING!  She does not have a job, she asks for money every day and I work my butt off to pay for everything for my 3 at home children.  I told her that if she is always so upset with me, she could easily remedy that and move out.  But that never seems to happen.  She has been difficult for many years and I am at my wits end. 

 

The only time I have any peace is when I don't say no.  When I do say no to something she wants, it is three hours of ranting, raving, throwing things, and talking about how she hates her life!!  It is like a 3 year old having a tantrum.  She also lies and steals.  I have to sleep on my purse because she would come into my room at night while I was sleeping and take money.  I have tried for many years to deal with this.  I have tried kindness, anger, silence, compassion but nothing seems to work.  And no, I don't give in.  But it is effecting the other kids. We have even been to therapy where she told the therapist (like she was talking about someone who wasn't in the room) how "SHE does this and SHE doesn't do that".  At one point, my son spoke up and finally said that my daughter was one who was always yelling and she was the one who caused the chaos.  Once the therapist saw that my daughter was not revealing the real truth about our life, my daugther would not go anymore.

 

I dont' know if I should have her commited for depression, perhaps bipolar?  but I am not even sure this is what is going on and will she get help if she lies about everything in her life?   HELP!

lgil.....

 

If you would be so kind as to message me off board, I would appreciate it

 

Chris

 
November 14, 2008, 7:54 am CST

todays show about daughters and mom

because of my mom  i had to choose not to have nothing to do with my family  she will go to any means to destroy me and my brother

sometimes it is important that you dont have anything to do with family for your own self worth

true my mom still trys to control  any way possible  but now i have the control to not move home or listen to her if she is on the phone and starting to get negaive about what a bad person i am for not living at home with her  the saddest is she tells my dad who is dying  that i hate him because i wont live with her and dont do as she asks    

i was a daddys girl and she was  so jeaalous she did things to me that no mom should the last straw was her telling dad i hate him and then if she finds out where the kids are -they are in colllege--she would go off on them and hurt them just to get to me     

and no she dont want any help to change we have tryed

i want so badly to see my dad before he dies i have no money for gas  since it is a long way away and right now i will be homeless soon if i cant come up with deposits  to move into a place but none of this hurts more then not being able to see dad  and for mom to tell him i hate him

sometimes my brother is right you have to stay away for your own sake or  your mom will bring you down

to her level fast

it has been my kids and me for several years since the divorce in 1993 i raised them different then i was raised and had the kids  and then me in counseling so i could raise them the right way and not let    how i was raised be how i raised the kids   i even got teased for having all the child deveopment books on the shelf because i didnt want to  parent the wrong way

true i messed up some but i was  there to tell them i was sorry and move on  for example i might have yelled at them when i should not have but i always told them i was sorry a bad day dont deserve to be taken out on them and they respected me for saying  that

my kids and me have a good relationship i respect them being on their own and tell them if you want me to be in front i will be in front if youwant me to be behind you i will there but always remember i  am  just a phone call away but i wont interfere   and dont bring your fight to me         i wait on the kids to call me  or email me  so that they know i will not run their life but i am there when there has been a need of it

yes i have to stay away from my family to keep me sane but it cost me  seeing my dad which i will always feel bad about but good in that i dont listen to the bad negative  things from my mom any more  no matter what she trys on me        i ca hang up the phone i can move away which i did   and i can tell her like i have dont contact me unless you are going to talk in a respectable  way  i wont put up with trash any more

to this she has threatened alot of things and tells dad i hate him but i am the one who   is not the little child who has no choice about what happens to me with  my family

my kids are my family now but even so as adult kids i have to and will respect those guidelines so they are not crossed

no one knows what it is like  to have a mom who treats you so badly and will do anything to cause pain because you dont follow what she wants and says there is  consequenses to you not listening to her

i go with my brother who  also chose to stay away  for his sanity

some moms are just not suppose to be moms  and until those moms can get help yo have to protect you and your family

 
November 14, 2008, 8:02 am CST

Family Issues

I would like to start by saying that I understand that all families have issues, but I also believe that you only have one mother and father and I believe that Love of family should be first and foremost in your life.

I married my Husband 24 years ago (it was my second marrige,the first was when I was 17) when I married him my mother went to all of her neighbors yelling (she married the S.O.B.) my mom didn't like my Husband but she did respect my choice. There were many issues (fights,confrontations, bad feelings about our choices for our boys, etc), but through it all I knew my Mother loved me and my family she respected the fact that my husband worked what ever jobs he could find to insure we were taken care of.

My Mother passed away in 1993 at the age of 48,due to major health problems(Lupus, and Vascular Disease) my children were only 8 and 10 years old but to this day they have loving memories of their Grandmother, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My Father was killed in a house fire 8 years later and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish they were both here to see the adorable great grandchildren they have total of 8 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren and the 10th due in January.

I guess my point is no matter what the issues short of violent crimes you can't replace your family God gave you one set of Parents and once they are gone you can never bring them back or tell them you are sorry or how much you love them. Cherish them while you can. They are some of your best and non replaceble memories.

 

Please tell your family you love them and try to over look the little things.

Life is to short to hang on to the bad things.

 

 

 
November 14, 2008, 9:46 am CST

11/14 "My Mom vs. My Man"

Quote From: housewife52

You know, I like the idea of equal rights for women always have. But, I personally don't feel the need to have unisex bathrooms. The fact that women are smart enough to be doctors, surgeons, politicians, even perhaps president, doesn't mean that we have to pee in the same room with men. It's hard to find a happy medium isn't it? Even today, women tend to make less  money than a man in the same position.
I often use the men's restroom because other women take waaay too long. I mean, how long does it take to drop 'em, sit down, pee, stand up, pull 'em back up, flush the toilet, and wash their hands? Ridiculous!
 
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